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rugsjack (original poster member #24097) posted at 5:00 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
If a known male cheater comes home and starts telling you about his day and who he talked to, but calls a female coworker a shortened version of her name, yet previously had always used the real name. We will say "He calls her Jen when he use to call her Jennifer."
1)Would you think that was crossing some sort of boundary?
2)If you questioned him on this and he got defensive and automatically started telling you that he is not talking to her, would you believe him?
I did not. But he thinks I am making something out of nothing. I guess my feelings and my gut are fucking nothing.lol...
Thanks in advance. I just wanted the collective thoughts of other great SI'ers.
BW-38
WH-38
Boys-17 and 19
"Know that you will find courage within when you least of all think you do not have any courage left." Me...
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 5:03 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
The name change alone wouldn't bug me... maybe that's what everyone calls her and he just got caught up in it.
It's the defensiveness I would call a red flag. That would say to me that he's feeling guilty about something!
(((Rugsjack)))
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
inconnu ( member #24518) posted at 5:17 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
It would be a red flag for me.
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
rugsjack (original poster member #24097) posted at 5:20 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
Thanks. I asked him what everyone calls her and he said "Jennifer." So that is why it worried me. Him being defensive tells me he is hiding something. I have had a gut feeling that he is hiding something. Mainly because he is okay when not at work, but during work and the first part of the weekend he is a complete jerk. But after not being around anyone else he gets nice again. This is the same bullshit he played during all this affairs.
BW-38
WH-38
Boys-17 and 19
"Know that you will find courage within when you least of all think you do not have any courage left." Me...
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 7:30 AM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
Um, yeah. Big red flag. stbxwh is a corrections officer; they call each other by their last names only. Part of my 'wake up' call was when he started referring to her by her first name. 
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
BetsyBG ( member #13920) posted at 1:24 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
Do you mean that he's using a different version of the name to try to pretend it's a different Jennifer he's talking to?
That would be a problem for me.
BW-49
STBX-49
together 33 years, married 24
most recent D-day 5/26/10
separated 12/5/10
financially-motivated UN-separation to come mid-January, 2011
trying to R, or at least happily coexist
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