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User Topic: Npd Thread Part 8
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you ready to accept he is NPD??? Sounds like it. Are you ready to accept that it is incurable and untreatable???

If so then you can let go of hope. You realize there is NO HOPE, right???

You may still have some wishes in you. You may "Wish" he was not NPD. YOu may "Wish" this had not happened. You may "Wish" he could wake up.....But those are just wishes.

Hoping means you believe there is a chance. Wishing means there is no chance and you are chasing fairytales.

Let go and get busy healing and living. Put him in the past and leave him there. Train yourself to not think or care about him. See him for the broken down POS he is and throw him out like yesterday's garbage.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
Faith2011
♀ Member
Member # 30946
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more I read, the more I post, the more I hear from you, the more I am accepting there is no hope. I was wishing for the 'old' XWH to one day come back. The one who romanced me in the beginning. The one who said I was his soulmate.

Now I'm starting to understand it was just a facade. To get me hooked. I saw the real man a few years before, during and after his A.

He wasn't real and he didn't really love me in the way I loved him.

Now I have no excuses but to move forward and put the last 10 years as a huge learning curve.

Thanks Frank, for all your words.


BS me
XNPDWH him
DDay Jan 2011

"Live the best life possible."


Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2011
wanttobeloved
♀ Member
Member # 30986
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have noone to lean on to get through this, I am in such pain right now, it took the therapist three times of talking to him to realize he was NPD and I did not see it for ten years.

I have been told that codependency is one of the heardest things to overcome. I was also told that NPD is one of the worst kinds of abuse.

To accept the characteristics of NPD and not take them personal is impossible when you have a heart that feels and tears that are real. When he told me what he did (ONS) with such anger I was devasted and crying and the pain I felt was like nothing I ever felt before and he offered me nothing, he just sat and watched me cry.

To research it and know that when he saw me crying he thought I was weak and pitful and not hurt or devasted is something I have a hard time comprehending.

I am at a loss for what I should do or where I should go because none of it makes sense to me.

How do you fake a relationship for ten years????

How do you go through the emotions and not really even care about the person???

Better yet, how do you pretend to care about kids and vacations and buying a house when you really could care less about any of it???

Then what makes it even better is to say if you love me you will forgive me and we can be happy again, when you really do not mean it???

It is like living with a stranger except he has been this way the ten years and I just did not want to see it, what does that make me?

My life is crumbling down around me and my family is falling apart and it hurts like hell but he continues to act like everything is ok.

I want to accept it and move on but as soon as I feel like I am ready he says something nice or acts like he cares and then I am crushed one more time.


BS (me):44
WH:46
4 kids, 26, 21,21,19(3 live with me)
3 grands, 9,7(live with me)and 9 months
DDAY October 26, 2010
doubtful

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2011
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not alone really. There are support groups, both in person and online, and there appear to be a lot of people going through the same reality check you're dealing with. Don't feel alone now. The truth is you've been alone for a long time, just like a lot of us, only none of us knew it.

To research it and know that when he saw me crying he thought I was weak and pitful and not hurt or devasted is something I have a hard time comprehending.

Research? Mine tells me I'm weak and can't handle anything. That I should process it, make a decision to accept it or not, and move on. If I accept it, then that should be the end of it. Sweet, huh?

Yes, we're viewed as weak. Truthfully, compared to them, we are. BUT, we also have the capacity for true happiness, love and joy. We can see beauty in things beyond our mirror. We can learn from experiences, and not in a "how can I use this later" kind of way. I'll take weakness in the face of pain and betrayal over a dead heart any day.

And who cares how they view us when we're upset? They view us as toys all the time. Don't focus on one aspect of their opinion of us. We're nothing to them always.

Then what makes it even better is to say if you love me you will forgive me and we can be happy again, when you really do not mean it???

LOL - what he means is YOU can forgive him and HE can be happy again. He doesn't care if you're happy. I'm sorry, I know it sucks. I do. But we're better off understanding what we're being spoonfed than to just take it without looking.


I want to accept it and move on but as soon as I feel like I am ready he says something nice or acts like he cares and then I am crushed one more time.

