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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 5
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope this helps somebody and this is largely from a BH perspective but I know this also applies to some BW as well.

In general and in my experience on many boards the WW that really get it I can count on one hand. I will always remember early MC for this when My wife showed remorse. Our MC said this is rare. Two weeks later my MC said this is more typical now in her actions.

My wife has never fundamnetally changed and likely never will. She is the same person who cheated sans cheating now (I believe). She is never going to give me the remorse I need to understand she gets it.

This leave me in a very precarious position and with a paramount choice. My wife as she is incapble of a real intimate realtionship. I may be with her but I am alone and staying married is wrong for me personally.

But their is an asterix. The kids. The moments I have shared since d-day I would have been lucky to have had half of them. I also rest easy knowing they are in the house with me everynight when I go to bed.

I have come to a conclusion that I have had to let 100% go of the marriage and live and act as I have before I ever met my wife. I allowed myself and her disfunction to mold me into some pathetic spineless guy who did not care about his own needs.

I cannot be that person anymore and have become the old me again. What it does to the marriage is outside my control.

She does not like this. I have uninstalled the buttons I ALLOWED TO BE INSTALLED. When she gets upset or confronts me on things that are BS I stand my ground and am in an odd way happy she is upset because she should be ... with herself.

I am NOT advocating being mean or angry with your WS as I am not. I do many very nice things for her and am a very pleasant person now ... shockingly because I was nowhere near two years ago.

My relationship (calling it a marriage is a travesty to the word) is better for me. I demand what I want lead and believe in myself in ways I never have. I confronted many of my fears that I had since childhood and am more of what i wanted to be.

My wife on the other hand is unable to do this. That is no longer my issue. My job is not to fix her. That is what got me in this situation in the first place.

The sad fact is this especially as a father who is horrified of the legal system in divorce and custody was left with some horrible choices.

1) Stay the co-dependant spineless guy I was and let her run all over me and lead the marriage. Her leading got us here. This was NEVER an option for me. I sold myself by staying and could not continue this way of being.

2) Divorce and take the risk and lose time with my children. This aspect CRUSHES me and is the only reason why I stay and continue to stay.

3) Gain my balls back. I stand up EVERYTIME she acts foolish. I have also given up on ever having true intimacy with my wife. She is unable. Remorse ... unable. I take what i want from the relationship and do what I want to do and lead. What this does to my marriage is out of my control. I treat her with respect and kindness and honesty but tolerate absolutely no bs and always do it with a smile.

For the guys here who worry too much about WW stop. Evidently my wife does a good job getting her needs met and I am not psycgic.

You have to make a choice. have a fake marriage but keep the kids 100% yours or leave.

If you are waiting as long as I have guess what? On you 101st try of doing something good for R is not going to work any better than the first one.

Let go and see where you end up.

Start worrying and loving yourself.

If I am such a good guy why would I let my wifes silly complaints influence me so? Now to me that was illogical.

My wife is never going to change. I accept that now. But she will never be inside my deepest parts of my mind and heat again. She has never earned it.

The choice is yours.


Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
Just Crushed
♂ Member
Member # 24852
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your post LC. It hit home for me.

I feel like I'm in the same boat with the same options...and it sucks. I don't feel anything for my WW anymore...she killed my feelings by not being able to help me in healing. No remorse, no apologies, no applying herself to R.

I am wrapped with guilt about pulling th rip cord on D. I feel like my kids will blame me for everything. I also am very saddened that D will lead to split time w/ kids.

Yep, I took so much bullshit from WW too. My ww molded me into what she wanted (and I let her do it)...and then she didn't even want me then. I've taken control of my life back...but, my M is a sham...I feel no love for WW.

I feel D (option #2) is on the horizon, however, for now, I linger in options #3. Filling my own needs and distancing myself from WW. Eventually one of us will file for D.

p.s. My WW recently broke a major boundary for me by "unblocking" OM from her facebook account. Her A started on fb w/ this OM. I'm confused b/c she knows I monitor pc use. Did she do it to "test" me...as in see if I'm still monitoring (she did this once before)? Or, is she really interested in contacting OM? As far as I know she has not contacted him (keylogger). Wierd. Well, either way it shows how hurtful and uncarring she is.
jc


BH
*details in Profile*

Posts: 843 | Registered: Jul 2009
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LC and JC, your posts really reinforce to me that I am making the right decision here in pursuing D. I have suspected since fairly early on that, no matter how much I love my WW and know that I will miss her, I will never be able to trust her again and will resent her forever for what she's done. I'm noticing now that the little habits she has, that have always been minor irritations to me, are magnified now. All of this resentment would have made any kind of R (if she had even considered R herself) extremely difficult.

