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User Topic: Npd Thread Part 8
Tryingtoheal61
♀ Member
Member # 29633
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, November 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can NPD's ever have empathy? We had sort of a rough weekend and something bothered me. I was expressing my feelings and FWH started with the same cr*p he always did. Why is it bothering me, if it doesn't bother him, what does it matter if X does this. You have to excuse the situation because of X.

As I was listening to it, I thought, he still just doesn't get it.

He had said in the beginning after DDay that he couldn't understand if his feelings weren't bothered than why would I be bothered. I shake my head as I write this.

MC asked what had been like living without empathy for 8 years.

Fortunately, as he was going on about why I shouldn't be bothered something may have dawned on him. All of a sudden he said, what would like me to do about it? I explained nothing, just to hear my feelings. Maybe that was a step in the right direction.

[This message edited by Tryingtoheal61 at 3:23 PM, November 8th (Monday)]


Reconciling

Posts: 828 | Registered: Sep 2010
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, November 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can NPD's ever have empathy?

No. The do not have the capacity for empathy or compassion. NPDs cannot take another person's perspective either, so he cannot understand how something can bother you when it clearly doesn't bother him.

whyo-- hope your kids are doing ok. You've really got your hands full. Big hugs.

(((Tribe)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, November 8th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About empathy, I asked my IC about this, and I think I read it too, that sometimes the NPD can "fake" empathy, to the extent that they may have learned in the past that or from observing other people that saying something like "oh that's too bad", or somesuch response is an "expected" social norm like shaking hands with someone when you meet them. The NPD may not actually FEEL the empathy, but may have learned to respond in a socially accepted way.

I also think there are degrees. I think it is possible for some NPD to be able to understand that another person may be in physical pain and they need some help. I don't know if this is empathy or not or a learned behavior.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

to address the empathy part...no, I don't think they have any empathy.

my kids are both fairly little (11 and 5) and are still recuperating from their surgery last thursday.

superdad hasn't even called them since the surgery. he facebooked my 11 year old once yesterday..."how are you?". no card, no call....seriously....what kind of an asshole does this?

when he had the kids last month, he actually had my 5 year old poop in a public park in broad daylight and wipe herself with leaves simply because he was too lazy to walk across the park to the store with a bathroom. then he showed up in a brand new car....


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats why I wondered to what degree one can be NPD? I know there are levels. Mine is not the extreme mean raging NPD.

Mine has more of the P/A qualities that lead to NPD I would say.


Posts: 5524 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think there can be varying degress on the NPD, but as far as the empathy goes, they either have it or they don't. BUT, they can FAKE having it. And that they can be better at faking it.

I know with my XNPDH he would try and copy other people's emotion/words in situations that required empathy. But he would get mixed up and sometimes say the wrong words to the situation. It would be weird. The words that he would say in the situation would be "off" somehow. I remember looking at him like, "WTF??" I can't explain it and I can't remember an exact phrase he would use in a particular situation, but it was always chilling. I remember one time being at a funeral and he said something to the dead woman's husband. I'll never forget the look on the husband's face. Then the man looked at me like "OMG, you poor woman...."

FREAKY!!!!!!!!!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think for me the problem is differences of degree or perhaps that my WH has so many NPD TRAITS, but may not be full fledged NPD.

For example, he grew up with a sickly mother. WH SEEMS to have the ability to react or act caring when someone is sick. Possibly he was trained to be that way? When I was in the hospital, he really appeared to be worried, or when DS's are very sick, but now that I think of it, perhaps not if we aren't "feeling well" KWIM?
I don't know if this is empathy, or just an understanding that a person can't do things when they are sick?

I know from so many other actions of WH, he doesn't seem to "get it" that someone may be upset about something he might say or do. He does seem to think it very important about "appearances" and how it would look to "people".

