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User Topic: Npd Thread Part 8
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once again I am seeking advice from those with more experience with this than me.

For the past couple of days he has been somewhat normal. I have no idea how to explain that but there have been no major issue. It makes me a little nervous.

He feels that we are doing great and that all my independent decisions will end soon and i will feel comfortable with him.

I guess what I want to know is this what NPD do, they make you feel like everything is going back to normal and pretend that nothing ever happened and once you let your gaurd down it all hits the fan???

We have not discussed the ONS in months, I still do not beleive him but realize now that it doesn't matter, even if he changed his story it probably still would be a lie. He continues to let his addictions break him and plays hi online games for hours everyday. The little bit of communication we have seems to work for him.

He continues to make future plans which worries me because I know he won't keep them. And I don't know if I will be here to enjoy them if he does.

So either he is getting good at acting or i am getting good at excepting this as normal.

As he spends his whole paycheck on gambling he makes plans with my money on how it will be spent. I am at a loss for how to handle this and cannot understand how he can be ok with it.

I guess what I notice is that everything has changed since he cheated on me and he is ok with things the way they are. It is like he longer has to put up a front of who is because he got caght and he can be himself.

It makes me nervouse everyday becaue although he has been diagnosed NPD I never know what to believe and when things are going to flare up.

I just need someone to explain this to me, how do I know when to relax, should I ever relaz around him or just accept the fact that he is really good at what he does.


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
SierraGrace
♀ Member
Member # 24259
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess what I want to know is this what NPD do, they make you feel like everything is going back to normal and pretend that nothing ever happened and once you let your gaurd down it all hits the fan???

From my personal experience....as long as I kept quiet, didn't remind him of what he did, didn't try to discuss it or get answers, he would be as (fake) normal and loving as possible. The minute I said ANYTHING related to his behavior, lying, cheating, drinking, the shit DID hit the fan. I do believe this is textbook NPD.

I couldn't possibly live like this knowing full well if I DARE mention anything about what he did....rather than discuss and resolve it normally and like an adult...he'd turn on me in an instant. He'd go from his wanna-be normal, loving, fake-self, to the true NPD he is. It's called walking on eggshells and I hated it. I did try it and it did NOT work for me. I like communication, resolution, and there can be no real communication or resolution with NPD because they want to control everything, including what we do, think, say, etc...no thank you!!


BSO(me): 50-ish! How did THAT happen?
~♥~ Fur-kids: 5 Cats ~♥~
Adopt a pet! Save a life!

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Sunrises to Sunsets
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does hurt to not know the truth, to think that at any moment when the urge hits this could all happen again and he would handle the same way.

WH ONS happened in 2008 and it is like he has completely changed from what he was like before he got caught.

I know that a lot more happened that what he will ever tell me but now he is acting like we are doing so much better when all it really is me diguising it better.

How can anyone even a person with NPD think that by not talking about it, it will just go away, that by lying about it and doing everything they can to make life so hectic that you don't have time to think about is the way to heal???

I am amazed at how different I feel about him now that I know what he has done, all I think about is how many others were there and what else is he capable of. He is not the same man I fell in love with ten years ago or maybe I am not the same, either way nothing will ever be the same.


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TooDevoted. You are dealing with a classic NPD. It was like I was reading a book written about my marriage. How I remeber asking questions only to be asked it I was trying to pick a fight. Questions something he did and getting punished for a week at a time, then we he is done punishing me he acted like nothing ever happended and I am staning around going "huh?" confused at hell.

They are masters at deflecting and twisting everything you say. If you do anyting to mess with their image you will pay for it. As far as I know it doesnt' get better. I am separated and still dealing with his NPD. It is ok for them to lie about you and why you left em but do not tell anyone the truth or you will get the NPD rage.

Read the book Narcissitic Lovers and I bet you will find a lot if your wh in it. We are here for you.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD's are great as long as you do not ask about their affiars, discuss their lies, call them on their shit, try to communicate, need something from them or smudge their image at all ever.

They are so good because they lull us into believing that they are the man we have always wanted, they are attentive, loving, helpful until you are caught up in the fantasy. Then they being to show cracks and you start to see the real them. You argue, you get punished, you questions, they deflect and twist you up. You catch them in an affair and they rage or they plead and beg you to stay. The promise it will never happen again.

Once they have you they rage if you dare to ask questions about their affiars or their "just friends" women. He become verbally abusive and threatening to keep you n line. Then they begin to rewrite marital history as you never let them do anything, they have always been unhappy being married.

