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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS
Chippednotbroken
♀ Member
Member # 40170
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can someone give examples of consequences please.


Me 33 (former BS)
Divorced November 17, 2014.
Who's that? The stronger me.
3 young kids

Posts: 360 | Registered: Aug 2013
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1936 | Registered: Nov 2010
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, December 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, December 21st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26507 | Registered: Aug 2011
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1936 | Registered: Nov 2010
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 1st (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18694 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, January 8th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumpity bump bump


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8898 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 8:11 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5651 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
shatteredapart
♀ Member
Member # 41978
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, January 16th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for this post and for everyone bumping it for us newbies. I have been attempting to write out my marriage boundaries for a week now. After reading through this I have a clearer idea and now know I need solid consequences.

[This message edited by shatteredapart at 10:11 AM, January 16th (Thursday)]


Me-BS
Him-WS
EA(PA?) 10 months with COW
3 ddays-Sept '13, Oct '13, Dec '13
Attempting Reconciliation...time and actions will tell

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: USA
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me - BH 40
Her - FWW 37
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 325 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is helpful! Thank you so much for it. I need to write out my boundaries. We have made them known, but I feel a concrete, on paper version would be helpful to remind and just to see it down on paper. One question: as a BS, I can see how this is hard for some BS. I have high school male friends that live 300 miles away and we talk maybe once a year or send a Christmas card, that kind of thing. Is this saying that I can no longer have male friends period? I am never alone with them as I have boundaries already without even having to think about them in those cases. It sucks that I have to change my friends because of him!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1309 | Registered: Dec 2013
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

deena04,
Your boundaries are yours. They are first and foremost to protect you. many craft them different ways. I personally don't expect the expectations for the two of us to be different. If I am trying to protect myself and my marriage I have the same expectations of my behavior as my W. However, there are many that look at it that they didn't violate their vows and will continue to behave in any way they have in the past.

Example last night similar to your example. I have a good female friend from high school who is coming home. I would like to see her. she said we could do lunch. NOPE. I will see her in the evening as a group with other friends from high school male and female. Just protecting my marriage and letting my W know we are safe as well.
But in short your boundaries are yours...


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1936 | Registered: Nov 2010
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! We have set up boundaries for WH, but I am also trying to do mostly the same. The exceptions being that I would like to keep those old, barely seen friends because WE didn't do anything wrong. My husband has and is always welcome to join when my friends come back to visit; it is never just male friend and me - never! I took it as though I just needed to end friendships with them completely. Thanks for clarifying!!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1309 | Registered: Dec 2013
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, February 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, February 21st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"Welcome the rawness of vulnerability as an opportunity to open." - Pema Chodron

Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16


Posts: 18694 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 294
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