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User Topic: OC Thread (BS Only)
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we're actually going against the court order, but we have not submitted revised income statements (and neither parent has provided the other their W-2 copies/1099s & IRS return copies). fWH's lawyer informed him that he only has to revise the CS order, if income for either parent (fWH/OW) changes by 15% (increase or decrease). If I had to guess, I'd think both parents' income has changed. We've gotta get on that & get the visitation schedule changed to meet the alternating weeks we've been doing for months now. I'd hate to think OW was owed back CS or something since she's 'invisibly' disable & on SS disability now also. Boy, what would've happened if I'd have D & both fWH/OW are on disability & OW was D from BH#2. Neither is yet eligible for medicare...how on earth would they have gotten medical insurance?

Technically, fWH's order for covering OC's medical insurance states 'if available through employer.' He's no longer employed. We could technically drop OC's health insurance & make fWH/OW split the cost...except it costs me nothing right now (except for her dental) since our new health plan covers vision too.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 1:43 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea, fwh's order is if there is a 20% increase/decrease. But the bonus income is seen as separate from his annual income, which is what OW is pissed about because she wanted it counted as annual income. However, since it fluctuates so much, they can't add it in. Which pisses her off to no end! GOOD.

So fwh mailed off the bonus $ payment to the CS office; who knows what they will do with it, it's now in their hands!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, February 23rd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just popping in here for a second, life is crazy right now! But I had to share this little tidbit that happened when we picked up OC for visitation earlier this evening. My H is into the whole superhero genre and about a week ago, OW had OC in a batman tshirt and of course she had to point it out to H when we picked him up, she has done other things, little things, to really push OC onto H more, like she is trying to show him how much he would love being a full time dad to OC he could care less.

So anyway tonight we go to pick him up and he has this shirt on that H didnt even notice until I pointed it out, after OW left the pickup/dropoff area. It says.....are you ready for this? My Dad Rcoks! with a little guitar on it! OMG! OMG! OMG! i wanted to say, "why didn't you get a "my dad is a POS" since that is what you were calling him before all of this." she is one crazy woman, let me tell you.

Unfortunately for her, he didn't even acknowledge it at pickup or drop off, lol.

These OW are loony toons!

I'll check back soon and catch up with everyone, hugs to you all!


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, February 24th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone things have been going well up until a few days ago and it blew up last night. I posted over in general
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=396897
just in case the link doesn't work its under (what do I do)
If anyone has a moment can you take a look and give me some feedback. I know there are red flags but dealing with an OW and OC is different and it would be great to get advice from you ladies also. Thanks in advance.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, February 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGH. Don't know who planned it, but OW's MIL bought tickets to circus for herself & OC's other family (COM,OW, BH#2,OC). OW texted mid-week that SHE had tickets & could we drop OC off Saturday @park around 5PM & pick her up after. OW showed up alone in BH#2's car. She was dolled-up. Hair fixed exactly like fWH loves it (growing it out again & little below ears curled under - just the way it was in her HS photo I found in fWH's wallet during A#1). I've not seen her in ages w/out glasses & having makeup on. OC said she even drops @school in jammies because BH#2 gets everyone ready for school & OC fixes herself & little sis's breakfast. She either really has some medical condition, or she's milking it. Anyway...she was looking sharp Saturday. When OC called at almost 9:30PM to say they were on way back, I got a text from OW saying "BH#2 & MIL are bringing OC to park in 20-25 minutes." Okay, OW was all dolled-up, but OC said "OW felt too bad to go w/us, so my cousin (OW's step-father's niece) went instead." Hmmm. Either OW was dressed up for my benefit, or she had plans for the 3-4 hours BH#2 was gone. fWH was w/me watching movies, so I know she had no plans w/him.

Anyway...remember how OW was harassing me b4 @games? Well, our local trash dump/waste mgmt ctr/recycle center is next to dropoff park & elem. school. After dropping OC off, I drove to dump b4 it closed. I was pulling bags out of my minivan & I turned around....OW had backed her car up @park & it was facing the dump. This was like 3-5 minutes after she should've left as I had to wait in line a bit @compactor. I just get this odd feeling that OW was WATCHING me. Fortunately, I had on some snug-fitting jeans, my favorite shirt, hair/makeup fixed, & my muffintop wasn't @all visible that day.

