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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men-Part 6 (Men only)
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of the WS's even sound like nuns!

I resemble that remark.

Edit: oops! Read it as BS instead of WS. Dumbass! The pic is still funny.

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 3:37 PM, November 16th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could be right, Mighty, and in my wife's case with the remorse I've seen, I'd like to believe that's true.

It's just more useful to me to see it otherwise. I've been manipulated by the right words in the past, though, and this is just one of those cases where it makes more sense to look at the herd behavior and expect that than look at what might be an exception and call that normal.

"Our case is different from the rest" just too often seems to be a recipe for disillusionment.

If I assume the worst case scenario, then I don't lose anything, nor am I unprepared when it turns out to be true.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with Winc there, prepare for the worse case scenerio. It's hard to be disappointed that way.

I used to think it was a curse that she turned me into an untrusting, cold hearted, prick, but now it seems to be useful, and not as bad as I thought.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Nuns with Guns" - a new song


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. And when all hope is gone, you're still prepared.


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to think it was a curse that she turned me into an untrusting, cold hearted, prick, but now it seems to be useful, and not as bad as I thought.

Like you, I've found it's quite handy. WW will come home crying abt her job, & I respond w/"You hungry? What do we have?"


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking about getting a new tat; A heart made of bricks on my chest that reads " Break This One, Bitch"


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
toby
♂ Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking about getting a new tat; A heart made of bricks on my chest that reads " Break This One, Bitch"

Oh.. Hell Yeah!!!

Posts: 1493 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toby's in. We could start a club.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe we could do the image up as a jpeg and get MH to put it up as the SI logo on Father's Day.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Mighty
♂ Member
Member # 26909
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, I do really get that “prepare for the worst”. My mind is always there and I need no additional thoughts to keep it alive in me. A difference is I did not become the cold hearted bastard she wanted me to be for her excuse. That’s just not the real me.

Quick story... I’ve got two mastiffs (the little one weighs 130). They try to kill each other every now and again. A couple times, I’ve been attacked breaking up these fights resulting in lots of stitches. 99% of the time, they are loving, dopey, drooling mongrels who want to be your best buddy and friend. They used to play with each other and still want to. Yet, they’ve turned on me and each other (and not just once). Because of this, things have changed and a switch got flipped in my head. I still treat them the same, love them just as much, but see the threat and just sort of keep myself guarded; I watch out for myself around them. When I so much as sense something is off with one of them, I go into hyper-alert status and become very careful around them with both my actions and my temperament. I even go out of my way to make sure I’m not perceived as a threat to them and trigger an attack. That is how you cope with trauma; a part of me will always carry a snap shot of my loving dog stalking the perimeter, teeth bared, hackles up and diving in to tear my arm off while pinning the other dog.. That betrayal taints how I will forever more perceive who he is and his character.

This is how I feel around my wife... Thing is, it doesn’t really matter if she’s the sweetest best wife ever now or even what she’s thinking; she turned on me once. That switch got flipped, and no matter what, I’ll have snapshots and scars too. The “why” or how she felt about it doesn’t affect me and how I see her as much as just knowing she could turn on me. I can’t perceive ever being blind enough that I feel there isn’t a threat to me residing in her. It is just how it is now. All she can do at this point is reduce the threat level... she can’t remove herself as a potential threat.


BS (me) 44 WS (her)43
Married 17yrs, Together 20 yrs
Three children (9-13)
D-Day #1 - 4/11/09 (me).. DD's stopped, she quit talking. Body count: 6 OM, 1 OW. (2 EA's, 1 LTPA, 1 PA, 3 "kisses").

Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Denver
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking about getting a new tat; A heart made of bricks on my chest that reads " Break This One, Bitch"

Can we by chance get a package deal?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3086 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man I can hear what you guys are saying. Here is just my perspective, kinda.
In the last two years I was trying to force myself into that cold hearted corner, felt a need for it as a form of self protection. Now I am not saying I am a nice guy, but trying to be cold to so much just wasn't in me, it made me more miserible.

I am trying to do all of this while not losing one of the few things I liked about myself. It is a tough call.

I do know this, it isn't working as well as the cold hearted side would. I am now just frustrated at everything and have lost so much of my patience in life. So now where do I go.

If my heart is made of bricks, it will be me that breaks it.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. And when all hope is gone, you're still prepared.

I did prepare for the worst... and I got the worst. In hindsight, funny thing happened though. With an excellent new beginning and a wonderful SO, I should of in reality been preparing for the best!

Thus the reason I am not an advocate for "staying for the kids". I have my wonderful new beginning AND I have my 14yo DD full-time! She is making my hair turn gray but I am loving every minute of it.

Happiness has a way of weaseling its way back into one's life.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurts sighting!


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9145 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
mnhttn99
♂ Member
Member # 13272
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey T2G, good to know you're doing well.

I am still working on R myself... she has been doing pretty much everything right but I have my own struggles with dealing with the trauma.

Mostly just wanted to drop a message in hear and add to the chorus of guys... whether you choose to D or R, it's a tough road and we're on it with you. Know that it DOES get better, even if some days still suck like you never thought possible before all this.

Take it slow, don't try to fix everything at once and go easy on yourselves!


Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2007
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spot-on analogy 'Mighty.'

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, November 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mighty -

SPOT ON BROTHER


holding out hope
UPDATE: Hope's Dead

Posts: 430 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: CO
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, November 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont want to become 'a cold heated bastard' even if it would mean that i protect myself from further hurt.

but then again i no longer have to live with or maintain a day to day relationship with my WW.

I am well on the way to detaching, actually the speed with which my feelings are moving has been picking up speed almost like a snowball... I simply no longer care about lots of stuff related to her and her life. Im not completely there yet, and i still carry resentment about the damage done to my kids, and my financial situation, but her Infidelity... or that she used me, took me for granted, and treated me like shit, is no longer such a heavy burdon.

I think rather than becoming cold hearted, her and her needs will be placed way down on my list of priorities.

Perhapes ive mis-interpreted what is meant in the earlier posts, but Im trying to let go of the spite, the desire for revenge, the desire to see her experience hurt like i did. The need to demonstrate my distaste by how i treat her.

I dont believe that ill ever completely not care about her, after all she will allways be the mother of my children. She will allways be the woman that i spent a large chunk of my life with, whom i shared my hopes and dreams with.... she had enough positives about her that i choose to love her, to marry her.

Actually Guys, I think im doing OK... I feels kinda weird sitting here writing this and really knowing that im doing OK... that ill be fine.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, November 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SCD, there's nothing wierd about doing ok. I'm glad to hear so many of us are doing ok. This is a hard club to be part of, and the initiation sucks donkey ass, but we're here, and we're dealing, and that's what counts.

Don't get me wrong guys, I'm not predjudice, I'm cold and bitter to the whole fucking world, now. No one is above my ire. I plan on being that old, crotchety, beligerent, old man that yells at all the kids, and keeps their Frisbee's that land in his yard. It's not all her fault, I've been shit on by lots of people, but I still like me, and I am the only one I need to like at the end of the day.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
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