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I thought when I found out about the OW that I had actually had hit bottom, where was there left to go but up?? Well, he claims that he has stopped seeing her but he is still so angry, all he does is yell at me, and scream at me, and tell me how miserable I made him, and how I didnt care about the things that were important to him. Some days he says that he wants a divorce, other days he'll days he is apologizing for yelling and being aggravated, and that it's not right...then he says that right now he is only 20% into our marriage and happy with it, and when he is 70% committed he can come home???? How are we supposed to get there??? He is so angry....why.

I am an emotional train wreck. I want him to come home, I love him so much. I feel like he keeps throwing divorce in there because he knows that I dont want one. I wish that I hated him, or at least was angry with him, I wish that I didnt care. Our poor children are so upset..they dont understand how their dad could do this...

When will we hit the bottom so I can finally get up and start going back up????

All I can say is that I am heart broken, and so disappointed in life. Any advice would be a welcomed thing....

It is relatively early in the whole sad business for you -- you found out in late August, right? So it's way too early to say where the bottom is -- if it exists at all for your WS. He may well just drift down down down and out. That is a fact. He may NEVER pull his head out of his ass.

Have you read the 20/20 Hindsight post? I'll bump it (in JFO). Read it, re-read it, print it out, and keep reading it every day. It is the truth, as I know it.

Also, the 180 is the single best thing you can do for YOURSELF. And it is your best shot, in my opinion, at helping fogged out partners begin to see the light.

Watch for the 20/20 in JFO.

((Riley))

People always seem to want what they can't have don't they? As soon as he had to live in a committed, manogomous relationship with OW he'd realize that the grass isn't really any different on the other side of the fence...it still takes consistant watering to survive. Has he broken it off with her? You said you wanted hin to come home. Where is he?

I'm sorry he is being so cruel. He is the one who broke a covenant promise - not you. You have a right to be angry. I know you love him but maybe leaving him to own and face his selfish decisions alone by removing yourself from the situation (no contact) for a while might be what both of you need. I know your hurt, but if you can stand it, it could be just what both of you and the kids need.

I have hope for you. I'm praying for you. Be strong and know that people here understand your pain.

Have you been to counseling?

so sorry Riley2010 that you are here at this spot. This is the one club that none of us ever wanted to belong to!

I'm also new here...I've trudged along for 3 1/2 months here. We have hit a bottom - at least the OW is gone and the fog has cleared. My H is remorseful and doing everything he can to repair the harm done. I on the other hand struggle. Some day is washes over me like a heavy rain...I'm sad to my core. The life as I had known it is tainted.

They tell me it takes time. I hope I can hang on through the time. I'm tired of it being on my mind...some days I get tired of being in R moving forward with this huge ugly detailed thing behind us. Ugh!

I have no sage wisdom but to say hang in there...some days are better than others. My days in these weeks are a ton better than the first few weeks. Keep trudging.

Dear Riley2010,

It is still early for you, unfortunately. It sounds like your husband is living in the fog. Sometimes you can jolt him out of it, as happened in our case, or he might just come to his senses on his own, or he may never come to his senses.

My FWH screamed and raged at me in the fog also. He describes it as him taking his anger at himself out on me, in other words, directing it outwardly at someone else. Perhaps you could remind him that that is a form of abuse? My FWH could not stand being accused of "abusing" me, and has been working on getting his anger under control, or channeling it in productive ways.

Please just hang on for this terrible time and try your best to take care of yourself and your kids. You did nothing to deserve this, he owns the A 100%. Try your best to just work your way through this, it will not last forever, I promise.

He is deflecting all the blame to you and its working.

You are now desparate to have him back, at any costs. Forget the A - forget that he can't decide what he wants, you want him back.

What should be happening is that you should be putting more value on yourself - he needs to deserve to be with you, not the other way around.