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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair... Part 18
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ats. I did see the gator video. That does show how I have felt lately. I'm glad you thought of me when you saw it. Oddly enough, when I saw that video I thought of miracle. Strange isn't it?

miracle. I guess you read the above sentence. I really do not know what to say. I'm sure you will think of something.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the "sometimes it's more fun not to take the high road" department:

Remember a few weeks back I read OW's comment on someone's fb about their gossiping co-workers & how they are "beneath her" and I was struggling with not responding (under my fake fb acct)?
Well....

I responded: "The only thing beneath you is someone else's husband".

OMG. Everyone who had also commented on the post got notice of it & people were hysterically laughing about it (via pm).

And, the best part....

I kept waiting for the repurcusions and all I got was a pm from ow saying "What the Hell is wrong with me?"

She didn't report me. She didn't "un"friend me, etc.

She really is a stupid biatch.

Wow that was really fun.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes allgood sometimes it is fun, and when in jest and in private its almost always fun if you can poke at it....

a while back pfm and i were joking about moo sightings (another member here at si) and we got to talking about cows, and i remember passing some kind of comment about the cow he fucked...it was so funny the way it came out, i cracked myself up and with that pfm laughed too....sadly his sense of humor is not going to save this marriage this time...but thats another story....

bottom line longwinded style...its good to keep a sense of humor...


dip: i have to say you rendered me speechless...

Oddly enough, when I saw that video I thought of miracle. Strange isn't it?

and i am somewhat afraid as to why???


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle. I rendered you speechless? I also need to know what you ment when you said you were afraid as to why. Are you wondering why you were speechless or why I thought of you when I saw the video? I can't explain why I thought of you. Just be glad that someone was thinking of you.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i don't know about that one dip....300 hungry alligators and you think of me...was i metaphorically with them eating or being eaten...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle. Oh my. I think I better leave that line alone.

I won't be back till Monday. Maybe by then my thoughts will be cleaner.

It looks like we will be moving to a new LTA house again. It seems to happen so fast.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgoodnamesgone... I must admit.. That was funny.

I got one too but not funnly like yours... OM had caught some stupid fish record in Kentucky.. a junk fish. He had a link to his biz web site big ass smile on his face telling his fish story I posted...

Good for you! I trusted you. Having fun fishing and at the same time distroying your family and mine.

About a month later.. I noticed it was taken down.. lol..

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:33 PM, July 30th (Friday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood...
That was hysterical! Loved it!
and Tryin... good story also!

I know I shouldn't be mean...but... I really do like to see some negative Karma and consequences for the OM/OW....



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good night all. May we all wake up in the morning with trust in our heads and love in our hearts & a partner laying next to us that is similarly equipped.
Peace out.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

amen Allgoodnamesgone.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, July 30th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good night all. May we all wake up in the morning with trust in our heads and love in our hearts & a partner laying next to us that is similarly equipped.
Peace out.

good nite allgood...but i have to say that if i woke up the way you just posted, i would know that my waking up was just a dream.. ...or i am dead.... ...


but i hope for you and most of the rest of you to wake up that way...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Tribe..I like that name...

Here I am slipping in at 9:40 Pacific time after everyone has gone nighty-nite on the east coast I assume from reading the time on your posts.

I am a little sleepy to but just wanted to say how much I am enjoying listening (?) to your friendly banter. It feels warm and fuzzy and I can use some warm and fuzzy in my day.

I am going to make an attempt to get to know all of you but it will take some time.

Nofun, hope things are going well as can be expected for you and your husband.

Ats, glad to see that you are enjoying some newly discovered intimacy in your relationship! There really should be more good stuff.

Honest, I could not agree more that we must continue to have high expectations of our spouses and trust them only as they continue to meet those expectations.

NJGAL, Good point about the timing of a well thought out divorce! There always seems to be a good reason to stay...perhaps especially if what we really want to do is stay! Just as it is relativly easy to leave...when we find ourselves in a relationship that we want to leave. I have been in both and done both. So, you are correct there really is no good time for a divorce..unless you want a divorce.

Tryin, I like your list of things that might change if you began to trust like removing GPS, sharing one bank acct and allowing them to go out with friends of the opposite sex!

It will probably be a cold day in hell before I do any of these things! I guess I am not a very trusting soul.

