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User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this never gets easy, does it, NC or not?

It never gets easy, but the challenges are different over time as OC ages (or fWH's relationship w/OW changes things). Financial struggles don't necessarily go away, but might improve (especially if having to pay for birthing costs or back CS - that fortunately will go away after the debt is paid).

If OP is NC & you are raising OC w/fWS, then maybe the bad times become just a horrible memory that you hope triggers don't bring back up...or that you might be facing more when OC gets old enough to ask questions.

For us, things seemed much easier after years...I think we'd have been okay, if A#3 hadn't happened. I hate to say it, but I was really better off believing a lie about OC's conception being OW-planned & ONS (poor fWH)....instead of knowing it was a plan set into motion by OW&fWH, and that they'd conspired even during A#1 to conceive (not realizing their goal until A#2 & only months after DS11 was born to what I thought was a successful R#1). Do you think I was better off not knowing the truth about OC's conception? It's one of the major things about R#3 that has hurt the most, to hear that fWH was lying about A#1/A#2/OC all along. To lose faith in him all over again. To know that someone chose to hurt me, in order to make someone else happy. That betrayal is far worse than a PA. I just never thought fWH was that type of person...to go out of their way to hurt someone so much. It's something that can never be taken back.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 12:41 PM, May 10th (Tuesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, these OW are just nuts, they don't care how hard they make it on other people and probably sit back and enjoy it knowing that they did make it hard on you :(

Island, omg, I so know what you mean about friends, unless they are going through the same thing, it's really hard for them to understand. This is such a difficult situation and normally people who don't have the OC to deal with, don't really know what it is like or what you are going through :(

hurt, please only go through your lawyer on this. We went through seven months of waiting to see if the OC was H's. When she would text, he wouldn't answer and believe me, she tried some stuff to get his attention. That is all she wants, is attention. Our H gave them all the attention they wanted during the A, then when they decide to work it out with us, all that attention is gone and they can't take it. Another thing, please make sure your H doesn't try to be a nice guy. My H made that mistake, he thought this situation would be different, maybe he could be a nice guy and it would all work out, OW would be friendly, he would be friendly, etc. Well that is now coming back to bite him in the ass, starting with her phone call yesterday saying, "so what are you getting me for mother's day? I like jewelry" now, you would think OW would know her place by now since my H chose to stay in our marriage, over a year ago, but noooo, since he was being "nice" during drop offs and pick ups and when she would call to talk about "oc" and try to get him to give her more child support, she must have gone off her meds and lost it yesterday. This woman truly is batshit crazy like on those videos. There's more to this story but that should be enough to emphasize the craziness.

I know that sounds like a really bad thing to have happened but I must say its a good thing because now he dreads talking to her and dreads the pick up and drop offs because what is she going to say next? She is just nuts!

So anyway, the lesson here is that they are all crazy and if you give them an inch, they will try to take a mile. NC is best, go through your lawyer and just stick with it, don't give in to her.

Wantohelp, I truly believe these OW will get what they deserve. I hope the one in your situation does soon, it just doesn't seem like it is soon enough when it does happen :(

wow, i read back over my post and the common theme is nuts and crazy. I truly wish we could put all these OW in a box and let them fight it out lol


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly wish we could put all these OW in a box and let them fight it out lol

No, we shouldn't let them anywhere near any other OW w/OC....they'd compare notes & help the others figure out how to screw WS out of even more $$$ (or how to behave more insane & bunnyboiler to run BW off). Many of them seem to have well thoughtout plans & lawyers helping execute them.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eyes,

I agree....letting fWH & OW be 'friends' to try & smooth out the water for CS etc. does you no good. fWH cannot have OW as friend & you as spouse. It just doesn't work, or at least it didn't work for us & led to EA/PA#3. They have to break that idea that OW is someone that's okay to be around & socialize with...they aren't...they should be like taxes "something that costs you money, you have to deal with annually, but you don't want to bring the tax man home for dinner to make small-talk." As much NC as possible, is my idea of acceptable behavior & boundaries. Texting to me only & hand-written notes passed in OC's backpack are so much easier to deal with, than worrying about what OW might say to fWH, when it's ONLY supposed to be about OC.

