SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think I might finally have reached the breaking (filing) point. Things had been great. So great in fact that I had pretty much stopped checking the keylogger records. Until I find out he's been having a VERY flirtatious 'friendship' with a woman in an online game. To the point where she was emailing him pictures of herself in his real email account. I go ballistic (found out through the game, not the keylogger but used keylogger to pull up a LOT more detail) and he swears he didn't mean to hurt me, it was just joking around, blah-blah. Then last night he goes to the casino w/o telling me, blows hundreds of dollars we don't have (REALLY hurting for money still from him spending every cent plus several thousand on his last mistress). I discover the ATM withdrawals when I go online to pay bills (he's out of town at a training...yes, that much is true). Call him, he says he's sorry. And won't do it again. Really.

Meanwhile I've gone through the keylogger files & discovered that he sent this latest 'flirtation' a message saying he would only email her from his work account since I had access to his other ones. But I also saw that he never actually did that (his job doesn't provide a computer...he uses the home one). I finally decide to tell him about the keylogger and tell him that either he figures out a way to fix himself, or I'm done. One single more lie, one single more ommission, one single gambling incident...and I will not only divorce him, I will make sure every person in his world knows why. Am I crazy for giving him ANOTHER chance?

I am so, so incredibly tired of hurting. Of never knowing when he's going to go off the deepend and do something stupid. He's been doing this for decades (only with me the last 3 years). Getting his life together, then throwing it all in the trash.

How much of this am I supposed to take just because I love him?

Big ((((HUGS))) to you! It's normal to give him another chance, especially when you want to work things out. In regards to myself, this is the last straw. Last chance, on second chance now. It depends on what you really want. Now is the time to sit back and write it all down. Journaling or blogging helps me sort out my feelings. Tonight you might feel betrayed or angry and tomorrow depressed and sad. Going back and reading can be helpful, I've found. I hope you find peace. I think when our worlds are torn apart by A's, it's the one thing we're all looking for, that and normalcy. I loved reading the book "After the Affair", it's been a great source of healing for me. Also, he sounds like he's in a downward spiral, has he been to IC? MC? He has to want to help himself. He's a big boy making wrong choices. You're right not to be so trusting. You'll make the right decision in time. You have to take care of yourself first!

Have you tried the 180 in the Healing Library?

I don't think you are crazy giving him another chance but I don't know if another chance right now will be any help to him?

I am so, so incredibly tired of hurting. Of never knowing when he's going to go off the deepend and do something stupid.

The 180 will be a big help to YOU with this. Have you considered IC. I have to honestly say it was the single BEST thing I did for myself as well as for him & us. I learned to keep my feet on the ground and my head on straight while living FWH's circus show. A big part of that was NOT participating in it

Get rid of his lame ass.. you deserve better and it sounds like he will never chahge. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?

I think its time to put yourself first and move on with your life.

(((State)))