Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Npd Thread Part 8
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, November 29th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sad, you made me cry, but in a good way I think. I love your new H. What a treasure he sounds like. Actually he sounds like a myth, but I trust you aren't pulling my leg.

I really, really think when you are IN deep with the NPD you don't know how BAD it really is

My best girlfriend says this to me all the time. She continually says that my reactions are "under" and that she thinks I should be way more afraid. I hear her, then I go the court route and no one will listen or seems to take me seriously or seems to care that I have a crazy fucked up ex who is clever and smart and is just below the radar. I feel patronized and less eager to pursue protection and re-enter denial. That is the hamster wheel I feel like I am on.

That and if I have to pay someone hundreds of dollars an hour- I really don't expect to have to do the proofreading. My court docs had numerous errors! Birthdates mistyped. And I am so tired of getting bad advice for lots of money. I can get bad advice for free, ya know?

It is good to come here for hope. What a gift you give to wallow with us in the muck and share the future you have found. Thank you for listening. Listening is a gift, and then understanding on top of that? At the risk of sounding like a visa commericial... priceless.

sad, you make a partnership sound soooo good. My fantasies involve being alone. Truly alone and self sufficient with my boys. I don't want to offer any of myself to someone else and have come to believe that there is nothing worth taking that risk again. But your story... hmmmmm. hope. dim but there.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, November 30th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've always said, he's like a breath of fresh air and a slap in the face all at the same time. Kind of like, WOW! So nice, but at the same time, WTF was I thinking before and why did I put up with THAT so long??

I have a LD SO, and we talk daily. I can call him or text him anytime, and it's neither a bother nor insecurity. He once stayed up all night with me draining the pool using a sump pump. He likes holidays and loves giving and planning presents. He notices everything about me.

And as far as not knowing how bad it is once you're in it -- he noticed that I have a non-working ice maker. He asked why. As I recounted to him the story of why, his face got more and more incredulous, and I giggled all the way through. You see, the ex had decided that fixing the ice maker was ridiculous because the water main was at the road, and until we re-routed it to a switch in the house, there was no point in fixing the ice maker. Needless to say, I'm going to fix my ice maker this week. And no, I'm not going to embark on a major plumbing project to do it.

[This message edited by veritas at 8:12 AM, November 30th (Tuesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, November 30th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I recounted to him the story of why, his face got more and more incredulous, and I giggled all the way through.

My new H has made that VERY same "face" many, many times over the years as I've tried to explained the "whys" about the things XNPDH did or did not do.

And it's so WEIRD. At the time the idiot was telling ME why or why not he was or wasn't going to do something, I usually knew his reasons were S T U P I D, but when I repeated them back to my new H, they sounded totally INSANE. I always end one of those conversations with, "You must think I was a complete idiot with that guy!"

Then we LAUGH!!

Those of you who are worried that you will fall prey to another NPD shouldn't worry. It's my experience that once you're away from them, you can spot them a mile away and you either avoid them, or sometimes they're like a bad car accident and you can't look away. Sometimes I find myself watching from a distance the workings of other NPD's. It's facicating and sickening all at the same time.

Care,
I couldn't imagine at the time EVER having another relationship either. That was the LAST thing on my mind when I met my new H. We met in the middle of me trying to get rid of my psycho XH. I told my new H at the time. "Oh, you don't want to go out with me...I've got WAY too many problems. Take the worst problems you can imagine, now times that by a thousand. That's what you'll get with me."

He didn't care. He still wanted to go to dinner.

His car got egged and the tires were slashed that night.

It was horrible. And I was sure I would never hear from him again. But he kept calling and we kept going out. We were just more careful. The only time he said something was after one of many bad vandalism incidents and he said something to the effect of "I can't believe how bad this is..." and I said, "I warned you!!" He went on to say that if he hadn't been there with me through all of it, he wouldn never had believed it had been like this.

I was really frustrated with how much the lawyers bill ran me too. I HATED it. And I even got rid of my lawyer because we were going NO WHERE and he was just charging me a BOAT LOAD. I figured until we were ready to go to court I could negotiate a settlement. Our divorce should have been simple. No children. No alimoney, no joint property to speak of. I had owned the house and the other property prior to the marriage and could prove it. All I needed to do was present an acceptable settlement and it should have been over. But he wouldn't settle for less than everything. My lawyer bill prior to me doing this was over $40K. There were all of the stupid hearings for the protection orders and everything else. It went on for ever. Then he sued me for slander. Ugh.