I can remember a VAR we had, documenting what OW said in a conversation which was supposed to be about OC (post-A#3 & d-day). She said something like "this is so hard for me" and you could hear a sniffle & tears in the background. OW is seeking KISA & BFF all rolled into one...and she's looking for that marital support she shouldn't be getting from fWH @all. And, others have seen how BS & OW being friends leads to disaster...she's either doing it to continue an A w/fWH, make fun of you for your naive ways, or fishing for more evidence to use to get additional CS.

You can still have relationship w/OC, w/out being friendly @all w/OW.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh trust me you don't want the cOW in our sitch talking to yalls OWs LOL! She is one malicious bitch! And LOL that's so true, give them an inch and they will take a few acres! Eyes, I would've jumped thru the phone and clocked the tramp if she asked some mess like that! Entitled much eh?! Geez!

So my friend sends me a message back, telling me she said this out of concern but I'm sorry this all sounds like an attack. At least that's how I perceived it. Esp since she felt the need to AGAIN tell me I was being obsessive compared to her not be during her time of need. Augh my point went in 1 ear and out the other. So I tried to call her since really this should be discussed in person, not via FB message and no answer. Didn't leave a voicemail. I'm just no longer going to talk to her about the sitch anymore. Simple. I know with my anxiety and OCD I have been obsessing...but her delivery was all wrong. Concern would've been like "I'm concerned for you and the path you are on" vs. "You don't ask about me or my life or my family etc." I have enough shit to worry about, so can't worry about this. I have been doing really well with IC and have been trying to get thru stuff as best as possible, not going to let this bring me down.

And THANK you repeat. Its why I come here daily because you folks understand. I think what upset me too is that she almost seemed to trivialize this mess, when in reality this is just the 2nd worst thing that could happen (only worse is giving me AIDS). I never trivialized any of her heartbreak, what she was going thru, etc. Hell, she's a WW and I didn't judge her and let her vent (yea, that was hard...but my friendship is unconditional).

Ok, here I go still going on lol!

(((Eyes))) I'm so sorry. Its like you can't win?! Your fwh was a nice guy, my fwh was a not so nice guy, and both are dealing with the lunacy of the OW.

(((Repeat))) I don't know how you do it, and yes if this OC was planned (and I know for fact he was not) I would've been even more depressed. Especially after my miscarriage. But you are such a strong woman who I look up to for inspiration and strength--because you show it can be done.

(((Everyone else))) lol I'm typing on my phone and gotta run, I will check back later to finish the shout outs! Thank you again for the uplift!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
hurt24/7
♀ New Member
Member # 32000
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your great advice and words of comfort. I'm so glad I found this forum. At a time when I feel truly alone in the world, your posts and life experiences have made me feel that I can and will survive this, whatever the outcome. You all are truly amazing individuals.
((((((everyone))))))


BS-ME 31
WS 29
COM DS 18 months old
D-day 08/30/10
2nd D-day 10/27/10 OW is pregnant
1/5/12 - Paternity Test Positive

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Timbuktu
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gallstones. I think I have gallstones. Been up for 3 hrs now in severe pain, almost considered going to the ER but I held off because I just cannot afford to miss work. But I did some online self-diagnosing and I have practically all the symptoms. Going to call my dr first thing in the morn. Augh I'm going to be so tired at work but I have to go, I used all my sick time for my maternity and can't afford to not get my full pay. Bad enough I called out for this a couple weeks ago and my next week paycheck will be short. Just took some ibuprofen and percoset (had some left from my wisdom tooth removal), and just waiting for them to kick in. Hurrrryyyyyy the pain :( getting a little worried I've had these "attacks" more frquently since this last csection, but just attributed them to stress, etc. But reading more and more...it totally sounds like a gallbladder thing. Hopefully I can get an appt tomorrow so I can get up to the hospital for testing. Just something else to worry about...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Tresemme
♀ Member
Member # 31185
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my wh's oc's 1st bday is in a few days..i feel just sick about it..
we r nc bc anytime we tried lil more within days ow would text crotch shots to my wh cell phone..seriously..
anyway we keep sending the money and i try to avoid thinking about it..but i too do the whole "omg my husband has a baby by a pos ow" ..i say it out loud to myself at random quiet times like a long car ride,and its still a surreal statement


(Me)Bw late 30s
5/1/10 The day I learned Lucifer roams the earth among us wearing many disguises.( Double Betrayal wh and the live in nanny) Status-LimboLand

