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Does anyone else feel like they've lost some brain cells since D-day?

It's been 3 years for me. I have pulled myself into a cocoon emotionally. I hardly ever talk to anyone other than my FWH and children unless I have to and then it is just social pleasantries. And, I'm afraid I'm not very pleasant sometimes. I'm triggery and hate when I perceive other women are being too friendly with my H, which does happen.

I don't want to solve any problems, I don't want to think about other people's problems, I don't like playing "thinking" games when with friends/family. I'm ashamed that I can scarcely empathize with other people's hurts. I get exhausted when having to maintain social conversation for very long.

I feel foggy, numb and disconnected and don't want to struggle to improve.

I'm even having trouble expressing how this feels. Maybe someone else can say it better....

Shutting down.......

[This message edited by Lifechange at 4:16 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

((lifechange))

I completely understand. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

would you consider going to your dr and maybe talking about antidepressants? they helped me.

I can understand your feelings.

I would suggest going and getting put on some AD.

I was recently put on one and it alone has helped me alot. I still have alot of emotions that I dont fully understand but I am able to really begin to process them.

I am able to have clear thoughts instead of everything being so jumbled.

Are you in IC/MC?

You have already taken the first step and that was posting that your having these issues.

We all are here for you.

(((((Lifechange)))))

(((Lifechange)))

Hi.... I should say I am a WS.... I do, however, feel for you as you are experiencing those feelings. My FBW is going though the same thing. But I understand that you've been hurt, and in some cases, hurt by people you thought were safe! So it's OK to feel like you do. At this point, you shouldn't worry about improving, because you are not the one who screwed up. My FBW said it takes between 2-5 years to get over an A. Do you ever get over an A? I don't know. I think she means that it takes between 2-5 years before you are armed with enough knowledge, protection...weapons...to go on... It makes sense. You've been hurt beyond belief. I know that, because I hurt my wife beyond belief, and I know she lives with that knowledge every day of our life together, despite what my actions are now... I'm not whining about it, though. I did this to us. What you're feeling is normal, I think? Forgive me for perhaps sounding presumptuous, and posting on your thread as a WS...

I just think I understand how you feel, and I am sorry.... but, don't shut down, ok??

Hey, I'm not shutting down completely!

I just think I lost some brain cells with all the trauma surrounding the A. It profoundly effected me and my life. It has done irreparable damage and changed my life forever, in a way I would have never chosen. I built my life around things that I valued and the A has taken much of it away.

Too much of my thoughts are consumed by the A. Trying to figure it out...trying to understand who this monster was that I lived with.

It all takes it's toll.

I have weathered the worst of the storm and I am not about to start taking AD's--sorry. If someone finds it helps them, great! But they're not for me right now.

I just thought someone out there might understand.

Too much of my thoughts are consumed by the A. Trying to figure it out...trying to understand who this monster was that I lived with.

I am only a few months out from d-day and I know I am supposed to be a gibbering wreck or something but I am so tired. I can't shut it out either. Everything associates. Literally everything. It is like some kind of haunt or vampire and I have nothing left for anyone else but I have to dig down and find some because otherwise.. I don't know, what do you do when you are just done? Fall down? I did that but just have to get back up. I hate it. I don't want to feel like this. I don't know how to get out from under. Just working forward every day hoping it will get better through the work. Catching a glimpse of happiness and wondering if I'm even awake. Having a good day and wondering if it's just a set up.

I don't know if that's how you feel. It sounded like it. Sorry for the ramblings. Hard to contain my shit sometimes.

Thank you, StillGoing, I think you understand.

I am near the 3 year D-day antiversary and I am questioning everything. The things that concerned me and paniced me at first--Does my H love me?...Does he want to stay with me?...Will he go NC?....Can we resurrect our marriage?... All these things have been resolved. I won (so to speak) The MOW was thrown under the bus. FWH wants the chance to make up for everything he's done.

Now that I don't have to worry about all those immediate after D-day concerns, I'm sitting back and looking at things more objectively. Do I really want this man?....Could I do better?....Is there someone out there that would make me forget all this trauma?....

That may deserve a thread of it's own. But for me it all becomes mindboggling and tiring.

I've been distracted for so long. And add to that the pre D-day mistreatment that I endured while the A was going on. A long time is involved here.

I miss my mind.

Maybe I miss a carefree mind.

(((Lifechange)))

I completely understand. I love this:

I miss my mind.

Maybe I miss a carefree mind.

I used to say "my mind has a mind of its own." That was the only way to describe it. It was befuddled, confused, exhausted, and I seemingly had no control over it! Especially around the three year mark! I still find myself consumed with intrusive thoughts and questions. Yes, including the "would I be happier with someone else?"

It does not sound like you are losing your mind. It just sounds like your mind is not ready to be quiet. I think it is a part of the healing process for some of us. Maybe for you?

It does not sound like you are losing your mind. It just sounds like your mind is not ready to be quiet. I think it is a part of the healing process for some of us.

I really feel like I'm losing it sometimes too. Certainly think I've lost some brain cells!!

(((Lifechange)))

Hundreds of brain cells...GONE. Prior to DDay I could remember everything, could multitask with the best of them, hardly ever dropped the ball on anything. Now, I'm lucky to do one thing AND finish it, balls are laying at my feet daily and my memory is MIA. My Step-MIL recently said something about my FIL being really sick the end of 2009, I truly don't remember it, in fact I don't remember alot from Sept 2009 until sometime Feb of this year. 6 months-GONE.