I don't want to just stick a "label" on WH. It would make me feel better to explain all the horrible thoughtless things he has done. It would help me to really not to take all these things "personally" and really see that it's HIM, not me. (granted, I'm human and take 50% of the problems in the M, but not the decision to have an affair. But, I still compare myself to OW feeling she is better than me) IC tells me that when you are in a NPD's "circle" you are treated well, etc and that's why you may not notice there's a problem right away. But if you outside the "circle" then watch out.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
sadtoo
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Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD is a very confusing disorder. And the person afflicted with NPD is very good at causing this confusion. It's like they zone in on your issues, amplify them, and make them the focus. And for some reason "we" (the victims) have this need to protect the NPD. I know for me anyway, I rationalized over and over again every which way to Sunday how "he is just misunderstood" or "I wish everyone could just see the good side of him" or he's just having a bad day" or "he was raised by an alcoholic mother". It went on and on and on.

But then, bit by bit I found that he had broken me down to a shell of who I used to be.

My XNPDH could cry and seem to be so caring, emotional, and sincere. At the time, I remember being so touched at how "connected" he was with his feelings and how open he seemed to be with his emotions. More so than any other man I had ever known.

But now, looking back there were many many contradictions to these "feelings". It was either manipulation or a situation where he was trying to copy real feelings or empathy and came across as "off". At the time, I just brushed it off as a man having a hard time expressing himself.

I think your H having the "sickly mother" gave him lots of "practice" gaining sympathy much like my XNPDH used his situation with his mother being an alcoholic.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sad, I really thank you for your feedback. It really helps.
WH never tried to garner sympathy about his mother, it's just that he mentioned a few things about her (she had bad diabetes), but it wasn't to for sympathy, it was just a matter of fact info.
I thought WH was so into feelings too. When we met, he listened to me and my problems and seemed to give me such good advice. I thought he really cared.

I am trying to concentrate on the idea of being in his "circle". He wanted the best of everything, and since I was his wife, I would get it too....

Did you find it beneficial to go over the time you had with your WH and things they did to see it in a different light and see "reality" ?

I don't know if this would be helpful in healing....to see the reality or would I be "wallowing" in the pain?

Dealing with a NPD or even someone who exhibits a lot of the traits can drive one insane.
Wh always accused me of always being depressed and never happy.
Of course I wasn't happy or secure, he was having a 10 year LTA with 3 OC's!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Cogal
♀ Member
Member # 28314
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted here in a while, it's sort of like I resigned myself to the reality of the situation, I will have this NPD in my life forever:(
My D is still no where near final, I swear we are moving backwards not forwards. I have already spent $13,000 in legal fees for basically nothing. He found out I'm dating and his aggression has gotten much worse. He now yells at me every drop off/pick up. The kids school and babysitter have both noticed increased anxiety in my son:(
I feel like there will never be an end to this....
His recent control tactic is he was to remove the drop off/pick up times from our custody agreement! I said no and received all these texts in about 2 hours:
It needs to be a set time for you. It needs to be flexible for me. There is no standard. I will not sign an agreement with set times. Portions of our agreement read evenings and weekends right now. We should be consistent in a way that is workable for all and punitive for none. Evenings and mornings is what I will sign."
"I'm not signing your agreement. You wanna go to court over semantics we can. You're being unreasonable. You want it to read no later than 10, no later than 7, that's as much as I'll agree to."
"Compromise,Ever heard of it? My proposal is perfectly reasonable given my work schedule and a judge will say so. You want a set time that works for me universally? 5 am then. Don't be this way. I know there's an adult in there somewhere."
"How many different ways will you hold this up? You're just being spiteful, vengeful and difficult at this point."
"I'll be there between 5-6 tomorrow AM. have it your way."
"
MY SCHEDULE CHANGES EVERY WEEK. you are being unreasonable and any mediator or arbitrator will tell you so. You are only thinking of yourself. I will agree to no later than 9, no later than 7. It's called a compromise. You wanna spend some more money to be introduced to the concept? Have it forced upon you? I'm trying here...."
"
Fine. See you between 5-6. You won't wreck my last night with the kids. Remember this the next time you need some leeway from me. Guess I'm calling my lawyer and telling them you're reneging, again. What's this, like the 5th or 6th time? There are records of ALL of this."
"Remember when we are at a table with a mediator and both our lawyers hemorrhaging cash that you had a chance to be an adult and that I'VE BEEN TRYING."

