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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 19
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

Inflydelity

i love it!!


in roses pic what is that behind her?


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats: I am so sorry. You sound much calmer than before.

I am glad that you have people IRL to talk to. I am also glad that you know and WW knows you both tried your best.

Continue to be kind to one another. I think you should really say that to her, "Let us promise to be kind and gentle to one another, especially now."

Hopefully you can work out the best way to S right now. That may also be an option too, if you so decide, to S a while or even a legal separation.

Take your time, and we are here for you.

{{{{{Ats}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are doing in house separation for now. With DS18 gone there is an extra bedroom. One friend just had his D finalized Tuesday after a 26 year M. He had some advice, mostly not to screw around but just get it done once you make the decision.

I spoke with IC/MC today. He agrees with my statement that W's fight last night was not with me, it was with her xH and other ghosts from her past. I will see him next week on my scheduled appt. to close things out.

Saw my Family Dr. and picked up a perscription for Xanax for the month to take as needed. Opened a seperate checking account and redirected my payroll deposit to it. I am tracking down and recording all of the account numbers, debts, and starting an inventory of the stuff we have.

DS14 is only giving 1 word answers to me, he has been texting back and forth with W all day.

Everyone I speak with IRL offers their support and belives I have earned the D if I want it, and I really think I do. I feel bad abandoning W, but I cannot rescue her. I am selfishly choosing to save myself and minimize damage to our kids. I knew from the beginning I was not a stay for the kids person. I would R for them, but not stay in a dysfunctional M.

This is so not what I wanted, but I am glad I got a chance to know the real W before we ended it. Unfortunately, I think I am too tightly intertwined with the ghosts of her former abusers for her to seperate our relationship from all of them


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats - I'm so sorry....it's painful and heartbreaking. My prayers will be with you.

iwant - the evil eye works better than the karma thing. My Italian grandma taught me well!!!

Hugs to all of the tribe!!


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ATS - I'm so sorry to hear this. You have worked so hard and I really thought you were on your way to a full R. I hope that you both take your time with this decision and don't let your emotions interfere with what you truly want.
((((((((((ATS & Mrs. ATS)))))))))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{{{Ats}}}}}}

I'm so sorry. Please keep posting. Your friend is right, just keep going ahead with your plans, but I still feel you guys can still be kind to one another. It will make it easier for both of you and your kids.

Even though DS is only giving one word answers, he is listening. Keep talking to him and reassuring him.

The only thing you MUST NOT DO is put WW down, or even blame her with DS.

Just tell him that you and his mother tried your very best, but could not work it out. I think it would be good to tell DS that you both went to MC for a long time and you both really really tried, but you both decided together it wasn't working.

I think telling DS that you both tried to save the marriage will help him in the long run. You are setting a good example for him too, that you put your marriage at a priority and tried to work it out.

I pray that you guys can continue to communicate the way you have been as you go through this very painful process. It is extremely sad. We are here for you.


{{{{{Ats}}}}

By the way, just because you feel you are going to separate, doesn't mean you must leave this board. You are still going through the aftermath of a LTA.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks honest, fgnf, and all. I am at my waterfront versions of Cheers with a pitcher waiting for a thunderstorm to blow through. I am going to spend the night offshore. I really thought we would make it. W came home today and seemed happier than in weeks. She was talking on the phone, said "well I am home, need to say hi to my hubby", hung up and took a bath.

just as I was typing she called to see if I was ok, ds was tracking the storm online. fuck me I am crying now in a bar full of drunk shrimpers


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, I'll join you. I'm crying my eyes out too and can't catch my breath.

Just don't drink too much Ats, I know it's easy to want to dull the pain.

Keep posting here.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

evey karioki song is a lostlove ballad. I must look bad folks are stopping by to chat and don't want any of my beer. How did we end up here honest? I went to churchschool, I was an eagle scout, Iwas the family's golden boy. I've met every goal I had except taking care of my love.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, I feel the same way. I took care of my mother, grandparents, was a Catholic school teacher, AND I did take care of WS. I just wasn't enough.

You did take care of your love!!

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 8:23 PM, August 20th (Friday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, you did everything in your power to fix it. You know that it is your WW issues, YOU KNOW THAT.

I know you feel incredibly sad and down, but please don't feel defeated or a failure!!

I'm sending virtual hugs.

{{{Ats}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((ats)))))

(((((honest)))))

LISTEN UP AND LISTEN REALLY REALLY GOOD...YOU ARE BOTH ENOUGH....THEY WERE THE ONES WHO ARE NOT ENOUGH...

feel sad for tonite...allow yourselve the moments to grieve, just do not lose yourselves in it...grieve for what is lost, grieve for what it will never be and then pick yourselves up, pull on your big boy and big girl pants, hold your head up high, and know that you are so much more then you have yet to realize...this is the time you both need to work on yourselves from the inside out...

but for now, grieve, and know that the grieving will come to an end, and that life will go on...

