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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts 5
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, October 13th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he did 1 IC. It has been about a year and things are getting better I guess.

He saw an IC ONE time? Once?

First of all, your husband is NOT in recovery. At best he's white knuckling it and it will NOT last. At worst he's still acting out but is hiding it better.

I personally think that all your problems stem from the fact that in your heart you know he's not in recovery and yes, I agree, you're codependent. Especially since you seem fine with him not being in recovery.

He needs to see a CSAT and you need IC for yourself, also with a CSAT (not the same one)

Have your read any of the books I recommend? Where are you exactly in your recovery?

7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, October 13th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

don't think me banishing my husband to his office (aka the pornatorium)

I'm stealing this term. What a perfect word.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3654 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, October 14th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell me what I know. When has an SA 'recovered?" What's the difference btwn recovery and being sober?

So, a year in &

-SA WH has gone to about 10 counseling sessions. (off and on-and def. off for the last few months)
-No porn (he doesn't have computer at work and I put ours in a very public place in our house)
-I don't *think* any acting out.
But I don't know-of course you never do.
I feel like he is faking it-and he's stopped going to counseling. But he's faking it so well that he's convinced himself that he has "recovered."And me?

Before SA dx-he was a work alcoholic, who drank too much with no friends who didn't want to have sex with me EVER.

Now-very attentive husband, who leaves work at work, awesome involved dad to our children, a few friends, doesn't drink, who doesn't want to have sex with me EVER.

We are generally happy-but I just don't trust it. Is that normal? And, I kind of feel like-if all he had to do to quit watching porn 20 hours/week and wanting to sleep with strangers-was to go to a SA counselor a few times-WHY DIDN'T HE DO IT BEFORE NOW????

I guess it just seems too easy. I dunno. And the no sex thing-he wants to more these days-but I just don't trust him-

I am so downtrodden and confused and worried sick.

Sorry this is so confusing-I don;t even know what I am looking for.

I hate SA. I hate WH for not getting help sooner. I hate WH for forever keeping me up at night with worry. I hate WH for bringing SA into my children's lives.



Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
sawife
♀ New Member
Member # 26324
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, October 14th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MoreThanMe - I know I wonder why it takes them so long to get help. And how easy it is for them to say that they are in 'recovery'.

If it was that damn easy, why didnt they do it before? Why did they bring this into our lives?

sorry im still very bitter about all of this. I just dont get it...


Me = BS 30
Him = WS 35
2 kids - 1 & 3
Feb 06 DD #1
Nov 09 DD #2

Posts: 19 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: chicago
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, October 14th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sawife- how could you NOT be bitter? And/ or outright pissed. They use SA as a get out of jail free card and then all is supposed to be magically better. ( To be sure-to anyone who may get the wrong idea-- SA is oh.too.real and WH sees with me how well Carnes defines his illness)


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
too trusting BW
♀ Member
Member # 15459
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, October 14th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only have a minute, (and 7yrs posts speak much better to the sober/recovery question) but I wanted to address this "acting out" issue.

Just because they are not viewing "porn" on the computer, doesn't mean clean. You feel like he is faking it. Trust your instinct.

A sex addict can often times pull up scarily accurate recall of memories of acting out. For my SAH, just the thought of a woman at walmart with cleavage that he had convinced himself "wanted" him earlier in the day, was enough for his own private shower time. SOrry to be blunt, but I never realized how insidious it can be.

The computer and porn are only tools for the addict to get their fix. If those are gone, they can find replacements. Or not even need to; it's in their head and NO ONE can do anything with that porn but them.

I came to find out that my SAH never wanted sex because he spent time M'bating instead.

The long term very very complicated answer is that sex with a wife is intimate (or supposed to be) and that is the LAST thing a SA is into. INtimacy disorder is what some call Sex addiction.


