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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part 8
trixie2010
♀ Member
Member # 27422
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, May 8th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted in awhile as I have been super busy but have been reading all your posts.

First--have to say I LOVE the picture Wounded--you look so happy, you are glowing and it is beautiful!

Frank--you have gotten such great advice from everyone here. My stbxh has pretty much gone NC with me as well and at first it bothered me but it has been wonderful!!! Some days are bad but most days are good and someday I will post a picture like woundeds--carefree and happy to be free again!

And this:

And then there was that blank stare. OMG. What is that? Is it, "I'm dumb...I don't know what to say?" or is it, "I'm going to stare you down and intimidate you until you go away so I don't have to have this conversation anymore?" Or is it simply, "My memory bank fails me, as I have nothing to copy for this emotional situation and since I'm not human, I'll just give you all I have right now...this dumb stare."

Gave me chills. So accurate. My stbxh has this dumb stare as well, it is like he has an empty soul. He used to tell me he was "dead inside" and I truly believe he is. I think he needs outside forces and drama to make him feel anything. So sad.

And I want to mention I have been reading a book suggested by my IC who had told me my husband was NPD--called Codependant No More. I can relate so much. It is for people not only with spouses that are alcoholics/drug addicts but mental illness.
Has anyone read it? I do recommend if you haven't. Enough reading about NPD--that is THEIR problem, this is for YOU. To take back our lives again.


Countless Ddays
WH confirms EA/denies anything else...??
possible R, not really sure will see how it goes
update--5-27-10--kicked his ass to the curb--she can have him!
He has been living with ow since June 2010.

Posts: 555 | Registered: Feb 2010
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 8th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is scary how deep the wounds are.

I thought I was doing ok and then the last few months have been really rough for me financially and physically. It has started a whole new round of panic attacks, blood pressure problems and feeling like I am going to lose my mind. Not being able to sleep, thoughts that won't stop, and beating myself up for failures abd mistakes that I can't fix.

I feel like I am going to completely lose my mind. I am sure a good part of it is from the yrs of emotional abuse I took from my ex. It feels like the dark tunnel has no end. I try and hold it together but somehow the last while it is not enough any more.

When does this shit end?


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, May 8th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am raising my hand with the not holding it together party.

I really think I am prime candidate for a cult. I just want to hole up somewhere and let someone else worry about everything. Maybe a commune of the tribe?

I got nothing... just worn out. and tired.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, May 8th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hugs lied, You have been so helpful to me I just wanna hug you and make it better for all of us, just like you have. (((Tribe)))

Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, May 10th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied2 and caregiver,
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you both right now. I wish I had more to offer than good thoughts and prayers.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH is not a diagnosed NPD, but it wouldn't suprise me if he was one, nd my LCSW friend agrees.

I kicked him out in October, and he had left a bunch of stuff in the house. I texted him yesterday that his things were in the driveway (about 7 boxes worth) and asked when he could come get them.

He texted back "I took what I wanted", and left his mess there for me to clean up.

"I took what I wanted"

This should be his epitaph. It is certainly the signature line for our marriage!

I was tempted to dump the remainder of his stuff in front of his house or in his car, but instead just put it in the garbage and did not mention it again.

How do these people live with themselves? If I have to keep being the bigger person, I am not going to fit through the front door of my house anymore.

Please tell me I did the right thing? I know this is trivial given all the rest, so why does it bug me so much?


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome bent. As wiser souls have said before, a diagnosis is hard to come by and we can be the best experts by living experience and life in the trenches.

I encourage you to read the pages and pages of posts in this and earlier threads. I found so much familiar and helpful that many times I would just weep from the knowing I wasn't alone and the crazy I was offered to take on myself (You really should see a doctor caregiver. I think you are coming unhinged... and How could you even think such things about me? I am not a bad person... You've lost touch with reality...) Just letting go of that fear was a lifeline back to stability for me and I will forever love the TRIBE for grounding me here. Even jj who inadvertently slighted me out of a hug a post or two up the thread...

bent, you did exactly the right thing by discarding the boxes and not engaging with your ex. I have heard my own version of "I took what I wanted" and seen it plenty. Of course his junk and messes were left for me to clean up. He walked away with exactly what was most important to him: HIMSELF> and not much else.

Someone called all interaction with an NPD "ego kibble" and I will not feed the ego given any other choice. It a monster of huge proportions already.

lied- hope you are feeling more optimistic these days. I am. Got my feet back underneath and my eyes are looking forward.

wounded, your self portrait made me cry, in a good way. BEAUTIFUL.

trixie, good to see you.

sadtoo, thanks for the hugs. It really does help.

and if I pulled a "jj" sorry for leaving any recent poster out.