The custody situation is a scary one for me, but I think I will be able to get used to 50/50. And, as long as my WW and I remain civil, and continue to live in the same area, I'm guessing we can be flexible about things like sports games, practices, etc..., where maybe we can both be there at the same time.

As much as I hate reading your stories and hate hearing the pain in your words, I have to thank both of you for helping me sort out my own situation, and providing some validation for what I have suspected is the right plan.


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The custody situation is a scary one for me, but I think I will be able to get used to 50/50.

As they kids get older they tend to be able to decide hwere and with whom they want to be. That was the case with my stepdaughters. As time has passed, the custody battles have faded to the background, and FWW's consistent efforts to think of the DD's before herself have paid off in the relationship she has with her girls now that they are grown compared to the one her xH has.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Finallyawake
♂ Member
Member # 21554
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JC and LC,

I am so sorry to hear of your pain on this. I also understand your desire to stay around your kids. It is crushing to think how you might not see them all the time if you go to D.

But I have to encourage both of you to go to a lawyer and talk. I don't know how long you have been married or what the laws of your state are regarding alimony and child support, but you both have to find out.

There may be thresholds in terms of years married that automatically entitle your WW to higher alimony or even lifetime support.

You already know the emotional cost you are paying and will pay if you go to D. Find out the financial price ASAP. With that knowledge you can at least make an informed decision on staying or leaving.

One last note: I have been D for a year. I share the kids 50/50. One week on and one week off. The first six months were really really hard. The second six were better. Now everyone has adjusted, including the kids, and the time I do spend with them is of a much higher quality. They get the best of me because I am not wasting anymore emotional energy on my XWW and all her baggage. Think about it. Are you really as good a dad as you can be when you are emotionally drained. Think how you could be if you were 100 percent charged up. Kids are resilient. We are the ones who have trouble changing.


On my own and a better man for it

Posts: 458 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Phoenix
SoCalDad
♂ New Member
Member # 28234
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was spine less and let the WW run things the way she wanted. She decided she wanted the kids to have dogs so she bought them against my wishes. She never house broke them and let them pee and crap all over the floors. I begged her to get them house broken or I would have them removed. She pulled the kids will hate you string and kids begged to let them stay.

3 years ago I had an accident caused by a medical condition that caused my heart rate and blood pressure to drop. I passed out on the freeway at 65 mph. How I wasn't killed is something I will never know but I believe that God had plans for my life. After that I had a change in jobs. Because my marriage was not good I had invested a lot of my self worth in my job. The change left me depressed.

My WW has used that as a justification for her actions. After DD I tried to work R but she did not do any work towards it. I then began to stand up for myself. She did not like it. I asked her for all kinds of options including open marriage. Nope. What was good for the goose was not good for the gander. She was very verbally and emotionally abusive after I started taking my life back.

I had put up with a lot of abuse for years because I did not want my kids to be from a broken home. The insults and the taunting became too much that I could not continue in the marriage, even for the kids. I was always polite and nice to her. I still am, but that doesn't help. When she made the false allegations of domestic abuse and the DA told my lawyer that it would be good if I left the house I didn't have much choice.

I could have put up with her indifference and continued on in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids. When it became very abusive and her income dropped (its because of the economy - not because she is running around the country to attend conferences where she sleeps with other guys) I needed to protect myself.

If you can stick it out for the kids then go for it. Just be sure you don't ruin your health and finances in the process.


The Gypsy lied

Me: BS 50
Her: WW 51
2 DD 2 DS
Married 23 Years
DD May 2009
Filed for Divorce Feb 2010
Divorce Final July 2012


Posts: 18 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: So Cal
Just Crushed
♂ Member
Member # 24852
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jasper,
I've kept up w/ your story. You are definitely doing the right thing. Despite the horrible situation, you are handling things very well. You followed the "good" advice given and threw out the "bad". I know it's hard, but I just wanted to say that you are kicking ass and are an inspiration.