Me 39
SA-FWH 44
11yrs M
In R-maybe
3 DC from Marriage #1
1 DS together
at least 4 d-days

Posts: 1300 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Kansas
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, October 14th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too trusting- thank you! VERY helpful and validating.
Makes so much sense. He told me recently that " no, he wasn't. Looking at other women" because " he's been trying really hard not to..." when he's with me.
WTF- who has to MAKE themselves not look at other women? Oh, yeah a SA


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, October 15th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG the IC SA WH has been going to ISNT a CSAT (thanks for the list 7!)
WTF. I just assumed- he came highly recommended and Ive liked him. Here's his site:http://billherring.info/atlanta_counseling/atlanta-therapist-bill-herring

But he's NOT a CSAT? He is very involved in the SA recovery community here. Has really helped WH and his advice seems in line with Carnes?

What do you guys think? Or should I even concern myself with this??

This is comical- I just realized yesterday that I am co- dependent! I am going to start going to COSA mtgs next week.


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, October 16th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When has an SA 'recovered?"

Never. An SA will always be an SA just as an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. You will never hear a healthy, sober alcoholic say "I'm a RECOVERED alcoholic." they will always say, "I'm a RECOVERING alcoholic." SA is the same. When I refer to my husband as a rSA I mean RECOVERING Sex Addict. Not recovered. My rSA never refers to himself as recovered, always recovering.

Recovering or In Recovery refers to an addict seeking treatment and actively working a program to become and remain sober. White knuckling it doesn't count. Going through the motions but not doing any real recovery work, doesn't count. Finding a counselor that will let you get away without doing any real recovery work, doesn't count.

Sober means having no sexual behavior with anyone (even one's self) other than one's spouse or committed partner.

Ideally, an SA will be BOTH. But very early in recovery it's possible to be "in recovery" but not yet be sober. Many SAs "slip" and break sobriety and have to start over. Some never get sober.


I feel like he is faking it-and he's stopped going to counseling. But he's faking it so well that he's convinced himself that he has "recovered."

He's acting out. At the very least he's probably still compulsively masturbating. And you're right, unless you catch him with his hand down his pants you will never know for certain. But honestly, you DO know. You said it. You know.

The positive changes he has made are wonderful and you shouldn't negate them, however, he's on thin ice and he will fall through eventually. He cannot "recover" from SA and he certainly cannot be in recovery if he's not seeking treatment and working a program.


who doesn't want to have sex with me EVER.

Sexual anorexia is very common in SAs who are trying to white knuckle a fake recovery. It could be that or he could be masturbating so much that he can't have sex with you. But you have to remember that at it's core SA is an INTIMACY disorder and he's scared shitless to be truly intimate with you and I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about emotional intimacy but he doesn't understand the difference.

We are generally happy-but I just don't trust it. Is that normal?

Absolutely, because your gut is screaming at you that he's NOT sober and he's NOT in recovery. You can't trust it.

And, I kind of feel like-if all he had to do to quit watching porn 20 hours/week and wanting to sleep with strangers-was to go to a SA counselor a few times-WHY DIDN'T HE DO IT BEFORE NOW????

It's NOT that easy and he's not in recovery and he's not really even doing it now because he's not ready to give up his addiction.

They use SA as a get out of jail free card and then all is supposed to be magically better.

Any SA in genuine recovery would NEVER try to pass their addiction off as a "get out of jail free card" trust me. Recovery is HARD work. If your husband is trying this, he's NOT in recovery and he's manipulating you. If you're accepting it, you're behaving in a very, very codependent fashion.

too trusting BW is right. An absence of evidence of looking at porn means nothing. The many, many, many ways that SAs act out is such a long and varied list that it would be ridiculous to even try to list them. He carries the chemical in his brain and all he needs is a mental image and he's set.

MoreThanMe, read the books I recommend if you haven't already and find an IC for yourself. I don't know what to tell you about the counselor your husband is seeing. You're right, he's not a CSAT but he seems to be able to "talk the talk" but I dunno... I just get a bad vibe. He's a really good salesman. His website and the way it's worded makes me uneasy. I don't know how to describe it other than that. It's a gut feeling. If your husband has or is quitting counseling anyway, perhaps it's time to set a boundary and ask that he see a CSAT.