My stbxnpd told me just this weekend that he was never happy being married to me. Funny because he begged me to take him back in October and i have numerous emails begging me to forgive him and not leave him. At the same time he has been telling everyone else that I left him because I didn't love him, that we were gettin together for dinners and working on our relationship and then that it was over because I refused to be friends with his neighbor friend. He failed to mention that the "neighbor friend" is the gutter slut that he began cheating on me with 2 months into our reconciliation and during the 5 months that I was ill in bed. She is also the one I requested he stop texting all the time and demanded she stop coming over to our house all the time and getting drunk with him till 3 am.

Now I am gettin threatening phone calls about how I better get my act togehter or I will end up sorry. He has never lied about me and supposedly told everyone it was his fault. Not the story I got from a good friend of ours.

Be careful about poking the bear, that is what I did this weekend and it wasn't worth it. I have been under horrible stress from his non stop calls and emails and hateful calls. I learned that while at least all his friends now his cheated on me, it has made my life a living hell. So be carefule when you damange their image as they will strick back harshly.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
toughgirl8
♀ Member
Member # 29812
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS))) to everyone.

My H turned into a completely different person too after the A. Tried to rug sweep and lie, blame me, and make it go away but I wouldn't let it.

Now I'm threatened if I don't agree to have sex on a weekend night that he'll drink and take a sleeping pill (yes this weekend too when we - on the East Coast- were hit by Hurricane Irene) and after refusing to have sex with him so I could comfort my daughter who was scared of the storm, I was locked out of my bedroom, called a bitch and ended up taking my 3 little ones into the basement to sleep due to many nearby tornado warnings by myself. When I knocked on my own bedroom door to say I was doing this cause I was scared he only said 'I'm staying here, maybe if you're lucky I won't be here in the morning'.

Helpful huh? Great H, great Dad..

Filing for D is long overdue now after bearing an A last year, and a summer full of empty threats (divorce, kids, sell our house, him insinuating he'd kill himself if he lost me --- totally schizo right??), intimidation, and emotional abuse, I will no longer walk on eggshells. I just need to be away from him. I HATE the idea of sharing my kids, etc etc, but I have to get away. For myself and my kids.

My own home is like a f&^%ing prison. I can't breathe, I dread being in the same house as him, bedroom, bathroom, car. I'm scared of what his reaction will be if I answer his questions, and he asks the same ones over and over every day: "are we spending 'time' together tonight? do you want a div?"... and I'M the bad wife, not enough sex, all the housework he does, cooking...I'm sorry i expect him to contribute since I work full time and have 2 yr old twins and a gradeschooler.

I can't bear it just to avoid screwing up the stability my kids have right now. We'll all be happier when the dust settles right? I have a good job, I CAN do this. I know I can. I'm very fortunate to be in a position where I CAN be independent from him. So what the hell is stopping me?

He will never change... he just gets worse every day.


Me-37
WH-41
M-12 yrs
D Day-3/2010
4 kiddoes
Some may say I have a short temper, I say I have a swift and assertive reaction to bull sh't. ;)

Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2010
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toughgirl,

What is stopping you? You have the ability, You have the motive, You have the truth. Pull the trigger and get it over with. You are one of the lucky ones that has a way out.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Challenging, or even just questioning an NPD can result in what they perceive as a serious threat to their all important image.

I found out after my divorce (when I was finally able to put together a more accurate time table) that many times when he would rage would be right after or during a cheating episode. Weather it was a one night
stand or a longer affair, he had to
de-value me

These raging incidents would involve starting fights that would last all night. Throwing me out of a vehicle in the middle of the street and leaving me there, locking me out of my home in the middle of the night, taking my purse and all of my access to money, taking my cell
phone, ect.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 6:07 PM, August 29th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soverybetrayed thanks, I am so sorry for what you and everyone else seems to be going through.

Iím feeling pretty devastated to be honest, sad, upset and I donít really know what to do next.

All along Iíve just thought that if only I could get him to listen to me, if only I could come up with that one word that would register what heís doing to us. But he canít see it, he canít see anything other than Iím being unreasonable and the cause of every single problem. He said just before this silent treatment that if I can give him some hope that things are going to change then heíll talk to me. I canít believe that Iíve been so stupid. I feel such a fool. I AM a fool. At which point did I stop standing up for myself? At which point did I stop respecting myself?

I did think Iíd got through to him a couple of months ago. For the first time he let me speak, he listened, he agreed with what I said, he helped come up with solutions, everything was going to be perfect. He said he could see where heíd gone wrong. He didnít want me to leave. But heís not stuck to one thing that he said??

I donít want to believe, no I CANíT believe that he said it and didnít mean one word

But it seems that he didn't

Fortunately I donít think that heíd give me any problems if we break up, heís more a Ďblank it outí person, forget that I ever existed. Thatís hard to accept too I mean he loves me, he loves me more than life itself, he loves me more than heís loved anyone else, he loves me more than anything else right?? Or so he says, yet I know that heíd just carry on with life as though we had never happened.