I did not follow the advice given to me by some the best SIers on these boards. I thought my sitch was diff and my WW did not fit the mold. LOL...what a joke that was...broken NC, no remorse, withdrawal from OM, blameshifting and re-writing M history. She followed the WS handbook to a T.

I've asked for things in R and my WW thinks that I am punishing her. Funny thing is...I wasn't asking for these things to enact punishment or to be vengeful...I asked for them b/c I needed them to allow myself to care for her again. She's never understood this. I guess that's what you get when someone is selfish...it's all about them.

Finallyawake...I've spoken to a lawyer friend "unofficially" and it seems that I've past the important milestone that counts towards alimony (10 years), so probably no harm in not acting quickly. Yes, I'll have to pay alimony and CS for 4 kids for the portion of time they spend with WW. Our financial sitch is somewhat fucked ATM. My income was down 60% in 2009 and hasn't improved much this year.

I've asked WW to get a job...and she is not too receptive. I wasn't mean about it...I just laid out our expenses, income and debt and said...we ain't making it right now and I need your help. I think WW will have withdrawals from missing her facebook time

It will be quite an eye-opening experience for my WW to have to work full-time to help support her family if we D. Welcome to the REAL world honey.

Thanks for the words of encouragement about the kids and I adjusting to split time. You're right kids are resiliant.

Strange...I keep saying/thinking that I don't have "love" feelings for my WW, but I cringe at picturing her with another man or OM. If she goes back to OM, I actually think I will beat the man to within an inch of his life.

[This message edited by Just Crushed at 6:19 PM, May 6th (Thursday)]


BH
*details in Profile*

Posts: 843 | Registered: Jul 2009
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now everyone has adjusted, including the kids, and the time I do spend with them is of a much higher quality. They get the best of me because I am not wasting anymore emotional energy on my XWW and all her baggage.

Think about it. Are you really as good a dad as you can be when you are emotionally drained. Think how you could be if you were 100 percent charged up. Kids are resilient. We are the ones who have trouble changing

Very valid point guys, deeply ponder this advice.

While I was forced into D, I am fully aware it was for the best. And time spent with kids? I now have my youngest (14yo DD) full time and my relationship with all three of them is much closer/better than ever as my time with them is 100% focused on them as xw is no longer running interference and demanding their attention.

I firmly believe that existing in a floundering relationship prevents any parent for being all they can be to the kids. A quote/bit of advice offered to me by my brother still stands of vividly in my mind as in hindsight it turned out to be very prophetic:

Two sets of happy parents are much better than one set of miserable parents.

Either way - focus on being the best parent you can be.


-t2g ☺

[This message edited by thyme2go at 7:09 PM, May 6th (Thursday)]


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JS, I'll be honest. I still think my situation will be different. Even though we are going for D, I also know I still think the best of my WW when it comes to the welfare of my daughter. Deep down, I know I'm wrong. I continue to be surprised by what she's done, but at the same time I can't imagine she would ever do this to me. She has revealed herself to be someone very different from the woman I have been in love with for 15 years.

As a mother, I know what her flaws are. She is an excellent mother, and has continued to be during this mess, despite the fact that she leaves every night. That said, she can't do it on her own. And there are certain areas where I am the stronger parent (just as there are just as many areas where she is the stronger parent). I think we both realize how important it is for us to continue to be a team when it comes to raising my daughter.

Two sets of happy parents are much better than one set of miserable parents.
I've been thinking this myself.

3 years ago I had an accident caused by a medical condition that caused my heart rate and blood pressure to drop. I passed out on the freeway at 65 mph. How I wasn't killed is something I will never know but I believe that God had plans for my life.
SoCalDad, holy shit. What a crazy story. You must have a totally different outlook on life now. What I think is interesting about your story is that, frequently, when people have near-death experiences, they actually become very selfish. It's like, you realize what you almost didn't have and you feel a need to make the most of it for yourself. But instead, you have dedicated yourself to your family, and to trying to make it work. I think that's pretty awesome.


Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I continue to be surprised by what she's done, but at the same time I can't imagine she would ever do this to me. She has revealed herself to be someone very different from the woman I have been in love with for 15 years.
As a mother, I know what her flaws are. She is an excellent mother, and has continued to be during this mess,

Jasper's last post here resonated with me.