Hope that helps.
7

ETA: I just stumbled onto this video on MSN quite by accident. I've seen this entire program and it's actually pretty good and not full of misinformation.

Sex Addiction
http://health.msn.com/fitness/video.aspx?vid=26dc665e-510d-4895-9e6b-c5fbde888039

[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 3:24 AM, October 16th (Saturday)]


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
mitehvblonitpa
♂ Member
Member # 23291
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, October 16th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,
I pipe in again sorry. 7 makes some great points. I am always going to be a recovering SA...at least until I lose my mind and think I don't need my program (laughing at that thought) With all of the devastation I have caused I could live to be 200 and still need to be in recovery just to make ammends. "Get out of jail free card"? OMG I hope no one thinks anyone working a program thinks they have a GOOJF card. My sponsor put it best when talking to my BW about this saying yes I was powerless over the addiction prior to SA as I could not and did not have a choice. Now that I have been sober for 19 months and know I am powerless I have the responsibility to use my knowledge and can not use the fact that I can not control my lust I now have tools and any slip is in my control to prevent. I can pray, go to a meeting, call another member. I understand now the impact of my actions and have ammended my behaviors to reflect that. Sorry to drag that out and hope no one minds the imput.
Thanks,
G

[This message edited by mitehvblonitpa at 5:53 PM, October 16th (Saturday)]


FWH SA-me (61)
BW-her (48)
Married 18 years
Together 17 years
4 wonderful kids-21, 15, 12, 9
D-day after D-day after D-day seriously I can not count them .....I feel like OJ heck what's one more stab wound

Posts: 184 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: PA
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7-Thanks.so.much. Even though I know-I needed to hear it, and I was in the dark about the most important thing-which is that not watching porn=sober.
Duh. he watched it for years-he has all the images he needs. This weekend -with the help from you guys-I realized....

1. While he's made great strides towards recovery--He is an active SA.

2. If he doesn't begin receovery in earnest-he willa ct out in a bigger and more reckless way.

3. I am hopelessly co-dependant.

So............

1. COSA for me this week.

2. IC (i think i am going to find an IC who is fluent in co-d of SA??)

3. I need to establish boundaries. It's hard for me to tell the difference btwn boundaries and co-d behavior at this point. (I have threatened-cried-begged him to go to counseling-so, co-D-and it didn't work! )


THANKS! I love SI-it saved my sanity this weekend.


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MoreThanMe,
You're on the right track! COSA is great. As to IC, my advice is find a CSAT. If you want an IC who can really help you with your codependency, that is absolutely your answer. If you can't find a CSAT at least find someone who is a general addiction specialist.
7


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ho;y.Shit.
So, I 'confronted' him-about the things I've learned inspired by you guys to learn more about SA and CoD of SA. I also mentioned that his IC WASN'T CSAT.
I told him that I was def. co-d and that I was trying to save someone that needed to save themselves.

That as soon as I figured out the difference between co-d and boundaries-I would be laying down boundaries.

That I wasn't sure of what my boundaries were-but I knew that his entering active recovery would be what I needed to feel safe having him in my home was one.

That his not looking as porn was a step in the right direction-a huge step but that ANY sexual conduct that wasn't a part of an intimate relationship-i.e. our marriage-WAS ACTING OUT.

That it was just going to get worse until he dealt with it--that he would act out in an even worse way if he didn't get help.


That I was going to COSA.

***
I KNEW he was going to be defensive and try to tell me he was 'fine' that he was doing all the right things.....

Did he?
NOPE.