But like I said before...it was worth EVERY FRIGGIN' CENT!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, November 30th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They "see" other people enjoying the season and the how it is more about giving than recieving, and the NPD....well, just doesn't get it. It's all about him and what's everyone going to do FOR HIM. So he sits there. I think that's why we see the bad gifts, and the odd behavior during the holidays and birthdays, etc. They are completely disconnected. They take days off basically because that's what other people do, not because they have any real plan. They're just copying other people's behavior. Then they sit around waiting for something wonderful to happen to THEM. And when it doesn't they seem to do their best to ruin it for everyone else.

Wow. That sounded a little too close to home. My H can be a little different though, as I wrote in a few posts back, he was super great for my last B-day, scary good. So I am waiting to see if this is the new him or if that just stretched his good feelings too much that he will snap. And that may sound odd to some but I think you know what I mean. I will owe BIG if this reverts back to old days.

But I have always said that I don't know if mine is like a 5 or 6 or 7 on an NPD scale of 10. Not full blown, but WOW does he resemble or did in the past many of these traits.


Posts: 5525 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, December 1st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

checking in. Feeling anxious and edgy past two days. I feel like I am waiting for the shoe to drop...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
ea_confusion
♀ Member
Member # 28621
Frustrated  Posted: 3:41 PM, December 1st (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread is amazing! Thank you! My STBXH is such a great liar and manipulator that I still don't know 100% if his As were EA or PA or both or what. I wish I did totally know but from my evidence, his behaviors (all talk about how much he adores and LOVES me with no action), and what feedback I've received from my IC and here, there is just no turning back. I hate that I still love him and wish it would work out. But the mind-f*#king/crazymaking is way too much. He blatantly lied on my FB page frantically defending his LOVE for me to the point where you could read his lie. He said one thing one place and another another place. I may be rambling but I feel shellshocked and numb.

Posts: 204 | Registered: May 2010 | From: IL
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, December 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Care,
Hope everything is going ok. I remember that terrible feeling.

ea_confusion,
Welcome to our little thread! Sorry about your situation. We can't say weather your WH is NPD or not as only a professional can do that.

It's interesting though. It's almost as if it's easier to tell weather someone is NPD by what's going on with their spouse. I would say based on what little you have said, there is a high probablity.

1) Great liar
2) Master Manipulater
3) No truth about A's
4) All talk no action
5) HATING that you love him (big one)
6) Shellshocked and numb.

Yup, I'd say that's a fit.

Keep posting here. It helps.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, December 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Care,
I was going to tell you something else about me new H.

He's not perfect. He works too hard and gets really tired at times and then really crabby. But when he's crabby, he just goes and sits in his chair in front of the TV and usually falls asleep. But he can look crabby and maybe be a little snappy at times.

My mom will say, "Is newH a little crabby today?"

And my answer is always, "Yes, maybe a little. But I'll take crabby over crazy any day."


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, December 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo,

I'll take anything over crazy!! But yeah, crabby is ok. Love loves imperfect. And imperfect is real. Hell, I am far from perfect so I am setting my sights much lower than perfect. If I ever set my sights.

I went to the grocery store. I bought only what I needed. I didn't plan meals around what someone else likes, or worry that the ice cream would be greeted with some kind of smart remark. I bought eggnog and chatted with the check out girl and the bag boy about "seasonal" goodies and what my kids have asked regarding eggnog. (they wanted to know if they could put it in cereal ) It was pleasant.

Stretch has the boys, but they will be home for bedtime. DS6 has had nightmares the last 3 out of 4 nights and has ended up in my bed. And I find myself cherishing that I am able to be the parent meeting those needs. Until now the school counselor has felt like the boys were coping well and that further outside counseling might make more of it than was warranted in their eyes. I will be following up with her because DS6 is also complaining of tummy aches in the morning. I am afraid he is depressed/stressed and if he needs more than what I am doing and saying then I want to make sure he gets it.

I can come here, thankfully. I am so grateful for the familiar names and posts. I revisit and reread and feel connected in a way that helps me heal and move forward.

More good days now than bad ones and that is something to measure as progress.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, December 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crabby over crazy, that makes me laugh!
Bill Cosby did a funny routine about "What does a man want when he gets home..." maybe worth a look together (for more fun!)

ea, your response is very similar to mine when I discovered this place. Also, I separated, and it definitely helped me detach and get my life better. No kids together either, so we have a couple things in common. I think I posted a link to the earlier threads a few pages back that has tons of good stuff too.

