SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A year ago my husbad started his affiar. A year ago my husband threw me and my daughter (sorry but he betrayed both of us)under the bus and ran us over countless times. A year ago he started boo-hooing with the MOW (EA).

There are so many emotions coming back to the surface that I am barely keeping them contained. The hurt and anger is palpable at best. The undercurrent is getting more intence as the days tick along. I am at a constant state of agetation right now that anything can set me off.

The only saving grace has been that we have had the past 3 or so days off together and that in it's self calms me down. The more we are with each other the better I feel. Strange I know, I don't understand it myself.

Im afraid when we get back to our lives on WED that I will backslide something fierce. Luckily I have IC WED night and we have MC THRS night. This is good as that our anniversay is Monday (13th).

I can't help but keep in my mind that in 2 or so weeks (the last week of sept) that they went PA. The mere thought of this boils my blood and the RAGE starts to build. I don't know what I can do to help that. Unfortuantly, H can't be with me for the majority of that week. He has to travel for work. This is HORRID timing as that this will be first time away since any of the DDAYS. I wish he didn't have to go, but there is no way for him to get out of it. Sometimes I feel GOD is playing one big giant joke on me.

Anyway, I will probably be on here alot more, even just to post updates on how I am doing. I'm not looking for sympathy exactly, just looking to keep my demons at bay and this is my best outlet.

I hope I survive until december 1st. I have too, for the sake of my DD and my soon to be born son. I have to survive for me and for my H. Whom througout this whole shitstorm of raping and pillaging of my soul I STILL LOVE!!!

I'm glad that SI is here to lean on. I need the extra support right now. I really have no one else besides my H. Not that he's not available, but I know that I'm gonna need a few extras huggs along the way. Even if they are cyber.

I must get off for now, T-Minus 23 MIN to Nick's big music show. I hope DD loves it. Her smile brings me such comfort.

(((hb1993)))

Aww bless your heart.

I'm so sorry you are triggering so bad.

This is tuff stuff.

Please hug your DD, yes thats so healing.

We'll be here for you.

Hugs

HI Heartbroken - you are not alone. I am entering the 'first affair season' right now to - from now until our 1st Antiversary on January 1st. My emotions have been all over the board - it hasn't helped that all of a sudden the OW has popped up at events my husband and I attend - I've only seen her once, and then 3 times in 1 week in close quarters. Now my husband is away for 1 week - and he wonders why I have been a very angry B&^%C.

You are not alone - do the best to take care of yourself when he goes away. I kept myself very busy this long weekend, doing things with friends and family and things for myself - this helped a little.

((((heartbroken)))

The first anniversary is tough. Sending hugs and good thoughts to both you(((heartbroken1993))) and (((flower2010)))

Thanks for the support!!!

((((Flower2010))))

I was remiss with not metioning earlier that any advice on how to make this time easier and or more condusive to r'ing would be greatly appreciated

I really am thankfull that SI is here.

Me too! Right slap bang over my birthday too. Love September now (NOT!) and I am having a baby in September also. F***. No real advice - except I found not wallowing in it helpful. I try not to dwell on the details and the sh**. Write it all down, find something new to do. Don't know. But it sucks.

I am just coming to the end of my "first affair season" & I won't lie.... it's been really tough. BUT.... I'm almost through it & you will make it too!! Just take one day at a time.

Heartborken,

Get a plastic baseball bat and a big pillow and beat the heck out of it. That will help release a lot of your anger. My IC let me hit her couch with a 2 foot wooden close rack and it really helped release the anger. I also screamed alot in the car.

Just hang in there and come here as much as you need.

((hugs))

Not having a good day at all. I've been "trigger happy" for most of the day. I'm not feeling so hot to begin with. I had to do my glucose tolerance test to screen for gestational diabetes. I'm sure that is not helping my state of mind.

H,DD, and I went to lunch and between the sappy songs playing in the back ground, starving for food, and seeing pumkins was just setting me off.

The pumkin thing is that we go "appeling and pumkining" every year. Last year we did this while he was in his affair.

The triggers are just more intence right now. I'm littery getting shivers when some thoughts/pictures/movies hit. H starteled me in the car by just reaching to hold my hand.

I can't stand this right now. I can't look at him half the time with out my insides being ripped out. Then I feel so lonely looking at him that I was to "be" with him. I hate the see-saw feeling.

I can't stand sitting passenger in the f**kmobile (they didn't even bother using the backseat) they used the passenger seat.

I just want to cry my eyes out. I just can't let it out because of DD being around. I refuse to let her see me upset.

I just want to go to sleep but then I feel like I can't becuase I would be "sticking" H with DD. That is my problem, he hasn't said anything like that, well not since during and immediatly after dday#4.

I litterally want to run away and just sleep and cry

So here I am taking 20 min for me and feeling guilty as hell for doing it.

I just want the pain and hurt to stop!!!!

.....and I just found out I failed my gluclose test. This means that I have to go for the 3 hour test. I don't do well at all with blood draws. In fact it's my biggest hang up. This means 4 draws in 3 hours.

Please God I get it, life sucks sometimes. BUT GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!

I'm hoping your glucose levels turn out ok in the next test.

I am heading into the da*n affair season too. Hate it, hate it, hate it! It is hard, and my anger is always at or near the surface. Trigger, triggers, triggers.

Also, my mind just wanders to the A out of the blue.

He knows I am angry. I vented two nights ago, and that seemed to help. Wonder if I'll have to keep venting on him -- we haven't told anyone really.

MC is supposed to focus on me getting this anger out. Can't imagine it will happen in only one session, but what can you do?!

So many times, I feel like I am going kinda crazy with all of this crap. I want you to know that I think I "get" it. You are not alone. It's going to be a rough journey until January 20 at our house. I can't wait until 2010 is over -- but then I hate to think that way because that means my kids are getting older and I'm rushing it.

Take care of yourself, Heartbroken.

heartbroken I failed mine too, but the 3 hr was not too bad. I just had to really watch my diet for the remainder.

hugs...Good Luck

I had this last time with DD so I know what to expect with it. I technically failed the 3 hour with DD. But my levels never spiked and DD was 6lbs1oz when she was born so I probably didn't have it.

I was able to controll it with diet with her.

The good news is that the my doc is considering letting me skip the 3 hr this time and go strait to monitoring with a meter and see how I do.

So I may not have to do the 3 hour after all. I need to call tomorrow and find out.

MC got xcld tonight so I have been pretty upset about that. I really wanted to go (see my thread from earlier today)

Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to this, I know that it was buried way down the list.

Well tomorrow is Friday and then the weekend will be here and I will be with my H and DD so that will help.

H has been really good these last few nights. Last night when I got home from IC he made sure that dinner was warmed up for me and he let me cry and talk a bit.

I know he is there to support me right now. I am starting to feel the love more and more. It's getting through to me.

My heart is just hurting right now more than it has for a while now.

Thanks again for the responces I just need the extra support right now.