FWW is and has always been a caring and selfless Mother. We differ significantly on some approaches (mostly due to her FOO issues), but her/our kids have always come first.

Then I compare this to her shift from the person I thought I married, and her behavior over the last 4-5 years. How can the mother and the WS be the same person?

She did things that are simply awful, she drank to excess and abused prescription drugs (Xanax) to be able to be with a person she says she was not attracted to and yet was sexual with at least once a month for 2+ years. She was inappropriately involved with her sister's husband (not physical?, but everything else), she did things with the OM she would never have done with me.

Are these the same person, how can this be? How can I R this? Who the hell is she and where is my baby?

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 10:39 PM, May 6th (Thursday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
SoCalDad
♂ New Member
Member # 28234
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoCalDad, holy shit. What a crazy story. You must have a totally different outlook on life now. What I think is interesting about your story is that, frequently, when people have near-death experiences, they actually become very selfish. It's like, you realize what you almost didn't have and you feel a need to make the most of it for yourself. But instead, you have dedicated yourself to your family, and to trying to make it work. I think that's pretty awesome

Thanks jasper. I've always tried to put my family first. Thats why I put up with so much shit from my WW for so long. I could have been justified in leaving years ago but I did not want to leave them with her alone while they were in the developmental stage of their lives. They are old enough now that they are pretty well set.

There were many nights (most every night actually) where I prayed that I have a heart attack and die so that there would be money for the kids to go to college and I would not put them through the pain of a divorce. My parents divorced when I was a young child and it hurt me very much. I discovered that God does answer your prayers. It's just that they are answered as God wants them, not as you want them. I know that God saved me from death for a purpose.


The Gypsy lied

Me: BS 50
Her: WW 51
2 DD 2 DS
Married 23 Years
DD May 2009
Filed for Divorce Feb 2010
Divorce Final July 2012


Posts: 18 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: So Cal
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There were many nights (most every night actually) where I prayed that I have a heart attack and die so that there would be money for the kids to go to college and I would not put them through the pain of a divorce.

FWW still wonders why I put on 50+ #'s in the years before Dday. I still consider a boating "accident" an option from time to time.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then I compare this to her shift from the person I thought I married, and her behavior over the last 4-5 years. How can the mother and the WS be the same person?

I have the same question, when i put it to my FWW the answer that she comes up with goes along the lines of...
Its hard to explain, it was almost like i was two completly seperate people...there was the person i was when we were together as a family, with the kids, with you... and then there was this other part... that i was when i was.... you know. I didnt really think about the consequences, i knew it would be bad, but didnt want to think about it any further than that.

From what i gather this sort of compartmentalisation isnt all that uncommon. Its a coping strategy that allows people to engage in two or more diametrically opposed behaviours.

So I can intelectually understand... which does help a little, but i still find it hard to deal with.

[This message edited by SourCherryDrops at 3:39 AM, May 7th (Friday)]


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SCD,

Agreed...

My WS says a simiilar line that she somehow was able to separate her apparent desire for a lifetime with me and her unwavering love for me, with her seedy PA with OM (who she had no apparent real emotional connection). It was just sex apparently!!

I can understand that in certain cases WS's compartmentalise their actions as a coping mechanism, but it is so outside and foreign to my moral base that it is difficult for me to accept her inappropriate conduct and explanation even in this context.

If it was so easy to separate the 2 on this occasion, how easy would it be to do in the future?

In some respects, I would nearly prefer WS said she loved her AP and had an emotional connection rather than face this conflicting scenario.

I obviously have a lot to learn and it's early days but it really doesn't make such a crap situation any easier to deal with.


Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
SourCherryDrops
♂ Member
Member # 25883
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lotsa,

My FWW did say that about one of her AP.... another was sort of like a Fuck buddy...the others all pretty much short flings...

But she compartmentalised each away...

and they all hurt....

I understand your concern about if she did that then what will stop her in the future... it is one of my biggest concerns... Not that she will run out next week or next month and start a new A but that the same pattern of behaviour will rear its ugly head in a few years from now....