This one is the killer, huh? We want so desperately to believe they care and that they want US, not just someone to feed that empty ego of theirs. We want them to hurt and we want them to want us to be happy. Sadly, this isn't how they work. Somewhere along the way they were so damaged that they just can't feel anything except a sense of self.

Remember always - this has NOTHING to do with you. You can't make him change. You can't love him enough to break through. You can't 'behave' enough to make him happy.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to vent privately or just want a shoulder to lean on.


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
Faith2011
♀ Member
Member # 30946
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((wanttobeloved))


Your member name says it all. We all wanted to be loved and our NPD spouses charmed us blind until it was too late.

But there is hope for you to find happiness. You will find the strength.


BS me
XNPDWH him
DDay Jan 2011

"Live the best life possible."


Posts: 356 | Registered: Jan 2011
toughgirl8
♀ Member
Member # 29812
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wanttobeloved)))

"I want to accept it and move on but as soon as I feel like I am ready he says something nice or acts like he cares and then I am crushed one more time. "

Exactly.

For me it'll be ok for a little while, a week max, then it goes back to his needs and he'll get pissed cause I'm not meeting them. It's only briefly about my needs to reel me back in.

We've been peaceful for a few days now and I'm just waiting for him to lose his patience. I haven't agreed to def give him another chance, haven't filed for D. But I think 1 wrong move and that's it, I'll have no other choice. I was ready last week now he backed off over the weekend and I'm enjoying a breather...don't get many of those.

I completely understand the struggle you're in...I'm going thru it right now too. Just hoping (key word) it doesn't get worse... but I feel like I know in my heart it will before it gets better.

Hang in there... take care of yourself. I've got you in my thoughts.

(((faith))) so glad you were able to be rid of him and start to heal and be happy. I wish you the best. You deserve so much better.


Me-37
WH-41
M-12 yrs
D Day-3/2010
4 kiddoes
Some may say I have a short temper, I say I have a swift and assertive reaction to bull sh't. ;)

Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2010
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were/are all trying to live off of the crumbs they throw our way. I know it is hard to accept. You have to accept it in your own time. It is excruciating to be tossed back and forth the way we are.

My cycle was every three days. Every three days I would get fed a crumb. But 3 days later cold heartedness would show again.

I did not want Divorce. Still don't. But I was left with no choice. I have exhausted every possible attempt. I finally had to surrender. But for over a year my heart was broken and ripped to shreds every 3 days.

Now that I am past that my life is improving by leaps and bounds.

Letting go is much easier when you accept the NPD. If it is diagnosed.....accept it. If it is not diagnosed become the most educated person you can, so you can accept what you have learned.

Do not be angry at them. They are sick and broken. They were not born this way. But that does not change the fact that they are sick and broken. We still can not live with them.

This becomes less about infidelity and more about being able to stay with someone who does not possess the ability to love, care, or cherish us.

You only have two choices. Divorce and find someone that can love. Orrrr.......Stay in the M and accept that your needs will never ever matter and accept your role as one where you are there to serve their needs. Honestly folks that is the only thing that is black and white about NPD.

I chooose D so that at least I have a chance at a real life. I am 56 years old. My days are ticking by very quickly. I am not spending one more second catering to the needs of someone who can never return my love. The rest of you need to make your own choices....this was/is the only choice for me.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wanttobeloved)))

You do have someone to lean on. Lean on us. We have walked in your shoes. Let us help you through this. Please learn all you can so you can accept the reality.

Honey, believe me, I know you do not want to have to accept it. I lived in denial hell way too long. I had to exhaust every denial escape route possible before I finally caved in. Now.....I wish I had done it sooner.

The moment you arrive at acceptance is not as painful as you think. I actually felt a relief. I could imediately feel the healing begin. Do not fear acceptance...try to embrace it.

I wish you strength and offer you support. However you choose to proceed.

[This message edited by Frank2010 at 12:14 PM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
takilasunrise
♀ Member
Member # 29786
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So....upon research, I came to the conclusion last year that my WH could be a NPD. I brought it up to my IC at the time and she asked "is he attached to anything?". I said yes, his dog...she said then he's probably very narcissistic, but probably not a true NPD. What are your feelings/opinions about that?

