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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 19
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mm33....
I think that giving him a list of needs that you have is a good strategy.
Early on in our recovery process we went to see a minister for counseling...the first question he asked me was what could my husband do to make amends to me?
and.. the idea of having tangible things that you can see is good also...
for me.. it's the fact that he continues to attend AA meetings and stays sober...
He has been going for 3 yrs now...
It helps me feel safe to know that he continues to do this..it is tangible proof of his comittment to saving the marriage and to changing.
It was also VERY important for me to know that he was going to IC. He did that for 1 and 1/2 yrs.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle...
you have a PM ...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for asking how I am. I cry at least every other day, but I'm having at least one strong day between several bad days.

My story....27 year M, 3 kids (23, 21 and 16). WH is in the aviation industry and also has another full-time job. Between the two he is on the road 5-6 days/week. I have always manned the "homefront" but have also always had a PT job.

2 mos. ago I get a FB message from a woman I have never met who tells me that she been my H's GF for 7 years. She is distraught that he promised so many things, blah, blah, blah and asks me to help her with her pain. No kidding. I contact WH via e-mail as he is in Europe and we have a conversation via Skype where he confirms that the A happened, was only 4 years, off and on, he broke is off 14 mos. before and she had called him twice since to restart. She threatened to tell me of the A if he wouldn't see her again. He calls her bluff...she contacts me...my life explodes before my eyes. I NEVER suspected a thing. Really, not a thing.

My initial reaction was to try and salvage this. My WH agreed immediately to MC and I called on DDay to schedule our first appt. Our progress has been slow and frankly my WH had to be counseled by the MC that what I was going through was normal and to not expect me to just get over it.

As for the lying issue....my WH insists that he never lied to me. He finally agrees that he "deceived me" but continues maintain that if I had asked if he was seeing someone else, having an affair, then he would have told me. Clearly, this reasoning is ridiculous and I refuse to buy it. He has always been proud of his image of being a man of utmost integrity so it's important to him to think that while he admits to lies of "omission" he never lied by comission. He's splitting hair, I know it, our MC knows it, the few friends that know about the A know it but he won't admit it. His ego is holding up our progress and the longer it goes on the less confident I am that we/I can overcome his betrayal.

I gave him a list of "boundries" made from things I had read on SI. He was initially okay with it but then the next day decided he didn't like the "tone" of it. He rewrote it pretty much saying the same thing but using "We" instead of where I had mentioned that "I" reserved the right to ask repeat questions, etc. He said he felt like he was the only one being held accountable. Needless to say, the list is fine with me since I never had an A, never had to lie by comission or omission to him, etc.

I'm struggling with the absences. I'm okay the first 1-2 days but by day 4-5 I'm getting increasingly anxious and end up having a meltdown. My IC/MC is helping me with anxiety and the meds help too.

But, the underlying issue is one that only other BS from LTA's can relate to...how do we learn to accept that our spouse had a whole other life that we knew nothing about? In the end, my WH is not the man I thought he was. Can I live with this new person? Not the one I've seen lately. Sad...so sad. We have three really great kids that have always looked up to him. That will all go away if they learn about this. As long as we are together I will never tell them, but if it comes to D and they ask why, I will not lie to them.

[This message edited by strongish at 3:56 PM, August 31st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish...
I totally understand your anxiety when he is away so much for work.
I for one could not have reconciled if my husband had continued working with the MOW...lucky for him he had retired one month previous to d-day...otherwise I would have demanded that he leave the job.
Is there any way that your husband could make changes in his job that would require less travel? a transfer of some kind?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish,

I am glad to read that your MC understands your pain. My FWW also splits hairs on lying or not. I just find it funny, but then sad. She is trying to salvage some dignity and pride.

It is not her uterus, it is her bladder. She has a surgical consult in 2 weeks. So add to the anniversary trip issues, our antiversary, and my 50th bday, her having surgery too. I need my Xanax refilled and a new bottle of scotch.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need my Xanax refilled
Better living through pharmaceuticals!

njgal...no chance of changing jobs, espcially when he has 21 years seniority at his current job. His travel has always been a fact of life for us, previous military, then with the follow-on job(s). This also means that there is no way that I can monitor his behavior. He has his laptop/cell phone with him on his trips. To be honest, I don't think he's seeing the OW anymore. Both the MC and I think that she never would have contacted me if they were still together. But, he followed that up with 2 ONS's while he was away and if I hadn't found out about it we both think he probably would have continued with those.

The crux of the matter, or part of the crux, is that he regrets how this has hurt me, but I don't think he is remorseful for the act(s). Believe me, he's got alot of work to do (per the MC) but I'm not sure that he'll ever be the type of person he was before all of this or the type of person that can meet my emotional needs. I have promised to not make any permanent decisions for 6 mos. (4 mos. left) and the MC/IC has promised to tell me if she thinks that it would be in MY best interest to D. I trust her to have my back.