OC has been bullying COM again. DS11 got tired of it. OC shoved him in living room, so he punched her in face & of course that started a big fight. I let DS11 off-the-hook & I gave OC speech about bullying. We spoke in car just days b4 about her bullying kids @school....she claims she pushes her friends around, but they know she's 'joking.' I just wonder if they are afraid of her and pretend to be her friends out of fear. She's barely 10 and weighs around 125 lbs & is about 5ft tall.

Yesterday after church, we had to go to Wal-mart to get some stuff for fWH. DS14 usually pushes buggy for me. OC started getting in front of buggy & pulling it, or shoving it into DS14. I quietly asked her to stop. Then she walked behind DS14 shoving him. DS14 is about 20 lbs larger than her & taller than me. So, of course, he started shoving back. Other customers were having to walk past them shoving each other & the bugging going all over the place. I had to break up a brawl btwn them! What kinda started it, was OC kept tapping everything in the aisle loudly (like playing bongos), then flicking the pricetags as she went by. DS14 asked her to quit, as it was getting on his nerves....of course, that was the cue to make it even more annoying & louder. fWH told OC last night, that his papers still say that she only comes on weekends. He said if she doesn't like being there, then we can go back to the old schedule.

fWH is really depressed & in pain lately. He spoke last night of maybe needing his intrathecal pump replaced due to malfunction (Drs. suspect it might be acting up even though it appears okay). Then he talked about writing a will & setting up OC a separate Life Ins. policy for $10,000 when he passes away. I told him that it wasn't quite fair to COM. He said, well...when you pass away, the boys will get the land. We live in a double-wide...if GOD blesses me with enough years to see my children grown & grandchildren born, the double-wide we live in will be worthless. Here, OC will get $10,000 & the boys will have to wait on inheritence until I'm old and the land is only worth about $10,000 total (mobile home would bring no land value due to it being a 1994 model). I doubt we could afford a separate life ins. policy for OC anyway, as the ones we have now were when I was preggers w/DS11 & we were both in tip-top shape mostly & fWH wasn't a paraplegic. What moronic life insurance company would see his medical records & give him a policy now? I just feel like maybe fWH is giving up. I think he might hope to die in a surgery or something....I'm not sure, but I think dying during surgery (except when surgery is due to accident that happened in that timeframe)...has been written-off our life insurance policy. I feel like he doesn't care anymore. I feel that way too so much. I really believe I'm going to have to seek IC again, for depression. I think I might have PMDD, as the depression symptoms & suicidal thinking happen so much when you'd expect PMS. I don't like taking ADs, as they make me feel like a zombie. The only other option is some sort of therapy. I feel so stressed lately. Making right decisions for children, working, being a wife, & everything else have me all wound up.

I told fWH we've got to start doing the Thurs. family nights out again, as I feel so disconnected as a family. He said "maybe." Should we go w/out him, if he acts like he doesn't wanna go?

Been very busy @work, sorry I haven't checked in much.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:33 AM, February 28th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, February 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Repeat)))
I am hugging you big! The crap you have to put up with. OMG! I am so scared that this is what is in store for me. You are so strong and I truly admire your strenth and dedication. I work @ a place that does something called Bio Feedback. You might want to look into it. It helps stabalize you without meds. Anyway just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and praying for you.
xoxo


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, February 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told fWH yesterday that OC is going to have to stop that bullying behavior. I told him either she'd be with a husband who could put up w/it & snap eventually & beat the crap out of her (making her a battered wife), or she'd treat her husband & children like she treats others now. That's no way to be. OC's probably reacting on the tension she now feels btwn both households even 2 years after the 3rd A. Or, she might be as hot-tempered as both OW & fWH (what a great combo of genes!)

fWH thinks that OC will quit coming to our home when she reaches her teens, because likely OW will have no curfew rules & dating age limits(like OW's mother did). I think fWH will be pretty strict on OC's dating (I think you shouldn't car date until 16 - like I had rules when I was that age), but OW is the one who wanted OC on birth control pretty much once she hits puberty (or that was her idea she told fWH when OC was only <1-yr-old).

Keep me in your prayers...I just had to stop what I was doing last night & say a little prayer "GOD, help me through today & give me peace today."

I'm in doghouse w/OC today. We were running late & got halfway down driveway & OC said "go back, I left my cell in my room." I told her she'd have to get DS11 to bring to school tomorrow, because if we didn't keep going then DS14 would be late for school. Did I mention DS14's going part-time to local Christian school again (still mainly homeschooling)? I have a sinking feeling leaving fWH alone all day (fear of his health & fear of what he's doing when we're not home)....but, I guess I'll have to live w/it.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, February 28th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone, just wanted to drop by to say hi...this week is a whirlwind so hopefully I can jump on and catch up tomorrow. Plus I'm now sick, my son was sick, and my daughter IS sick!!! Fwh was sick last week. It seems like the flu. Hand/foot/mouth virus was going around daycare--practically all the kids caught it--and my son caught it (only had the blisters in his mouth), my daughter is showing the same symptoms minus the blisters (so far). Blaahhh!!! So I'm exhausted, plus fwh has been busy trying to file court papers, etc.

