Around 11:30pm, fWH had to rush me to ER. Some sort of allergic reaction (trouble breathing, hives, swollen hands/feet)...fWH was really great about taking care of me & angry @Dr. for releasing me after only about 30min of being hooked to IV & getting meds. I was woozy, shaking, & felt drunk after the massive benadryl dosage in my IV. I slept like a baby all night.
Weather was great here...hope everyone had a good weekend.
I'm glad FIL got to meet DD. It's sad how OW has weaseled into fWH's extended family's lives. What stupid head would want OW/OC @your graduation celebrations & not your own father instead??? Maybe he could have a nice dinner w/her to celebrate w/your family...to encourage that bond w/her without involving OW. That's something I worry about...even after OC is 18. If we remain in-contact w/OC, we'll be around OW for graduations & grandchildren forever.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:53 AM, June 13th (Monday)]
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 10:14 AM, June 13th (Monday)]
For the BH to have a relationship with OC does not require the OW to be involved with the family. It's not a package deal. She created damage to the family. I feel that the BW should have the right to determine the extent of any involvement with the OW. The OW should recognize their need for our kindness but not feel they are entitled to it. They should not demand respect and rules in a situation they previously found no need for them. Could'ves and should'ves....
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 8:18 AM, September 7th (Wednesday)]
I agree with you. OW will always be an enemy of the M. Whether OC becomes part of your family, does not imply that OW is.
One of the worst things that hurt me so much, was when MIL befriended OW's mother & MIL/SIL/niece sat with OW's family during OC's preschool graduation & near them @OC's kindergarten graduation. Even if I was not getting along w/MIL, it was like a stab in the back to see MIL/SIL/niece with OW, OW's mom, OW's sister, OW's niece/nephew. MIL never has gone to functions for COM @school, but she has for niece & OC. We have basically quit asking ILs to functions, so COM won't be disappointed when they don't show up. At least, MIL finally realized exactly what OW/OW's mother were like & told them to quit calling her. Stupid OW was preggers by BH#2 when fWH got injured in 2005 and had enough nerve to call MIL proclaiming her love for fWH and how "she" should be @hospital caring for his needs (fWH didn't even know OW was preggers by BH). OW is delusional as to what part she plays in ILs extended family. She's just the whore who got knocked up by fWH (and was LOVED - that's past tense - by fWH at some point in time). If we ever D, I could not exactly ever see MIL warming-up to OW as a DIL. OW is nice & all to strangers, but her true colors/behavior would come out eventually.
I also saw a post from FWH's exWife last night, on OW's page;
"I have a card and check for OC from Grandpa Help at my house, swing by and pick it up!"
It is a couple of months old, but he is evidently sending OW checks for OC, for the holidays, despite telling us he "wasn't involved".
Also, since most of us are either parents or stepparents, I really need some advice here.
Youngest stepD is coming to stay with us this upcoming weekend. There is an event in our city that she wants to attend, it's shortly before her birthday, and it's Father's Day, so we bought her a ticket so we could celebrate all of these occasions at once. Well, she was supposed to be here Fri-Sun. I start some very difficult classes that Monday, and intended to have her back home before I began. Well, she had to change her trip to Sun-Tues, which really, really inconveniences us, but since it is her first weekend visit since the stepDs "shunned" us, we let it slide. We didn't ask her why she was suddenly unavailable, and I just kept my mouth shut, despite the fact that it's going to be a huge inconvenience.
So, this weekend, I found out the reason she is no longer available; it is OW's bachelorette party and bridal shower (she only recently scheduled them). So, once again, FWH is getting screwed out of his time with his daughter due to OW. My COLLEGE EDUCATION is being affected because of OW. I am livid.
I told FWH when stepD gets here, we need to take DD to the babysitters and have a long talk with stepD about her priorities, but what on Earth do we say? If you are going to be in our life, you need to stop putting OW as a priority above your father? Like, you can't really tell an 18 year old, can you?
I am at a loss how to approach this, and would really like some feedback. I told FWH we obviously need to reevaluate our own priorities, and not put reconnecting with stepD so high in them, since this is her behavior. We spent money that we really didn't have to spend on such things on getting her up here, just for her to postpone for OW. Oh, and we can't tell her how we know without revealing our sources.
Oh, and no, I doubt stepD would miss this for the world, according to OW's "wedding website", stepD is in her wedding because she has "been her 2nd daughter for x amount of years" (since Dday) and is her "little sidekick".
StepD has hung out with OW during all 3 of her recent As, with OW and her APs, so I am sure she does feel like a "sidekick", but bitch, give me a break, she is 5 years younger than you.