Posts: 431 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tressame))) the OC in our sitch will be 1 next month. Do something nice for you, the COM, the community. I plan on doing all 3 that day, don't give it any extra meaning, don't torture yourself.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
hurtbeyond words
♀ New Member
Member # 31772
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so mad. Today is the DNA results and I was supposed to go with my H and then last night he started the whole it will go better if you are not there crud. We do not want he to be mad when they discuss custody and support. This is after she told me she is still after him and wants kid #2 I am just so mad so here I am do I keep fighting with him about it or just let him go and think it is only just 1 more promise concernign her that he has broke. I am also so tired of beign the better person I woudl honsetly like to call both my H and her every bad name I could and I am also afraid that all of the love I feel for him is slowly turning to hate I am just so tired it has been really hard and now the DNA thing and 1 minute I am so afraid I will push him out and teh next I am like get the heck out and go with her and see how she really is becasue she is only mean to me and never in front of him. I never thought I woudl say this but her fake smile and the fact that she is smaller than pre-preganacy weight which is really small makes me sick! I wish her inner beauty was on the outside becasue no one would touch her

Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2011
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Island - go see your doctor! COM need you Any chance it might be tubal pregnancy (or am I way off in the direction of the pain)?

Tresemme - right before OC's birth, I had to seek IC for severe depression....right around her 1st b-day, I had to get my Dr. to put me on ADs because I got very down again, even though I had thought things were okay. You cannot predict how these trigger dates are going to hit you. I still have a hard time w/OC's b-day @10-years out.

hurtbeyond words - what's his reasoning for you not going? They're holding the results until in-court so they can go ahead & do prelim CS/custody agreement? You OW really has nerve telling you she still wants fWH & 2nd OC! I mean, if you have a history of blowing up, it might be a good idea to stay out of courtroom, incase judge throws you in slammer for disrupting his hearing...or you go off on OW & everyone witnesses you assaulting OW. Once we finally got CS papers started, OW refused to sign/notarize them...so we had to get her served. I was kinda looking forward to seeing how OW would explain OC to a judge...having all those people glaring @her for being OW. I mean, it was obvious OW got preggers right after DS11 was born, due to their birthdates being so close (and those show up on CS calc sheets). I wanted to see if OW felt humiliation similar to mine, when I have to explain to people that COM are both ours, we've never been separated, & fWH had OC w/another woman. And, it never hurts to give OW glaring looks or stare a hole in her back in courthouse.

I know how you feel....some days, to myself I would say "just go" and others I was saying "I don't know if I could live w/out you." I mean, I know I could support myself, but not having fWH in my life seems unbearable sometimes. I kick myself sometimes for not leaving while I was preggers & fWH insisted he be "friends" with OW (after A#1) and that I could not choose his friends. And OW would call our house from payphone when I blocked her & fWH gave her our new #s, when I changed every damn one of them (cells, pager, & home). Just makes me angry @myself for being so stupid to not require NC & make him set better boundaries.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
hurtbeyond words
♀ New Member
Member # 31772
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His reasoning is that they are doing custody and dna results and I can not go in so I woudl have to sit outside in teh waiting room. I also feel like he just wants to keep her happy becasue I really do not think he wants to see teh real her as for blowing up I have been a real lady through out this bit my tongue and held it together even when she spread rumors about me and makes me look like a fool. He keeps playing onmy guilt that he does not want problems for teh child and etc... I think he is embarassed and he should be I have been supportive and he had teh nerve to say last night that what he needs now is understanding and pacients so he can work this out for us. I woudl like to know who the US is becasue I have given him almost 2 years of my life and I feel like I am TIRED

Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2011
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Ya'll just stoppin in to say hi. Haven't really been around much lately. I went though some suicidal thoughts and kinda dropped off the grid. I'm trying to be ok . OC is due @ the end of May so she could come any day and I'm not handling this well. I'm still not able to process how someone can be so cruel as to not only sleep with your WH/SO but to try to destroy everybody's lives WH's my COM even her son and OC will suffer because she can't even support the son she has now. Anyway hope everyone is having a great day.
(((Island))) feel better


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Sad  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tryingtosmile))) We are here with you. I don't think we can ever understand OW/fWH's motives completely. Some of these OW have OC, believing fWH will leave BW once they hear they have OC on-the-way. Yea, it does happen sometimes...but, how often are these OW left in the lurch b/c fWH decides to R (especially w/COM involved)? OW are sometimes delusional as to their place in the scheme of things...yes, some fWH love OW...but, some fWH are just using OW for the physical aspects & ego boost (certainly not for gaining an OC from them).