I never respond, just pass along to my lawyer. But I cannot believe he is going to wake the kids up at 5am to get back at me?! If anything shows why we NEED set times it's this!!!


Me (bw): 30 something
exH NPD: 30 something
kids: preschool twins
d-day 4/09 (7 month EA/PA)
married 10 years
divorced and ready for 2011

It's not that I have trust issues, it's that you shouldn't trust some people!


Posts: 279 | Registered: Apr 2010
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow...I thought mine gave really good advice too. Creepy. I don't think my X tried to get sympathy for his mother being an alcoholic, it just seemed to always be a factor. It's like he dangled it...do you know what I mean. If he messed up or he had an incident (because of his drinking) he would say things like, "Do you think this has anything to do with my mom's drinking?" Almost like he had never made the connection before.

OMG. Mine HAD to have the best of everything. But there again was another disconnect. He was a police officer and didn't even come close to having the means to accomplish the material "goals" he had. And it wasn't as if he just "wanted" the best of everything, he really felt as if he DESERVED or was entitled to the best without having any means or having earned the way to these things. And if I pointed this out, he would literally throw a temper tantrum like a three year old.

Did you find it beneficial to go over the time you had with your WH and things they did to see it in a different light and see "reality" ?

Yes and no. In the beginning I was obsessed. I went over and over everything again and again trying to find where I had missed the signs. I felt so stupid and so foolish. How could I have been such an idiot? But in the end, I had to realize that I had been targeted. And when that happens, there isn't much you can do about it. I mean normal people just aren't on the lookout for people like this. I am a trusting person by nature and I usually assume that other people are the same. Now I am more diligent, but not overly. I am remarried and I don't snoop through my husbands phone or his things or anything at all. He has never given me any reason to do so. But there isn't all the crazy shit going on in our lives like there was with XNPDH either.

I don't really know the answer. I wallowed in the pain for a long time. It's been since 2002 for me and I still feel the pain from the whole ordeal. Honestly I don't think this is something I will ever completely heal from. It feels like a complete rape of not only my body, but my mind and my soul.

Dealing with a NPD or even someone who exhibits a lot of the traits can drive one insane.
Wh always accused me of always being depressed and never happy.
Of course I wasn't happy or secure, he was having a 10 year LTA with 3 OC's!!

That's for sure. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist and being on antidepressants for years just to cope with the aftermath.

Listen carefully of what they accuse you of because it's usually true of them.

Yeah...I hear you about the LTA's and the OC's. Mine had so many A's I lost count. There were at least 2 OC's...only one he accepts, and that is because she took him to court for child support. She now regrets that because he has made her life a living hell because of that.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen carefully of what they accuse you of because it's usually true of them.

I have realized this one. Took quite awhile. His accusations used to be so weird and I would waste so much time trying to prove him wrong that like water torture it just wears away at you and you sorta now start believing some of it?

Took a lot of money in therapy to learn to not engage. Detach. That drives them more crazy as they now have to live with that demon in their head. But it is a constant battle.


Posts: 5524 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, November 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reality,
Me too. I would be so flabbergasted that he would accuse me of whatever (cheating, lying, stealing) that I would go out of my way to prove to him how impossible it was for me to do such a thing. But what I realized later was that by him doing that he was really just distracting me from what HE was doing.

I started to think "why does he think these things about me? What am I doing that causes him to doubt me so much?"

But what I learned in therapy is that a NORMAL person will turn the blame onto themselves...which is exactly what I did. Then proceeded to try and repair whatever the percieved damage.

But since you're dealing with this lunatic who is always changing the rules, pulling the rug out from under you, and never being honest. You can't win. You keep trying because you have your heart in the right place and your intentions are honorable and you THINK your spouse is the same. What you don't know is that to them, this is all just one big game.

That's why most NPD survivors are shells of their former selves and on the brink of a nervous breakdown. We've been beating our heads against a brick wall forever and getting nowhere.