The recent new beginnings stuff on here gives me the biggest grin. You've caught us at a good time lol!



Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, December 4th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome ea_confusion


Sadtoo I love hearing about your DH. He sounds like such a keeper. I want one like that.

My ex was always strange around the holidays. Often he would work if they offered it to him because I think it was easier for him than faking all the right emotions etc. He hated all the work the holidays entailed but he was lazy at the best of times and only did what he wanted. He couldn't care less about the kids having a good time or whatever. It was always up to me to take them to see santa or whatever.

My ex conned the wifetress to call me and ask me about what agreement we are working on in regards to the oldest and college. She says she is the one in charge of the household finances (mind you the ex says they pay their own bills etc.) He really has her bamboozled, and the lies are all woven in there.

I so can't want to not have to have dealings with him at all.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Watching Headlines News today. They are talking about reasigning Narcisistic Personality Disorder to a personality "trait" instead of a "disorder" in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (dur out in 2013, and known as DSM-5)

Here is an interesting article about the upcoming release:

Narcissists, much to the surprise of many experts, are in the process of becoming an endangered species.

Not that they face imminent extinction — it’s a fate much worse than that. They will still be around, but they will be ignored.

The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (due out in 2013, and known as DSM-5) has eliminated five of the 10 personality disorders that are listed in the current edition.

Narcissistic personality disorder is the most well-known of the five, and its absence has caused the most stir in professional circles.

Most nonprofessionals have a pretty good sense of what narcissism means, but the formal definition is more precise than the dictionary meaning of the term.

Our everyday picture of a narcissist is that of someone who is very self-involved — the conversation is always about them. While this characterization does apply to people with narcissistic personality disorder, it is too broad. There are many people who are completely self-absorbed who would not qualify for a diagnosis of N.P.D.

The central requirement for N.P.D. is a special kind of self-absorption: a grandiose sense of self, a serious miscalculation of one’s abilities and potential that is often accompanied by fantasies of greatness. It is the difference between two high school baseball players of moderate ability: one is absolutely convinced he’ll be a major-league player, the other is hoping for a college scholarship.

Of course, it would be premature to call the major-league hopeful a narcissist at such an early age, but imagine that same kind of unstoppable, unrealistic attitude 10 or 20 years later.

The second requirement for N.P.D.: since the narcissist is so convinced of his high station (most are men), he automatically expects that others will recognize his superior qualities and will tell him so. This is often referred to as “mirroring.” It’s not enough that he knows he’s great. Others must confirm it as well, and they must do so in the spirit of “vote early, and vote often.”

Finally, the narcissist, who longs for the approval and admiration of others, is often clueless about how things look from someone else’s perspective. Narcissists are very sensitive to being overlooked or slighted in the smallest fashion, but they often fail to recognize when they are doing it to others.

Most of us would agree that this is an easily recognizable profile, and it is a puzzle why the manual’s committee on personality disorders has decided to throw N.P.D. off the bus. Many experts in the field are not happy about it.

Actually, they aren’t happy about the elimination of the other four disorders either, and they’re not shy about saying so.

One of the sharpest critics of the DSM committee on personality disorders is a Harvard psychiatrist, Dr. John Gunderson, an old lion in the field of personality disorders and the person who led the personality disorders committee for the current manual.

Asked what he thought about the elimination of narcissistic personality disorder, he said it showed how “unenlightened” the personality disorders committee is.

“They have little appreciation for the damage they could be doing.” He said the diagnosis is important in terms of organizing and planning treatment.

“It’s draconian,” he said of the decision, “and the first of its kind, I think, that half of a group of disorders are eliminated by committee.”

He also blamed a so-called dimensional approach, which is a method of diagnosing personality disorders that is new to the DSM. It consists of making an overall, general diagnosis of personality disorder for a given patient, and then selecting particular traits from a long list in order to best describe that specific patient.

This is in contrast to the prototype approach that has been used for the past 30 years: the narcissistic syndrome is defined by a cluster of related traits, and the clinician matches patients to that profile.

The dimensional approach has the appeal of ordering à la carte — you get what you want, no more and no less. But it is precisely because of this narrow focus that it has never gained much traction with clinicians.

