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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Wasalmostthere)I am so sorry.

Please know that we are here if you need us to lean on. Hugs to you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Was)) I'm so sorry - thinking of you.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
Tired of Feeling
♀ Member
Member # 32207
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Was)))

I am so sorry. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your family.


Posts: 221 | Registered: May 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WAT))) so very sorry for your loss. I have had 2 losses myself, understand your pain. Like bmc said if there is anything we can do, let us know.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
WitheringRose
♀ Member
Member # 32534
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, October 4th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for your loss... I too understand that pain.

It is weird to me to see you all talking about FAS. h and i were just discussing this about OC. she has some very odd features, and has some delays. Plus i just have a "gut feeling"... And my gut has always been right. I was telling my aunt about these features, and she also said FAS right away :(

I wish i had more energy to update. I am working a LOT lately. I am feeling so much stronger. I am still a raging ball of anger though.


BS - me 25
WS - him 25
2 children ages 3 years and 18 months
D-day 1 5/2010 w/ OW#1
OC born 1/2011 - Paternity Confirmed
D-day 2 6/12/2011 w/ OW #2 (ho-worker)
TT through 8/2011... revealing several EA/PAs
Slowly rebuilding...

Posts: 156 | Registered: Jun 2011
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, October 5th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Was)))
I am so sorry for your loss.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
feeling bi polar
♀ Member
Member # 31086
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 5th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( was))) I am so sorry for your loss.


In three words I can sum up everything Iíve learned about life ó It goes on. óRobert Frost

Posts: 196 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: VA
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, October 5th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WitheringRose, I'm in the same boat. I'm working real hard, tutoring at my other job, taking on more than I can chew because I feel some need to be "better". Then I get ANGRY because I wonder why I am doing all the work?!? And then it hits me...I'm ALREADY better. So why do I feel this need to make myself any better?!? AUgh it's so confusing. My IC got after me--that I'm going to burn out just trying to make myself feel better. It actually makes me hate my H and the cOW that much more...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi ladies.
Just wanted to touch base about the fetal alcohol babies.
See this link:
http://www.moondragon.org/obgyn/pregnancy/pregalcohol.html

Keep in mind, babies don't need to have all of these symptoms and can also be diagnosed FAE as well (my adopted son is Fetal Alcohol Effect, not Syndrome).

Sadly, I think the likelihood that many of our OW's drank during pregnancy is high because I'm guessing lots of our WH's were drinking right along with them. (I know my WH told me he was drunk for almost every encounter and of course, he had no idea she was pregnant until she was 5 months along. Not sure when she knew because she hid it from him...)

My update:
LOSING my mind.
LOSING it.
OC's 1st birthday is Saturday and it's ruining my twin's upcoming birthday.
I just wish I could pretend OC didn't exist.
It just hurts so damn bad .


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((debi))

The OC in my situation turns 1 on Sunday. Not easy.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Feb 2010
feeling bi polar
♀ Member
Member # 31086
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((debi)) I know it is hard for you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
I am sorry that the OC birthday is so close to your kids' Bday. It makes it even harder to celebrate with yours when you are dealing with the anger toward the interloper into your family. Again (((hugs))) and remember that this too shall pass. I never said it would be an easy pill to swallow but it will pass. Try to have a great party for yours and celebrate that they are yours and truly loved.


In three words I can sum up everything Iíve learned about life ó It goes on. óRobert Frost

Posts: 196 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: VA
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the OC's first bday luckily the cOW didn't attempt to call or anything. I made sure I was extra busy, did something nice for the world and had extra fun with my COM. As hard as it is, go all out for your COM, plan something that you know will take up as much of your time as possible to make the time go quickly. Don't let the ho bag in your case rob anything else from you, esp something as important as your COM's special day. If it helps, do something for the community or for someone less fortunate. Helps with the soul plus helps someone else out.
I know its hard...it was real hard for me too. The cOW had the summer baby I had wanted to try and plan for for the longest time. But I love my winter babies and have found unique things and venues for their bday parties. Hang in there, I found getting past the first bday was tough, but after it came and went I felt relieved and like "I can do this". Hugs again!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
debi9kids
♀ Member
Member # 33208
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ladies.
I am feeling so...overwhelmed with emotion.
I feel like I'm right back at D-Day...crying and can hardly breathe.
Realized today at lunch with my mom that it was the first I had eaten in 3 days. WTF? I'm here again...
HATE this.

Happily will say that my mom & sisters are taking me on a girl's weekend tomorrow night after my twins' b'day and we'll be gone until Monday (leaving WH to watch all of the kids. haha!)
OW is in another state with OC and hopefully will keep her skanky ass planted there and out of my face.

I just wish I could be a heartless bitch like OW sometimes and just not care that OC exists...


Me: 42 Him: 41
OW: 43 (crazy stalker)
Married: 18 years, together 22
Children: 20 ds, 19dd, 18dd, 16ds, 15ds, 15ds, 12ds, twins: 7dd & 7ds
confirmed OC 3ds

Posts: 163 | Registered: Aug 2011
hurt24/7
♀ New Member
Member # 32000
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((WAS)) - I'm so sorry for your loss.

