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User Topic: Long Term Affair Part 19
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3… LOL… oh??? do you really want to hear it from me?

OK.. here I go! Maybe you are in your anger stage right now? It is all still so fresh for you. And then God handed you a most precious gift in the discovery of all this. The happiness of a child may have counteracted some of the evilness that has happened. Does your H “get it” or not? Only you can answer that… You must somehow have the wisdom to know if he “gets it”.. or not. My W contacted OM after dday too. It is some sort of yearning. It is out of bounds. Didn’t you make a huge deal over that when you found out? I think you did. You protect those boundaries. As for the guts and all… You may not need to know the details. You and I both know it is all ugly. Why do we need to know it happened at the Extended Stay anyway.. Now, that’s trigger. My W could not tell me all the details. She just couldn’t. I’m ok with that. I know enough yet know so much is not told. I have secrets too from earlier GFs. It serves no purpose to know them now in our relationship. You need to decide what enough is. M3, it is always harder without a partner, but you will be fine if you decide to D. Things always seem to work out fine if you make good decisions. D may not be a bad decision if you H is not loving you right now. What is he doing to love you right now? In your case, it sounds like you are capable of waiting. That is my advice to you .. and of course Retrou.. I would go ahead and let the OWH know your H had an A. You need to tell you H what is about to go down. (Others here need to help with that issue). OMH deserves to know. It was a mistake IMO for you to wait. I remember all of us wanting you to tell. Yes, OWH will face pain like he’s never known, but if you don’t tell him OW will do this again and hurt more people. Maybe she can change once it’s exposed. You will be helping OW too believe it or not. Yes, your H is going to be pissed but he needs to know so he can be looking over his back. He must face the fact he may get his teeth knocked out. Make sure you buy him some good running shoes.. (just kidding about the running shoes) Your H may even leave you over this.. If so, so be it I say. Our spouses must be able to take the shit we throw at them. They must face all the consequences. One of the few things I can now take pride in about my W is the fact she took it all from me, yet we are still together… all the Yelling, pushing, punching a hole in the wall, throwing, uncontrollable crying.. threats and the embarrassment from everyone knowing about it, our kids being pissed and disappointed with ugliness to her.. It was awful as I think back on it today. But that is days gone by.

Iwant.. Yes, at some point in time, Total Pardon is a must. Anything less is not true mature love. It’s not forgetting and you cannot change history.. you are making a decision to let it go. It’s not hard to give a Pardon. Just tell yourself, I pardon my spouse. Then try hard to look at who they are today.. If you fail in living up to the pardoning by making them punish again for that past deed, then you say you are sorry and you re-pardon again. I’ve had to do it. BTW.. This is what I’ve learned at Retrou.. 80% success rate.. You’d fall in the 20%.. I guess my point really is to try and live for today.. the BS wants it all to go away.. and at some point in time.. you need to decide to make it go away... I agree, Some here may not be ready.. AST.. I think doing so well, he needs to start thinking about this... I think that would help his W. My W never thought I could forgive.

[This message edited by trynhard at 1:45 PM, August 17th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crud. I wrote a whole post and then lost it and now i'm too tired to write it again. So, I'll just go with "Thanks".


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

W could not tell me all the details. She just couldn’t. I’m ok with that. I know enough yet know so much is not told. I have secrets too from earlier GFs.

I ask this out of genuine curiosity, with no intent to challenge or question the statement. Why is this OK? Can your W tell you why she cannot tell you these things? How can one holding a secret between you two be OK? If she asked and was genuinely interested about what you did with an old girlfriend, would you refuse to tell her? This is different from an unasked secret.

FWW asks why it is important for me to ask the question, I respond, why is it important to not answer? I am getting past all of this rationally, but I am still not ready emotionally that there are parts of this experience she remembers and could share if she wanted to, but she chooses not to.

AST.. I think doing so well, he needs to start thinking about this... I think that would help his W. My W never thought I could forgive.

Thanks, Ats also worries what it says about him that he seems to be doing OK with what his W did? She does worry, a lot from what she says, that some day I will just decide it is all too much.

--Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Ats - if you remember - my H and I had a 1 1/2 hour conversation which was designed to fill in all of the blanks in the A. Obviously, you can't fill in all the blanks in a LTA - they spent so much time together it's impossible to recount it all - so we hit on what was the most significant details to me. And, none of them were sex questions, btw.
But - my H resisted because he thought it would make it worse. And... he was right. He filled in the blanks. And, that says a lot about him. And, I do appreciate that. But, I was very, very sad afterwards. The angst I felt about him having these secrets was gone, the fear of the "unknown" was gone, but it was replaced with a more realistic, in your face, what they did was HORRIFIC kind of feeling.

So, choose between the 2 evils.

And, like you, I don't take pride in the fact that I've taken my H back. It makes me feel weak at best, and foolish & gullible, at worst.

I know those that are successfully reconciled would disagree, and I am happy for them and I certainly don't disrespect their choices AT ALL.

(Edited to add that I am hoping that with time and more effort from my H that one day I will look at the above statement & feel really, really foolish & shocked that I ever thought that. But for now, forgiveness is not in the cards.)

I'm just saying that I understand & acknowledge that there were problems in the marriage. I understand how my H could get to the point where he saw no way out. I just don't like what he did. And, I certainly don't respect it.

Wateva...

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 3:45 PM, August 17th (Tuesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgoodnamesgone, the April 27 disclosures I got filled in a lot of informtaion for me. Like you I felt just awful for a week or so, but it did get rid of some anxiety for me, most of the mind movies. The duration and function of the A made sense with the addiitonal information. The early plain vanilla description, it was hard to understand why continued when she said she had tried to end them. After I knew how involved it all was it made more sense.

It is not pride so much (what is that anymore?), but concern I am "clinging" to FWW for unhealthy reasons.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood:

And, like you, I don't take pride in the fact that I've taken my H back. It makes me feel weak at best, and foolish & gullible, at worst.

there are 2 ways to view this...one, is you really didn't take him back, he is being allowed to stay on probation

the 2nd, you are allowing him to stay so that you can say without a shadow of a doubt someday that you did everything you could to keep your family together....i dont find that weak, i find that courageous...

and m3:

crud. I wrote a whole post and then lost it and now i'm too tired to write it again. So, I'll just go with "Thanks".

i will have to remember that the next time my post goes to post heaven..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, like you, I don't take pride in the fact that I've taken my H back. It makes me feel weak at best, and foolish & gullible, at worst.
I know those that are successfully reconciled would disagree, and I am happy for them and I certainly don't disrespect their choices AT ALL.

Allgood - I think one of the best pieces of advice I received initially after d-day was not to make any rash decisions while in such a highly emotional state. My first inclination was to D - and in fact I did go to an attorney and draw up a property settlement with the intention of following up with D papers. But after talking to a C and others who were there for me during this time, I realized that taking time to make sure I knew what I wanted and making sure my H would give me what I required if I chose to R, really was in my best interest.
So, I guess what I want to say is that you shouldn't look at this as a - "taken my H back" absolute but as giving yourself the proper amount of time to decide what is best for you and your children. I think this is especially true when you have little ones at home.

Actually, I think you should take pride in the fact that you didn't make a rash decision prompted by your emotions but that you allowed yourself the opportunity to make a rational decision based on the facts as you know them and your H's commitment to the M and to you.

And for the record, as one who is basically R'd, I am glad that I didn't make any rash decision to leave.

Only time will tell for all of us but as you will read on this site frequently, at least we have the satisfaction of knowing that we gave our M every chance to survive. There is a lot of pride in that, IMHO!!

ETA - How about that Miracle? We were basically posting the exact same response to Allgood.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 4:24 PM, August 17th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle & Forgive:

one, is you really didn't take him back, he is being allowed to stay on probation

This is true. I'm not going to commit myself to a lifetime of unhappiness, so he's on probation. I did say that to MC too.

I recognize, however, that I bring some of this unhappiness on myself as I just can't seem to be able to get myself to believe, really believe, that he is here 100% for me & is 100% committed to this M for better or for worse. I think he's proven himself to be selfish and short-sighted and someone who is willing to take the easy way out when things get tough.
I am, by nature, loathe to grant trust, and I will hold a grudge. So forgiveness on this level is completely new territory for me.

you are allowing him to stay so that you can say without a shadow of a doubt someday that you did everything you could to keep your family together....i dont find that weak, i find that courageous...