I will be back tomorrow after work! Thinking of everyone...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, March 3rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, so far haven't heard anything. We have been going thru the motions lately, for the first time we didn't have MC this week, but we will next week. Feels odd to be going every 2 weeks now, but we have made good progress.

I hope everyone is doing ok, thinking of everyone!


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fairly good week. Oddly enough, OC hasn't called fWH @all. Think he's disappointed, but he said he refuses to call her because she has a cell & she knows he wants to hear from her.

DS11 took OC her cell (which she'd left in her room) on Tuesday. Instead of being nice & thanking DS11 for bringing it to her, OC walked straight up to DS11 & said "GIVE me my phone." Then walked off. No thanks or anything. Her manners & behavior have gotten so bad lately. Just don't know if the 2 homes situation is her problem, or she's just cranky.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BeingRealistic
♀ New Member
Member # 31388
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've spent the last 24 hours (off and on) reading through the OC threads here. The information about your lives that you share here is helpful to me in showing me different ways to look at this situation that I suddenly have to deal with. Thank you.

On 12/23/11 my H told me that he had something to tell me and it "wasn't going to be good" (like someone wrote in their signature here, Merry Flipping Christmas). He told me about his "year long" A and that explained the strange phone calls I had received just that morning. I knew there was more and I asked if she was pregnant. He said no but that she has a daughter that she says is his. Long story short(er), I have no doubt that this little girl (born 10/10) is my H's. I don't think he doubts it either. He has written her 2 checks for a total of $700.00(from our joint checking acct) and attempted to get visitation so he could have a DNA test done. It didn't work as the OW backed out of the visitation after wanting to talk to ME and give ME some ground rules. (Sorry, not happening). I don't honestly know how the "emotional me" feels about seeing this OC. I know that the "moral me" believes that, if this is his child, he has an obligation to her. We are supposed to talk about it this weekend. I've read a lot about what you all have done. I'm asking for opinions/advice about what any of you think I should do - what we should do. I have been through/am going through all the emotions that anybody goes through after learning about an A. I'm sure there's a lot more to come.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, March 4th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Beingrealistic))))

NO MORE MONEY until a DNA test is done! The $1400 your H gave could be seen as gifts, and not "count" as CS. Also, if it is his, be prepared to have to pay arrears, possibly to the day when the OC was born. We are dealing with that mess now.

And she doesn't get to set all the rules. When she got with a married man, it was a package deal. You are here to stay and she is going to have to deal with that.

I will post more later, dealing with a crabby toddler and infant...grrrr....


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
BeingRealistic
♀ New Member
Member # 31388
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To IslandWahine -
Thank you for responding to my post. I hear you, about how the $$ can be seen as gifts. I had asked him if he'd given her money before - paid for sex - and he said he "helped her out" from time to time. Nice. All the while complaining about money.... Anyway, I had hoped he and I would talk last night but we didn't. There are a lot of things I want to talk to him about/know - but I am haunted by "nothing" happening with regard to the baby. I keep waiting for something to come in the mail from domestics. He responded to an ad she had on Craigslist so how does he know that he was the only one? Like I said, I'm not holding out hope that the baby isn't his - but it would be nice to know for sure. It wouldn't make the A go away by any means, but it is especially stinging to think/know that a child has been born from his infidelity. I have two "children" from a previous marriage who are 27 and 30. He had no children when we got married and at 40 (me, we had a son (now 13). I always looked at having another child so much after my first two as something "special" "I" did for him. Somehow that sounds just awful, so I hope you understand what I mean. I had already been through the daycare/toddler years, the school years, the sports and school plays and parent/teacher conferences, etc. I started all over so we could have a child together and he could know what being a parent was all about. And now, what I thought was "special", he did without me and without "meaning". So, I find my situation even more difficult to get a handle on because it's not just about an A - like that's not hard enough. There's an innocent child out there that may be his. I have grandchildren older than his new child. Anyway, enough. How does someone handle the not knowing for sure (about paternity)? Do I just sit here and wait for the OW to do something or should my H do something? Is there anything he CAN do? Again, outside of my emotionally wrecked head, my moral head tells me he has an obligation to this child if she is indeed his. Having an OC makes dealing with the infidelity even more difficult for me.

Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2011
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Being)), I repeat, proactive in this situation, not reactive. It is very important that you and your H sit down and dicuss this and how to handle it. Seek legal counsel and find out his rights, most have a free consult. Please review the OC Handbook that I reposted earlier in this thread, it has some good suggestions on how to handle this.

Now as Island & Eyes can tell you even having a plan and taking this head on doesn't make it cut and dry, they are dealing with some really crafty OW, but it does help to have some sense of control in this situation.

I seriously suggest that you do not wait around to get papers in the mail. Hugs to you.

Everyone I am going thru more drama as I reach the 4 year d-day antiversary. I put the storyr in general, I just can't write it again, but someone called CPS on me and the twins lied about somethings and I really don't what is going to happen. All I can say is I know that I have done right by these OC and all I can do is hope forthe best. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:24 AM, March 5th (Saturday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BMC))) I read your story and my heart goes out to you. You are such an amazing woman and I can't believe this is happening to you. I hope this gets resolved quickly, and you are able to get to the bottom of this. If I can help in any way, just let me know.

(((Being))) I understand, especially this statement:

How does someone handle the not knowing for sure (about paternity)?

We dealt with this after OC was born; we didn't find out paternity until 4 months later. My fwh did NOT take a proactive approach and just waited for OW to do everything. Turns out this is costing us more probably because he did that. Everything (so far) has been reactive on our part, and it SUCKS. OW was angry that my fwh wanted nothing to do with her before she found out she was pg, and then after, and then after OC was born. I know it seems "wrong" for him to have no contact and want nothing to do with the OC, however with everything we have been thru (and BMC is right, this OW TOTALLY knew what she was doing), I understand and don't blame him.
Dealing with not knowing hurt, sucked, and actually drove me a little crazy. I have a son (my toddler) and a daughter who is 4 months younger than the OC. My daughter was 1 week old when we found out the paternity of the OC (a boy). It tore me apart, but knowing actually helped in the healing. We too didn't know if the OC was his (although OW claims she "100% knew" he was his and says he should've been there for her the entire time...) because they met online and hooked up immediately--she was just a booty call that he met with 3X; figured if she was that loose and desperate then who knows who else she hooked up with!

Just remember, if these OW get angry, they tend to have the courts on their sides, at least from what I have learned. Definitely get a lawyer to find out your rights, etc. One of the things we are dealing with now are the arrears, right now to the tune of $6000 (should be $5000). That accumulated between the OC being born and the court date to determine CS (a couple weeks after paternity was established). So in addition to the OW getting over a $1000 a month in CS (because she has chosen to not work and live off the of the CS and some welfare), my fwh also has to pay her the $5000-6000 in arrearage. It's a freaking financial mess.

It's hard from a moral standpoint; I'm a teacher and I have students who don't know their fathers, and I see the fall-out from that. I work in the inner city and know the rates of crimes, etc. that are attributed to young men not having their fathers in their lives. It breaks my heart to be honest, because yes, the OC is innocent. But I cannot force him to have a relationship, and I have had to make this his cross to bear, not mine. I have actually told him to have at least 1X a month visitations or something to start, but right now with the way OW has been acting, it would be very toxic. And that's not something the child needs to see/feel/etc. Plus this OW has shown herself to be 100% manipulative, angry, vengeful, etc. and I fear for my children/my family if we had the OC over here. She is at the courthouse every week trying to pull some shit, and this is just over money. I can't even imagine how it would be with custody. My fwh feels the same way, so therefore that's a big part of why we are NC.

NC or C, it's hard, it's tough. My fwh was a serial cheater, and me moving forward from those previous A's were a piece of cake compared to this. This OW is going to be in our lives in some fashion forever--there is no "true" and total 100% NC. The OC is a smack in my face of what my fwh did. The whole situation is extremely hard to deal with--and I have learned that staying and working this out is so hard. But so far it's working.

You and your H do need to have a sitdown and make a plan, and then a plan for the plan. Set boundaries if there is to be C or NC. Be a united front.

