SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was waiting with my middle-schooler at the bus stop, just watching and enjoying another first. Another first that Rat Bastard missed.

And I got hit on the head by a truck.

There is NO WAY our WS love their children. Especially if they are with their whores.

Think about it.

If anyone would intentionally hurt your child, you would be pissed and take action right? Curse that person, refuse to allow that person near your children and do what you could to help your children, right?

When you really love someone you would do anything to spare them pain.

These whores intentionally hurt our children. And continue to do so. And our WSs allow it.

So... How can our WSs say they love their children when they are protecting and with the very person that tore apart their supposed "beloved" children's world?

How can they look in the mirror knowing that they hurt their children more than any bully ever could?

How can some allow their children to be around the very person that rocked the children's world and made them cry every night?

The WSs are the ultimate bullies.

I no longer feel like I was replaced. I no longer feel like the twatskank stole my life. Actually, she can have him. He has turned into a mean-spirited, lying, emotionally-retarded drunk. I got the best of him. She got the worst. Which just shows what she is like and what her standards are, as well.

Because I don't want anyone around me who does not respect my children or who intentionally hurt them.

Thank goodness there are all of you who love your children the way they should be: unconditionally. They should always come first. They never asked for this.

DS17 made a great statement as he went off to school this morning:

I'm glad Dad isn't here experiencing another first. He doesn't deserve it. He made his choice to be with his new family. I am glad I know now what kind of man my dad is. And I am glad I know what kind of mom you are, because I know you have my back no matter what.

These kids feel our love. They also aren't stupid- they know our WSs chose their whores over them.

And you know what? If we keep loving our children and letting them know they come first, they will be fine.

Rat Bastard doesn't know what love means. Everytime he tells me he loves the children, I will now laugh. Yet another lie.

They couldn't love us either - how could they when they can't even love their children?

it is not our flaws, our issues, it is theirs.

Think about this...if we were so unlovable, why are most of the older children on this board not wanting to speak to our WS? If we were so unlovable, not worth it, why would our children stand so firmly behind us?

Before you tear yourself down again, look into the eyes of your kids, no matter what their ages. THAT is love. THAT is something our WSs threw away for a screw.

And they can never, ever get it back or make it right.

We are lucky because we know what love is, and continue to receive love from our kids, friends and family.

You cannot find real love on the basis causing pain to others.

I am glad I can now find someone who really knows what love is. Because I would have hated, at the end of my life, to look back and realize I was just living with a poser.

I am glad I can now find someone who really knows what love is. Because I would have hated, at the end of my life, to look back and realize I was just living with a poser.

This is exactly how I feel. Wonderful post

Wow. Very powerful words. That was some truck!

Seriously ngb, your words moved me.

Wonderful post

I've often wondered the same thing.

My ex's OW abandoned her only child, when she was 12 years old. Her husband came back from fighting in Iraq and OW moved in with my ex.

All the while OW claimed that her daughter was the most important thing in the world to her.

I used to ask my ex how he could believe that she was such a good mother. But he did.

Any normal person could see that it was all horrible for her daughter, but not the affairees.

OW spent all of her time and money with my WH and would just drop by every couple of weeks to spend an hour with her daughter.

I just don't get it.

Luckily the OW's BH was a wonderful father and the daughter made it though okay. She is now in college and a pre-med student.

I have actually posed this question to my XH. How could you be with someone who knowingly broke your child's heart? He had no response for me.

And this is why I will NEVER forgive him - he willingly allowed some two-bit tramp to destroy my DD's home life.

I told him I would would never forgive him. He misunderstood me, he thinks I would never forgive him for what he has done to me, I probalby will forgive him someday for that, if only for my own peace, but I will NEVER forgive him for what he has done to my children. He left them for a woman who has no problem leaving her child behind while she follows my stbx all over the place. The fact that he chose that type of person, the lowest of the low, trashy scum over his kids, says so much about him. He has no conscience and she deserves him.

"Children are resilient."

That's what he told me, before d-day, when he first brought up the *notion* of separation (I knew we were having problems, but had no idea why at that point.)

Now I have a D11 who has built a mini shrine to her daddy, a box in which she has gathered all of her special daddy keepsakes, with a big photo of him on the inside of the lid and a Ken doll whose hair she has colored black like his.

Yeah, resilient, don't worry about it as long as you and skank are happy, right asshole?

wow Notgonnabreak;

That made me stop and really think. My DD will be eleven and hates her former step dad. He thinks i poisoned her against him. But if you've read my posts you all know she was the one who found his secret cell phone and outed him to me about the affair.

I do at times believe his bs that i am at fault. I was controlling, jealous, etc... I do think im unlovable. Then reading your words was very powerful.

My DD made me and her brother breakfast yesterday. She let me sleep till 9 am. She told me she knew i needed sleep after crying all weekend.

Her anger than i have been telling her to keep in check shows her love for me. She says she hates him because he hurt my mommy. He choose a skank over our family. She hates him because her little brother is away from us now a couple days a week.

Does WS care about the kids and what it will do to them? Or are they all consumed about getting to thier own happiness?

Thanks for posting that and making us realize if we are lucky to have the love of our children; we are doing something right.

