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Everyone I've talked to about this has given me an eye-roll and basically said, "oh poor little him," but I don't think this is an attention ploy.

I'm doing well. I have moments where I'm sad, and moments where I'm angry or hurt or embarassed, but mostly I go about my day, laugh at the adorable things my daughter does, talk to my coworkers, love on my husband, and rest assured that everything will be ok.

He is a WRECK. His birthday is tomorrow and I told him that we need to do something to celebrate. He said that he doesn't feel like celebrating, and I told him that he can't just sit in the dark for the next two months feeling sad (two months is his next round of STD testing). He is completely convinced he's gotten some dread disease - even though the chances of that are astronomically low given what happened AND he had a clean bill of health from his six-week screening. This is what he told me:

I am not sure how to feel like I may have ruined our life and still be happy like nothing happened.

He's drowning in shock and grief and remorse and disgust at himself. He's on a low dose of Prozac right now. Our MC gave him the name of a psychiatric NP who can talk to him about adjusting the dose (he's only been on it for a few days, but he's only taking 10 MG and she said that is not much at all). I just don't know what to do for him. I forgive him. He is not forgiving himself. I think he's not so good at expressing emotions so his body is assaulting him with physical symptoms. He went to the ER (again) Sunday and there was blood in his prostate. I'm not sure WHAT can cause that but he's meeting with a gastroenterologist (I'm sure I just butchered that) tomorrow.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 5:10 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

Well, stress can do that to a person...

I hope for both of you that he has learned his lesson and 'defogged'.

good luck

I don't think he ever really had a "fog" - or if he did it was only the day after what happened happened - he went out of town with a former friend, got drunk out of his mind, and went along with former friend's brilliant idea to hire two girls from an escort service. YEAH. He remembers bits and pieces from the night. He was too drunk to "function" so all that happened was unsuccessful oral sex (I know this is true. I called the escort service and talked to the whore. Don't mess with Jana, LOL).

He told me two weeks later but he wasn't in a fog then - it was more like, scared out of my mind oh shit what did I just DO? mode. I didn't know what the crap was wrong with him those two weeks.

He's drowning in shock and grief and remorse and disgust at himself.

This can be a dangerous situation. It sounds like depression and possibly severe anxiety. There is very little you can do. He is battling his own deamons.

Sometimes the BS has put their healing aside to support their WS. This is terribly unfair for the BS, but major depression should not be taken lightly.

Perhaps you can find a way to support each other through this difficult time.

(((JanaGreen))) So sorry for what you are going through.

May I ask - has he been like this, at this intensity, since before he started the Prozac?

He's been extremely anxious and I think possibly depressed as well since coming home from the trip where all this shit went down, but starting yesterday (Tuesday) morning he says he also feels "weird" and out of it. He started the Prozac I think on Friday morning.

He was really disconnected and withdrawn tonight. Causing me to become paranoid and trigger all over the place.