I think you were also saying you would not do the latter.
Honestly though I have not removed the GPS but I also have not felt a need to check it for over a year! Progress! It is just there in case I need it! Sad but true.

All good, hang on tight,,,first's are hard but many have gone before you and are still here ...umm not real encouraging I guess ..but hang on anyway.

dip..Hi..I do not remeber anything you said except it is hard to trust... It is.

Iwanta...thanks for your encouragement...sorry I did not see who you asked that question of...I will get it eventually

Do you ever wonder...do you think ...is it possible that the grass might be greener..on the other side? I mean...how many have thought about leaving and starting over? Why did you decide not to do so?

Love? I know I love him too.

Good Night?


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops...Forgive not...did not mean to forget you!

Best to you too.


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Paper Roses:

Do you ever wonder...do you think ...is it possible that the grass might be greener..on the other side? I mean...how many have thought about leaving and starting over? Why did you decide not to do so?

I seriously think about it. Often. I know I'm not going to be able to have an ideal relationship with my H. (On more positive days I will say that it's not ideal now, but I hope we will get there.) In any event, I do wonder what it would be like to start fresh, where I wouldn't have any doubts as to why someone wants to be with me. Of course, the draw of a new exciting relatinship is another thing - but what really makes me think about other people's "grass" is the long term repurcusions of this A. The trust, the rejection, etc.
I've actually been thinking about it quite a bit since I saw a lot of people on SI talk about how they wish they had found out when they were in their 40s & could've found someone else... (Personally, I don't think age is a factor, but this is what people are saying, so it makes me think - I'm still young enough - am I going to regret my choice to R in 10 years?)
Anyway. I don't think the grass is greener. I'll admit between DDay and my profession, I'm a bit jaded as to what else is out there & about human nature in general. And, there are a lot of things about my H that I truly like. I do love him - just not the same way, or, quite frankly, enough. But, I want to keep my family together & I'm willing to trade what might be left of my youth to do it in the hopes that my H will never disappoint me or disrespect me again.
If I didn't have kids - I'm not sure that I would say the same thing as I really remain disgusted by his behavior. (Seriously every time I see his smiling face in family pics during the A I just want to smack him.) What a fraud - that's all I can think.)
So - I guess I didn't wake up all cheerful like I had hoped.... How did everyone else fare?


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
nofun
♀ Member
Member # 24546
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am of the belief "the grass is really not greener" on the other side. Being the age I am I think I am "better with the devil I know than the devil I don't".

We have too much history together, children, grandchildren and if we can try to make new memories and concentrate on US then maybe we can make this work.

"The only thing beneath you is someone else's husband".

I love this allgood!!! I know it must feel so good!

When I finally found out what OW looked like, I think I was more angry that she was so ugly and old lady looking that I said to FWH..."Are you kidding me? You must really hate your dick". I think about that comment now and it gives me a chuckle.

FwH has surgery scheduled for Thursday. The doc said if it is cancer it is "treatable". So the wait is on....


BS (me) 56
WH 61
M 36 yrs
OW - 55 - Howdy Doody Look Alike
3 Awesome Adult C
DD 6/7/09
LTA 12 years.
Confused: D or R???

Posts: 987 | Registered: Jun 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fun: glad to hear about your wh's surgery prognosis....it must be a relief i am sure...

i wonder fun what has this done for his perception of things, has he reacted to his tumor with things in general...usually people when faced with possible death begin to "see" so much more then ever have....seeing ones mortality can make you wake up and smell the roses so to speak

and from the sound of your posting you sound very committed to "r" and that is really good, for both of you...


paper roses: you catch on very quick, you actually responded to all of us, very cool for a newbie...i still mess that up now and then...

you know i find you almost odd, and not in a bad way, just in the way you post, you sound so amazingly together...and i know you kind of been at this for a long time, but then again i get the impression that you are still so fragile on the inside...and yet strong..i know i am not articulating very well this am....and for that i am sorry...i sense something very fragile within you...not quite sure what it is yet...and i could be way off base and if i am set me straight.. ..i can take it...

anyways...your question:

Do you ever wonder...do you think ...is it possible that the grass might be greener..on the other side? I mean...how many have thought about leaving and starting over? Why did you decide not to do so?

the first thought that comes to mind, is it depends on whose grass...face it if i could be in shoes that have way more financial support then i do now,...then hell yes....if i could be in shoes that fit well, look great and help me walk back straight and head held high...then hell yes...

