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Newest Member: womanoflight (43210)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 3:49 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be overly happy... but IMO 2 mill compared to 8 out of 56 mill pounds is a small price to pay to ensure the ex was out of my hair.

I'd much prefer to hand-over 2 mill than leave the decision to some Judge who might be a WS themselves and award a much higher sum on the basis of some false sense of entitlement.

The system's wrong, but shit, in my experience, the legal costs of fighting a claim such as this could chew thru a good portion of 2 mill pretty quickly. It ain't worth the hassle.

I only hope he doesn't get fucked over by his new wife.


Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 4:29 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the greedy pig works as a HR Manager for a wealth mgt firm....some other greedy pigs whispered in her ear looking for a mgt fee is my guess.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A relative yesterday confirmed that the couple failed to include a legally-binding Ďclean breakí clause at the time of their divorce.

I wonder if there isnt grounds for a counter suit of negligence against his original D lawyer? I would have thought that something like that would be pretty much cookie cutter clauses for a standard divource if without it your open for something like this.

Still i now have something new to ask my Lawyer about when we get to talking about the D agreement.

I dont see any problem with the increase in child support, even though we all know that not all of that will be used solely for the child....

@Lotsa, i reckon thats pretty much his thinking, idiot WW has destroyed any chance of having an amicable relationship with him now ....


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shoulda used the other 50 million to battle it in court out of spite. Greedy bitch.


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7109 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
RKT429SS
♂ Member
Member # 28883
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty, and othersÖIíve been wanting to chime in on my thoughts on sex post A. Like you I cave (I guess) to her advances. Iíve had more blow jobs post-DD than I have my entire life. I shit you not. I enjoy the hell out of them but there is that small inkling of doubt, suspiscion, Ďwhats her motiveí kind of thinking. Is she thinking of him. All that mind crap.

Iíve concluded it is a combination of two things. 1) She feels like a sexy woman since the A. Hard for me to take, but lets face itÖshe saw the other side and had the other fruit and feels alive again from a sexual standpoint and she is channeling that towards me (lets hope, knock on wood). 2) Sheís sorry for what she has done and this is her way of giving and apologizing. Releasing her guilt perhaps. Now I wish her cause for doing it was more the later, but nevertheless Iíve accepted that it is a likely a combo of the two.

But in the end Iím thankful. In the end I feel good, she feels good and therefore we feel good. I guess my point is and advice is that if the two of you are getting some. Enjoy it! If there is ever a time to turn our brains off and not think to much regarding the A, itís when we are busting a nut. It may not Ďbe the sameí but busting a nutÖ.is busting a nut. To put it so crudely. Either way it is release for both you and her.

gl


Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R

Posts: 216 | Registered: Jun 2010
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Clean Break clause.

Learn it, live it, love it, and insist on it.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RKT, I do embrace that change. Probably what bothers me most is what sex does to me. Go back a couple pages; my WW contacted an old EA then didnít tell me about it. I triggered, and instead of being supportive, she did the same old and hid leaving me hurting. The next day, she seduces me, and I let it drop because I just canít seem to find that pain & frustration again.

So, it gets back to mixed messages. Iím doing a fine job of letting her know she can screw up badly and Iíll let it slide it for a sexual favor. Thatís really not the message I want to send, but it is my action. If she doesnít want to talk... sex can be employed to avoid it. Ever tried to argue with a topless woman you are massively attracted to? See where this is going?

But hereís the rub. I do want intimacy and desire in the marriage. So sheís is providing me something I want, just not what I was asking for at the time. It leaves me torn whether this is good, bad, or somewhere in the middle. So refusing it is also giving up something I want. I need to detach sex/intimacy from affecting non-related thoughts... so have sex AND be able to continue to bring up other problems. For some reason, sex makes all my troubles disappear for a time.


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
RKT429SS
♂ Member
Member # 28883
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty, I didnít read your earlier posts or bio and should have. So sorry if I myself triggered things or steered you down the wrong path.


Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R

Posts: 216 | Registered: Jun 2010
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it weren't for sex the WW & I would have absolutely nothing. Help raise the kids & fuck, that's about the extent of our M-kinda how it was in the old days, I suppose.

Honestly, I have never felt like such a man.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty, I didnít read your earlier posts or bio and should have. So sorry if I myself triggered things or steered you down the wrong path.

Oh, hell no RKT... Itís seldom anything here on these forums will trigger me. Like I said, the sex is a mixed blessing and mixed message. Iíve got a problem there. Itís my achilles heel and my wife has discovered it. But, the real good news is that itís my problem.. Not hers. She can keep on passing out blowjobs all day long and Iíd be happy. So I donít need her to change her new ways, I need to fix myself and how I react to them. That can be done and for once it does not rely on her to make a change for me.


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty.

Women have been playing the pussy card since Eve.

Dont feel bad about falling for it. We men are ALL guilty of that one.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3084 | Registered: Sep 2007
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were any guiltier I couldnt stand myself

Fortunately, I am able to detach emotions from the act at least half of the time, so I can enjoy the moment.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fortunately, I am able to detach emotions from the act at least half of the time, so I can enjoy the moment.

soon you will be able to detach all the time, every time.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting there. Part of me feels like an ass when I get into that mindset. I spent four years prior to my first marriage where ALL women fell into the "wife for a night" category. Spent two in between xWW and Current WW with that mentality.

Problem I keep coming back to is that I married her becuase I love her and she's the mother of my kids. If all I can get out of the act is physical satisfaction then why in the hell stay married? I can get the physical feeling from any woman. And there's plenty of them out there willing to give that feeling to a man who's good in bed.