Total silence from him still, heís away visiting his family, heís probably not even noticed that for the first time ever Iím not breaking that silence

Gosh, hugs to all (((hugs)))

[This message edited by Toodevoted at 7:13 PM, August 29th (Monday)]


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

there have been no major issue. It makes me a little nervous.

This. This sticks out at me. Read it again. And again! Can you imagine? A *normal* life with no ongoing drama...
makes you nervous?

A normal life makes you nervous?

This emotion is the bitter stamp of abuse.

Please, dear GOD PLEASE!~
leave these!
Time for a theme song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Faith2011
♀ Member
Member # 30946
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an example of how narcissist a Narcissist can get.

My mum was dying. I was sleeping at the hospice most nights that particular week. I came home for a shower one morning. XNPDWH was home 24/7 having scammed yet another few months off work.

As I was about to leave the house to go back to the hospice he said "by the way, we have run out of icecream".

My mum died that day. After saying my goodbyes, I got in my car, drove to the supermarket in a daze and bought the ice cream.

Why, you may ask? I often ask myself the same question.

To get the self-centered asshole off my back when I got home. To make him happy so he might offer a crumb of support (he didn't. He just went on about his own mothers death).

That's how narcissistic NPD's can be. How dare I have a need to be supported when my mum died when his need for ice cream far outweighed my grief.

And yet, he came to the funeral, held my hand. Looked the part. And everyone said how supportive he was because he wore a suit that day and everyone knew he hated wearing suits and attending funerals.


Run from an NPD. Run away fast. And don't look back.


BS me
XNPDWH him
DDay Jan 2011

"Live the best life possible."


Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this thread has really been moving! I am sad that there are more members dealing with the special brand of crazy and crazy making of the NPD. But welcome all the same and I am glad to have the company.

I have found that no one, NO ONE who hasn't direct experience with an NPD (spouse or family member) gets it. I spent too much energy trying to explain why I felt how I feel, and to explain what I lived with at home and why I lived with it, and YES he looked great to you and in public but.... EXHAUSTING. And then the wheels with hamsters in my head would start up and the whispers of "am I crazy?"

Here is where I get grounded. Here is where I don't have to justify or wonder. Here is my community of survivors.

There is Life AFTER madness. The further away the clearer I see. We share children and so NC is not truly possible. Although it is email only and never is it a conversation. I share information. He shares information. Rarely do we respond to one another. It is not polite so much as it is lifeless. Not really the right word. Mechanical.

There are still triggers for me. His voice. The stupid stupid things he says and does with the kids. The fact that he is without responsibility while I drown in it. But the emotions are less on the drama scale. And I appreciate that.

I find the humor to be a relief. Even if it is dark or sarcastic. Laughter is all that keeps me sane some days. And it is a fine line...

jj- love that song. the "poking me" line gets me every time.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5309 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Jpapageorge
♂ Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jjct, thank you, thank you, thank you. I need to change the pronouns to fit my situation but the song is awesome.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1656 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
Faith2011
♀ Member
Member # 30946
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 29th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is Life AFTER madness. The further away the clearer I see.

And the further away you are the more you understand how the NPD kept you hooked for so long. They are brilliant at what they 'do' - mind games.

Once you are no longer their supply, they themselves seem to have no substance.


BS me
XNPDWH him
DDay Jan 2011

"Live the best life possible."


Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2011
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We don't talk, we do not do much of anything but he has his time filled with all his addictions.

I continue to go IC and try to understand why and continues to do nothing.

This is not what I signed up for, a cheating, lying, NPD that will talk about how cute he is and how hard he works ffor the family, then two days after pay day be broke because he gambled it all away.

Then leave off my daughter for the next two weeks so she stays broke and then complain about anything she does.

At times it can be hard to tell when he is real and when he isn't, I guess it is the normal in me that tries to see the normal in him.

I am ok until we go somewhere and I watch his wandering eyes and see him act nervous, It is very strange to see things I never noticed before.

It is hard to explian how I feel but ther is no trust at all, there is no arguing because we very rarely talk, and I try very hard not to let him affect me which is hard because he is controlling, the only thing that confuses me is he will shut down if I raise my voice even about the smallest thing, and then he makes this wierd face and looks away.

There are too many things that I notice now that I didn't before and it just makes feel like a fool.


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
yousaid4ever
♀ Member
Member # 32626
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[
All along Iíve just thought that if only I could get him to listen to me, if only I could come up with that one word that would register what heís doing to us. But he canít see it, he canít see anything other than Iím being unreasonable and the cause of every single problem. He said just before this silent treatment that if I can give him some hope that things are going to change then heíll talk to me. I canít believe that Iíve been so stupid. I feel such a fool. I AM a fool. At which point did I stop standing upfor mayself? At which point did I stop respecting myself"

I have been married for 37 years and am now just realizing and trying to accept that my WH has NPD. He has had one PA and several EA over the years, starting 6 mo after we married. I was doing a hard 180 when I posted on the Just Found Out forum and this site was suggested to me. I never thought I would wish he was "just" a serial cheater and not a NPD.