And, this is what I tell myself when I start to feel like a loser. (And - I agree with what you are saying. I do really believe that R is not for the weak - just sometimes it feels that way.)

at least we have the satisfaction of knowing that we gave our M every chance to survive. There is a lot of pride in that, IMHO!!

Hear, hear! Yes, I concur!

And... what is ETA????


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And... what is ETA????

Edited to Add - I love this feature.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Atsenaotie…
W could not tell me all the details.. Why is this OK? Can your W tell you why she cannot tell you these things? How can one holding a secret between you two be OK? If she asked and was genuinely interested about what you did with an old girlfriend, would you refuse to tell her?
Let me give you an example.. My W is brilliant at remembering dates. However, for some odd reason, she cannot seem remember the first time her and OM got together? Give me a break.. lol… That date hurts her because she had been doing this guy for years and years. I guess 8 years sounds better then 9 years? Who the heck knows… How about the group of hotels next to her work… how about the sex positions.. every last one of them? Penis size maybe of a 6’4” man vs. 5’10”? She answered a several things, don't get me wrong.. stuff like they would sit around after work and have a glass of wine and talk about cases… families.. Politics… Basically all the same stuff her and I talk about all the time. Dual life is what she had.. a home life and a work life with two men. AST… her A could have been 2 years and I just don’t think it makes a difference. It would have all hurts the same to me…I cannot change the history. It just doesn’t matter today. It was a mistake she made, I got abused and controlled. Today, I’m not going to allow it. I am not controlled and I am not being abused. I’m being loved.

As for me… Why would I tell her about the ONS I had sex with a co-worker of hers before we started dating? At the time, I thought she would not like me if I told her. She’s never asked me who anyway. I’ve never had any fantasies while I was having sex with my W.. for some reason my mind won’t allow it.. I’ve tried but came back to reality, my W… lol… We’ve talked about my fantasies when I'm alone.. she doesn’t like to talk about that stuff.. It’s kinda embarrassing...

I can think about her A, and I’m OK now.. Sure, if I think long enough about it, I can get some feelings.. I’m not sure why I am this way, I just am. I think it is because I have desensitized myself with my journal, my art, my post here, my decisions to forgive, to pardon, venting to my best friends… All that….

but today I know this… What I just got a little while ago was a welcome home kiss. We talked a few minutes and she asked me what I wanted to go to Target buying stuff of my daughter college.

AST.. what do you need to know? What extra detail do you need? What is it? Allgood has it right…waywards think it will make things worse… This too.. I had mind movies into the 18-20 month period.. I turned the corner, hit bottom at the 11 month mark… In less then three weeks I am at my 2 year dday.

Allgood…

I don't take pride in the fact that I've taken my H back. It makes me feel weak at best, and foolish & gullible, at worst.
I had that feeling for a long time. Months and month… It has move toward more of a pride feeling in myself… I was a good man to my W. Faithful, giving, kind… was I perfect? hell no, but I was good. Remember that saying I had my Lion punched out? You had your Lioness kicked out.. It will return. I guess you might say my boundaries are my “probation”.. you cross that line.. That is your own decision.. And this by you allgood… HELL YES…”I'm not going to commit myself to a lifetime of unhappiness” THIS should be all of our goals.. So, we need to tell our spouses what we need… and they need to tell us what they need… This is why Retrou helped me.. I could not do it in a safe, loving way. I was taking the desk and throwing papers, books, containers all over the kitchen.. scared the hell out of my daughter! Today, when I am not happy, I tell my W… but do it in the dialogue method.. It works.

Nofun..Hey, you are stronger then you sound!!!

Anyway, I'm wore out today..