[This message edited by strongish at 4:45 PM, August 31st (Tuesday)]


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have zero time..

welcome to the lta corner strongish....i hate that you are here and happy you found us...and i agree with allgood that you sound amazingly strong...so i love your name...

njgal you have a pm right back....please read asap...

i will be back later...got to do dinner...


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fnf you have a pm, please read asap...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle - PM to you too!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish...
I have had a VERY remorseful husband practically from day one of d-day....
he did try to minimize a bit the first few days but after the entire story came out about the LTA he seemed almost as shocked about his behavior as I was...
so, I do not have experience dealing with an unremorseful spouse.
Lucky for me because I am still struggling with LTA issues over 3 yrs post d-day with a VERY remorseful husband... I don't think that I would have reconciled if he did not respond in that way.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strongish...i have so much to say to you..i have only read what you posted here as time lately is not mine...but i felt the need to respond to some of what you posted

ow says 7 years, your ws says 4 years with breaks....

well you have established that he is a liar, and he is unwilling to admit to anything unless backed up to a wall, including the fact that having an affair is not only lying but living a lie...no integrity there

the biggest biggest flag of all, he is not owning anything...finally admitting some is not owning it...and he is not even admitting all of it, and claiming integrity all the while..

strongish i hope your new boundaries include ic....i don't care how much travel he is doing, the man needs to get to the bottom of his ego and find his core...i get the impression that there is one very lost little boy underneath all his bravado...which might sound out there, it is just an impression...

this man is unwilling to look at what he's done...and that is not good, and its not only bad for reconcilliation, but makes reconcilliation impossible...there are certain things he has to do for you to ever feel even remotely safe again...

i am so so sorry you must be so overwhelmed with all of this...a c once told me it is very much like experiencing your very own 9/11....

i hope you are taking care of yourself, eating well, staying hydrated and some exercise...


(((strong)))


good, i agree with m3, i love the tactic you chose, and it obviously got a response from him...so yay...


ats: does this hopefully mean that she will be physically unable to attend that party????? i really hope so...


good luck tomorrow at mc


m3: you constantly amaze me...biking 40 miles a week ontop of working and a family...where the heck do you find all that energy and can i get some...!!!


i love your list...i hope he meets it


fnf and m3

expectations....can be a dirty word....not easily met, they should be, but they aren't...

i have found that when i expect i get disappointed, so i try really hard not to anymore....i have my acceptable behaviors and the non acceptable ones...i no longer expect them to be met, they either are or they are not...if they are not, then there is no need to go further...if they are then the next level can be addressed....

its is a harder habit to break then smoking was...not to expect...but i am workin it...


living with lies: i personally cannot do this, this is a boundary....not even the little white ones, not anymore...it just makes me feel that if you will lie over something so small, and you already lied over the biggest of big...then there are not boundaries on what is acceptable with lying...like i have always told my kids concerning secrets...which are basically lies..if its not a gift or surprise party, then there are no secrets period...


(((tribe)))

welcome home njgal...hope your trip was more then you had hoped...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats: does this hopefully mean that she will be physically unable to attend that party????? i really hope so...

No, the consult will be a day or two before the trip, then 4 weeks or so to surgery, probably middle of October. So really, the next 6-8 weeks will just be a high tide of stressors with occassional waves of triggers washing up.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey strongish… I am nearly 2 years out… I have a very good marriage today… I still hurt though… I have yet to have one day where infidelity feelings or thinking eluded me. It has been months now that we have talked about her A with any kind of substance. This is by choice of me… This is what I know as forgiveness. There is nothing more for me to know about my W’s A… We have been through pure HELL… pure HELL… welcome.

how do we learn to accept that our spouse had a whole other life that we knew nothing about?

I think you have a long journey ahead and need to expect much pain. I do think it starts with some apologies.. over and over.. again and again… It takes a spouse truly willing, wanting, making a “heart felt” apology to you. Remorse. It takes transparency in every regard. It takes your ability to control your anger and your spouse’s ability to take the shit you are going to throw at them. It takes third party help, openly, willingly, and freely. It takes great mental strength to stay positive during the deep depression you are entering. It takes change by both you and your spouse. It takes a re-commitment to try your hardest to make the best possible marriage. It takes you knowing what forgiveness is and then the most difficult part is execution. It take compete pardon by you. It takes you overcoming fears of total independence and making decisions and choices that make you happy. It takes new boundaries that you will protect with clear communications. It takes risk to make that decision trust again. It takes your brain time to over and over, again and again, re-living situations, events, emotions, that will take you to a point where this whole event becomes desensitized to the point you just accept it… Then it begins to be, “just a bad point in your Marriage”…


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
strongish
♀ Member
Member # 29259
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for taking the time to help me today and tonight.

i don't care how much travel he is doing, the man needs to get to the bottom of his ego and find his core
It's funny that you mention this today. I told my WH this afternoon that although he is in IC he has only been about once every two weeks. I told him that I didn't think this was enough and he talked about his schedule but that he might be able to make some arrangements. I'm waiting to see if he will take the initiative on that. That will tell me how serious he thinks this is.

