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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 21
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood.

Drinking and talking about A related things just do not mix. There is a old saying. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Of course this applies to you young girls too.

ats.

Your W is really doing good. It seems that she is really trying. Even though you have been at this for so long I think this is like a new phase. All this stuff is so slow going for a BS.

Laura.

Were you asking if we wanted pictures of the fucking ducks sitting or if we want pictures of the baby fucking ducks?

m3.

Thanks for your thought for the day. Good one.

Troi.

thanks for the poem and welcome to the LTA house.

miracle.

Nobody has mentioned cabanna boys for awhile. Is that only a summer fantasy?

njgal.

You sound so good. It is nice to hear from you.

Tribe. Once again the holidays are here along with winter for most of us. I do not really care for winter. Short days and cooler weather suck for things like grilling. I do it anyway though. I would guess that many of us have SAD, seasonal affective disorder. I seem to get a touch of it every year. I am ready for spring....

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun: I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling happier now in general. I think you are right about the first year. Maybe it's because it's a LTA that it takes so long to process and the trauma is greater? I know I've been talking a big talk for such a long time. I know what I have to do, but I was too down, too traumatized to do anything about it.
I'm at another stage now. Now I'm processing that WH has really left me emotionally, and perhaps a long, long time ago. I'm trying to detach as much as I can.

Troi: Welcome to out corner of SI. There are wonderful people here who have literally saved my life. Thank you for sharing that poem. I made a copy of it to hang on my fridge. It is very simple, but very profound.

Dip: Grilling in all kinds of weather? I remember a neighbor I had years ago that dug a path in the snow in the backyard so she could grill. She, too, grilled a few times a week, all year, "neither, rain, or snow or dark of night......."
however it goes

NJgal: I'm so glad that everything is working out for you. You deserve it!!

Laura: It's good that WH is trying a bit. I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. Try to hang in there and try to get out as much as you can. I know I tend to stay at home more when I'm feeling down, but if I force myself to go out, it can distract me from the pain for a little while. The odd thing is (maybe it's not so odd) that lots of times, a small gesture from a stranger makes me feel that there are still good people in the world. The kindness of strangers has often saved my life.

{{{tribe}}}


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems we are all sulking a bit in here lately...

I thought I would share that over the last few days, I have been very clear with my H about what he is doing that is reinforcing my belief that he is really just not that into me, doesn't really love me, etc.
While he initially responds with defensivness and hositlity, I have to say, I have been seeing him incorporate some of the things I've pointed out to him the next day and on an ongoing basis.
Today for example, I find myself kind of breaking down this wall I've created between us a little, because I can at least see that he is doing what I ask (which following instructions is something he usually resists)and that must mean something.

Peace all.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Troi -- I love that poem! Thanks for sharing it.

Allgood --

Good decisions:
Sometimes - usually errors in judgment as to when & how much to drink.

OK -- this means, basically, your WH is a good, solid person who has a drinking problem. He might not be an alcoholic, but he's a problem drinker. Period. So, something about drinking needs to be on your boundaries.

Is it easy to feel connected to him
Not lately

Do you have fun together
Not anymore

do you feel safe with him
In some respects, yes, in other respects, no.

do you respect each other
No

Ok -- if you take the affair and the children out of the equation, what would the answers to these questions most likely be?

AND -- why do you think your husband doens't respect YOU?


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T-minus 5 minutes until the Early Intervention people are here for Paddy -- and of course she's sleeping like and angel. And The Pasha is home today as well as Sunshine and me and my nanny who was MOW's nanny. Full house!

[This message edited by m334455 at 11:59 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday)]


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, to make a long story short she does need services but the prognosis is really good and in the preliminary assessment she doesn't seem to have any problems other than the gross motor issues.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33 - Thats good to hear. I'm presuming they have given you a program for the gross motor skills?

dip - i bet cabana boys dont grill!

laura - baby duck photos please.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

Thanks for the Baby Paddy update.

DP.

I bet you are right about the cabanna boys. Only real men grill.

honest.

I don't grill in all kinds of weather. I do not do it during severe storms and have never grilled when the tempertature was below zero. I have grilled when the wind chill was around 10 below. It was colder than a witch's tit.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3 - This is great news about Baby Paddy!! I don't know you or your family and yet I feel in some ways I know you better than most people in my life right now...and I have a huge grin on my face to hear that the eval went so well for your sweet baby girl! Give her an extra-special hug from all her "aunts and uncles" at SI!