If you have the resources etc., please see IC @least 1x weekly until you feel better. I did & sometimes do have suicidal thoughts...but, I was even too afraid to tell IC that b/c I think they are legally obligated to report someone who's dangerous to themselves or others. If I did not have my COM, I am not sure what I'd have done. They were the only things keeping me from being locked up in a ward somewhere, I think.

The last month of waiting for OC was so much harder than I could've imagined. IC really calmed me down. I just could not function & was on verge of nervous breakdown. I was on autopilot @work & caring for COM's needs, but I wasn't the mother I should've been those months after I found out about OC's impending birth. I hate what fWH put us through....COM's lives should've never involved their mom being so depressed (or having an OC introduced into their lives). I just could not pull myself together alone. I was so blessed to have an IC who wasn't hitting me with 2x4s, but talked me through everything I was experiencing.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:54 AM, May 11th (Wednesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
hurtbeyond words
♀ New Member
Member # 31772
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it is his and she was awarded full custody and if he wants visitation he has to go back. As for everything else thank goodness the money we sent was not counted as a gift and we will have to pay her directly and the state our share of medical insurance even though OC could be on mine but I am glad I will not have to explain it at work and it is not that much as for CS I guess we can put off a new car for awhile and she will get to play keep away with the OC for awhile longer. My husband stated he is just tired and woudl like to focus on our kids and marriage for ahile that teh baby is only 7 months old and ours are older and could be impacted more I said we could try, but I am sick of teh fighting ( which we honsetly never did until she came around) and he is tired of my attitude towards him he stated all I do is B ( whcih I never did before accordign to him) I stated he never screwed up this badly before so I had to. I think we can work this out if he sticks to NC unless I am there ( including phone calls), no secrets, and just does not cheat. Pretty big promises I guess time will tell

Posts: 15 | Registered: Apr 2011
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((hurtbeyond)) Wow, hurt I am so sorry that it turned out to be his. But now you know what you are dealing with. What your H fails to understand is that he caused this, so he needs to stop the fighting. If he really wants to focus on your family, there really has to be serious boundaries and you both have to stand by them.

Know that you know what you are dealing with, the focus needs to go on to trying to repair your marriage. This will not happen overnight, nor will it be easier with the attitude that is being displayed by your H right now. Yes, this is a shock, but he knew that was a 50-50 chance, now it time to put his big boy pants on.

You have to work as a united team to keep OW out of your lives. No secret communication between him and her, it needs to clear that you are a part of this equation and if he is to have any contact it includes you. Once there is a legal vistation order in place, that also needs to be worked out.

Stay strong and do not engage OW as much as she may try to provoke you. Anytime things get ovewhelming, please lean on us and you can also PM me. Hugs to you.

((want2)),it is so painful when you have more than your H betray you. Your SD's unfortunately are ungrateful for the relationship that they had with you. You hold up your head, because your are a good mother and one day they find that they may really need you, I would tell them go to OW. So sorry, hope that things work out. Hugs.

((Island)), sorry I got home to late to call you last night. I will be checking up on you. Please go get checked out, you know it could also be stress related. With everything that you have endured recently, the body reacts. Please make sure you are ok.

((Tresemme)) I know what you are going thru. I have to see OC in my home everyday and sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. But you know you can only can control what you can. Hugs to you. Please lean on us.

((tryingtosmile)), I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I didn't have to wait for birth of OC, I found out years later, but I can only imagine the pain and anxiety that you are feeling. Time really does heal all wounds. Have a plan, how is your H helping you to cope with this? Remember that you are a strong woman and you will get thrh this, we are here for you. Hugs.

((repeat)) girl I have hugs for you everyday!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is doing the best he can. He finally told her to stop bothering him and us so that helped. He has been really open and has been very affectionate and doting but he is also stressed about OC's birth. I have a relatively new friend who is a reader(psychic) and she is helping me alot. I hadn't said anything to her about anything and one day she started telling me about us and the situation. It may sound stupid but it has helped alot. Thanks everyone I feed of of your strength because I don't feel very strong


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Angry  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC0415- I think, that after 4 years, my stepDs are finally at that point. The oldest keeps trying to contact me, and tell me she "needs her dad in her and her son's life..." and that I'm "the only one that can make that happen for her..." Well, too bad. Sorry. The oldest was absolutely the worst when it came to the harassment (next to the sOW and the stepD's own mother- FWH's XW). Her and sOW even got an apartment together (they are very close in age, and were pregnant at the same time, and both were OWs, imagine that).