I don't know what I am more sad over; the fact that it took me so long to realize what was wrong or the fact that, from everything I have read, there is NO HOPE of my STBXNPDH ever changing.

I just feel so so so sad now. I've devoted 40 years of my life to this man. Forty years that I believed he truly loved me and wanted me forever. And it's all been for naught.

What's even more pathetic is that I truly do love this man! I love the good, kind, giving parts of him. I understand that the hurtful, lying, cheating, raging narcisstic parts were developed as a result of an emotionally deplete and traumatic childhood. What I don't and will probably never understand is; why doesn't he want to know what is wrong and why can't he change?

I thought I would never give up on him but I realize I need to leave this relationship as I need to save myself and my respect. My children, my grandchildren and I deserve to live a full, honest and "normal" life. Even though I know all this in my head, my heart still tells me how much I love him and how it hurts like hell to leave him.

How crazy is that?


I took your words and I believed
In everything you said to me
Cause you said forever
And ever, who knew?......Pink

BS(me)55...STBXWH 55
Married 37 yrs/4 grown children, 5 grandchildren
DD's-10/75; 10/80; 09/92; 12/09; 12/10; 03/11...more?


Posts: 74 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Utah
Toodevoted
♀ Member
Member # 33149
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I don't know what I am more sad over; the fact that it took me so long to realize what was wrong or the fact that, from everything I have read, there is NO HOPE of my STBXNPDH ever changing
.

Exactly how I feel right now. Quickly losing hope, but still have some I guess

I just feel so so so sad now. I've devoted 40 years of my life to this man. Forty years that I believed he truly loved me and wanted me forever. And it's all been for naught.

I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel, the loss of 8 years feels bad enough

What's even more pathetic is that I truly do love this man! I love the good, kind, giving parts of him.

It's not pathetic, as a warm and loving person you value the good parts of him and try to block out the bad. I truly love mine too, I can't stop thinking about all the good things he's done. I'm trying to think of the endless bad right now because those good times really had little value when deep inside I knew things were very wrong, they were fake

What I don't and will probably never understand is; why doesn't he want to know what is wrong and why can't he change?

This is where I'm stuck at now. Hoping that he will want to know and will manage to change

You really do deserve a much better life, one where your heart can be light, no more wondering, no more turmoil, no more stress, no more feeling like this is as good as life gets. Just imagine your life being back in your control, no more trying to 'fix' him, no more wondering what he's doing, where he is.

A peaceful life.

It all sounds like total bliss to me, but I can't do it for some reason. I still have hope that it's just a stage that he's going through, that he'll see the light. But deep down I know that he won't.

It's hard to believe that you're not loved in the exact same way as you love someone. But as a wonderful, loving and caring person you deserve to be, that's your right

I hope that you can work it out, get through it and life be as it should be - just normal

I'm so sorry you've found all of this out lately (((yousaid4ever)))

[This message edited by Toodevoted at 9:24 AM, August 30th (Tuesday)]


BS (me): 44
WH: 44
DD: Dec 2009 but let him rugsweep

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithsurviver
♀ Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Usaid4ever-

Welcome to my world! I've been NC with my xwnpdh for several months now and can now see him for what he really is-NPD! I have had friends who knew both xwh and I step forward and reveal to me things that they observed in him- what an eye-opener!

I never thought I would say this, but divorcing him was probably the best thing that could happened to me-I think it literally saved my life- physically and mentally.

I can honestly say that I still love him, but I cannot be with him for my own sanity and happiness


BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 331 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
toughgirl8
♀ Member
Member # 29812
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frank- I know you're right.

I have a call in to my lawyer this morning. I'm done.

My H's birthday is coming up, I said no he will not be getting any sexual favors, so he asked if I'm done, I said yes. So first he threatens to take the kids away for his b-day weekend. I said no, so he said he won't be home then, he'll be out getting drunk and getting laid.

Brilliant. Final straw. As if I needed one more. This is over. I just pray I can keep it together for my kids. And that he will be good to them during his time.


Me-37
WH-41
M-12 yrs
D Day-3/2010
4 kiddoes
Some may say I have a short temper, I say I have a swift and assertive reaction to bull sh't. ;)

Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2010
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 30th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toughgirl,

Based on his NPD response and his entitlement on the most important day of the world (his birthday), I would say you are making a wise choice.......

Let the healing begin!!!! Halleluja!!!! Life is going to start getting better for you. It is amazing how fast the healing takes place once NPD is no longer part of your life. Even though they creep back in it is never permanent....only necessary with kids.

I am glad you have found your way......stay strong.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
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