I am trying to deal with being single, it is hard. I am in the middle of packing the OC's clothes so that they can go live with him on Friday. The teins custody is still an issue as my H doesn't want to get divorced or legally sep. so that we don't lose the twins. But I don't want to live in limbo while he gets to do whatever he wants and stay married in name only for the OC.
I am so sorry that I don't have words of wisdom for evryone right now. I just feel like an automated machine. I am going thru the motions, but not feel emotions right now. I have not spoken to him since Friday because I took his cell phone, and now I have changed the phone number and restricted the usage as the lawyer advised me thatthey have to have a phone so that the OC can reach me.
Trying to get thru this semester of school as I only get 1 week rest before I start next semester. Just trying to live.
I am so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be on you. You are in my thoughts daily.
I was a little mad this past weekend when my fwh had said that he's 90% certain my MIL or SIL won't want a relationship with the cOW. Wtf, so there is a teeny chance they do?! That ho will NEVER be family. All the more reason why I don't talk with my MIL...
So the countdown is on...1 week is fwh courtdate on the bogus contempt and additional filings. And the cOW will find out about the insurance, and I'm going to draft a new letter. So should be a drama filled week at least I was able to deal with knowing OC's bday came and went. 1 down, 17 to go, right?!
There's not enough room in a marriage for a wife and an OW. Nor in a family!
If legal representation has been secured, why not have OW mail/FEDEX them to:
c/o Lawyer's Name
(lawyer's phone for FedEx purposes)
Otherwise, P.O. box. Or, could you provide your address to child support services & have her drop them off postage paid & have them mail them?
Just a thought.
I had a dream last night that I was questioning the OW about the A & the she turned it around on me blaming me for NC. It was her decision to go NC. I was wondering that if subconsciously I felt guilty that OC was being raised without a father.
I know that it is not my fault. My H and I had agreed to meet with OW to talk about visitation after OW going on for almost a year then she just said nevermind. I told my H that I would never keep him from OC but that it was not going to be a situation where OW would just be pawning OC off on us whenever she wanted.
So I was just wondering if anyone else felt guilty about it.
There are times that I feel sad for the OC. He is innocent in all this mess. As an educator, I see firsthand what happens when young men are raised without a father. The chances of them growing up to be deliquents is very high.
I beat myself up for a long time, because I had a hard time (and still do to an extent) understanding how my fwh could choose NC. I had actually told him I was ok with C, as long as it was under my watchful eye and to my "standards" (mostly NC as much as possible with the cOW, I have nothing against the OC, just the cOW).
But it's not black and white. The circumstances around OC's conception are just the beginning of why we are NC. My fwh was told by the cOW that she was infertile (yes, he still is an asshole don't get me wrong, he should've NEVER put himself in this situation and I will probably never fully forgive him). When in actuality she was planning the whole time to get pg. In other words, at least in my eyes, she knew what she was getting into from the start--being a single parent raising a child with little to no contact from a married man. This child was doomed from the very beginning. My fwh and the cOW will be the only ones that will have to answer to this OC. Myself and my COM are to be left out of this.
Even if there was C, it would be complicated and confusing. We live almost an hour from the cOW. The OC would NEVER have my fwh full-time like my COM (unless we had full-custody, and that is virtually impossible in the state we live in). The OC would have to be shifted from place to place. I find that to be just as sad. I honestly hope and pray that the cOW finds her own man, he adopts the OC, and they live happily ever after. That way he gets a father full-time. Of course the cOW is an ugly person inside and out, so the chances of that are slim to none unfortunately. Now if she were to give up the OC to us and she has 100% NC, then we would have a totally different situation. AGain, she won't give up her mealticket so that won't happen.
The cOW has shown and proven time and time and over again just with the MONEY part of this that she cannot be trusted. We cannot trust that she wouldn't lie just to seek money or revenge (which she has vowed to make my fwh's life a living hell)--say we did something to the OC. She has already lied to the courts saying that my fwh had been hostile to her and the OC (now mind you, he has been NC except for a phone call that I was present for, and at no time was he hostile. I actually thought he was too neutral and wanted him to be an asshole to her!). She has been highly manipulative and honestly the NC is for our COM and our marriage's protection. It's so the OC won't be used as a pawn anymore than he already is by her. It's so we won't be extorted anymore than we already have been.
So while I feel sad for the OC, I no longer feel "guilty" with NC. As hard as it is, I see (right now at least) it is for the best for OUR situation.
You have to do what is right for your own situation. NC or C--this whole OC situation has so much grey area. Many (((hugs))) to us waking up daily with this struggle, with dealing with this situation no matter if you are NC, C, or in between.