The only way is NC. You cannot have any contact with these lunatics at all. It doesn't matter if you're talking about the fund raiser for the sick neighbor down the street and you're trying to figure out the exchange of children. You will NOT get the truth if you communicate with these people.

Cogal,
I'm so sorry you're still dealing with him.

I don't want to alarm you, but my divorce took over two years and I spent over $40K. We didn't even have any children and we didn't have any joint property to speak of. They just can't seem to let go. Even after that, I had to deal with him stalking and harassing me for another 3-5 years. Then he sued me for slander. He lost, of course but he just had to continue to harass me any way he could.

Just keep moving forward. Don't focus on the money and try to think of every dollar as a dollar for freedom. I have always said that if I had to do it all over again, I would have spend TWICE what I did, just to be rid of that SOB and to be where I am today.

I was flat broke after it was over and it has taken me years to pay off. But the peace of mind I have today has been so worth it....I cannot even put a price on it.

You'll get there. Just don't engage and remain N/C as much as possible. Maybe look into doing the exchange at the local police station.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

will have a affair for example as a way to lash out or show their rage?

That was why my ex cheated. It was his way to get back at me.

My ex is very good at faking emotional connections. I realized one day it was fake when he said to me that he didn't know how to feel anything but happy and angry. I am sure that is why all his interactions are so fake.

The only way to heal is to get away from the chaos. Otherwise you are too spun out with all the crazymaking to see things for what they really are.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As stupid as this sounds to me now, the biggest AH HAH moment for me was about the sex. He allowed me to believe that I was the one who did not want sex. I am researching this much further as I think this is a much larger problem for women then most even understand....but when you are accused over and over, little by little, week by week you start to beleive it. You then start acting it out. Little by little, day by day YOU believe it. What I came to learn is that *gasp* I do like sex. I do want to have great sex, I do want to feel close and have intimacy. It was my P/A WS who did not want to have sex with me because he was having sex with other people....but yet made ME feel like it was my fault for YEARS. The weight gain, the sadness, the loneliness, the way I was made to feel like I was not good enough...boggles the mind.

I think there are many many many women out there who live with men like this who make them feel less then what they are as sexual beings so they pull back, act out on it now to make it true and then the media, the news, the general public then allow the theory that it is somehow their fault.

My therapist REALLY made my WS mad when sex was brought up and my WS at that time jumped all over it and said it was me who did not want sex and that I would confirm it with him, and the therapist asked me and I nodded and said that was true because that was what I now believed to be true. He then turned to my husband and said how sad it was that my husband accused me of not wanting sex when my WS was the one who did not want sex with ME, because he was getting it someplace else. My WS was furious! How dare he! He tried to say he got it someplace else because "I" was the one who did not want it at home...and the T said that he was very good at making it seem that way. Actually told him that maybe your wife does not want sex with you because you are not atractive any more to her as a lover. I bet she would want it with someone else given a chance. Have you ever thought of your wife having sex with someone else? And my WS just assumed that since I did not want sex with him that I just did not want sex. My T helped me see that I was a very sexy healthy human being, outside of my WS at that time. Now you see why we had to separate...I had to find my identity again.

Probably one of the very worse inhuman degrading manipulative things a WS does to their spouse. Let them believe that they are the ones who don't want sex or withold sex from their partner while they themselves are getting it from someone else.


Posts: 5524 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG. Mine HAD to have the best of everything. But there again was another disconnect. He was a police officer and didn't even come close to having the means to accomplish the material "goals" he had. And it wasn't as if he just "wanted" the best of everything, he really felt as if he DESERVED or was entitled to the best without having any means or having earned the way to these things. And if I pointed this out, he would literally throw a temper tantrum like a three year old.