(((((honest)))))
(((((ats)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Miracle. I'm trying not to drown in it tonight, but I think the floodgates opened.

I talkend to WH tonight. He's busy telling all this BS about the tenant changing things in the house. Big triggers. I called him back for something and he said he was in bed.

I just lost it. I knew he was in bed with her.

Then he says can't I wait until he comes back to talk?

I've been holding it in for 3 months.

I'm so sorry. I just can't stop crying. I'm trying to get my breath.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry iwam, I am just crying in my beer, literally. no worry, I am drinking so slow Kendra got me second bag of ice for my pitcher.

I know there are two sides to every story, but everyone here seems so good. taking care of family, children, sick ws's and we all suffer.

it is a huge storm blowing, I just reset my lines and fenders. People who no nothing more about than that I am a regular care more about me than she does. they ask where she and "the boy" are and I sob.

W keeps a mental list of people she wishes would die so she did not have to deal with them. How sick is that? The other day she said I was on that list with her OM. Her xH is off it.

sorry, more whining

there is an 8 year old singing a rock song now.

these are my people, unpretentious, poor, friendly, and not a fashionable dresser in the crowd.

what is up with you tonight Honest? what are you going to do?


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whoops, we crossposted honest.

It is so wrong how he treats you.

now an old couple is singing a SpanishLulaby a local just told me her D story and is gonna sing a special one for me


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest, maybe you should take a xanax, just to take the edge off of it...but let it flow dear heart, let it flow....and do you have any puffs...you know how much i love my puffs...and remember only for tonite...then maybe you should start writing about all the things that piss you off...i'm think that this will be a good weekend for you to purge lots of shit...then maybe on sunday you come on over and relax with me by the pool!!!

one nite honest for tears
one nite for the anger
and then regroup.....and fill yourself with love...


ats: no xanax for you, no ambien either...drugs and drink do not mix...you too my friend, allow yourself tonite to grieve, cry it out, but just tonite....tomorrow you should go out on the boat for the weekend..let it fill your soul...take a friend, take your son..but a friend would be better, so you could just take care of you and if you need to vent you can without worry for your son....


((((honest))))

((((ats)))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could go out like that Ats. I've been so disconnected for years because of travelling back and forth overseas that I don't have much of a base here anymore and am trying to rebuild it.

I'm just home alone. DS 15 is at a church fair, DS 12 is sleeping over a friend's house.

It's harder for a woman to go out to a bar KWIM?

But, maybe I'll open a bottle of wine and give you a virtual toast?

Karoke? Sounds like fun, but I know what you mean about all the love song lyrics. <sigh>


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ats, Miracle, we were cross posting.

Thank you so much Miracle. I don't know if I have any xanax in the house. Doc gave me another anti-anxiety to take at night and I don't think those mix!!

Ats, I'm glad you are at the local "Cheers" like place. For some reason I was reminded of the words of the Billy Joel song "Piano Man" when he describes the patrons. That would be good for Kareoke (sp?)

I wish I was there. DS 12 (I keep on going to write DS 11, but he just turned 12) just walked in with his friend. They decided to sleep here instead. Thank you Ats and Miracle, I was able to get my breath.

DS 12 asked what was wrong and I told him I had an allergy attack and a stomach ache. OK, this is as far as "honesttoafault" lies!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol,she just sang "I Touch Myself" for the sad guy in the corner. I will be OK. Lightening is crashing all around this open bar. My boat is riding well on the lines. I feel at home.

iwam I will be good. At times I may not love me, but my boat is special. I will have the radar in watch mode and sleep offshore tonight. I am a son of a son of a sailor, literally.

My folks will buy my boat from me when we divorce and Ihave to sell it. They will pay the upkeep and expect me to run it reguarly to keep it in good shape for when they want to use it.They are good people.

Tracie who sang for me is happy to see I smiled. She told me her story and told me she is OK now, and I will be too.

honest, I just offered you a toast. We are gonna be OK. We are not bad, it is just the environment we find ourselves in.

iwam, thank you. If you are ever in swfl there is a sunset cruise with mudslides waiting for you.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:37 PM, August 20th (Friday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, August 20th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, you will sell the boat, but still be able to use it, I hope Ats?? That boat is so important to you.

I'm glad you are feeling better. I hope the storm abates so you can sleep peacefully tonight.

I think Miracle's suggestion is good, take a friend out with you boating tomorrow, but touch base with DS a few times.

Enjoy yourself tonight as much as you can. I have to go and pick up DS 15 from the fair. I am a glorified taxi driver.


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