OR risk WH trying to keep them there
My gut doesn't tell me yes or no about this, although I am tending toward no. My emotions are all over the place with it.
Thank you for saying you like my analogy. My first xWH said he hated that I was always making analogies.
iwan, is there something significant occurring that prompted your post in General, or did the server traffic just seem a little too low? You sounded a little positive after your return from FL. Speaking of FL, it does not look like pfm has posted since your return, is he spending time with the alligators too?
forgivenotforget, I am sorry to read you have been feeling down. I can understand this is a difficult time, and it is my experience that managing the emotions of the A fallout can use up my "reserve" for the other things in life.
whatnow28, Hi , nice to meet you. Under the heading of do as I say, not as I do, I am with the maintain NC crowd. If there is identifiable information, posted publicly, somewhere I might pull that down or edit it too. OTOH, if it is just like stuff here, FWW has figured out my username, but I do not think even one of her OM could accidently.
I also assumed that there had to be a real romance to continue in a LTA but now...I realize that is not always the case...
tribe, I want you to know your outside perspective and encouragement is very encouraging. I very often cannot see the forest (or the path for that matter) for all of the trees and other shrubbery congesting our way forward.
Hugs to the tribe.
njgal: i have this little fantasy that involves a masseuse, only in my little fantasy the masseuse is not a female .....
Dip - it's good to see you back. I thought you might be busy with that business venture. How is it going? Hopefully you are finalizing everything and life will get back to normal for you or as normal as life gets in our situations.
I never expected a WH to be so remorseful and to have him begging and pleading to come back...vowing to change and refusing to give up the marriage! I also assumed that there had to be a real romance to continue in a LTA but now...I realize that is not always the case...my husband and the MOW were definitely acting out sexually not romantically...
[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:53 AM, July 15th (Thursday)]
my thread in general started for 2 reasons i think, a couple of weeks ago before i left on vacation there was a poster who started a thread on her husband killing her cat...she began blaming him and venting rightfully so, once every single other poster started on how she needed to get out of her sich because her husband was crossing some dangerous lines, she turned and started to defend his actions...then last nite i was reading a thread where the op was being bashed nothing new...but one of the posters completely blamed the op for the entire thing...holding the op more responsible then the person who was supposed to love her and honor her and be faithful to her...and i just saw red on that one...i firmly believe that our ws's are completely responsible for their actions...it doesn't matter how they were persued, it doesn't matter what the marriage was and iw, it doesn't matter that their foo have issues....each and every ws made this decision all on their own, each and every ws could have and should have just said NO...the rest of, the bs's were in the same boats so to speak, and some of us bs's like myself had it worse then my ws in this marriage...i could have gone elsewhere, my ws didn't meet any of my needs, not a one...but i didn't...so i just don't get why so many bs's need to blame the op's for their sich...literally blame them....
we are all always faced with temptations, telling right from wrong though should be easy...you don't steal, you don't kill and you don't cheat....apparantly i missed the lessons on cheating 101....and it almost in a way feels like the ws is being exonerated and not being held 100% accountable because after (s)he was weak...so the op is held at a higher standard...meanwhile the op is a stranger for some of us, if the a is with a friend then obviously this doesn't apply, that is a double betrayal....but in the instances where the op is a stranger, or a co-worker they don't owe the bs squat...they made no promises to the bs, no commitment, no vows....do i hold the op responsible for their part in it...of course i do, i believe in the number one rule of life..do unto others as you would have them do unto you....
do i blame them for my ws making his choices...no..that is all on him
do i hate the op(s)...you bet
but that still doesn't change the fact that they shouldn't be blamed more then the ws....
o.k. time to step off this soapbox...this thread is still going in general, i have at the moment stepped away...too many posters were attacking without really reading what i was trying to say...i was being accused over and over again that the bs has a right to heal any way they see fit...now i could argue that one too...lorena bobbit did what she saw fit.. ...then i was being accused of saying that bs's shouldn't be venting about the op's..not...
then i was being accused of judgement on the bs's and making them defend their positions...not...
oh gosh i started again...i will shut up now...
hi fnf...glad you checked in to....sending some kitchen mojo your way...
honest..its really good to see you posting
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UKGIRL!
i hope with all my heart that this day turns out well for you and that you find some peace within your heart...
Me & FWH: Not totally a happy camper but am choosing to deal with disappointment later. If it gets too much for me I'll post here.
Hi FnF. sorry to hear you are down but can certainly empathize.
thunder starting so have to send this & shut down.
Iím being useless today. One of those ďit all seems so pointlessĒ days.
I'll read up properly when I'm in a more positive frame of mind. (((((Tribe)))))
[This message edited by UKgirl at 6:27 AM, July 16th (Friday)]
Now...my big question for you Honest is this.....
Why do you want to continue to stay married to this man?
Why do you think your life is better staying in this situation as opposed to filing for divorce from him?
Why do you think that leaving the situation the way it is...is better for your children?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY UKGIRL!!!
And many more....
Been missing everyone and I do read here periodically, but just no time to write. My summer is zipping by and we have been gone more than at home. I never take my computer when we are gone... just my fishing pole and a good book. And of course plenty of cold refreshments!!
Hubby is seriously thinking about retiring some time soon! Could really change things, but I'm not going to worry till it happens. DD is all finished and graduated with honors from college... but hasn't been able to find a teaching job! So this fall she will either sub or work for SSD full-time. Better than no job and she has to start repaying her loans!
Sending everyone some hope and peace, and wishing you find the happiness you are searching for! For me, it doesn't take much to make me smile! Life is good, we are healthy and so are my kids!
Well, gotta motivate! I have the last of the packing to do. We leave again this afternoon!
Luv to all!
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
ukgirl: i am so sorry your day wasn't special, because you are special you know...but a gentle nudge if i may...you teach people how to treat you.....and that includes your kids...
my last birthday i reamed into my boys....i have always taught them that when someone we love has a birthday we need to do whatever we can to make it special as i have done for each of my kids...from the super silly yell outs from nowhere just screaming happy birthday to handwritten cards...this past brithday my boys basically started the day arguing with each other...i put them both in their place on how this is not how people want to spend their birthday, watching their kids go at it...they apologized and for the most part did what i expected them to do for me....and they were 14 and 16 years old....if they are not told i believe they cannot know what you truly want...and aside from that teaching them how to treat their mom also teaches them how they should treat their future's...if you won't do that for yourself, do it for your future dil's...
njgal i agree with your take on honest's sich...it scares me for her....
lovin: so good to hear from you, your breath of air is always restorative for me....glad to hear that you are so happy...still sending some job mojo for your dd..