Had a joint MC session today. Boy, did I have a lot of anger to get out. I was really mad and let FWH know it. I think I was able to "let go" with my anger because I felt safer there in the C office. I told FWH that although he's trying, what he's doing it not enough and frankly I don't have the answers on what he can do to make this better. At one point I told him to come here, to SI. I told him that there are people here who know a lot more about this than I do, people that have been in his shoes, and mine and maybe he could get some ideas by reading what others have done. He was actually open to the idea and I feel a little better this afternoon.

while he may never be able to be as sensitive as I would like or need him to be, I may not be able to let go of the hurt from the LTA as long as he is in my life. I made that very clear that that was a risk that he took when he had the A. He may not have been conscious that that was a risk, but it was and is. So, even if he does everything "right" the damage done may already be too severe for me to overcome. And that's where we left it.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3: Glad to hear baby is getting the services she needs and her prognosis is good.

AND -- why do you think your husband doens't respect YOU?

I've thought this for a long time, prior to the A even. He can't seem to acknowledge my feelings are real to me, even if he disagrees with them. He minimizes my role as contributing to the financial support of the family, which really pisses me off because yes, he's got a great pension, but I have definitely compromised my earnings to be more available for our family and he should know that. Other than that - lets me do more than my "fair share" of work in the house, with the kids, I pay the bills and repeatedly ignored my pleas of needing more help from him for years. Of course there was plenty of staying out all night drinking too.

IDK. I think we value different things in life, or we prioritize them differently.

Prior to DDay, yes, I enjoyed his company. And, I did feel 100% safe with him until his A. I'm starting to think we were never emotionally connected the way you were supposed to. While I loved my H with all my heart, I don't think I ever had that KISA or soulmate kind of feeling.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 3:45 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dip: i was trying not to bring the cabana boys into this home....but since you insist....


troi: welcome to our little corner....my ws has never been faithful, he was an om before i met him and he never let that relationship go....it is really hard living with that knowledge....you kind of have to start all over again....i did notice though in your tagline that you are "r" is going well....so yay for that...


allgood: i am thinkin that a compromise may be in order concerning date nite....one where minimal to no drinking....and even if you are where drinks are being served, stop drinking yourself after 1 drink...just stop.....but i would think that new activities should be planned, and i like it that maybe you 2 do something before or after mc....unless of course nevers are on edge.....

strong: yay for your joint session....and getting out will help tremendously..

that reminds me: honest...did you ever start that list....

fun: i think you need to start writing a list of your own...a list of everything about yourself that you like, or that others like...it is time for you to get a new pair of eyes for the way you see who you are....

i will start:

you are a beautiful woman...both inside and outside for starters

you are a very savvy businesswoman

you are a terriffic mom

you are a good friend, you know how to listen, you know how to be there even when you your heart is broken...

start with those, KKKKK


m3: that is wonderful news with baby paddy, early intervention is so key with so many things...so yay...


laura: you need to let go of those what ifs....and deal with the what is's...

i saw a saying the other day on this, need to find and post it later...

gotta go for now....life is forever still moving on as much as i would like it stop for a minute....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

loved it, here it is:


IT IS WHAT IT IS...

BUT IT WILL BECOME WHAT YOU MAKE IT.....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3-
SO glad to hear that things with Baby Paddy are OK.

Strongish-
Sounds like you have a good MC. And that you will get a lot of it!
I used to try to keep my discussions for the MC and not discuss so much on our own because the discussions about the infidelity would quickly spin out of control.
The MC was a good referee! LOL

Allgood-
My husband was/is and alcoholic...so maybe that's why I am more sensitive to the subject...but,I wonder...do you think that your husband has an alcohol problem that needs to be addressed?
My husband was a functional alcoholic throughout our marriage. He managed to hold down a professional job, do things around the house, even coached a few teams for the kids etc. but, there was always an issue with alcohol etc. Nights out with drinking buddies, etc. etc.
And then..he found a female drinking buddy that approved of his partying..and then the LTA began!
Just a thought....

Dip- I know what you mean about SAD... I'm feeling it already! Yikes..it was dark by 4:30PM today!
My plan for the winter- I am joining a gym and going to promise myself to go at least 3 days per week! Even if its just the treadmill! I need to do something after work other than hibernating!

