The author (Gottman) trains MC's in his particular methods and styles. My IC has done this training. She recommended a Gotttman-trained MC for us if we decide to pursue MC. If you like the book and want to pursue MC in this style, it might be worth looking into.
He(Gottman) and his wife offer weekend intensives for couples. If you go to his website, there is a lot of good information.
I have friends who went and found it very helpful, though they never shared if they were R after infidelity.
I believe you and H do your work together, privately, but they have facilitators to offer support. There is no public sharing, similar to Retrouvaille.
My friends commented that it was well worth the money to find tools to strengthen their M.
Live your questions now, and perhaps without even knowing it, you will live along some distant day into your answers. Rilke
He had some good things to say, and it was the first book my IC handed to me. I ended up reading Hold Me Tight right afterwards and preferred it much more.
I find his brief mention of affairs to be insulting, as I often do when an author makes a short note, because affairs are more complicated. But overlooking that, great book so far...
I also found his brief mention of affairs and the emotional insanity that goes with that to be wanting, but for what it does cover, it's very good so far. I've gotten as far as love maps. Currently reading this one solo. Will include the bf soon :) (( After finishing my novel, I just posted about! hehe)).
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
I'm going to check out Science of Trust, too - thanks, Issa!
ETA: looks like there is a new book, What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal, that is specifically aimed at As. Downloaded.
[This message edited by PippaPeach6 at 12:03 PM, December 28th (Friday)]
Honey Badger don't care. - Randall
My H was open to reading Gottmans work because Gottman takes more of a science approach with his research (he's not touchy-feely) and that appealed to my H who is in the engineering field.
"The book that helped our communication the best was The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. He really addresses communication (i.e., "discussion") issues well. It was a 2X4 for FWH, for sure.
ETA: We also went to a Gottman seminar locally. Dr. John and his Dr. wife were on a video and were talking about ways to communicate/fight fair - and then actually had a fight over something ON THE VIDEO! I mean, a really good in-your-face voices-raised discussion about a serious issue in their real life that would have had FWH and me totally screaming at each other! Then they discussed their fight and talked about the techniques they used and the things they DIDN'T do which would have just accelerated the fight. Mr Pip was (emphasis, "was") a really unfair, snarky bring-up-every-single-thing fighter, er, "discusser." Having the communication boundaries they outlined completely changed the way we address things now. And it also helped to be more open at the same time. We can honestly express what upsets us - and also how to appreciate each other, too. I'm not afraid to walk on eggshells any more in case I start something - what a weight off my shoulders!
And ETA to add, it really also addresses someone who communicates like a "smart ass, callous, piece of shit," too "