It is one thing to call someone a neat and careful dresser. It is another to call that person a dandy, or a clotheshorse, or a boulevardier. Each of these terms has slightly different meanings and conjures up a type.

And clinicians like types. The idea of replacing the prototypic diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder with a dimensional diagnosis like “personality disorder with narcissistic and manipulative traits” just doesn’t cut it.

Jonathan Shedler, a psychologist at the University of Colorado Medical School, said: “Clinicians are accustomed to thinking in terms of syndromes, not deconstructed trait ratings. Researchers think in terms of variables, and there’s just a huge schism.” He said the committee was stacked “with a lot of academic researchers who really don’t do a lot of clinical work. We’re seeing yet another manifestation of what’s called in psychology the science-practice schism.”

Schism is probably not an overstatement. For 30 years the DSM has been the undisputed standard that clinicians consult when diagnosing mental disorders. When a new diagnosis is introduced, or an established diagnosis is substantially modified or deleted, it is not a small deal. As Dr. Gunderson said, it will affect the way professionals think about and treat patients.

Given the stakes, the blow-back from experts in personality disorders should come as no surprise.

Dr. Gunderson has written a letter co-signed by other clinical and research leaders to the trustees of the American Psychiatric Association and the task force that governs DSM-5. And Dr. Shedler and seven colleagues published an editorial in the September issue of The American Journal of Psychiatry. In the relatively small world of mental health diagnostics, this is most certainly a battle worth watching.

Right now, this much seems clear: It is way too early for the narcissists to give up their seat on the bus.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!
Dumbing-down continues apace I see.

Quick hits, I'm sure there'll be more till 2013.

re: the science-practice schism.
Reflects the field officer/staff officer schism that has plagued armies - and their efficient functioning - for like, ever.
The pointy-headed academics and staff officers have alot in common.
They get to bloviate behind the lines. Perfect position for cowards. And narcissists.
Might one wonder why N's are attracted to such powerful positions that hold no real risk? (and in which they don't have to really "produce"?)

N's directing the DSM? Say it aint so!

Meh to the writer for giving a nod to the 'most men' meme.

Unfortunately, he didn't consult the experts here on SI, where we have the mostest bestest info.

I believe true Narcissism results from self-loathing and toxic shame.

It 'presents itself' as the opposite of what it really is. Gotta cover that shit, doncha know.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Some of the NPD Lites will be let off the hook, but many of our exes will just be undergoing a name change:

The work group is recommending that this disorder be reforumulated as the Antisocial/Psychopathic Type.

Individuals who match this personality disorder type are arrogant and self-centered, and feel privileged and entitled. They have a grandiose, exaggerated sense of self-importance and they are primarily motivated by self-serving goals. They seek power over others and will manipulate, exploit, deceive, con, or otherwise take advantage of others, in order to inflict harm or to achieve their goals. They are callous and have little empathy for others’ needs or feelings unless they coincide with their own. They show disregard for the rights, property, or safety of others and experience little or no remorse or guilt if they cause any harm or injury to others. They may act aggressively or sadistically toward others in pursuit of their personal agendas and appear to derive pleasure or satisfaction from humiliating, demeaning dominating, or hurting others. They also have the capacity for superficial charm and ingratiation when it suits their purposes. They profess and demonstrate minimal investment in conventional moral principles and they tend to disavow responsibility for their actions and to blame others for their own failures and shortcomings.

Individuals with this personality type are temperamentally aggressive and have a high threshold for pleasurable excitement. They engage in reckless sensation-seeking behaviors, tend to act impulsively without fear or regard for consequences, and feel immune or invulnerable to adverse outcomes of their actions. Their emotional expression is mostly limited to irritability, anger, and hostility; acknowledgement and articulation of other emotions, such as love or anxiety, are rare. They have little insight into their motivations and are unable to consider alternative interpretations of their experiences.

Individuals with this disorder often engage in unlawful and criminal behavior and may abuse alcohol and drugs. Extremely pathological types may also commit acts of physical violence in order to intimidate, dominate, and control others. They may be generally unreliable or irresponsible about work obligations or financial commitments and often have problems with authority figures.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

veritas, that paragraph describes my psychoX to a "T", and he was diagnosed with sociopathic tendencies (APD).

The research I have done on NPD shows that almost all the traits of APD and NPD pretty much overlap, so it is confusing for many clinicians to diagnose which PD, and in fact, many people with one PD are diagnosed with concurrent ones. The Ph.D. that diagnosed my psychoX said he had another underlying PD but he would need to see him more to dx it, and my ex refused to go back.....