but to be in someone elses shoes you have to be prepared for all that goes with it, and one thing my mom taught me really really young, (back story..we were as poor as poor could be, so i was always wishin)...you never really know what goes on behind closed doors...what appears on the outside is not necessarily what is on the inside...and there were so many families through the years that i would secretly wish i was a part of...then bam some of their inside stuff came out and it was ugly...granted there are still the few families i never knew how they turned out in the end...but you still never know....so i could hand pick the other shoe, and know all the insides of it and take my kids and my mom...then hell yeah, i'd go in a heartbeat...


allgood: i am sorry you didn't wake up the way you wished...maybe someday...there are so many days that i am not sure to be happy i can wake up... ...and then there are the days that i really want to still stay in bed and let it waste away...thank god there are too many of those days anymore...now i just sit around on the pc in si letting the day go to waste.. ...i really do need to find some balance... ...but then again...it does help me feel something more then that excrutiating pain that just won't seem to go away...

this am having breakfast, just pfm and i are sitting at the table, and i have no clue what preceeded it but i looked at him and just told him so damned matter of factly that my mind is always on one thing and one thing only and very rare do i have a respite from it, my mind always finds its way to one thing....every day, all day....i have my moments now and then when i am playing games with my kids, except of course if pfm is there, then the mind is there...but when he is not around and its just me and my kids having fun...its almost like it used to be, because pfm was never around, was always not home..so it was always me and the kids, light and airy and fun...but the kids are growing up and are more and more having their own lives as it should be...i need to get another hobby aside from si.... ....

oh my i did ramble on again... ...


honest check in please and you have a pm...!!!


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle:
I totally agree about hesitating before concluding that someone else's shoes, grass, etc. are better.
And, if I forget that, I think about my own life - how so many people would think my M is good, etc. and have no idea what's really going on. I think we all tend to think we are the only ones with problems - lots of people have problems, they just don't show it on the outside.

And - I totally understand what you mean about PFM's presence and its impact upon you. I think that is 1 of the reasons I have been distancing myself from H - because it's easier to forget it, or put it aside, when they are not around to remind us of it.
And, by that, I just mean their presence is a reminder - my H has NO CLUE how many things he says or that surround us that trigger me. So, he still says many, many things that set me off, but they are so everyday things, it's ridiculous to suggest he refrain from commenting on all of them. (Too long, hard to explain - trust me it wouldn't leave much to talk about if all things that set me off were eliminated.)

Anyway, I'm stressin out BIG TIME because I have my son's bday party in 1 hr & there are a million things to do. H is working & boss lady has been up since 6 (looks like SI might have put her to sleep tho...) and I haven't even showered yet. (This is why I suppose my H had said that I stopped caring about the way I look - because I'm constantly running around with the kids, etc. and never made any time for myself).

Then, once my son's friends leave, I get a 3 hr break before the family comes over for dinner.

And, H is working so I'm on my own. (He will be home for dinner tho).
I feel like a disappointment sometimes because the event can never be what I want it to be under these circumstances. Makes me happy sometimes tho because I feel like I'm trying out my life as a single mom & if I can do it, I will know I am staying, not out of fear, but because I want to.
Aight - I seriously got to go.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 10:02 AM, July 31st (Saturday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. We had our dog put down last night. I knew it was coming, but I am very upset. And it was the antiversary too. An ex-colleague of H’s died two days ago as well. He was 42. He’d contracted hepatitis while in China last year. It seems that the fragility of life was one of the justifications for WH to have his affair(s) – Sift carefully through them and seek out the best, wildest, gut-ripping, breathtaking moments, and then grab them greedily and stuff them back inside living for the moment and happiness. So I have spent another 30th July crying and thinking life isn’t fair.

I can’t read up, I’m just a mess right now. I’ve still got to clear out the dog’s stuff and put her bed out in the garage. How come I get to survive grief without running into the arms of someone else? Oh, and another thing. I’m doing my mum’s family tree. It’s all based around a place north of the city where MOW lives south. A canal and a main trunk road link the two, running through the city. Two days ago, I came across a relative from 1860 or so who came from a village next to MOW’s and about half a mile from the “hotel” where they began the sexual side of the affair. Yesterday, I found part of the family came from her village. And I found her on the same ancestry site. I didn’t know whether to laugh or scream.