I'm getting there. As I said before, I am there half the time. But I keep wanting more. At this stage, I dont know if "more" will ever be possible with her....


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, H&L I had that mindset also-I made love, always opened the car door etc etc-i even stayed home w/the kids. She still screwed around on me.

now its all about me.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple weeks back. After doing the horizontal mom-bo. I tell WW *that was fun*.

WW looks at me startled. *Fun?* she ask with a hurt look.

You see. Allways sex WAS more. Fun. Yes. But also deeply meaningful. (obviously more so for me)

Her look confused me just then. And I say *yeh. fun. Im going down to put the kettle on. You want a cup?*

On the way down I realize that WW was surprise because she realize sex is no longer something more than fun.

So I guess I detached. Kinda snuck up on me.

Razor


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3084 | Registered: Sep 2007
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TMI on my part...

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 2:59 PM, December 15th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
INeedaBandAid
♂ Member
Member # 24869
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sex has become a challenge for me but for a different reason. Over the last year "little Kite" has not been standing up as straight as usual, if you catch my drift. Maybe it's because I'm 59 or perhaps it's due to the gargantuan cluster**** that my M has become and all the stress, low self-esteem, and mindgames that goes with it.

Went to the doctor for a check-up a few months back and he prescribed Viagra. This was fine with me until I noticed it costs $10 per pill. Now he wants to do an angiogram to find out if it's a plumbing problem, which will cost me $3,000.00 before the insurance kicks in. Is it all worth it? That's what I'm contemplating these days.

Had this happen to me sporadically during my youth due to alcohol and methedrine addictions. Don't drink, smoke, do drugs, am a vegetarian, and am not overweight. Cholesterol and other heart related blood tests turned out fine. I'm wondering if not giving a damn any longer is doing a number on my mind and sending "forget about it" signals to my lower regions.

Anyone else experiencing this type of problem?

man, sorry for the news. I dont have a wang problem - just problem getting any because we're so fucked up mentally that I literally forgot what coochie feels like. Was thinking about warming up some mac and cheese and inserting.

I guess they do say nice guys finish last ....... so maybe I'll be a dick and win the lottery


Posts: 286 | Registered: Jul 2009
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, here's something I don't admit very often: I've had sex with exactly two women in my life.

And I married both of them.

My parents were the only people either one of them ever even *dated*. They've been married for almost 50 years now.

So I've been powerfully inculcated both in theory and practice with the notion that all sex is a form of intense marital intimacy. It's always "making love" even when it's just fun.

I believed that for 35 years of my life. I honestly had no concept of what the attraction of ONS or FWB's would be, because I felt like sex under those circumstances would be just a waste of time unless it was just a component of a deeper relationship. I even went so far as to believe that unless I was deeply in love with someone, I probably couldn't even get it up.

The affair broke that. I learned all sorts of tricks for getting my rocks off just to satisfy the physical urge. I learned that I can actually be screaming obscenities inside my head for 45 straight minutes and still have an orgasm. I learned things like catching a bit of porn a half hour or so prior to sex will give you the mental imagery you need to get through it, no matter how much you might be dreading it (and knowing you've *got* to do it or your spouse will feel sad, rejected and question your attraction to them). I also learned that my wife could have the exact same mind-blowing sex with another man that she was having with me and I wouldn't know the difference--and knowing she was going to be doing it or had already done it with him in the span of a few hours, didn't make any difference in her behavior/connection/interaction with me, either. I learned it's all just physical stimulus and response.

I no longer have any doubt that I *could* engage in casual sex if I wanted to. There were plenty of times over the past 4 years (though not recently, at all), where I felt like I was having casual sex, where the act was all about the sex and my wife as the partner was incidental.

I mean, at the end of the day, good sex is just technique with an emotional layer slapped over the top of it. "You're new/different" is an emotional layer, and I was often flabbergasted after one of those 45-minute mental obscenity sessions when my wife would curl up to me afterwards and thank me for "making love" to her, and tell me how close and connected we felt, how much progress we seemed to be making.

That was when I realized that the whole concept of "making love" is an internal perception. There's no magical connection that separates special "making love" sex from rutting like pigs. That's just a game we play inside our own heads. I mean, it's a good game, don't get me wrong, but it's still just a game. It's a mindset.

You can be doing the equivalent of jerking off in some woman's hole, and if she wants to believe you're making love to her, she'll find a way to convince herself of it. I've come to think that process of self-deception likely works both ways.

Understand here: I'm not complaining about my sex life. My wife and I have a wonderful, frequent, meaningful sex life. But I can't/won't ever go back to the fantasyland where I think it's any more or less than a shag. It doesn't really *mean* anything. There's nothing special about it inherent to the bond between ourselves and our partners except what we choose to tell ourselves to stroke our own egos.

My wife used to tell me before her affair that sex was just a form of fun exercise. I thought she was just jaded. She insisted that she could have great sex with anyone, the connection to your partner didn't really matter. Sex was just *good*.

Now I see from the affair and from reading intimate details of other people's sex lives on SI that she was right all along. I was the one clinging to the lie my parents told me.

Sex is just good. It's just another way of self-soothing, especially when you do it well and can put yourself in the right mindset to be soothed. It's like an hour vacation from the stress of real life.

Anything more than that is just self-deception. A positive self-deception, maybe, and one that can certainly enhance the experience, but a self-deception nevertheless.

I don't think I could ever go back to looking at it the way I did before--as something akin to sacred. I don't know that I'd ever want to.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 5:36 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday)]


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess they do say nice guys finish last ....... so maybe I'll be a dick and win the lottery

Well said BandAid. Nicely done.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
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