He said "do they have childcare at the COSA/SA meetings?" (meaning can he go to the SA mtg)

THEN (THIS.this. is what freaked me out...)
I said that I know he liked his IC but that his IC wasn't a CSAT and that he didn't involve me in any part of it....

saWH said: "well, I'm not sure he was a good fit"

me: "why?"

saWH: "I'm not sure he can see through bullshit"


[This message edited by MoreThanMe at 9:40 PM, October 18th (Monday)]


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, October 18th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To be fair- I doubt saWH would have gone regularly-but I basically asked him to quit going to the sa meeting back in march-b/c I was very pregnant, very stressed (I have an incredibly stressful job) but mainly b/c I was just too exhausted from work (I was supposed to be on bed rest at the time) to deal with putting my toddler to bed by myself-with decent dinner and bedtime ritual. It is also on thursday night- the night after saWH works 2nd shift and I don't sleep.
He was also doing receovery nation on his own everynight.
I also thought-that his not looking at porn meant he was magically 'cured.' Were I to make that decision now-I wouldn't make that mistake again. I'd give said toddler waffles for dinner and skip the bath


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
notasaint
♀ Member
Member # 28465
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now I am here. Trying to admit and accept that WH is a SA. I did not want to be here, did not know and am terrified to death of what this means. We have been married less than one year and had I known this about him I would not have married him.

One question for the BS here...............what made you stay with the SA? I just don't see any good coming out of it.


Me - BW 36
Him - FWH 38 SLA (newlywednupset)
M < 1 year
D-days 8/2009 and 4/2010 TT to 10/2010
3 OW over the course of 2 years, all older, one married.
* My husband was in an open relationship from day one, he just failed to tell ME this.*

Posts: 1048 | Registered: May 2010 | From: FL
mitehvblonitpa
♂ Member
Member # 23291
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Not,
I am an SAFWH and so take it for that if you want. I have been sober since Mar 10, 2009. I think my BW might ask the same thing from time to time...and I am speaking for her here. She loved me and though that was stomped and ground into the ground we are now developing a relationship that can transcend anything either of us imagined. Will she continue to have days she asks why she stayed?...probably, can I say I will never act out? No but I can say as long as I work my program and keep in contact with my higher power and go to meetings and keep in touch with my feelings It is not likely that I will act out again....If you ever loved him give him a chance for both of your sakes.
Thanks,
G

[This message edited by mitehvblonitpa at 3:47 PM, October 22nd (Friday)]


FWH SA-me (61)
BW-her (48)
Married 18 years
Together 17 years
4 wonderful kids-21, 15, 12, 9
D-day after D-day after D-day seriously I can not count them .....I feel like OJ heck what's one more stab wound

Posts: 184 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: PA
samgie
Member
Member # 16010
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ladies, I wanted to chime in and tell you that I am three years into this journey.
I know the deepest pain and heartache that you all feel. I know the saddness of not feeling enough...pretty enough...skinny enough...never enough.
It's a deep sad feeling to go through all of this pain.
I often wish that I could talk about it...but with who? None of my friends can understand what I have been through..the fire I have traveled through and the scars I bear.
But all of you do understand me and I find a deep solace in that.
There is hope and there is healing. There is no perfection in life but I am in a better place now.
I had to realize that I was some part to play in my husband exiting our relationship to go to other women. And he had to realize what he was putting into our relationship to make it a nightmare.
We went to imago therapy for about three years now and still going. It saved our marriage honestly...it saved me.
I hit such a low after I found out that I really just wanted to curl up and die. I had post tramatic syndrome for months scared that something else terrible would happen to me.
But, Live is a journey and for some reason god sent me on a wild ride.
Yes, I am stronger. Yes, I am a different woman. Yes, I can accept what happened to me and make wiser choices more mature choices...I really do love myself after all

Posts: 134 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: ft. lauderdale
samgie
Member
Member # 16010
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ps if any of you ever want to talk or need any advice I am here for you send me a message any time....this is the best place for healing!!

Posts: 134 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: ft. lauderdale
7yrsbetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 10198
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, October 22nd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

notasaint
what made you stay with the SA? I just don't see any good coming out of it.