I honestly don't think he gets that I am serious that I will not stay married to him if we can't resolve some of these issues.

this man is unwilling to look at what he's done...and that is not good, and its not only bad for reconcilliation, but makes reconcilliation impossible...there are certain things he has to do for you to ever feel even remotely safe again...

I'm not sure what to do to make him realize this. I saw the MC yesterday and she agreed that he may never be able to meet my emotional needs but that she's willing to keep working with him. He's in such denial about some of this stuff that it frankly makes me crazy! His logic is so flawed and he has such a huge blind spot as to the entirety of his responsibility of this. He doesn't see that he is pushing me away. For the time being our MC has advised me not to have him move out so I'm heeding her advice for now, but I see that that's what might need to happen in order to shock him into realizing what he's risking.

The support today has been a great help to me and I thank you all for your comments. I'm scared to look at how long the road ahead really is and sometimes all I can see is the pain in front of me. But I'm grateful that as of today I have not cried. Progress comes in small bits and I'll take that for today.


Posts: 490 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Texas
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

strong your c is right in advising you not to have him move our just yet....waiting 6 months is usually what is reccommended before making any life altering decisions...unless of course their is abuse of some sort, then waiting is null and void and the marriage would have needed to end yesterday for that...

but if you are not being abused...right now emotional doesn't count...then you wait it out for 6 months...you want to come to the conclusion of whether or not to stay in your marriage once most of your emotions are in check...of course not all of them, but the ones that determine a change such as this would be...

in the meantime, get your ducks in a row just in case, and learn your dealbreakers...we all have them...imagine them and then imagine whether or not they really are...do not give a dealbreaker if you are not willing to commit to it...that would be the one deciding factor to let you know whether or not you mean it..

and yes his answers i know would be maddening, i lived it...so i know that feeling waaay too well...and if you do not get a direct answer, you could surmise that the answer is not one he wants to give....and for good reason....stupid for holding back because that is what will ulitmately kill it...but they can be really stupid...getting caught has somehow put their brain on automatic freeze...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryin...
I'm in the same sitch...
my marriage TODAY is the best it has ever been due to the amazing changes in my husband .
However, it has been HELL...
I am over 3 yrs post d-day and I still think about the LTA every single day...but it is not as painful anymore...it's more like it is part of my history....

Our vacation was wonderful...It really was great to get away, spend time in a beautiful place...my husband was his usual very kind, loving, affectionate husband...
I was fine the majority of time.... basically only lost 2 days out of 14 to a bad mood over triggers etc.
I am beginning to see a pattern with my meltdowns...when I am stressed, over tired etc.
and... when I begin to feel too good...yes, that's right..when I start feeling like I can forget about the affair that's when my subconscious kicks in with a wave of panic... and I suddenly trigger... start thinking about how unbelievable the whole mess is... how unbelievable that my H was capable of having a 5 yr LTA and for me to not know it....and even more unbelievable..that I have reconciled with him after an LTA!!
so, those are my meltdown thoughts..then I go into this downward spiral ... thinking and planning my escape..my divorce...
and then... it passes....and I'm OK again...

so..2 days out of 14.... that's progress for me...


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, September 1st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Have not posted for a couple of days but have been lurking and reading posts.

Had a major drama two evenings ago. When I saw solicitor prior to confrontation my main concern was to protect the children financially if anything happened to me.

I became fixated on the idea that i would die (car accident or similar - even fleetingly wondered if H and OW would do me in - scary thought!!!). I was horrified at the thought that OW would move into my beautiful home - very large with acreage - which I have worked so hard for - live with H for a time then leave and take half (Basically the way it works in Aust. in most cases).

Solicitor said it was possible for me to leave my half of all property to children (we also own another which we rent) but that I'd have to change the title. I asked if I needed Hs agreement to do this. He said no. So put in paper work. What stupid solcitor DID NOT TELL ME was that H would get formal notification in mail!!!!

