SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was reading on another thread in Recon about true love, and it set me thinking about whether there IS a such thing as soulmates, or love at first sight for that matter. After going through this mess, the daily hurt and the continued saga of "he doesn't get it", I just had to pose the question. I believed in both of these concepts before the A, and I thought he did too. From my side, I still believe. I fell in love with him from the moment I met him, and he's still the only one I love and want to be with...but did anyone else's opinion of these things change after their spouse cheated?

If you split with your spouse, do you still think your soulmate is out there? That maybe you just picked the wrong person the first time around?

Nope, I never did.

My husband did - look where that got him? He was convinced (for about 2 months) that he and xOW were 'soul-mates' had 'love at first site.'

Nope. I think we can be compatible with a number of people, and can have great chemistry with a few, but that *one* person? Nah. I think that's where choice comes into play.

Nope, don't believe in soulmates. I do think there are people out that there who are eminently suited for each other, though. But I don't buy into the concept that there's only one person out there for each of us.

I believed in soulmates when H and I got together, but I was very young and still naive. Now I don't think there is such a thing.

I've been married before, so I felt a connection with someone else before. So there wasn't just "one" person out there for me. I know that if H and I D'ed, then I would be able to find someone else to love if I so desired. I know that H would too.

People grow and change, and sometimes they grow in different directions. So the person that "fits" with you when you're 22 might not "fit" so well when you're 37, but someone else might.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about D'ing and moving on because things aren't comfortable. I'm only talking about if a D happens and THEN you go on to find someone who seems to fit better at that moment. Were they both your "soulmates"? I don't think so, I think they were just a good match at the time.

Love at first sight... well, I don't know about that one either. I sure thought my H was hot, wanted him in a big way, and he was super funny and just fabulous... but I didn't love him the second I met him. I lusted after him, but it was definitely not love. It took a few weeks for love to grow.

But that's just my opinion.

I used to. But WH has pretty much shredded any beliefs I've had about LOVE...

If you split with your spouse, do you still think your soulmate is out there? That maybe you just picked the wrong person the first time around?

We are divorcing, but I don't regret a second of my life. We had some great times.

I am happy to have experienced every minute of my past. So I can't say he was the wrong person, but we weren't that completely compatible couple.

I had a slight bad gut feeling before I agreed to marry him, but I said yes anyway.

I think it's possible for me to experience a better relationship in the future. But that's just because I am older and wiser now.

My husband and his whore are soulmates. I truely believe that. Its not a compliment, either.

But are their soulmates who truely love each other, etc. The possitive. Not like Mr and Ms. Whore I mentioned above. I don't know. Post affair, I can't say that its true. I HOPE it IS true. Maybe not for me, but for others (just because my life is shitty doesn't mean I want others lives to be crappy, too). I hope other people are able to find their soul mate. I just have trouble believing it exists. I want to be proven wrong.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 1:48 PM, September 4th (Saturday)]

Absolutely completely definitly unobtrusively and whatever else you want to add to that list, I can assure you that I no longer believe in such a thing as soul mates.

Bullshit

[This message edited by only once at 1:53 PM, September 4th (Saturday)]

I still believe that my hus band and I are soulmates. I used to wonder a lot about whether in a past life we had been identical twins separated at birth. We can easily read each other's mind and frequently one of us will say something only a second after the other one had just thought it.

He had to do some growing up and changing though, after the affairs.....

I don't believe in soul mates, I do however believe in a mate out there who has the same core values and beliefs, therefore would be a healthy mate for my soul.

I believe things happen for a reason.

I also believe people come into our lives for a reason, it's not by chance that people come and go from our lives.

soulmates...perhaps, but it's probably 1 in a million that you find that person.

Soulmates? No. The only people I know who truly believe in this concept are people who are using it as an excuse to behave badly. "The heart wants what it wants."

I do not believe in "love at first sight."

I don't know that I believe in "soulmates" in the "there's only one for everyone" way.

But I do believe that there are people who are so well-suited to one another that they are nearly ideal mates.

I also believe that when two people marry they become one. So in that way, perhaps I do believe in soulmates.

I also believe that sometimes you meet someone who is so "right" for you that they can become your one true love - the one who you love more than any other before or after.

My soon-to-be-ex is that person for me. Sadly, it seems that it need not be reciprocal.

So yeah - I believe in it on some level.

I just don't believe in happy endings any more.

No. And I don't believe everything happens for a reason, either--unless that "reason" can sometimes simply be that someone just felt like being a douchebag.

Nope.

[This message edited by LisaReg at 3:53 PM, September 4th (Saturday)]

I had believed in soulmates when i first got with my H. It was love at first sight for us and i thought that we clicked instanly and i thought he was my soulmate. I however still do but i dont think that is enough to keep a marriage going.

I do believe in the concept of soulmates but I believe that there is more than one soulmate available for each person.

I do NOT believe in love at first sight. Usually what that means is actually just attraction or LUST at first sight but most people don't want to say that out loud so they call it "love". That's not to say that the lust couldn't grow into love...but there is no way that it starts that way.

And regardless of whether someone finds a soulmate or experiences what they want to call "love at first sight" they still have the responsibility of choosing their actions. And they have the responsibility of accepting the consequences of their choices and their actions.

I heard someone say something once with regard to soulmates that made perfect sense to me.

They said something to the effect that "soulmate" implies that you are not complete without that other person, and it's a sick, needy kind of attachment. What the person strove for was to be a "whole" and healthy person on her own having a great relationship with another "whole" and healthy person.

I really liked that.

I don't believe in soulmates. Ironically MOW told me about a month before Dday that she did in my opinion, she would need to have a soul first, but that's just me