Next, I started with IC again yesterday, with a different person this time (I only went for a short time last year & stopped because I felt she wasn't helping me fast enough). I described my WH and I referred to him as very narcissistic. She asked me if he'd ever been diagnosed as bi-polar as some of the stuff I was describing about him sounded like that...she also said he can still be very narcissistic in addition to being bi-polar. I did some reading today and yes, it sounds like he could have that. So, now I'm kind of confused. I know I can't diagnose him, but at least knowing that he could have one or the other answers the why he is the way he is.

It's still a hard thing to accept, that if he really is a NPD, that he never really loved me....


BW - Me, 49 years old
WH - Him, 51 years old)
D-Day July 2010 (several D-days to follow)
Divorced February 7, 2012

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness. The Karma for screwing over a good girl is the Bitch you end up with.


Posts: 978 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: WI
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your first IC may not have hit the nail on the head. As I stated the STBXW would have died before she let one of her dogs go.....until they no longer served a purpose. They got her attention and they gave her attention. She was not very social and her dogs were her main source of love and affection and worshiped her. When she no longer needed that from them she dropped them like a hot potato. Or if they attached to me....she had nothing to do with them.

Just because they are attached to something doesn't mean anything. They were attached to us once too.....as long as we fulfilled their need.

The research does show that NPD is often accompanied by other sociopathic disorders. Mine is NPD and PAD (passive aggresive) undiagnosed but very evident in her actions. She promised to read stuff I gave her and then either didn't read it, skimmed through it, or said it was all bullshit and it did not apply to us. She promised to do things to appease me and then did them half assed or only for a short time or not at all. When MC asked us to do something that required thought and soul searching, she would wait til just before the next session and scribble something down but it was obvious she did not put much effort into it. She supposedly suffers from depression too but who knows.....always seemed like an attention getting act to me. A convenient excuse for lack of feelings.

The more you study the subject and the more you test them, the easier it is to see. I have created scenerio after scenerio to see how she would react. I have asked question after question to see her response. It became way to clear to ignore any longer.

For example: when things were calm and she had me over for dinner, we had a pleasant dinner and all was relaxed. So the moment was right to ask "Would you ever cheat again?"....."No"....."why not"....."because of all of this"......"all of what?"....."all the fighting and interrogations".

Well that answer was a clue. How about "because I never want to hurt you like this again". But that would have been the answer from someone who was remorseful and empathetic......NPD are incapable of those feelings.....she was incapable. Many more questions and many more scenerios and ALL of them were typical NPD standard responses.

Kinda hard to keep denying it at that point.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
takilasunrise
♀ Member
Member # 29786
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your response Frank. I haven't read this whole thread yet, so I'm sorry if I missed your input about the dogs. And now that you say that about the dogs, yeah, I can see that in my WH. He loves HIS dog. He would die if something happened to her. But the other dogs that didn't like him (and it's funny how the last 2 adopted adult dogs did NOT like him), HE did not like them. I actually had to stop him a couple of times from not hurting them fatally after they both bit him! So, I'm thinking my first IC was not the best around for the situation I'm in...

Like I mentioned before, it is a hard feeling to shake off that there's a good chance that the love he says he has for me isn't the same love a "normal" person feels.


BW - Me, 49 years old
WH - Him, 51 years old)
D-Day July 2010 (several D-days to follow)
Divorced February 7, 2012

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness. The Karma for screwing over a good girl is the Bitch you end up with.


Posts: 978 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: WI
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I'm surrounded by NPD's. *sigh*

I've been here for a long time and *survived* a horrific XNPDWH and the subsequent divorce which was equally horrific. Along with the regular heart wretching issues that come along with any infidelity divorce that included an OC, I also had to deal with protection orders, stalking, vandalism and numerous court appearances and trials dealing with his criminal activity directed at me or
my property.

I fought that with all I had. Money, emotion, gumption, etc. And after nine years *knocking on wood* he seems to be gone. But I will never know for sure, as he is so sneaky. I will forever be looking over my shoulder.

The problem I'm dealing with now is my brother. He is as bad an NPD as my XNPDWH without the violence, yet. Or not that I'm aware of.

I am the oldest in a family of four. It is me, then my brother and then my two sisters. My parents are still together and ready to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary later this
year.