Youngest stepD is texting my FWH to have him tell me "Happy Mother's Day", and that she "loves and really misses me". She has recently "come out of the closet", but only to FWH and I (I had long suspected), as she doesn't feel she can tell her mother's pseudo-Christian side of the family (OW is Catholic, so I'm sure she hasn't told her either).

Anyhow, it seems as though OW has mostly moved on. She still posts pics of OC with "Big Blue (FWH's last name) Eyes", which pisses me off to no end, but makes me LMAO at the same time, as FWH has green eyes. She has another OC, so she has a whole new set of drama to deal with, but she got her way and this time the babydaddy left his BS for sOW.

Anyhow, yeah, I guess I am just in emotional limbo right now. I would love for FWH, stepDs and I (and now DD) to be the family that we were before they decided that OW was more important. They did this show of solidarity to their dad, a "If you won't be in OC's life, then you CAN'T be in our life" thing, then went along with every awful thing OW said about me (fat, whore, slut, ugly, DD wasn't FWH's, etc, etc, etc).

Anyhow, thanks for letting me get it out ladies. I hope that, in addition to realizing that OW was not worth it, I hope they see that they truly were used by her, now that they have seemingly been discarded by her.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hurtbeyond words)))

oh NO! I always hope when people are awaiting DNA, that OW was just a serial OW & doesn't have a clue who baby-daddy is...and that the results prove OC isn't fWH's. It is a relief to know for sure, but not an easy pill to swallow. We are here for you.

It's great that the CS costs etc. are easier to manage than expected. Some OW are getting so much CS, that fWH's family is struggling.

Please take care of yourself. I think I was in a daze for about 2 wks after the DNA came back. I just so wanted to believe OC wasn't his (and I believed the lie of OC being ONS w/fWH's former mistress, who'd think a baby could be conceived during ONS, right?).


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hurt))). The only reason I didn't go to court with my fwh is because my daughter was too young and since I was (and still am) nursing plus she wasn't taking a bottle, I couldn't leave her with my daycare provider. Otherwise I would've gone! I'll sit outside, that's fine. I did tell my fwh the next time he has to go, I'm going with. Not even up for discussion/negotiation. Not surprising about custody. I think judges just don't know what to do when it comes to these OC situations. Glad the CS is reasonable. We're one of those paying an outlandish amount in CS. I'm sorry about the positive test though. I remember when I found out I was a little over a week post-partum. I broke things and ran out of the house crying. Luckily my daughter was asleep and my son just thought I was sad.

(((want2help))) that is so AWFUL what the SD's did to you. I too would be wary to ever have them back in my life. A serial OW? Augh.

(((tryingtosmile))) you can ALWAYS come here and we are all here for you. I remember the wait. It was excruciating. But as hard as it is, try to focus on something else. I know it's so much easier said than done. Been there, done that. I knew the cOW was due in July, but didn't expect her to have the baby about 4-6 weeks premature. Please reach out to us here if you are feeling that down again. Let us help to try to pick you up.

(((repeat))) thank you! I know the COM need me, and I need them! Which is why I'm biting the bullet (I HATE going to the Dr although she is amazingly nice!) and going to get this checked out. I guess I just can't handle anymore bad news, which is why I was putting it off. But I don't want this to get worse.

(((BMC))) you are amazing, as always!

Things have been relatively quiet around here, for which I am GLAD. However the cOW hasn't cashed that check--she was so "poor" and "destitute" and "couldn't provide OC's basic survival needs"...yet she has a check for over $800 (which the OC is entitled too according to the judge) and won't take it. Too bad we can't take HER to court for withholding $ to the OC for his care/support. Augh. I will post the new letter I have to type up in regards to the new insurance, plus I added the OC to my vision and dental plans. Figured might as well do it all now so I dont have to deal with it later. But I told my fwh that I will NOT be calm this time--I will tell the cOW about herself this time.

Ahhh, this is the first time I'm typing this from my laptop in awhile! I usually have a screaming infant in my other arm while I'm trying to type on my phone!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

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