I told him I would would never forgive him. He misunderstood me, he thinks I would never forgive him for what he has done to me, I probalby will forgive him someday for that, if only for my own peace, but I will NEVER forgive him for what he has done to my children. He left them for a woman who has no problem leaving her child behind while she follows my stbx all over the place. The fact that he chose that type of person, the lowest of the low, trashy scum over his kids, says so much about him. He has no conscience and she deserves him.

BINGO.

NEVER.

And honestly, I don't think they will either.

They get really pissed when Rat Bastard texts he loves them. They tell me that he is full of shit, there is no way he does, his actions speak otherwise.

And I cannot speak bad of him, all I can do is hug them and love them more.

They also tell me they would never put anyone above their children and they never want their children to feel the pain they are feeling.

I told them I wish I could take away their pain for them.

And that is the difference between us and our WS.

WSs intentionally and knowingly inflict pain and are with the other person who does the same.

We do everything we can to take the pain away and try to keep them from the whore who hurt our children.

How can they even believe they love their children?

That is some kind a crazy they are living.

ETA:

Sharonons - you are not unlovable. We are not unlovable. They are not capable of love.

Our priest said something that stuck (besides hope for a happy death if I must wish for his death! LOL!)

God offers forgiveness to those who want it. It is clear Rat Bastard doesn't want it. To want it, you must repent and make good what and who you have wronged. That is hard; it is easier to run.

It is easier for our WSs to make us feel and seem unlovable because to really begin to love us they must admit that they are broken, go to IC and learn to love again. And that is too hard.

So we offered them our love, like God offered forgiveness, and they turned their back on us AND God.

So, my priests said, they don't love God. So how can they love us? God always offers love and they throw that gift away by their continual bad actions.

He is with a three-time married loser who obviously doesn't get what marriage means even though she comes from a big-time church-going family.

They cannot love anyone because they don't even love themselves.

They are unlovable, not you. You can't be in love with someone so shallow to give up their own children for a piece of ass. That isn't love. That shows the kind of shallow, self-centered low lives they have become.

As DS11 says: He can't even hang with us anymore. He gave up his seat at the cool table to move with the freaks.

[This message edited by notgonnabreak at 12:00 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

DS11 is awesome. What great insight and humor. Thats a compliment to you and your hard work in raising him.

Wonderful post! you are right on. Thanks for sharing.

Very Good topic, thanks!! My STBXWW always swore that the children were her whole world then showed it by leaving for OM everynight and letting them know that she/he was more important than they were. "I have to be happy to make you happy" was one of her sayings. They know I AM there for them and will do anything for them. They do not care or understand that they broke alot of things in their own childrens lives: innocence, trust, loyalty, caring, empathy, FAMILY, hearts, honor, ect..... I am proud I can walk with my head high knowing I am there for my boys and we are the family.

I wrote this years ago, my XH makes a lot of money but never sees his children.

"When I look into your son's eyes, I can see how much all of that money you are making is costing you."

They have no idea! My children have absolutely NO respect for their father. None. They love him out of obligation and see him out of obligation, but are happiest when far away from him. He did this to them.

Excellent post!! You presented another side of this that I never looked at before. You are so right. If they loved their children they would never let the OW treat them so badly.

My ExWS's OW has been SO cruel to my sons. The pain they have suffered over the years as a result of their fathers rejection and the OW's cruelty has been immeasurable. ExWS allowed her to treat them that way. He encouraged it. He enabled it. Their little scheme to push everyone from his past life out of his "new" life so they could live in their dysfunctional fantasy world, cost my sons dearly. It's taken them both years to recover and get their lives on track, especially with my older son. I can't even begin to describe how bad things were with my older son. Really, really bad. It's taken years of therapy and medical attention to get him back on his feet.

I will never forgive those two monsters for what they did to my kids.

Ciao

WH has always put HIMSELF first, ALWAYS. His needs, his wants, ...

To me, that's not how you love your kids. My kids are and have always been number one in my priorities.

Anyone who hears our story says something to the effect " ... but he has two young kids at home... Didn't he think about them?" Obviously not ... he never has, why start now?

Someone was trying to defend WH and said "he really loves his kids" and my response was "he doesn't love them enough"

EWWWWW -- WSs just make me soooo angry i would do anything for my kids ... I would sacrifice everything for them. How can the WSs sacrifice their children for their own happiness? How can you face yourself every day? how can you call yourself a parent? (or as mine thinks, he's father of the year)

[This message edited by feelinghurt10 at 10:47 PM, September 7th (Tuesday)]

Great posts. My WH too thinks he is father of the year, reports back to his MOW that his DS was really happy to see him show up at a ball hockey game. Patting himself on the back for showing up for the last fifteen minutes of one game, when he has missed his entire soccer season and ice hockey season.

I asked WH to give the kids his full attention when he is with them. To stop the constant texts between him & MOW. He said of course he would stop, he would do anything to protect the kids, that I shouldn't even have to ask. But he didn't and doesn't seem to be able to stop. I know I shouldn't have to ask and it is just making me sick. My heart aches for my kids, because I know that one day they will find out the real reason why their Daddy left. They will remember his constant cell use and they will know that the OW meant more to him than they do. And it will crush them even more than our separation has.