My parents are rather old fashioned. We grew up in a rural area on a farm. My great grandfather was a farmer, my grandfather was a farmer and my dad is a farmer. The farm wasn't anything significant until my father's era. He is the one who has made the farm the success it is today. The prior generations would be considered "hobby" farmers. My father's "dream" has always been to build up the farm with his son and have a shared family business between the two of them. The daughters were expected to marry and start their own life with their husbands. (old fashioned)

My sisters and I have all had our own lives. We have all had careers outside the farm and have all done quite well in our professional lives. The middle sister has had tremendous success with both her personal and professional life. Unfortunately for me and my youngest sister, we had the misfortune of marrying ASSHOLES which resulted in divorce.

Our parents have been sympathetic and supportive during these trying times, but our brother and his wife have been HORRIBLE.

This business "partnership" between my father and my brother has resulted in my father doing all the work and my brother doing NO work and spending all the money. They have build this ginormous home on the farm that I suspect my father has paid for. His wife doesn't work. My mother and my father run their four children all over to their numerous events, while their parents socialize. They are involved in the "Arts Council" the "Fund Raising Committie" for this and that. The money that goes to these different causes is, of course from my mom and dad. But when it is listed who the money comes from, instead of saying Mr and Mrs Noname from Noname Farms, Inc. , they say "Mr and Mrs Noname, Community Volunteers. My mother objected to this, but they said that it was "embarrassing" to say they were "farmers" among their social friends.

Now, I know that most of the problems here are the fact that there are little if any boundaries when it comes to my parents with my brother and his wife. They have so much power because they pay their bills, but they refuse to cut them off.

And honestly if that is the way they want to run their business, fine. But I get sick of hearing my mother complain about all of this when she refuses to do anything about it.

This lack of accountability has trickled over to the personal aspects of our family. My brother and his wife have been married for approximately 25 years. From the moment his wife met me, she took an instant dislike to me. At the time, I didn't have a clue why. 25 years ago my brother and I were very close. But it only took a moment for his wife to convince him that I was a "horrible person" and he didn't speak to me for 15 years.

Not only did they not speak to me, they were outright hostile. There was NO incident, no conversation, no nothing. If we had a family gathering, my dad would say, "just go in and say hello. be the bigger person. Do it for me." And I would walk in and say "hello" only to have them snap their heads around and ignore me. I would BEG my mom, my dad and anyone else I thought might know what the problem to tell me what I had done to deserve this hostile treatment. My questions were always met with the same answer. "I don't know."

I know now this was a lie.

I wasn't the only one in our family who was subjected to this hostile and abusive behavior. They told anyone who would listen that my mother had "abused" my brother as a child. (ridiculous and outright lie) My youngest sister remarried a wonderful man and they have made slanderous remarks about him publicly, saying he is in the "mob" and he is "dangerous" and involved in "shady dealings". He owns his own business in the service industry and his reputation is everything. Not to mention, I don't think the "mob" is active in rural mid America. geesh.

My brother and his wife have NEVER even spoke to my sister's husband, nor have they spoke to my sister since she remarried. According to them, she is an embarrassment due to her divorce and now labeled as a "loser". My sister and her husband have been married for 10 years and have three adorable children together and her husband is helping her raise her daughter from her previous marriage. FYI, her previous husband had an affair and abandoned her and their 18 month old daughter. He walked out on them for the OW. How about some
compassion?

Over the years things have progressively gotten worse. They refuse to attend any family gatherings. They won't come to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Mother's Day or any other event. If we have family in from out of town, they refuse to attend "if the girls are going to be there."

Holidays are a nightmare. My mother cries and spends the time before the holiday trying to figure out a way to make them show up. Then when she realizes they aren't going to show up, she doesn't want to have the event. Really makes the rest of us feel great. Not! So my sisters and I have taken over hosting the holidays so we can at least celebrate. But Mom is still fretting over my brother and his wife.

Nobody speaks up, nobody confronts them and nobody says anything to these people about their behavior. it's insane.

About 7 years ago, out of the blue my brother's wife contacted me and wanted me to help their daughter learn to ride a horse. I am an avid equestrian and own several horses. I was hesitant, but thought maybe this could be a way to begin the healing process. I knew they were probably just using me, but since I hadn't had any relationship with my niece I did it.