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:36 PM, August 17th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allgood:

I just can't seem to be able to get myself to believe, really believe, that he is here 100% for me & is 100% committed to this M for better or for worse.

of course you cant believe yet...there is nothing to believe in yet...this is where time comes in, time, consistency from him, continued remorse from him and finally the desire to make it happen from both of you.....this is a process that takes time, it cannot be rushed, it cannot be controlled by you alone or him alone, only by the 2 of you to each other and for each other....

and allgood for what its worth i really believe you have a chance...from what you have posted i see things in your ws that for some reason give me hope for you....don't get me wrong i also see he can be quite stupid...but then again i see stupid in every ws at one time or another... ....

time!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys.
You all really mean a lot to me. (And I dont say that lightly or often.)

BTW - 2for 1 margharitas at Chilis. tonight.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

picture this, i am ringing a bell really really loud and yelling:

pms sent to fnf, allgood, honest, fun and njgal....



this is not a community service announcement!!!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I tried to keep up, but couldn't.

Ats, I like the way you handled the situation with your WW. Good day, bad day posts seem to be good, and it would also be good for the partner to know that many times one doesn't have a good day because of work and not each other!

Allgood: hang in there as much as possible. You are still on the rollercoaster of emotions. I don't think you feel you are seeing enough consistant behavior to make you feel secure yet and that is what is triggering you. It doesn't mean that your WH is not trying his best, but as Miracle says, time is needed.
Listen to the wonderful wise words of FNF!!

Tryn, thank you for sharing your hard journey with us. One of the things that bothers me the most is that although I think I yelled and screamed 2 -3 x since dday, that was it. I cried, tried to talk, bent over backwards, tried to 180, but never ever threw things or broke things.

All of the love languages, and communication, etc, I always tried with WH. before and after dday.

Nofun: you said something about you wonder why you married WH? There is a movie, called "Peggy Sue Got Married". He H was cheating. She goes back in time to when they were dating and she tries to avoid him, but she can't. He's so much in love with her.

She goes through the dilemma that if she didn't marry him, she wouldn't have her kids.

But, for me, the whole point of the movie is that in the past it was WHO YOU WERE at the time, and WHO your S was at the time. If you went back in time, under the same circumstances: the way you were at the time, emotionally, maturity, knowledge, etc, you would have done the same thing. KWIM?

I think we try to kick ourselves because we feel we should have seen the red flags, I know I do. They were waving in my face, but I pushed them to the side. Many times when I was dating WH, I thought he wasn't right for me, but I was so much in love. I tried to be pragmatic, tried to detach from him, but ended up with him. <sigh>

Tryn, true forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. I agree with you that one can make the decision to work on truly forgiving someone. For me, to forgive xWH, it took years of self examination, looking over the M and xWH as objectively as possible to really and truly forgive him. PLUS, after xWH left, he never did anything else to hurt me. EVER. He was the poster boy for how an ex should be respectful and pay child support etc on time. (I am NOT being sarcastic)

I still feel, that to forgive someone, that person has to have stopped hurting you. Or at least, they are trying thier best and you know if they do hurt you, they are not doing it because they are not thinking about your feelings or doing it intentionally.

I cannot forgive while I am still being hurt for lack of caring or even vengefully. I want to someday when I am no longer being attacked.

I am not in a good place these few days. WH is coming back this weekend.

He asked how the kids were and asked how I was. I said Ok, and he said you aren't because you miss me.

I just said that I wasn't feeling that good and I wasn't going to discuss it with him, because he'll say some mean or hurtful thing. I said you really don't want to know. Then I changed the subject.

I know what I have to do. I am just so afraid. My fear of loss of finances is interfering with my emotional health.

{{{{tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest: you will get through this visit...hopefully he won't stay long...but whatever happens you will get through it...

and for the forgiveness, i also believe that there comes a point in time that even when the offending party has still not done the right thing as far as earning it goes, forgiveness is still possible...but first you must completely detach from the offender (way easier said then done) and then detach from the offense....put the offense in the perspective "i will survive this, i will learn from this, i will thrive after this, i will no longer let this person hurt me, i will no longer surrender my power to this offender, i will take my power back and i will thrive in spite of the offense and the offender, i will come out of this a better person, i will take my power back, i will be the best me i can be and i will forgive this offender and his offense and not give him anymore power in my life, i will let it go and not let it define me, i will move on to find my happiness"

and yes waaaay easier said then done...but saying it over and over and over until you make it true, taking the steps along the way to fulfill your own prophecy...to move on and to thrive...


