But we need to find out why OW is being so secretive with OC's medical info. I understand privacy but she has been flat out paranoid. And yes fwh is going to get a copy of the birth certificate and find out if he can get info surrounding his birth, because remember the OC was at least 4 weeks premature and was born via "emergency csection". I use quotes because I had 2 emergency csections, 1 being a true emergency and the other not quite but almost. Plus the OW has a history of marijuana use, and who knows what else.
And repeat tell OW there's got to be another pool! Augh I couldn't imagine having to deal with the damn cOW as often as you do, you get my props. And I just want to hug you repeat because I can't even imagine your pain. The cOW in our sitch meant jack shit to my fwh and that hurts, I can't imagine if there was some meaning, "love", hell even like. But karma will get them, that's what I say!
My mom & I have often said that fWH's paraplegia in 2005 was his karma bus (well, I think act of GOD myself), but fWH gets very furious when we say stuff like that. I am still waiting on OW to get her karma semitruck/bus/train...whatever.
She is probably going to try and file contempt charges on my fwh, which is why first thing tomorrow afternoon I'm opening up a new account for us, putting the bonus $ into it (he was holding onto it pending this decision), and writing the bitch a bank check so now she has NOTHING else she can get or do. The arrears are being taken out automatically (unless she raised hell with DOR, which I'm sure she will probably try to do to get a bank levy done, but we are prepared for that) so there is NO MORE money she can go after!!!
New to this thread.
Deeply Scared recommended that I post here, even though my situation is a lot different than most of yours.
I'm a guy who found out my son isn't his, and I am choosing to stay in the relationship and fully own my fatherhood to my son. If anyone else can relate, I'd appreciate your story. Otherwise a couple of hugs wouldn't hurt.
I predict he will be a terrific addition to this thread and to give a man's perspective on what it's like to deal with an OC.
Welcome him with open arms and open minds
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
The worker showed up yesterday to my home and talked to my oldest dd. I am upset with the school as I have always had an open relationship with them, but that is water under the bridge, it just want to meet with the worker and resolve this.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 10:23 AM, March 31st (Thursday)]
This is an everyday struggle with alot of different emotions, but one thing I have noticed in the years I have been here is we all have strength. No matter which way we handle the OC situation, we all have strength and have survived this.
Again, welcome and I look forward to hearing your perspective.
This is an everyday struggle with alot of different emotions, but one thing I have noticed in the years I have been here is we all have strength.
BMC0415, just by reading your profile, and what you are willing to do raising those kids, your strength is a given. Sending much mojo your way today. I hope your CPS meeting goes well.
i have hugs aplenty, not much advice for someone in R, but TONS of sympathy and understanding. i'm glad you have a place to come with all of these emotions and as respite from the rollercoaster ride you unwittingly strapped yourself into.
just remember, you are stronger than you think, and all emotions, good and bad, will change into something else. sometimes all you can do with a mood is tell yourself it won't last forever...moods never do...even when they scream at you that they will.
more ((((losferwords))) good luck with everything.
life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac
Very sad to see another person end up in our similar situations, but you are truly welcome here. We don't often see BH here, I suppose because pregnancy by OM is much easier to conceal than a pregnant OW. There's no doubt in my mind that many many more OC exist out there, that WWs just pawns off as BH's child (COM) especially when there are no D-days.
I will have to read over your profile, or can you give us some details as to how you came to find out that WW was/did give birth to OM's child?
In general, I get the feeling if BH actually R & stays & raises OC w/fWW, that OM either doesn't know about OC being his child, or that he allows BH to adopt OC (or goes NC w/out CS issues?). I don't know if I've seen any posts on here, where OM does visitation w/OC (or OM gets full custody of OC).
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:50 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]
Know how I knew her b-date, she certainly wouldn't tell me....saw it years ago, when we got copy of OC's BC (which lists both parents bdates & state/county each was born in).
B4 we got custody/visitation legal papers in-place, OW never really cared if OC was w/her on her bday. Sad...so sad, that even when we offered to give OW the day w/OC (on fWH's day), she never really wanted her w/her (same went for Mother's Day). Since it's in writing now, she's forced to deal with OC on those days, even if she doesn't want her. Parents get OC on their own bdays, half-siblings bdays, & Mother/Father's Day (respective parent w/their gender's holiday).
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 2:17 PM, March 31st (Thursday)]
We are R, but are NC with the OW and OC (at this time). Its what works for us since the OW we are dealing with is nutty. No 1 way is the right way, and either way there is lots of support here.
R is hard NC, I would only imagine it would be harder if we had C. NC was solely my fwh's decision, and I support it. If he changed his mind and wanted C, I would support that too.
I just got in from work so gotta read and catch up, just wanted to drop by and give my support!
My story is in my profile, but a couple of technical details that are worth noting:
FWW has been NC with OM since D-Day #1
OM does not know he is the father
Our preference is that DS has NC with OM
OM has no financial resources, but we still want to consult a lawyer to make sure DS is protected from any future contact (any advice on what type of lawyer to look for?)
We don't often see BH here, I suppose because pregnancy by OM is much easier to conceal than a pregnant OW. There's no doubt in my mind that many many more OC exist out there, that WWs just pawns off as BH's child (COM) especially when there are no D-days.
This is a great point, repeatBS326. Hell, I didnít even know my DS was an OC for almost seven years.
I have to admit, I feel a bit out of place in this forum, but it seems very supportive. I guess Iíll just be the ďodd man inĒ until other guys in my boat start showing up, too.
If anybody has any questions for me, fire away, Iíd be more than happy to help where I can.
Thanks again for allowing me to post here.
A family law attorney (if you can find one that does a lot of work with paternity cases that may be your best bet) would be able to answer your questions. We talked with those who offered a free consultation and were able to be shown in the direction we needed. Granted the first and second attorney sucked , but we NOW know who to look for and actually found a couple awesome attorneys.
I'll be back later, screaming infant!!!
All of this is so surreal to me. Never thought I'd have to deal with this kind of thing with my own kid. Really rips me up, to be honest. My world has been turned on its axis.
I am in total fighting mode for my son. I am putting him under my wing and I am ready to kick ass.
I am thankful that my FWW is taking the reigns on so many of these efforts as well, to protect the bond between me and my son and the family unit as a whole.
Some legal things to worry about.
1) If you D, fWW might try to play the "it's not your child" card about visitation. From what I gather, if you were married when OC was born, it's financially your responsibility to pay CS anyway in most state, but a judge sympathetic to WW's ploys might deny visitation due to that very fact.
2) OM might get word of OC's birth & rumors that it might be his & file for joint or full custody @some point, plus back CS. Yea, if he's a broke loser, he might get CS (wouldn't that be horrible).
I had a friend in college, that said her stepdad wanted to adopt her, they had no way of contacting her mom's xH (biological father), so the courts required them to post legal notice in paper near place he formerly lived for X# days about contacting court system. When he didn't show up, stepdad was legally allowed to adopt her & have his name on her BC. This might be an option, if you are secure in fact that OM cannot be found easily by courts (or not want to be found if he has outstanding warrants or anything like that).
3) At some point, for health concerns, you might be forced to contact OM about OC's existence. Hopefully not, but it's quite possible.
Has WW said whether she believes OM might want contact or visitation w/OC, if he knew of the existence?
I'm so sorry for you. Even for many of us w/visitation btwn WS & OC, most of us don't have full custody/ access to OC daily. It would be hard to love OC the way you did b4 knowing, in my opinion...looking for OM's likeness in OC.