We are always here for you, no matter what decision/avenue/etc. you decide to take. The folks here are non-judgemental, highly supportive, and have amazingly strong shoulders to lean and cry upon when the need arises.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
BeingRealistic
♀ New Member
Member # 31388
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, March 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read all of your stories - not stories - real lives. I so don't want to be here with you - but I can't NOT be here. Sometimes it's just too unbelievable to me. I'm not perfect and have never claimed to be. And - I'm sorry - I read the posts on here and think to myself - that's not me. But it IS me. How did I get here? How can loving someone so much turn into such a nightmare? How can it hit who/what you are so hard? My daughter (now 30) was molested by a neighbor when she was just a toddler. I didn't know. When I found out and notified authorities and counselors came in and confirmed, I felt like the entire world was still going on - the earth still revolving - except for in my life. I looked out the window at cars driving by and people going about their daily lives - and mine just seemed suspended. It's been 25 years since I've felt like that - but I feel like that again. Like the world moves on around me but I'm stuck in this awful "hole". I am grateful for your posts and your experiences because it makes me feel sane in the insanity. Sometimes I feel like things are going okay - and then I feel like I've been hit by a train all over again. Why? Why can't I just get over this? I've learned so much in the past couple of months. The "hysterical bonding", the folding up into a crumbled ball, the crazy, maniacle female, the inability to work. I want to be strong again and who I am. I'm all for owning what went wrong in the relationship but I can't seem to get past the betrayal. And the absolute HURT of another child when I so believed that I was part of a huge gift to him when I got pregnant at 40 so he could have the incredible experience of being a parent. I also have to say that I'm sorry if my "moral mind" (my last post) was insulting to anyone. I didn't intend for it to be. I know that everyone has to do what's right and best for themselves and I would never sit in judgement of anyone. Thanks again to everyone who has responded to my posts and to those of you who share your most personal situations so that others can benefit.

Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2011
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, March 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone! Just wanted to drop by and say hi! Fwh is going back to the courthouse tomorrow to see what he can do/find out about the judge's denial on his request for the correct arrears to be counted. Hoping the CS office can do something to help. He's also emailed a couple of lawyers, hopefully they can help in some way.
Talked with my brother and his boyfriend tonite; they are such amazing guys who are so positive, I needed their support, love, and good energy. They remind me of who I once was before all this mess happened. Fun, full of life and hope and felt the world has good, fair, and honest people. They remind me that some day I will be that person again. But they gave me enough strong and kind words to get thru this week, they reminded me how strong and amazing I am, and how much of a GOOD person with a GOOD heart I have. I really needed that tonite. If any of you have a family member, friend, loved one who can boost you up, don't forget its ok to lean on them and let them help boost you up. I had walls up around my few close friends who know, and I'm so glad I let my guard down for my brother and his boyfriend tonite!!!

Good nite everyone and I hope you all are having a good week. We are all good, special, and STRONG...never forget that.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(BeingRealistic)

I'm so sorry you've had to join us, but everyone here is very helpful. Some days, they are the only ones who make sense. Everyone on SI has their own infidelity issues, but most don't truly understand the anguish related to OC issues. The hurt that keeps on giving. R after A is very tough, but R after A (or multiple As) and then OC issues (CS, DNA testing, courts, C or NC w/OC)...it is very overwhelming. Hopefully, you can find some comfort here & maybe from IC.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Island)))

I'm sorry you had to seek out your brother & his boyfriend for support. I always hope fWS's can provide that, but it just seems to be lacking for the most part. I suppose some of them are too embarrassed, depresseed, & angry @themselves to be much support @home for BSs.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, March 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, my fwh is just too broken and depressed to be the rock I need right now. Today he found out from the CS office that they too denied his request, due to LACK of evidence!!! Wtf?! cOW turns in a damn piece of paper with no proof of anything, they believe her. My fwh turned in all OFFICIAL documents, from the damn CS office themselves, and they say he doesn't have enough evidence?! Yea, we are def. Getting screwed. So...fwh is going to the courthouse tomorrow to try 1 last ditch effort, plus get this bonus crap taken care of also before they try fine him for contempt (now mind you he DID try to pay the $...). He has the money, we kept it in savings, but he needs the court order altered so he can just pay her and not the CS office, sonce they won't take it. I told him now he can say he tried to pay via 3 different ways. We are going to borrow the $ to pay the entire arrears at once...sure it sickens me to know she will get thousands at once, but...that's it. Plus fwh is going to tell her since she conned her way to get more $, do NOT ask us for any Xmas or Birthday anything EVER. I know that sounds wrong, but sorry he has to pay her wxtra $ that she or OC are NOT entitled to, therfore taking $ out of MY kids mouths, so she can kiss my ass.

Sorry, just really pissed today...I really appreciate you ladies, you all give me strength and truly help me to keep my sanity.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
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