today is one of those days where i want to leave SI like an ostrich sticking my head in the sand. i can't believe how many of us face this issue. it's sickening. part of me still wants to believe it didn't happen to me...enabled by the MIA OW and OC.
but like i used to tell XH - the genie is out of the bottle, the bullet is out of the gun, and a bell can't be un-rung. i'm just sad for everyone involved today...from all of the "regulars" to the JFOs i see pop up far too often with OC questions. i thought i was as disillusioned as i could be...but it grows with each new member of this club.
[This message edited by stretch13 at 10:59 AM, June 1st (Wednesday)]
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
I know this will pass, but damn it hurts.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 12:08 PM, June 1st (Wednesday)]
Offering hugs to everyone out here. Although I don't post often, I do read here every day. Know that you are all heard and you are all in my thoughts.
((WasAlmostThere)) - Thanks for mentioning the gents. I am one of them! The fact that you are not married does not minimize your pain in this at all. I'm glad you found the courage to find comfort in this thread and to drop in and offer support.
[This message edited by LosferWords at 1:34 PM, June 1st (Wednesday)]
Well, isn't that fucking nice? He has never met our DD. In fact, never even bothered to call since we had her. No congratulations, nothing. Oh, but she is nothing special. Just the child FWH and I dreamed of and talked about for 8 years before we decided the time was right to have a child. Nothing exciting. She wasn't conceived in a camper in someone's driveway during sordid fucking affair sex. Her birth didn't cause the total devastation of a family. Just a boring, run of the mill, child of marriage.
I FUCKING HATE MY INLAWS, I FUCKING HATE OW, I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
[This message edited by Want2help at 1:12 AM, June 3rd (Friday)]
How are you holding up? I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you.
((Want)), that is the most insensative thing a grandparent can do. That is one of the things I hate about my father-in-law playing favorite, but especially with OC over your own dd, very painful. I am so sorry.
Sorry about such an angry post, I am just so hurt. My inlaws used to go on and on about how I was the "best thing to ever happen to FWH", and how glad they were that he could "finally be happy" (after marrying such a snatch of an exwife). The xmas before the A (literally months before the A) we got all kinds of cards from his whole family, still got calls on holidays, everything (I do not have a lot of family, just a lot of cousins and one grandmother who is in very poor health). The years since the A, we spend every holiday alone (just FWH, DD and I). No cards come in the mail, from anyone. No one to cook for on Thanksgiving, nothing. Not even a phone call. My daughter is growing up without a family beyond her parents, while OC has OW's family (which is huge, as they are all hillbillies with tons of kids), her new babydaddy's family (they consider OC their son's), AND FWH'S family. I cannot stand it, it is so unfair to my DD. She did nothing to deserve being treated like this.
Also, if OW can milk OC for some more drama/attention, I have no doubt she will change her mind about the adoption. Things were finally dying down over OW and OC, and it seemed like people were finally moving on with their lives.
Anyhow, I am making FWH call FIL tonight. I told him to invite him up to see us when he gets to this state (we live a couple hours from OW), and if he mentions OW and OC, ask him not to see them. I hope that if FWH explains the situation (that he is NC with OC, that OC may be adopted soon, that OW has literally tried to RUIN our lives, stalk my family, etc) that he will change his mind, but I doubt it. He is a stubborn ass when it comes to these things.
And it's not like FIL has these great morals and values, he split on his own kids when they were VERY young (FWH and his sister were toddlers) and may even have an OC with my MIL's sister! Yes, see if you can follow that twisted family tree- my FWH's cousin may be his cousin/sister.
I guess my daughter is paying for FWH being NC. FWH is NC with OC, FWH's family is NC with my daughter.
[This message edited by disrespected666 at 8:22 AM, September 7th (Wednesday)]
One uncomfortable situation OC put me in, was that she came to tell me OW said she needed her back early tonight for vacation Bible school this week. I was giving OC all sorts of excuses (like she has to absolutely be ready b/c I don't get off work until 4:30pm & OW wanted her @5pm). I said, "let's go ask Daddy." We walked into bathroom where fWH was bottlefeeding some kittens & fWH said 5pm is kinda tough on me getting home from town & then over to park, why couldn't we do 5:15 or 5:30? Then ALL THE SUDDEN, OW's voice chimes in "5:30 is fine w/me...I don't want it to be inconvenient for repeatbs326." OMG. OC had OW on speakerphone all through our home...I thought she was just texting OW or something, so that's why she had her phone in-hand! After OC left the room, I told fWH how angry I was that she spoke w/OC on speakerphone...that I feel spied-upon when OC does that. I had even opened OC's bedroom door earlier to yell something in...I wondered if OW was on speakerphone then? I feel like OW is the invisible presence in our home when OC is home & her phone charged. I am just glad I did not say anything mean to OC about OW or fWH did not say anything when OC & I first went into our room. WHAT on earth does OW hear in our home that we don't know about? I was mad that OW yet again made plans for OC & didn't bother to text me or send note w/OC. OC said she knew nothing about VBS @church being this week. AND, OC said OW signed her up again for 2 more weeks of swimming lessons, yet OW hasn't mentioned it to us yet. What if we had vacation plans or something? I feel like it's payback for signing OC up for allergy shots, since OW has to get her butt up & take OC 2x weekly on her weeks.
OH, and for OW to be in such despirate need of $$$ & cannot pay for things for OC, its odd how OC told us that Saturday night, OW & BH#2 went to see ZZ top in Nashville, TN this past weekend. It's >3 hours drive from here plus the cost of tickets & gas! Yes, OW cannot afford a ticket to accompany OC to field trip, but her family's budget allows for concert tickets. Just burns me up. This is after OC said BH#2 might get laid off @current job. I know it's none of my business, but it somehow makes me angry nonetheless.
Oh, and OC is home all this week w/OW, yet they cannot go to the pool until BH#2 has a day off, b/c he's the only one who will take them. Huh? OW is SAHM...can't she take them? She spends lots of time driving here/there to stores, her mom's, & sister's homes...can't she drive 10 minutes to take OC & lil sis to swim too?