Technically, fWH's order for covering OC's medical insurance states 'if available through employer.' He's no longer employed. We could technically drop OC's health insurance & make fWH/OW split the cost...except it costs me nothing right now (except for her dental) since our new health plan covers vision too.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:43 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday)]
So fwh mailed off the bonus $ payment to the CS office; who knows what they will do with it, it's now in their hands!
So anyway tonight we go to pick him up and he has this shirt on that H didnt even notice until I pointed it out, after OW left the pickup/dropoff area. It says.....are you ready for this? My Dad Rcoks! with a little guitar on it! OMG! OMG! OMG! i wanted to say, "why didn't you get a "my dad is a POS" since that is what you were calling him before all of this." she is one crazy woman, let me tell you.
Unfortunately for her, he didn't even acknowledge it at pickup or drop off, lol.
These OW are loony toons!
I'll check back soon and catch up with everyone, hugs to you all!
Divorced..drama free...movin on!
Anyway...remember how OW was harassing me b4 @games? Well, our local trash dump/waste mgmt ctr/recycle center is next to dropoff park & elem. school. After dropping OC off, I drove to dump b4 it closed. I was pulling bags out of my minivan & I turned around....OW had backed her car up @park & it was facing the dump. This was like 3-5 minutes after she should've left as I had to wait in line a bit @compactor. I just get this odd feeling that OW was WATCHING me. Fortunately, I had on some snug-fitting jeans, my favorite shirt, hair/makeup fixed, & my muffintop wasn't @all visible that day.
OC has been bullying COM again. DS11 got tired of it. OC shoved him in living room, so he punched her in face & of course that started a big fight. I let DS11 off-the-hook & I gave OC speech about bullying. We spoke in car just days b4 about her bullying kids @school....she claims she pushes her friends around, but they know she's 'joking.' I just wonder if they are afraid of her and pretend to be her friends out of fear. She's barely 10 and weighs around 125 lbs & is about 5ft tall.
Yesterday after church, we had to go to Wal-mart to get some stuff for fWH. DS14 usually pushes buggy for me. OC started getting in front of buggy & pulling it, or shoving it into DS14. I quietly asked her to stop. Then she walked behind DS14 shoving him. DS14 is about 20 lbs larger than her & taller than me. So, of course, he started shoving back. Other customers were having to walk past them shoving each other & the bugging going all over the place. I had to break up a brawl btwn them! What kinda started it, was OC kept tapping everything in the aisle loudly (like playing bongos), then flicking the pricetags as she went by. DS14 asked her to quit, as it was getting on his nerves....of course, that was the cue to make it even more annoying & louder. fWH told OC last night, that his papers still say that she only comes on weekends. He said if she doesn't like being there, then we can go back to the old schedule.
fWH is really depressed & in pain lately. He spoke last night of maybe needing his intrathecal pump replaced due to malfunction (Drs. suspect it might be acting up even though it appears okay). Then he talked about writing a will & setting up OC a separate Life Ins. policy for $10,000 when he passes away. I told him that it wasn't quite fair to COM. He said, well...when you pass away, the boys will get the land. We live in a double-wide...if GOD blesses me with enough years to see my children grown & grandchildren born, the double-wide we live in will be worthless. Here, OC will get $10,000 & the boys will have to wait on inheritence until I'm old and the land is only worth about $10,000 total (mobile home would bring no land value due to it being a 1994 model). I doubt we could afford a separate life ins. policy for OC anyway, as the ones we have now were when I was preggers w/DS11 & we were both in tip-top shape mostly & fWH wasn't a paraplegic. What moronic life insurance company would see his medical records & give him a policy now? I just feel like maybe fWH is giving up. I think he might hope to die in a surgery or something....I'm not sure, but I think dying during surgery (except when surgery is due to accident that happened in that timeframe)...has been written-off our life insurance policy. I feel like he doesn't care anymore. I feel that way too so much. I really believe I'm going to have to seek IC again, for depression. I think I might have PMDD, as the depression symptoms & suicidal thinking happen so much when you'd expect PMS. I don't like taking ADs, as they make me feel like a zombie. The only other option is some sort of therapy. I feel so stressed lately. Making right decisions for children, working, being a wife, & everything else have me all wound up.
I told fWH we've got to start doing the Thurs. family nights out again, as I feel so disconnected as a family. He said "maybe." Should we go w/out him, if he acts like he doesn't wanna go?
Been very busy @work, sorry I haven't checked in much.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:33 AM, February 28th (Monday)]
fWH thinks that OC will quit coming to our home when she reaches her teens, because likely OW will have no curfew rules & dating age limits(like OW's mother did). I think fWH will be pretty strict on OC's dating (I think you shouldn't car date until 16 - like I had rules when I was that age), but OW is the one who wanted OC on birth control pretty much once she hits puberty (or that was her idea she told fWH when OC was only <1-yr-old).
Keep me in your prayers...I just had to stop what I was doing last night & say a little prayer "GOD, help me through today & give me peace today."
I'm in doghouse w/OC today. We were running late & got halfway down driveway & OC said "go back, I left my cell in my room." I told her she'd have to get DS11 to bring to school tomorrow, because if we didn't keep going then DS14 would be late for school. Did I mention DS14's going part-time to local Christian school again (still mainly homeschooling)? I have a sinking feeling leaving fWH alone all day (fear of his health & fear of what he's doing when we're not home)....but, I guess I'll have to live w/it.