During this time I had the opportunity to spend some time with my brother and his wife. My brother is not at all the person he used to be. He is an angry, hateful person. He would rant and rave about my mother and my two sisters during any conversations. It was really quite frightening. There was NO reasoning with him at all. I finally asked him why he and his wife were so mad and nasty to me all those years early in their marriage. Are you ready for this? This was his answer:

"You were going to sabotage our wedding. You planned to sew drugs into my wife's wedding dress and have her arrested during the ceremony."

Whhaatttt?????

You could have knocked me over with a feather. And he was TOTALLY serious. Keep in mind, this wedding was 1000 miles away in her home town where I knew NOBODY. I didn't know where she lived, didn't know where the dress was. Can you imagine the conversation with the cops? "Hey! There's this girl getting married with drugs sewn into her dress....you need to arrest her. What? How do I know drugs are sewn in the dress?
I mean, Come on!!

My husband was there and he he kept saying..."Why would they think that? You can't even sew."

I replied to them that they couldn't be serious. And asked them where on earth they got such a silly idea. His wife replied, "SadToo, you were incredibly jealous that I was marrying ______."

I said, "______, he's my brother, not my boyfriend. What is wrong with you?"

Oh and keep in mind, she is a family therapist.

My brother's face turned bright red and started screaming at me that yes, I was going to do that and I was lying if I said I wasn't. He went on into this rant about how insanly jealous I have been about his wife all these years and how everyone is so jealous about his wife.

My husband and I ended up leaving. I was in total shock. I could not believe that they had been so mean to me all of those years over a COMPLETE LIE.

It's like his wife is this totally insecure person who is a pathalogical liar and she feeds him all of this crap to make him crazy. She gets him all stirred up and then stands back and watches the show. It is scary.

The backstabbing and the bad mouthing continued. They would go to public events and say horrible things about me and my sisters. These things would get back to me because it's a small community.

My father was angry at ME because I "confronted" them. I am equally angry with him. Why couldn't he have said something to those idiots 25 years ago about this stupid story and put a stop to this? Why let this go on? Why allow them to abuse everyone in our family like they do?

When the bad mouthing reached an intollerable level, I sent them an email telling them to stop. It was not a nice email, but it certainly wasn't threatening or anything like that. Instead of addressing the email with me, the called my dad. Instead of actually READING the email, my dad just took the word of these known liars and came charging over to my house half out of his mind.

He had been told that I had threatened them and my email was vicious and nasty. My brother's wife was now "scared for her life" My dad was demanding that I apologize for sending the email or I needed to remove the 2 horses that I had on his property. I told him that I would rather shoot the horses than compromise my values and apologize for something I'm not sorry for.

I moved the horses. And now paying $1000 per month (that I can't afford) to keep them somewhere else.

My brother and his wife ended up calling the Sheriff's department and tried to have me arrested over the email. This (of course) went nowhere. I have a friend in the Sheriff's office and he told me that my brother's wife kept saying, "Do you know who I am?" and the reporting officer said, "It doesn't matter who you are, there still isn't a crime committed."

My dad and I still are barely speaking.

Now we are coming up on this 50th anniversary. My brother and his wife are refusing to attend any party or celebration if "the girls" are going to be there. The only way they "might" come is if Mom and Dad invite 300+ people so they have enought people to hide behind.

True to form, my mother says, "maybe we just won't have a party."

It's so sickening, so senseless and so sad. I don't feel like I have a family anymore. I feel like I stood up for myself and I got thrown out to the wolves. Why would they stand up for the people who have literally destroyed their entire family? I don't get it.

If anyone is still reading, I really appreciate it.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 3:15 PM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
takilasunrise
♀ Member
Member # 29786
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's another question (and again I'm sorry if this is something that has been brought up before).....

My WH has went through periods of "self-medicating", he was a big "pot-head" when we first met. Then he had to quit. About 3 1/2 years later is when he started cheating, and now in the last year he is drinking quite a bit. The new IC said that's pretty common for bi-polars, because they don't want to feel the stuff they're feeling. My first husband was probably a "mild" bi-polar and an alcoholic. His mother was diagnosed AND considered disabled because of it. So, do NPD's do the same, self-medicate because they don't want to feel what they feel?