I can so relate. We lived on a decent income, but he maxed out his 401k contribution, spent 800-1000 dollars a month on the "best" weed -- and still complained about not having a Mercedes whatever whatever like "this guy at work" who was a "single guy" and couldn't be making much money. He kept me separated from his friends, so I was shocked but not really surprised to see that one of his friends who lives in a DINK household of well over $200,000 per year drove that Mercedes whatever whatever! When I saw that, it was one of the many nails in the coffin of any feelings I could have had for him. He pretty much was making me feel bad for not cutting the budget down to nothing and spending nothing on myself and the kids while he made no sacrifices in his income whatsoever -- but it was my spending and my relatively small income that mean that he couldn't afford a Mercedes whatever whatever??? For real??? Ever since then, it has been very difficult for me to drum up any sympathy for his financial situation.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine had a thing with vehicles too.

He had to have a new pickup almost EVERY year or every other year. It was insane. He was so upside down on these trucks, but he didn't care. He had to have a bigger truck, a fancier truck, have more stuff on it, you name it. And did he actually NEED these trucks? Hell no. It was all for showing off.

In the end, he had bought two trucks that were those 4 door trucks with the dual wheels in the back and added another $10,000 worth of who-knows-what to the dumb thing.

And again, there was NO NEED for this huge vehicle. Yes we/I had horses and a trailer but there was already a vehicle that was used specifically for the horse trailer.

So here I was cutting corners so we could afford to make the INSANE payment (that was about as much as a HOUSE payment) on this STUPID pickup that he HAD TO HAVE that wouldn't fit in the garage, not to mention any parking place we went.

When I would mention anything to him about this being excessive, he would get defensive, angry and throw it back at me. "Well YOU have a nice car, I should have a nice truck!!"

Um...yeah well Dumbfuck, the company I work for pays me a car allowance so I can have a nice car to drive clients around."

I could give you thousands of examples like this. It would just drive me crazy. And trying to explain it to him was like talking to the wall. Most people would just "get this". I would think it would just be common sense that you just don't go out and FINANCE a friggin' vehicle that has a payment as high as a house payment just to SHOW OFF. I wouldn't this type of thing would even require a serious conversation let alone SEVERAL knock-down, drag-out BATTLES that always ended with me either giving in (so he would shut up, or him just going and getting a new truck with out me knowing about it.

I can't believe I lived with that insanity for as long as I did. Bleh!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I lived with this too for quite awhile. Had to have a Jaguar...a used one mind you...but just HAD to have it. Red of course. We had 2 small children at home so where was he going to put the carseat? (I know, stupid question) And I would ask him how he was going to fix it when it needed to be repaired? Oh, he would take care of it, right.

That car broke down after a year. He was too "embarrassed" to try to sell it or tell someone he could not fix it. He was getting rides to work from some friends and would not do anything about it. I HAD to take care of it because he would not. Found someone to come haul it away and got a fraction of the cost for it.

I still cringe when I see a guy who drives a fancy sports car and I know what kind of house they have or kids at home. It looks so stupid and ridiculous. Everyone KNOWS they can't afford it but the person driving it thinks everyone is looking at them and paying attention to them. So dumb. No class.


Posts: 5524 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
MelisssaZZZ
♀ Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry guys, I have not read most of the posts here.. but wanted to share my @reveleation@ when i fully 'realised@ my H was NPD.. it is still not clear whether he is full blown npd or 'just' have traits..

My IC and our MC has been hinting and directly telling that he is very narcissistic.. but then one day i looked at me.. and realised:

1) i feel guilty for spending more then 45secs in bathroom (as usually he would come and nock and ask what i am hiding there):
2) i feel guilty when i want to sleep (as usually he is not as tired at 11pm as me as he stays at home and does not work and gets up at 10am versus 7am for me):
3) i feel guilty when i am ill because i cannot 'meet' his needs at the time..

and no, i was never like this before i met him..

i think somtimes for realisations its much more useful to look inwards...


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 4yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1199 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reality,
I somehow missed your earlier post on the sex. You're so right. They completely mess with your mind about everything. Mine did the opposite with me in the sex department. He talked me into doing all sorts of things I wouldn't normally be comfortable doing, saying "it's normal" "this is what a wife does when she loves her husband" blah, blah, blah...then I find out he was video taping....

Needless to say, I have had sex "issues" ever since.

Melissa,
Sounds like walking on eggshells to me....


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 1000
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