Laura- Remember... your d-day is quite recent. All of your feelings are completely normal..that up and down roller coaster ride...

Honest- You are sounding stronger every day!

Miracle- Good to hear that you are focusing on today and staying positive!

Nofun- Just sending you hugs.



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood - I could have wrote your post word for word. My H never valued me. He always told me that I never contributed anything because I was a SAHM for many years. Maybe that is why I went back to school and why I felt I needed to work. I eventually bought the company. Maybe I always knew that someday I would need to take care of myself?

He has a pension, and God forbid anyone try to take that pension, including me. I swear that's why he didn't leave me because he doesn't want me to get half of it. He told me I don't deserve his pension. He's the one that worked for it.

I remember some really bad fights where he told me there would never be a divorce. He would burn the house down with me in it.

And seriously, if it wasn't for me...my kids wouldn't have gone to college, he wouldn't have the toys he has, he wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for me. Hell, he has no fuckin brains!!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle - thank you....I needed that tonight. You are a kind loving person. Not to mention funny!!!

M3 - so happy you got good news about baby paddy.

Dip - you always make me laugh. I love reading your posts.

Hugs to everyone else....Love you all!!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I ever had that KISA or soulmate kind of feeling.

allgoodnamesgone, I was FWW's KISA. That sort of feeling is not real healthy either.

I had a good day today. A seed I planted to make my life more interesting and fun well over a year ago (before dday) has borne fruit. I will be able to particiapte (for pay) in an activity that blends my recreation with my vocation. Pretty Cool, like an expenses paid vacation every few months.

m334455, I too am happy for you and the optimistic assesment of baby paddy. We have fist hand experience with how disturbing any developmental issue can be with a child.

((nofun))

Hi Dip. We gave the grill a rest this week and made Italian seafood salad. Calamari we catch fishing at night, octopus from the crab traps, welks on the beach, and shrimp bought off the boat. Steamed, chopped, marinated in herbed lemon juice and served over chopped celery and lettuce.

I know FWW has to be stressed going to my folks for T-giving. She is handling it like a trooper. I have been off all week to work on the lighting for the boat parade. I have been so busy I almost forgot about the A.

((Tribe))


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - I know that you know what you have to do. But you need to do it on your own time. Hugs to you. Try to enjoy yourself on this Holiday. Think of your wonderful sons.

((((HONEST)))))


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nofun, I agree 100% with what Miracle says! You are a wonderful person, and I really admire you.

M3: I'm so happy to hear that the prognosis for Baby Paddy is good!
You had an interesting list that you gave to Allgood.

I'm still processing. Couldn't seem to do it before, too much pain. Miracle, I have started making a list, but it's more about the red flags in the past, and WH's dealings with his family and other people that are clearer to me now. I'm starting to see that I think I was his conscience all these years. He just didn't get how he was treating people. I always believed his "logical" explanations about how bad the people he was dealing with in business, or how selfish and greedy his family had become.
But honestly, EVERYONE????

His famous last words? "I'm going to teach them a lesson" and that would mean something financial, suing them or whatever. (yes he is even suing his sister over an apartment that he says is his)

Mom is in a rehabilition center for physical therapy because she had fallen. Her BPD is in full steam!! Between her and WH, I'm going crazy.

I'm writing more lists.


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 12:59 AM, November 24th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

I'm home a little early from work (5pm Wed) again. Two days in a row is something of a record for me.

Thank you for all your kind words. Thank God for the empathy of a dear friend I phoned last night. I settled after chatting to her and got some sleep! She's a long way away but I know she understands. I know it's that f...ing rollercoaster (gotta stop swearing, drinking, cursing, screaming, throwing things, crying... Gee so many challenges!! .)

Anyway, H was at work and I had a really bad evening with lots of crying. Set myself off by going through old photos. Mustn't do that again for a while.

Woke up this morning with slits for eyes - took major renovations and paintwork to get the face presentable for work! Some of my colleagues still asked if I was OK. I told them I am developing allergies Seemed to work.

old dipstick

Were you asking if we wanted pictures of the fucking ducks sitting or if we want pictures of the baby fucking ducks?

I was talking about the latter but I don't think the babies do that until they are older

I would guess that many of us have SAD, seasonal affective disorder. I seem to get a touch of it every year. I am ready for spring....