Bad, sad few days. Actually, it’s been a crap month. I want to be able to pull my happiness and ability to find delight in the smallest things and to be able to laugh at my stupid H’s MOW and all that she represented. To say I don’t care if he chooses to be with me or not because either way, I will be happy and if he wants part of that then he has to accept me as I am because I will never be her and I will never want to be her and if he has a piece of him missing without her, he’d better do something about it that doesn’t involve secrecy and lies. I deserved better then and I certainly deserve better now than the selfish, arrogant, lying, shit-face fuckwit he turned out to be. Mini-rant over.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Paper Roses
♀ Member
Member # 19336
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello All,
Just a short note. It is saturday and there are a lot of Saturday things to do.

I am sorry about your dog UK girl. It is amazing that we can survive loss without running into the arms of someone else but yes..it can be done..it is called integrity you have it. Sorry for your loss.

I am going to answer my question about the grass and respond to Miracle later. You too are a very smart and clever girl me thinks. Miss I wantamiricle!

The grass might be greener. I agree with Allgood that age is not a factor, at least not one that would work against the possibility of finding a better relationship..over there. I think I could find someone who cares for me and respects me more than my FWH did. Which is not saying a lot. Maybe not more than he does now, but I feel as some of you do ...that is as predictable as the weather!

Problem is, what I said to NJGAL. I don't want to. I do not want a divorce. I love my husband. When I wanted to divorce my first husband, 30 some years ago, there was nothing that could have stopped me.

Now, I could have a promise of some sort of happily ever after and it would not mean much of anything because ...for now...happy is linked to my husband.

I think anyone who stays after the pain of an LTA is staying for love. Both the WS and the BS.

That is my humble opinion.

Have a good Saturday.


Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years

Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?


Posts: 623 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Los Angeles
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, July 31st (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwant...
i need to get another hobby aside from si....

Yes you do... For me, when I get busy with work, I lose my thoughts about infidelity and I do start living life again. When I work in my yard, watch most movies, poker night, casino, boating… all I can live a normal life for the most part… But the computer and internet surfing somehow draws me here. Also, when I jog, I always think about infidelity. Today, I ran 5 miles and my thoughts… I thought that maybe I would see OM tonight and I would brush up against him…bump him.. so maybe he would hit me… so I could file a lawsuit against him… It sounds so High School-ish.. lol.. or maybe I would sucker punch him… deep inside, I still want him to feel physical hurt and suffer. I think about just walking away.. My plan is always to walk away and I have done it once… but I sometime question myself. Also when I run, I go over what I did right, what I did wrong, what I wish I would have said… or done… It can go on for almost the complete 45 minutes it takes me to run it… It’s hard. I love the fact Dip must have a great ability to sink into his work… live life again. I'm not sure why I am drawn to SI. I read some of these stories and absolutely they are exactly my story. Sometimes they are pretty excruciating to read but they read like a good novel I can relate to. It’s almost like self harm in a way. But I know today, I know I am better. Today it is easier for me to talk to anyone about infidelity without as much pain. I guess my point is.. I have to be doing things for me to get infidelity off my mind.

Greener on the other side of the fence… For me, I’m not sure. Since you must split time with the kids, how bad, how hurtful would that be? To have your grandkids leave you house and goto XW’s house. I somehow believe my new partner would also have kids and I would fulfill my happiness with them. All the wealth that we build together, now split in half. That would hurt me but I do pretty good and I know I can live cheap, do things that would could make me greater wealth on my own vs having my W… I like our good conversations about politics, our kids, our families, and my W is a hard worker. We love to do many of the same things… But I also know there are many women that have my same interest, kindness…This too, I don’t think I would be lonely because I am not afraid to do what it takes to find a girlfriend…. And, maybe I could then forgive OM too…because I likely would take the position that he can have her… Yep, no doubt about it… if I decided to D, It would be just as green for me.

But today, I do have a good M. We are really getting along very well.. We treat each other very good. It is by choice by both of us.. we just think before we do something or say something that is not nice.. Not all is perfect and I’m accepting that for now. I do wish my W would be more physically attractive to me… maybe she is, but I am always the romance initiator…Maybe it’s just a woman thing… She really has no idea how much that could make me feel if she would just do some things without my hints or asking. Even though I have lovingly asked her, she has tried once or twice.. oh well.. nice evening planned.

UK… We love our dog so much, so I know…. It’s sad.


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