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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she would break the NC to warn him of my intention

WTH?

Who the fuck is your wifes allegiance to?

Exactly!

WW has lost all rights to call the shots on anything ever again. That's part of what they've lost. And giving me a warning? Fuggedaboutit!

On another topic: started a thread in General yesterday afternoon entitled 'Tell us something good.' Out of curiosity I wanted to see if anyone had anything positive to report. After 4 comments and a pm, it quickly slipped to page three. This has led me to three possible conclusions--
a) members who have managed to R and have successful marriages no longer post here.
b) most members are either struggling with R and their marriages are a disaster
c) I should have posted the thread in the Reconciliation section where it belonged


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
mkgit
♂ New Member
Member # 30208
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm typing the email/letter to OMW work email now. she can delete it, call me a "homewreaker" or a liar. Either way, my conscience is finally going to be clear. i should have outed that sh+t on day two but, irony of all ironies, i felt like i would be a homewreaker!!? my hands are shaking worse now typing than when Uncle Sam sent me overseas.

i've had enough of the deceit and lies. its not about me wreaking venegence,etc. its about doing the "right" thing. Finally.

i really don't know what i would have done without SI/BM. you saved my small amount of sanity.


Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2010
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"i really don't know what i would have done without SI/BM. you saved my small amount of sanity."


DITTO


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should have posted the thread in the Reconciliation section where it belonged

that's where you will catch the dozen or so who have sucessfully reconciled. Most couples simply lumber along w/a dead M like we do now.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice 64!

Might as well pick up the Geratol, Preparation H and Depends on my way home....just gotta figure out how to apply these antidoctes to my M....


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dozen or so out of 30,000+ members? This does not bode well for the rest of us.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im still around Mr. Kite. Another theory for ya... those of us who are working out our shattered marriages also spend the weekend in them and with family instead of ranting on the forums. I do my posting at work. So, the D guys are focused workers and dont post during office hours... But are free on the weekends.

So, for my weekend, it looked like most. Misc constant family things. Something we have changed is that the wife and I absolutely make us time somewhere in there. Date night didnt work out, but Saturday night we cuddled up on the couch with a bottle and watched a dvd while the kids entertained themselves. Then Sunday morning, we had a date breakfast before we went out xmas shopping for the kids.

The only confrontation was shopping; We simply shop different. I know what I want to buy (in and out shopper), and even though the wife has a list, shes gotta browse. And she has no concept of how financially strapped we are, so I have to be the bad guy. But notice the conflict isnt really anything different than youd see any other couple bickering over.

Were not reconciled yet, but it is starting to fall into a normal marriage rut.... the primary difference being the affairs have not yet been fully explored or put behind; the thoughts are still there, but a lot more subdued. And unlike the pre-A marriage, we are both actually making time for us, dropping unvoiced expectations, and learning to appreciate what each of us brings to this marriage. And, most importantly, we are both recognizing when our choices or actions are harming each other... then we either stop doing that, or at least own it.


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts exactly Kite....

But in fairness I'm just in a fucked up mood right now....

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 10:44 AM, December 6th (Monday)]


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds pretty realistic and even somewhat hopeful, Mighty. Thanks! Btw am I the only male who gets light-headed, nauseous, and borders on panic attacks while out shopping? I really, really hate doing that.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kite -

I hate crowds, pushy people, spending hours in line, and spending money I dont have....if I am forced into these shopping situations I make it as quick as possible.

Which is why I dont EVER go with my wife. The Browsing Queen. If I were to ever go into a store with her for one single item we wouldnt see daylight for about a month...


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were not reconciled yet, but it is starting to fall into a normal marriage rut.... the primary difference being the affairs have not yet been fully explored or put behind; the thoughts are still there, but a lot more subdued. And unlike the pre-A marriage, we are both actually making time for us, dropping unvoiced expectations, and learning to appreciate what each of us brings to this marriage. And, most importantly, we are both recognizing when our choices or actions are harming each other... then we either stop doing that, or at least own it.

Mighty, this is a pretty good description of where FWW and I are at also if you add in dealing with her FOO issues and me hoping I will someday be in a M that includes more sex than full moons in any given year.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were to ever go into a store with her for one single item we wouldnt see daylight for about a month...

And lol, if she's like mine, shopping for that $20 item will actually end up costing $200 bucks because she needed to "pick up some things". I just can't shop with her.