[This message edited by caregiver9000 at 7:32 PM, May 11th (Wednesday)]


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bent, I'm just wondering...how many caulk guns did you throw out?

Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS
please take whatever cg or anyone says about me with a grain of malt. Thanks.

Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...how many caulk guns did you throw out?

<snort>

bent, don't mind jj. He's not completely crazy.

We had a wonderful discussion a couple months back about the crap the NPDs left in the garage. There seemed to be a curious link between NPD and large numbers of caulk and/or caulk guns left at the marital home. seriously.

Hugs to you all. ((((Tribe))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bent,
You absolutely did the right thing. Otherwise, he could have dragged out the issue that his "things" were in your possession and he could have fought and argued that he didn't get the "right" thimble and or enough caulk guns.

You most likely saved yourself another huge headache.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


<snort> INDEED.

ah the caulk guns discussion... and zebraducks. Good times with good people. Now if that doesn't get you to go back and see what you missed- well, I don't think you are in the right thread.

This is a special group, and I hope anyone who has floundered and nearly drowned from living with a NPD enjoys the life boat of tears and humor and stubborn determination found in this group fondly labeled TRIBE.

THIS is the family that gets me. That doesn't ever make me feel like behind the pity is the idea that it can't really be as bad as all that. And maybe I should stop talking about it already. Here, I feel total acceptance, love and teasing, which is my love language I think, or second language maybe. Hmmmm, that one seems to have been left out of the book.

and the caulk guns need to be empty or completely dried out and useless to really count...

feeling the love.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, seriously, the caulk gun question freaked me out...I thought WS may have found his way here! He is a contractor and there are a few caulk guns laying around. Glad for the clarification.

Ah, but to answer the quesion...I didn't throw ANY caulk guns out...I need them to finish the projects he left undone. Broken promise # 459237593703942-89057.

But back to topic, thank you all for the support in the decision! I do feel a bit like a doormat, but better a doormat than one who coninues to engage, I suppose.

It seems NC needs to be even stronger with this type, and I am just recently getting a handle on it.

I have bounced around these posts, but will do more reading up...will report back with a tally of found caulk guns....hee hee. Thank you all again for the warm welcome and the replies!


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Broken promise # 459237593703942-89057.

I so LOVE the sense of humor of our group here. How we have suffered so horribly, yet can maintain any sort of humor is amazing

Another NPD who left a wake of wreckage and un-finished projects and promises....hmmmm.....Sound familiar?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another NPD who left a wake of wreckage and un-finished projects and promises....hmmmm.....Sound familiar?

Word.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
trixie2010
♀ Member
Member # 27422
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, seriously, the caulk gun question freaked me out...I thought WS may have found his way here! He is a contractor and there are a few caulk guns laying around. Glad for the clarification.

Too funny--I can imagine you were a bit freaked on this.
Looks like another NPD with caulk guns.
I think jj had said we don't have to have the NPD's evaluated--just go on out to the garage.


Countless Ddays
WH confirms EA/denies anything else...??
possible R, not really sure will see how it goes
update--5-27-10--kicked his ass to the curb--she can have him!
He has been living with ow since June 2010.

Posts: 555 | Registered: Feb 2010
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love our sense of humor too. We are so awesome. And isn't it nice to hear and feel that? Isn't it foreign and so different from the relationships we survived/escaped...

We are survivors and we are strong and witty and wonderful.

HIGH FIVES to the TRIBE!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think jj had said we don't have to have the NPD's evaluated--just go on out to the garage

No. Thatwasn't me, that was cg! She said it lol!


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

all right jj, my cosmic twin...

I went back and read because I was sure it WAS you. And I found the thread where, um, yeah it was me. lol.

But I really enjoyed rereading the posts and revisiting our thoughts and ideas and sharing.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
bent44
♀ Member
Member # 31386
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, May 12th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps we could add the follwing to the DSMIV criteria for NPD?:

1. Must have a minimum of 3 caulk guns in the garage.

2. An excess of 6 indicates a severe disorder. Immediate IC and medication are protocal.

3. Tools collecting dust while houdehold projects are ignored may also be indicative of NPD (Narsiccistic Postponing Disorder).


"If you marry a chicken, don't expect an eagle."


I don't know if my chicken will ever become an eagle. But rest assured, I'm going to be a phoenix. Nevermind that I am still in the ashes stage of the process.


Posts: 626 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
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