So I think it is that I feel more sad than guilty.
I felt terribly guilty, especially the first couple of years. Our own DD is only one year younger than OC, so if we took her somewhere, I would think of OC. If we shopped for her, I would think of OC.
OW is a serial AP, and has broken up another family and had another OC. She is getting married this summer, and her new babydaddy will allegedly be adopting OC once they are married. I do not think this would be possible if we hadn't been NC.
I still feel guilty. I often have dreams where we either have visitation or 100% custody of OC. My ideal situation would have been Ow stepping aside and letting us raise OC, but that would never happen.
However, the spiteful part of me thinks this is exactly what OW deserves, she also purposely got knocked up (told me and my FWH- him in an email, me on the phone- that she "had wanted to have his baby since she first met him" ), but the even more spiteful part of me would like to be the best stepmommy in the world to OC, as isn't the Ow getting to be involved in our child's wife our worst fear? I am sure it would be the biggest slap in the face to her, as she would be nothing to my daughter.
But, NC is best for me, and definitely my COM. Ow is a manipulative, cruel person, and I feel sorry for OC, but keeping OW out of my COM's life, my life, and my M means OC doesn't have a daddy, but I consider that OW's fault, not mine.
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 11:11 AM, September 17th (Saturday)]
Didn't get a chance to catch up on Arnold/Maria stuff, but did see pic of OW in the tabloids while I was @Wal-mart yesterday. Been seeing tons of Arnold movies on TV lately (don't know if it's a positive PR blitz for him or what or just coincidence).
Week's been pretty good.
fWH had to take me to ER @11:30pm Sunday night for allergic reaction to something (pretty bad one). After the treatment, I'd not have been able to drive, so I'm really glad he was there for me.
OC has been pretty good this week, some spouts of misbehavior (lying across kitchen opening b/c she didn't wanna go to bed, so that fWH could not take his wheelchair into living room). OW opted to not send OC to more swimming lessons, so who-who....yay!yay! We have a lot of stuff needs done this summer, so not sending COM to anymore either. COM/OC might swim some @local pool for exercise. I have to go for allergy testing on Monday, wish me luck. No clue what I reacted to, but certainly don't want that again.
Going through stress right now...so glad OW drama isn't so bad this week. OC opted to not go to ILs get-together Sunday (6/12), so COM&OC fighting that day wasn't happening. MIL is nicer to DS11, when OC10 isn't around to dote on.
My job is in flip-flop right now since the people who we have contract with, lost their contract. They may or may not use our company to continue the work. They had layoff here (didn't get me fortunately) & I might have to switch jobs to keep my same work (had same job for 13 years w/3 different companies). This will become hastle w/insurances & such, but cannot be helped. I might be located much father from schools/Drs. appts, so fWH will have to maybe pick up a large amount of parenting duties that I normally handle. It's difficult for him b/c he's dyslexic & much easier for me to do school/drs when I can actually read the paperwork & remember the meds etc. the kids are on. Oh well....as long as we have our needs met, I will be happy. I may be required to work (4)10-hr shifts instead of (5) 8-hr shifts, which would mean a big change in how COM/OC are managed in the morning/afternoon also. I could make all these changes, but it would take some time to get adjusted to it. Our income will likely decrease, since new company's benefits are more out-of-pocket employee cost. If OC's vision/dental cost extra & are very expensive, I will drop hers, as fWH is only obligated to cover health ins. We'll probably hold off on revising OC's paperwork, until I know what my job/benefits status is. If fWH has to pay for state health ins. for OC & we do for COM, I would expect OW to pay her share of costs also. I can only carry OC, if the burden isn't too much on our budget.
Keep us in your prayers...I get very MEAN @fWH & children when I am stressed out so badly. I'm not really fun to live with when I'm stressed. I'm almost happy that swimming lessons were rained-out today...I needed a day off of afterwork running.
Hope everyone has a good evening & gets some rest.
RepeatBS326 - We don't have a lawyer yet. We're waiting for the child to be born and a paternity test for now. I've interviewed one lawyer, but it doesn't seem like this lawyer seems to understand us. This seems like such an unusual situation, I wonder if it will be hard to find a lawyer that will understand how much we really don't want contact with OW.
#1Survivor - That is exactly what is happening to me right now. This OW is crazy. Harassing my husband's work, showed up at our old place, all that, so I think we're finally going to file a no contact order or something. The only comfort I have right now is that we are very far away from her right now. I just can't imagine having to deal with her for the rest of my life if this child she's carrying is my husbands. :(
Thank you guys for your responses. I think we're getting a PO box today.