I will someday be in a M that includes more sex than full moons in any given year

I can't complain there. One she has owned is the sexless marriage before was a huge problem. It's still not that I feel desired (different from sex), but I can have sex pretty much whenever I want.

[This message edited by Mighty at 3:35 PM, December 6th (Monday)]


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Might as well pick up the Geritol, Preparation H and Depends on my way home....just gotta figure out how to apply these antidotes

Dip it in the Geritol, slather the prep H on her lips, keep the Depends for clean up.

Oh! Sorry, you said apply to your M, not your W!
My bad.

The M...hmm, let's see...
.
.
.
.
All I got is mixing the Geritol with more vodka. Call it Damitol...

since the fault, dear Bruti, is not in our M's, but in our W's.


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty - its not that you & WW shop differently you are different. The woman is the gatherer & the man is the hunter - very simple very basic but true.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
3yrwait
♂ Member
Member # 29907
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kite,
Mostly
a) members who have managed to R and have successful marriages no longer post here.

Something good: WW finally gave me most of the answers I had been waiting for after 3 1/2 years (see profile for explanation).
It wasn't spectactular, I still don't trust her, and I still don't know everything. But it was a huge relief. For the past few weeks, I haven't dwelled on it at work or elsewhere, nor have I spent inordinate amounts of time on SI. And WW changed as well. Sex is better, she is more interested in pleasing and respecting me instead of defending herself, the usual holiday tension with my family did not occur at Thanksgiving, our conversations are easier. I can move on.

Many thanks to SI and the Betrayed Men forum for reminders that I don't have to put up with her shit.


Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

Posts: 450 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: 3yrwait
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The woman is the gatherer & the man is the hunter - very simple very basic but true.

3yrwait: Your profile says that your FWW as control issues. Same in my situation. Hers manifested through anorexia which almost killed her and in passive/aggressive behavior. I told her when we first got married not to go out for lunch/dinner with other men or to get emotionally involved with them because it might lead to a PA. So what does she do? Exactly the opposite of what I warned her about. Why? Because she still emotionally responds to life like a rebellious teenager. "No one tells me what to do!"

Good to hear that you are finally getting some answers. I'm pretty certain though that we will never get the whole story from them, just enough to keep us from bailing out. Keeping things from us or minimizing the events is still lying. I've always had a low opinion of liars. Now I'm married to one.

Btw today would be a good day to be on the beach with a warm breeze. High of 28 and a low of 22 here in western Maryland. It's getting time to make plans on moving south but WW is digging in her heels due to her job situation. Yet another reason this may not work out in the long run.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told her when we first got married not to go out for lunch/dinner with other men or to get emotionally involved with them because it might lead to a PA. So what does she do? Exactly the opposite of what I warned her about. Why? Because she still emotionally responds to life like a rebellious teenager. "No one tells me what to do!"

WW had many many male *work friends*. When I object she argue that I am trying to control her. Then I became the butt of jokes at her work. She would be out for lunch. And the joke was. *look theres Razors truck... DUCK* yeah. ha ha ha.

I warn her for years of this. And she just argue back that I am being controlling and abusive.

Then she take one of those *work friend* relationship to *the next level*.

Sucks.

Razor


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's See -

a) rebellios teenager antics -check

b) responds to warnings of inappropriate behavior with "You're being controlling and abusive" - check

c) damitol cocktail - check. BTW jjct, you're fired as bartender. This concoction tastes like shit.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's See -
a) rebellios teenager antics -check

Check

b) responds to warnings of inappropriate behavior with "You're being controlling and abusive" - check

Check

c) damitol cocktail - check. BTW jjct, you're fired as bartender. This concoction tastes like shit.

Don't know what it is, but it's her happy pills.. Check.

I did break her of 1 and 2 though and she's doubled the dosage of 3...


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
sootired
♂ Member
Member # 22952
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mighty,

how did you stop 1 and 2? Mine does exactly this and it feels like I am dealing with the most spoiled teenager on the planet!


Me 42 BH
Her 35 WW-15 month EA followed by ONS(so she says) with another
seem to be in full R (i hope)
In R since 4/09 (I think)
6/10 realize it was False R all along
2011 cautiously in R

Have a lawyer if need be, hoping for a better tomorrow


Posts: 385 | Registered: Feb 2009
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