((((((honest))))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to drop in quickly (H is coming in and out looking over my shoulder while I'm here trying to send you a PM Miracle ) and send hugs to Honest. Just remember we're all here for you, just let us know how we can help. (((((Honest)))))))

ATS - I just received an email from UKG. Good news - she is with her sons in NZ so we probably won't be hearing from her for a couple of weeks. I'll make sure to let her know you were asking about her.

Hugs to the tribe!


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest:

My fear of loss of finances is interfering with my emotional health.

Probably true.

But, I think you are quite smart & brave to try to hang in as long as you can. Financial strain is no picnic either. Don't pressure yourself. I do seriously think, however, that you need to lay down some serious ground rules with your H tho. (I cannot believe he is coming back already.) I don't think it's good AT ALL for you to try to pretend that you are still trying to work on this relationship. (Maybe I got that wrong - I know you didn't tell him straight out that it's over, I just can't remember exactly what he thinks or expects when he gets home.)

ETA (now that I know what that means, lol): Honest, the finances will work out, it's just stressful waiting for that to happen as our system sometimes doesn't react as quickly as we need it to.Can you start putting some money aside little by little?

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 11:17 PM, August 17th (Tuesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, August 18th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest - there were red flags throughout many many years before and during my M. the week before my wedding i was getting doubts and this is when i realized things about his family and him that I didn't like. But I was "in love."

I believe a lot of issues come from your FOO and now when I look back....I can see it. FWH's father was a vile man. I believed he cheated on his mother (I have no proof and H says no). FWH's father used to say ALL THE TIME (even in front of me)that if a "woman wants it", "give it to her". I remember getting very angry at him for his stupid comments. Imagine being brought up like this, thinking that it's ok to cheat on your wife. The happiest day of my life was when when my FIL died. I told the IC this and he said it was my truth and to feel this way was ok. I felt like I was going to be damned to hell for speaking this truth.

My H did tell me that during his A, he spoke to his father often about his A. Damn that man, damn that man!!

There is no excuse for anyone to have an A, period. And I'm not laying blame, but I remember reading about FOO issues playing a large role in this type of thing.

I don't know how I got on this roll...so I'll end now. I guess it was just bothering me.

Honest - on a side note....try stashing money. It's amazing how much I stashed in a short period of time. I now have my own checking account, my own safety deposit box, I've changed my will and my trust and it makes me feel like I have some power and a safety net in place. You can do it.


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
fadingmemories
♀ Member
Member # 20531
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 18th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello tribe... I miss having the time to communicate with all of you. I hope your summer has been good and healthy. I saw this post on Facebook and just wanted to share.

"Don't ever be an option for the person you make the priority."

It said so much to me. So many of us lived time as the option.... here's to never being in that position again.
Take care all.... be back in Sept after the busy season!


Me BS
Him FWS
Married 25 Years  Together 31
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.



Posts: 315 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: North East
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, August 18th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fun: i could really relate to the inlaw issues...when my inlaws moved to florida, i was so thankful, little did i know at the time, pfm was so stressed that he turned his activity up a couple of notches and had several of us at the same time...that was when we moved also from brooklyn to long island....poor baby couldn't handle it all, so he just found more women to turn to....oops, i digressed, anyway i still remember what a relief it was to have them far far away....not that the distance mattered all that much, but it was something...

i dont know how i will feel when these people die...i have thought about it...and i just don't know...they were such hurtful people, but when they wanted to be good, they could be fun....i always thought it so sad that these people didn't just lighten up, this could have been a really awesome family if they just let go...but could haves and should haves is living the life of what if...pfm did that with #1...

fading memories: its good to see you again and if my memory serves me, which it sometimes does not, you were the successful reconcillitation when i first got here, you i believe were the one who renewed your vows with a ceremony...at the time it gave me such hope....its always good at any point in time on this journey to success stories...so yay and thanks...

and fnf thanks for the update on ukgirl...i hope she is at peace with her boys...she loves them so...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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