I will be back tomorrow after work! Thinking of everyone...
I hope everyone is doing ok, thinking of everyone!
DS11 took OC her cell (which she'd left in her room) on Tuesday. Instead of being nice & thanking DS11 for bringing it to her, OC walked straight up to DS11 & said "GIVE me my phone." Then walked off. No thanks or anything. Her manners & behavior have gotten so bad lately. Just don't know if the 2 homes situation is her problem, or she's just cranky.
On 12/23/11 my H told me that he had something to tell me and it "wasn't going to be good" (like someone wrote in their signature here, Merry Flipping Christmas). He told me about his "year long" A and that explained the strange phone calls I had received just that morning. I knew there was more and I asked if she was pregnant. He said no but that she has a daughter that she says is his. Long story short(er), I have no doubt that this little girl (born 10/10) is my H's. I don't think he doubts it either. He has written her 2 checks for a total of $700.00(from our joint checking acct) and attempted to get visitation so he could have a DNA test done. It didn't work as the OW backed out of the visitation after wanting to talk to ME and give ME some ground rules. (Sorry, not happening). I don't honestly know how the "emotional me" feels about seeing this OC. I know that the "moral me" believes that, if this is his child, he has an obligation to her. We are supposed to talk about it this weekend. I've read a lot about what you all have done. I'm asking for opinions/advice about what any of you think I should do - what we should do. I have been through/am going through all the emotions that anybody goes through after learning about an A. I'm sure there's a lot more to come.
NO MORE MONEY until a DNA test is done! The $1400 your H gave could be seen as gifts, and not "count" as CS. Also, if it is his, be prepared to have to pay arrears, possibly to the day when the OC was born. We are dealing with that mess now.
And she doesn't get to set all the rules. When she got with a married man, it was a package deal. You are here to stay and she is going to have to deal with that.
I will post more later, dealing with a crabby toddler and infant...grrrr....
Now as Island & Eyes can tell you even having a plan and taking this head on doesn't make it cut and dry, they are dealing with some really crafty OW, but it does help to have some sense of control in this situation.
I seriously suggest that you do not wait around to get papers in the mail. Hugs to you.
Everyone I am going thru more drama as I reach the 4 year d-day antiversary. I put the storyr in general, I just can't write it again, but someone called CPS on me and the twins lied about somethings and I really don't what is going to happen. All I can say is I know that I have done right by these OC and all I can do is hope forthe best. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:24 AM, March 5th (Saturday)]
(((Being))) I understand, especially this statement:
How does someone handle the not knowing for sure (about paternity)?
Just remember, if these OW get angry, they tend to have the courts on their sides, at least from what I have learned. Definitely get a lawyer to find out your rights, etc. One of the things we are dealing with now are the arrears, right now to the tune of $6000 (should be $5000). That accumulated between the OC being born and the court date to determine CS (a couple weeks after paternity was established). So in addition to the OW getting over a $1000 a month in CS (because she has chosen to not work and live off the of the CS and some welfare), my fwh also has to pay her the $5000-6000 in arrearage. It's a freaking financial mess.
It's hard from a moral standpoint; I'm a teacher and I have students who don't know their fathers, and I see the fall-out from that. I work in the inner city and know the rates of crimes, etc. that are attributed to young men not having their fathers in their lives. It breaks my heart to be honest, because yes, the OC is innocent. But I cannot force him to have a relationship, and I have had to make this his cross to bear, not mine. I have actually told him to have at least 1X a month visitations or something to start, but right now with the way OW has been acting, it would be very toxic. And that's not something the child needs to see/feel/etc. Plus this OW has shown herself to be 100% manipulative, angry, vengeful, etc. and I fear for my children/my family if we had the OC over here. She is at the courthouse every week trying to pull some shit, and this is just over money. I can't even imagine how it would be with custody. My fwh feels the same way, so therefore that's a big part of why we are NC.
NC or C, it's hard, it's tough. My fwh was a serial cheater, and me moving forward from those previous A's were a piece of cake compared to this. This OW is going to be in our lives in some fashion forever--there is no "true" and total 100% NC. The OC is a smack in my face of what my fwh did. The whole situation is extremely hard to deal with--and I have learned that staying and working this out is so hard. But so far it's working.
You and your H do need to have a sitdown and make a plan, and then a plan for the plan. Set boundaries if there is to be C or NC. Be a united front.
We are always here for you, no matter what decision/avenue/etc. you decide to take. The folks here are non-judgemental, highly supportive, and have amazingly strong shoulders to lean and cry upon when the need arises.
Good nite everyone and I hope you all are having a good week. We are all good, special, and STRONG...never forget that.
I'm so sorry you've had to join us, but everyone here is very helpful. Some days, they are the only ones who make sense. Everyone on SI has their own infidelity issues, but most don't truly understand the anguish related to OC issues. The hurt that keeps on giving. R after A is very tough, but R after A (or multiple As) and then OC issues (CS, DNA testing, courts, C or NC w/OC)...it is very overwhelming. Hopefully, you can find some comfort here & maybe from IC.
I'm sorry you had to seek out your brother & his boyfriend for support. I always hope fWS's can provide that, but it just seems to be lacking for the most part. I suppose some of them are too embarrassed, depresseed, & angry @themselves to be much support @home for BSs.
Sorry, just really pissed today...I really appreciate you ladies, you all give me strength and truly help me to keep my sanity.