Also, as far as NPD and APD, both are very hard if not impossible to treat....treatment prognosis is poor, and mostly just aims at relieving a few of the symptoms and trying to help them integrate into society a little more.

I think one of the main reasons they are going with the new symptom is there is varying degrees of sociopathy/narcissism, and while most of us have some healthy narcissism, the ones with the problems would have narcissistic traits to the extreme. That could possibly make a difference with treatment.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14918 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, V, that description for the new personality type certainly "feels" spot-on for my Xassclown.

I just nodded the whole time I read it.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the name change could be helpful even. NPD or narcissist for those who don't have to live with one just sounds like self absorbed.

Psychopath on the other hand... might get the reaction warranted by these asshats.

I don't care what they call him, I just want him labeled, diagnosed and on the radar for the scary brute that he is. I would advocate branding too, but I don't see that passing.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't like the proposed changes but I do understand it because this way they don't have to make any kind of effort to treat something that is basically untreatable. But is like like not treating cancer, it destroys more than just what it infects.

I would advocate branding too, but I don't see that passing

I vote for my ex to be first in line. Opps maybe second right after sadtoo's ex.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
BusyLivin
♂ Member
Member # 30165
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, December 6th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posted in D/S about my stbxw. She is diagnosed bi-polar and diagnosed by me and my therapist as NPD. She fits 9 of the 10 criteria. Interested to hear what some here might have to say. I simply can't believe her. No wait, I can, and that is sad.

My stbxw left more than a month ago. She in essence abandoned DD11 since she is my daughter and it is not practical to split a child 3 ways (previous marriage). She made the choice when OM told her that he could not have anything further to do with her if she chose to stay for DD11. She left and chose him. Keep in mind that stbxw has been in daughter's life since very young and has always thought of her as her daughter too.
She made her choice, but she has been asking to introduce my daughter to OM. I have said no. Stbxw is going to see my daughter this week for the first time since she left and I not so gently reminded her that OM was not to be introduced to her. I did this because stbxw has said herself that she does what she wants and deals with the fallout later. I told her not to do this if she wants to salvage any relationship with me or DD11. She was surprised and got very upset that I made this boundary. VERY upset. Have not seen her this mad in a very long time.

Really! How on earth could she be surprised that I don't want OM to meet MY daughter, especially given what has happened. My daughter will never know of stbxw's decision because it would simply devastate her. She has the illusion that stbxw values her and thinks of her as a daughter. I can't control what stbxw does with our daughter during visits, but I will be damned if my daughter will be exposed to OM. How dare she even presume to ask, much less get angry when denied. Unbelievable!

Rant complete.


Edited to add: Wow, I have been reading some of your posts and I actually consider myself lucky. My stbxw fits the soul mate profile. She absolutely craves male attention and will do whatever is necessary to get it. She will present herself as the ultimate desirable woman and be your everything until the next man shows interest and then she will start it all over again. She honestly believes that she is the sum of all womanhood, but she is not dangerous or vindictive in the way that some of you have experienced. She used me in every sense of the word, but I have not had to endure the vandalism, threats, and terror that some of you have. I am all for the branding idea that has been mentioned.

[This message edited by BusyLivin at 10:08 PM, December 6th (Monday)]


"I guess it comes down to a simple choice really; get busy livin or get busy dyin."

I'm livin.

"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 325 | Registered: Nov 2010
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would advocate branding too, but I don't see that passing.
I would laugh, because that IS funny, but honestly, I would lobby for that and actually sign a petition. People need to be warned, because these people are so good at manipulating that most people don't truly see them for who they are.

she is not dangerous or vindictive in the way that some of you have experienced.
That is why they want to have a scale...because if you say "sociopath"....it brings up certain preconceptions, and they are not all the exact same. They have the same basic traits, but where one may be very vindictive and ready to pretty much kill anyone in his/her path, another may be more like BusyLivin's WS, just totally self-absorbed, still not caring who they run over to get their way, but maybe not prone at all to physical violence.

It WILL help with treatment, because then we can say (level 2 on the physical violence scale, but level 9 on the self-absorbed no empathy scale). Helps the therapist figure out what issues to attack the hardest, and may also help in court battles, and if the client moves and starts therapy with another therapist....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 14918 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.