I haven't posted anything in a real long time. But have been trying to keep up every once in awhile. Been working so hard on R with husband. We received an e-mail from our lawyer today, which I can only assume is the results of the paternity test. I can't open it. My husband's at work, so I'll probably wait till he gets home. I'm so scared that OC is his. I keep telling myself, everything will be okay, no matter what the results. Wish us luck, I think my husband's on his way home.


BS-ME 31
WS 29
COM DS 18 months old
D-day 08/30/10
2nd D-day 10/27/10 OW is pregnant
1/5/12 - Paternity Test Positive

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Timbuktu
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, October 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((WAT)))))

So sorry for your loss.


Hurt, good luck, we'll be here no matter what the results are. It's hard. I remember when paternity test came in for us.

OC's bday is 2 weeks after COM. Last year the party was at our MIL's. Hopefully this year it still will be, just the thought of going to OW and BIL's makes my skin crawl.

I am determined not to let OW ruin my holidays. I have always went all out for COM's Bday and I will still do that. I told H that he needed to do OC's and he would buy BIL's family gifts for Christmas.

It bothers me that OW complains about BIL to H. She did this with her XH before EA then PA. I don't think H will go there again but he SOO does not need to get involved in their crap! He said he does have a stake in it as he wants OC to be in stable home, but I told him he cannot fix their issues. I have told him how I feel, but I know I can't control him.


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, October 12th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hurt))). We know the pain, we understand. Remember whatever you feel...anger, disgust, rage, sadness, numbness....all of your emotions are all normal. Remember to take care of you and yours first.

We always hope for the best, but we will always be there for you thru the worst.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
scorpio1
♀ Member
Member # 6445
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies. I haven't posted to SI in a long time because OW used to follow me here. But I read every day. Especially this forum. The OC was born 4 months after my last daughter. It was rough knowing that she was pregnant because it took away from my pregnancy.

I have tried over the years to make it work with STBXH but realized this year that he is never going to change. Childhood sex abuse in his childhood just messed him up. Finding out that he slept around throughout our whole marriage almost destroyed me.

STBXH lives with another woman who takes care of him much like his mother did. I don't need another child, I want a man. I am still legally married to him for the beneftis. I went back to school and graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Social Work. I am currently doing my MSW and will graduate in May. I have been offered a position with my current field placement.

I recently met a man and we are intensly attracted to each other. He is younger than me by 12 years but so mature and so in tune with his emotions. We both feel such a connection with each other and spend a lot of time talking on the phone. We are a little distance from each other but that won't be for long.

I always come to this thread to check in and see how you are dealing with your situations. Reading some of the stories here made me realize that it was better to keep the OC and OW drama out of my life. You know, when you are in a position when the XOW think she has the right to make demands or have expectations because she had his child.

When I got with my husband, it was important to me that he had no kids. I was from a step-family and moved out at 14 because I was being beaten. I didn't want to deal with that situation as an adult step-parent. My kids prefer not to have anything to do with OC, and that makes it easier to move on.

My 18 year old daughter and 15 year old son do not want anything to do with him. My son said that the last straw for him was him having an OC and giving me herpes. I contracted herpes in my last trimester and he knew he got it from her. Can you imagine how it feels to know that he stayed with her even after he found out that she had herpes since she was a teen and didn't tell him. She even admitted to me that she stopped telling men about the herpes because she was tired of being rejected.

My STBXH has been spreading the herpes to unsuspecting people who have involved me in their relationship with him. They feel the need to call me for information. I'm too busy with school and kids and work to worry about what he's doing and who he's doing it with.

He's been cheating on his live-in girlfriend with another co-worker. The cycle continues. Meanwhile, I feel like I have met a great man. We are taking it slow and really getting to know each other. I don't let the age thing bother me because I look 30 years old. As a matter of fact, I told my older kids that I wanted to date a younger man even before I met him. A lot of men I see around my age look so old and out of shape.

I don't mean to dis anyone but I and my kids are very active. I have a five year old. I am not interested in taking care of anyone. Younger guys like older woman because they don't play games and know what they want. Believe me, I know how to work and it and will rock his world. My STBXH was 5 years younger than me and couldn't keep up with me, in and out of bed.

I just wanted to share my story with people who would understand. The existence of the OC bothered me for years. I know that the child is innocent. I just wish they would have thought about other people's feelings first.

You guys have been an inspiration and I wanted to thank you. And to let you know that I give you a lot of credit for staying. It takes a real strong person to stay and deal with the issues that come your way.

This is my second chance at love. In my heart, I said goodbye to STBXH so that I can open my heart even more.

Take care and good luck.


If a situation requires a lie, you are standing on the wrong side of the issue.
Me-BS 41 years old
STBXWH-37 years old
3 kids D-18; S-15; D-5

Posts: 1891 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: South Florida
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 9:02 PM, October 13th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, October 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Scorpio it is so good to hear from you and see that you are doing well. I have been wondering how you were and I am so happy things are looking up for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
scorpio1
♀ Member
Member # 6445
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, October 14th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC, thank you. A lot of times I didn't post because I wasn't dealing with an OC. But now I realize that I will always be affected by that OC. The hurt just lessens over time.


If a situation requires a lie, you are standing on the wrong side of the issue.
Me-BS 41 years old
STBXWH-37 years old
3 kids D-18; S-15; D-5

Posts: 1891 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: South Florida
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