I'm so glad we are going into summer here. One less thing to worry about.

Honest

Now I'm processing that WH has really left me emotionally, and perhaps a long, long time ago. I'm trying to detach as much as I can.

I hope you can detach. I'd imagine that it would ease the pain if nothing else.

The kindness of strangers has often saved my life.

It's the strangers on here who have become my friends who have saved mine. I CANNOT imagine how I would have survived without you all.

AGNG

While he initially responds with defensivness and hositlity, I have to say, I have been seeing him incorporate some of the things I've pointed out to him the next day and on an ongoing basis.

Maybe they ARE really stupid. They cheated, didn't think we'd find out and now can't seem to do the right thing by us even though they say they want to R. SO STUPID. Maybe once we accept that they really are stupid, we'll find it easier to understand why they need detailed instructions on how to treat us. I keep telling myself this to try to help me to accept and deal with his failings in R.

m334455

she does need services but the prognosis is really good

Such wonderful news. As I said before EI can work wonders.

Strong

At one point I told him to come here, to SI. I told him that there are people here who know a lot more about this than I do, people that have been in his shoes, and mine and maybe he could get some ideas by reading what others have done.

I have considered this many times. Part of me would love to think he was on here reading what genuine xWSs are trying to do to R and listening to the advice of the "old hands". But part of me wants to keep my safe haven to myself. While he's not on here I can express myself freely. I'm worried that I won't be able to if I know he may read things I've written. Would be interested in what others think about this.

Miracle

IT IS WHAT IT IS...

BUT IT WILL BECOME WHAT YOU MAKE IT....

Yes you're right. What worries me is whether H and I have the same "vision" of what we'd like to make it. I really do think he is trying MOST of the time. I"M trying to be positive MOST of the time. We are both TRYING but God it's so hard!

Fun

I remember some really bad fights where he told me there would never be a divorce. He would burn the house down with me in it.

And seriously, if it wasn't for me...my kids wouldn't have gone to college, he wouldn't have the toys he has, he wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for me. Hell, he has no fuckin brains!!!

Yes we all worked our arses off for minimum thanks and a LTA slap in the face. I can feel your anger and disappointment. Just outlive him honey!! and focus on your own happiness.

ats

A seed I planted to make my life more interesting and fun well over a year ago (before dday) has borne fruit. I will be able to particiapte (for pay) in an activity that blends my recreation with my vocation.

This sounds exciting. We all dream of such a job. Good for you!!!

made Italian seafood salad. Calamari we catch fishing at night, octopus from the crab traps, welks on the beach, and shrimp bought off the boat. Steamed, chopped, marinated in herbed lemon juice and served over chopped celery and lettuce.

Oh YUMMY. I LOVE SEAFOOD!!! You made my mouth water.

Honest

Mom is in a rehabilition center for physical therapy because she had fallen. Her BPD is in full steam!! Between her and WH, I'm going crazy.

LOTS OF HUGS. My mum was quite ill before she died and I know what a strain this is. (Thank God I didn't know about LTAs then!!!).

TRY to take care of yourself honey.

HUGS TO ALL
HAVE A NICE DAY/EVENING/NIGHT

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, November 24th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fun: I agree with everyone else - you are fabulous! I'm disappointed I won't be able to meet you in person anytime soon tho.

Honest: Yes, please make the lists and hang in there! Man, you really have WAY too much stuff on your plate. I think a list of resolutions should be your first list after all of your venting lists. At the top should be you going back to school.

NJGal: Thank you always for showing us that this is possible. I really do appreciate it even if I don't comment on it every time you post. As to my H's drinking. I don't think he has a drinking problem as much as he has an immaturity issue. He really is a social drinker, but when he goes out with certain people it becomes an all night long event. Like, literally, 5-6 in the morning, with him going directly to work on some of these occasions. Before DDay it got to the point where I said he couldn't go to these events anymore unless he got a ride. This didn't happen all that often - I would say 1x/mo. But, since March, I'd say, he doesn't go out at all unless it's with friends of the marriage. I know this must bother him & asked him about it, but he said he knew it would be like this - for anyone who chooses to R.

BTW, I agree our date nights need a change. I'm thinking we need a chaperone like our MC to come with us, sort of like supervised visitation.

Alright, I have to go.
Love & peace to all & enjoy your holidays.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
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