At first I stayed because he gaslighted me. Then I stayed because I had no other choice (stay at home mom with no good prospects for supporting myself.) Then after he got into recovery I stayed because he was in recovery. Once he got sober, I stayed because I realized he was still the man I wanted.

If your SA will seek recovery and get sober and stay sober, there is hope. You both need a lot of therapy but there is hope if you both want it and work at it.

List of resources for Spouses/Partners of SA
This is the advice and list of resources I give to all members newly dealing with a possible or confirmed SA partner. This is all good advice even if you don't stay together. If you don't educate yourself about SA and codependency you're very likely to end up with another addict partner.

~~
Educate yourself about sexual addiction.
First and foremost you should read these books:

"Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts" by Stefanie Carnes.

"Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal, Lies and Secrets" by Claudia Black PhD

and

"Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means
~~~~
His best hope for recovery is for him to seek treatment with a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) Here is a resource to find CSATs by zip code:
http://www.iitap.com/find_csat.cfm

You might also want to start on that website to find a good therapist for yourself. He has to work his recovery on his own and even if he doesn't get help you'll need counseling to recover from the trauma of being married to a sex addict. And believe me, it IS a trauma. You need to find counselors who are experts on SA otherwise you're in for a world of confusion and pain. (This is my opinion based on experience)
~~~~
Online resources:
http://www.sexhelp.com
This is Dr Patrick Carnes' website. He is *the* expert on SA.

http://www.sa.org
Sexaholics Anonymous
If your husband faces his sex addiction and seeks treatment he'll most likely be directed to a 12-Step group. This is the one I recommend. If you look at their site you'll also find information for yourself that may be helpful. (I personally recommend SA not SAA because SAA is too lax in their definition of healthy sexual behavior. This is my opinion.)

http://www.recoverynation.com is an excellent online community with online recovery workshops for both the SA and the spouse. (This should not replace seeing a CSAT (see below) and going to SA meetings (see above) for the sex addict but is a great addition to those things.)

http://www.candeocan.com This is an excellent source of information. They focus on what they call "porn addiction" however, there is no such thing, it is ALL sex addiction. The info on their site is so good that I still recommend it with the explanation that "porn" addiction is in fact "sex" addiction.
~~~~
To fully understand SA you both need to do some reading. If he doesn't face his addiction you should still do the reading to help yourself and decide what you want. I don't advise women to stay with SAs who are not in recovery and who are not sober.

I recommend for the partner (in addition to the 3 above):

"Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes (I recommend you read this after you've read "Mending a Shattered Heart" and the others, but not before.)

For the SA:
"Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes
(I don't recommend you read this book, but it would be an excellent read for your husband to start if he's willing to face his addiction, while you read "Mending a Shattered Heart")

Many SAs have a serious porn habit, this book "Porn Nation" by Michael Leahy, would be a good book for the SA. Mr. Leahy is a recovering sex addict who had a serious porn addiction that cost him pretty much everything before he finally hit bottom. (I don't recommend that wives read this book at first. It's too triggery for "just found outs")
~~~~
Sadly, a really helpful post regarding boundaries and consequences has long since been lost. Here is a link to a website with good info on it:
http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

This is going to be vital for you going forward. You cannot force him to seek treatment and you cannot control him but you do have a right to set boundaries to keep yourself safe.

7

P.S. If you read through the thread from the start and look for my posts I've shared quite a lot about the turning point and why I stayed.

[This message edited by 7yrsbetrayed at 9:45 PM, October 22nd (Friday)]


Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand

Posts: 2167 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Colorado
notasaint
♀ Member
Member # 28465
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, October 23rd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So here's another question (and thank you to everyone that has responded to me earlier one).

Is it almost a given that someone that has multiple As is pretty much an addict?


Me - BW 36
Him - FWH 38 SLA (newlywednupset)
M < 1 year
D-days 8/2009 and 4/2010 TT to 10/2010
3 OW over the course of 2 years, all older, one married.
* My husband was in an open relationship from day one, he just failed to tell ME this.*

Posts: 1048 | Registered: May 2010 | From: FL
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