Thanks!!


BW - Me, 49 years old
WH - Him, 51 years old)
D-Day July 2010 (several D-days to follow)
Divorced February 7, 2012

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness. The Karma for screwing over a good girl is the Bitch you end up with.


Posts: 978 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: WI
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You were going to sabotage our wedding. You planned to sew drugs into my wife's wedding dress and have her arrested during the ceremony."

What?

This is beyond NPD. NPD people aren't delusional. Your brother is out of his head, seriously, and clearly so is his wife.

I'd be glad they don't come around to be honest. This is the kind of crazy they make those nice white jackets with the long sleeves for.


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, STBXW was a REAL Pot Head. Substance abuse is very common in NPD as is Infidelity. If you go to the link I posted above you can find the identifying factors of NPD and substance abuse is listed as common. My STBX stopped smoking pot after years of ABUSE and has switched to alchohol. Probably because it is more socially acceptable and she is going to be on the prowl again very soon and needs the social drug....booze. Not many potheads looking for partners at our age.


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H is a pothead to this day. Not always on it, but every day he is, at least once. If he doesn't have it he gets really agitated and it's easy to set him off.

Ah, fun stuff.


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
Frank2010
♂ Member
Member # 29438
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I could always tell when she was out. Her personality changed. I ALWAYS checked when she got bitchy.....and yep she was always down to sifting seeds and stems. And yep, I always went and got her more.

(((Sad)))

I am dying to hear more of the story. Please finish.....this is like a cliff hanger....lol


Me 56 BS
Her 59 WS NPD(She is Empty)
D-day#1 05-01-10
Dday#2 06-04-10 previous ONS 9-24-09 AFF hookups

Status: S & D'ing


Posts: 1195 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: North Texas
neverbelieve
♀ Member
Member # 32711
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, just never let it run out.

So my NPD really has pushed it. He intentionally put something in front of me that would trigger me back to the EA. Something that was a private joke between them. He claims he 'doesn't remember' but this is a man that remembers EVERYTHING.

He's done this before too. I think he does it on purpose to push my buttons.

Sad thing is he says he had the EA because he enjoyed screwing with her head. I'm really beginning to believe that. I know he enjoyed the attention, but I think he enjoyed toying with her more than any feelings he may have had for her.

Anyone else dealing with having triggers thrown at them?


EDIT: What am I thinking - he couldn't have had feelings for her.

Or me. Sucks.

[This message edited by neverbelieve at 3:25 PM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


When the infrastructure of a building is gone the collapse is inevitable.

Posts: 934 | Registered: Jul 2011
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frank,
I finished.

I swear...I could write a freakin' book about this mess. There are things I could tell that would literally make the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

And I am GLAD that they don't show up to family gatherings. They are nasty when they do come. Every time they have been to my home, they sit and look around with a critical eye as if they are looking for any tiny thing wrong.

One time they did come here for Thanksgiving. My husband (new husband, not NPD) and I had just bought a new bedroom set. It is a nice set and it's made from some rare woods. African Sycamore and African Zebra Wood.

Brother's wife's family is "supposedly" in the wood business. She went into my bedroom and thew a fit over my bedroom set. She was literally crawing on the floor on her hands and knees. I said, "What are you doing?"

She said, "I am looking for the repeat pattern in the formica."

I said, "Well, keep on looking."

I mean seriously. WTF?

The only reason I care about them showing up or not is because of it being so upsetting to my mom.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 3:26 PM, August 9th (Tuesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
takilasunrise
♀ Member
Member # 29786
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 9th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess stating FACTS is out of bounds and now I must be punished. Oh, I love the silent treatment. It's so fun.

I'm going through that right now...the "silent treatment". I found out about him back with OW #2, told him about it, he lied and denied...and now I haven't heard from him since. I wonder if he's caught on yet that I haven't contacted him either......probably not.


BW - Me, 49 years old
WH - Him, 51 years old)
D-Day July 2010 (several D-days to follow)
Divorced February 7, 2012

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness. The Karma for screwing over a good girl is the Bitch you end up with.


Posts: 978 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: WI
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