It arrived and he was very upset. Part angry and part hurt. Thought I was taking first steps in D. NOT GOOD as we had been going along fairly well. I tried to reassure him but am not sure how he feels. I did tell him months ago that I was leaving my share to children. He wasn't happy because it means kids can sell him up if I die but I told him at the time that that was the price he would have to pay. I WAS NOT GOING TO HAVE ONE OF HIS WH..RES LVING IN MY HOUSE!!!!!

Later told him that kids have agreed to let him stay in house so long as no new woman comes to live in it. Sounds cruel and not something I would have considered prior to Dday but now... well things are different.

strongish

Love your name!!

how do we learn to accept that our spouse had a whole other life that we knew nothing about? In the end, my WH is not the man I thought he was. Sad...so sad.

I'm exactly the same. My greatest fear is that he is just conning me with words of love and that he is biding his time until he thinks I've settled down and he can start up again. I KNOW that one of my Hs main worries is that his family will find out, he will lose our property - which he loves- and that the kids will cut him off!! I still wonder where I fit on the list. Suspect I may be at bottom. God I wish I could trust him!!!

My H works with OWs and this is really hard but unavoidable for lots of reasons. They are nurse wh..res in the hospital he works at. He and the most recent one were "In love" heard on VAR. She wanted him to leave me and live with her. I think she's turned off him probably because I rang and told her (a) I had STD and (b) he was screwing someone else as well as me and her. However, I don't know her and am not sure how much this has put her off and whether she is still after him.

Another told me that she "pursued him relentlessly for 3 yrs then had 5yr PA before cooling and then breaking it off as she realised he was never going to leave me. Says she is still in love with him. Little did she know he had already started a new affair before he finished with her. She was "devastated" when she found out. Hellllloooo!!!!!

Sick stuff isn't it!!

Anyway, I suppose I just wanted you to realise that you are not alone in dealing with what may seem like an extraordinary situation.

Nothing prepares us for this.

Listen to the advice of the old hands on here. The key one at present is give yourself time. I'm so glad I did.

I keep hoping for a better future. If I'd followed my first instincts and kicked him out we wouldn't have a chance. Most days I'm feeling positive that we will make it but the doubts continue to creep in.

One really good thing happened to day. He said "Thank you" for no apparent reason (we were just lying in bed). I said "what" and he said "Thank you". I said "Why did you say that?" and he said "For giving me another chance". That was really nice and I felt he meant it!!!


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:43 AM, September 1st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi njgal480
It must be wonderful to think this:

my marriage TODAY is the best it has ever been due to the amazing changes in my husband .
However, it has been HELL...
I am over 3 yrs post d-day and I still think about the LTA every single day...but it is not as painful anymore...it's more like it is part of my history....

I really hope that in 3yrs time I will feel the same.

start thinking about how unbelievable the whole mess is... how unbelievable that my H was capable of having a 5 yr LTA and for me to not know it..

I do this all day now and try to shut it out as much as I can (mine was 3 OWs in 16 years Dday for all 3 months ago) because it's so painful. Hope these thoughts don't continue for too long.

and then... it passes....and I'm OK again...

Hope this does happen to me!!


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2726 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, September 1st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura..
It arrived and he was very upset.
This is the consequences of his adultery, infidelity… so now he must live with that.. and that is ok…

Just tell him how you feel… I did it because I did not want some other woman to have what is mine in case of an accident. It makes me feel very HAPPY, Pride, satisfaction to gift these to my kids…

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:24 AM, September 1st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 1st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

laura i agree with tryn....and this is his new reality...we all get one now...new realities....what each of decides to make of it is purely ours....we could wallow in it, or we could do something about it...being proactive is the healing way...

and yes laura allowing time is key...it gives you a way to take a breath and weigh each and every option and it gives your spouse a very priceless opportunity to prove him/herself.....what you or they do with the time, tells alot....for them, it tells us really what we need to know...are they using this time to show remorse, to earn forgiveness, to prove their love for us...and time for us to process all of the overwhelming info that automatically comes with a lta....to decide what we want for ourselves and our families.....so if the ws is smart the time can be used to do what it takes, while we are processing....to at least make an attempt to do right after doing so much wrong...

i think you take as much time as you need...we all process at different rates, and some have so much more to process then others...and most importantly this is not something that can be quantified...


watching today this am and they had this dad whose exwife stole his boys, ages 7 and 9 and brought them to her home country, egypt and he has not seen his boys in over a year...she also has not kept up with court ordered visitation by her own country if i understood it correctly...and this is still a battle, a very costly battle for this dad to get his kids back...

i naturally thought of you honest with your husband being overseas and wanting you to visit him...and now he is coming back here for a visit....hide those passports at someone elses house....and be careful...hoping this latest visit goes so fast...and that you hardly see him while he is here...so busy yourself...go get registered for that test...


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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