For the moment i am putting my faith in her that she will continue with IC, that she will address the underlying issues within her that allowed her to do what she did. and that that together with a more communicative, a more empathetic and accepting M we can will ensure that the required fondation needed for either of us to start down that path again will not be laid.


Me BS 37, Her STBX 34, 1*ONS, 1*EA 1*PA/EA, 2*PA
Heading for D after 9 mths of R

Posts: 1468 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Europe
Lotsa
♂ Member
Member # 28078
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My concern is not so much of WS dulicating her behaviour in the near future either.

I guess it's more the fear that if I commit to R, the absence of any consequences for her will hit home and she will lose sight of the devastation her actions have caused and thinks "well that wasn't so bad... he forgave me once, he'll do it again".

Personally, I'm not prepared to go down the path of MC until I'm committed to R and can see a real change in WP's behaviour/conduct. To me, that would only be a waste of time (not to say MC is not appropriate in all cases before this point - just my personal situation).

To WP's limited credit, she has made an appointment for IC for next week, so I guess I too hold out hope that new foundation blocks for our relationship can be laid to lead down a different path as well.


Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2010
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys, doesn't it concern you more that your WW ever had the capacity to cheat, than the worry that she might do so again?

The capacity to cheat means our wives looked at us with disrespect, in some cases, even disdain. That's the fundamental problem. That problem does not go away simply because they don't cheat in the future.

This is why I'm divorcing. I don't believe she can become a decent, moral person who treats me with respect, who deeply values my humanity.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
Finallyawake
♂ Member
Member # 21554
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with OIAL on this one. But I am also D and not "in the game" anymore. I have the benefit of hindsight now.

I am always reminded of when people try and quit something like smoking or overeating or maybe starting to exercise and lose weight. They try and fail and then proclaim, "I am going to quit XXXXX, AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!"

It's the last part that I laugh about. Because if you see the same things over and over that caused them to fail in the past you can bet they will fail again.

While I was M to my XWW she would try after each of her A for a bit. Then the effort would wane. Sure, she was going to IC, but think about it. They are faced with a monumental effort. They have to dig really deep to understand their actions and accept responsibility for their failings. To make a total change in the core of your being takes months if not years of effort for some people. You also are in a lotto regarding their IC. They might get someone who tells them that you are the problem. They might also gaslight the IC just like they did you to minimize their actions.

I am rambling a bit on this but it boils down to this. They have to accept responsibility for their actions and the burden is on them to make things right. To show you that you are valued. That is a long term effort, not a few weeks or months. It is non stop, relentless work. Your responsibility is to work towards forgiveness and understanding through IC. You both have to go to MC and really work at it.

Without that fundamental effort and change you can easily end up right back in the dynamic which created the first (or second or third) affair.

I know because I lived it. It got to the point where I could tell by her behavior that she was on the path again and involved with someone. She was almost transparent.

No thanks. I am so much better off now and can look at myself with respect. She didn't so she does not get me anymore.


On my own and a better man for it

Posts: 458 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Phoenix
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost Cause,

Have you spoken to a lawyer about what you could expect for custody in the case of divorce? If you could get at least 40%, I urge you to start the divorce process.

I applaud your effort to live a detached life from you wife while still married, but is that really possible? Can you really heal while still living with her in an unhappy marriage? Will your kids get the best "you" while you're stuck in an unhappy marriage?

Personally, for me, the thought of 50% custody is glorious. I will *so* relish the time with my children. No more co-parenting crap ("if it's OK with your mother, it's OK with me"). I will parent as I wish, free and clear, when the children are with me. I will be free to be myself when they are with me. I will not have this dark cloud lingering around the household.

The times when they are with their mother? Yes, at first that will be hard. But I just know that I will end up using that time for myself in healthy ways. I'll get in physical shape. I'll be able to focus on my career. Parenting can be taxing (not complaining, no, not at all). The time off will be healing time, betterment time. Time to connect with friends and family.

Oh hell yeah, there will be downsides. I can't stop ranting about how my state will just crush me, financially. I will be the criminal, and her the victim, for life, according to the state. I'm angry as hell about that. But, as long as I can look back and at least be able to say that I tried, I fought for my financial rights, then even if I'm crucified, I won't regret my decision to divorce.

This is the future I see for myself. I can't imagine living the future that you describe for yourself.

Ridiculously strong advice from someone who doesn't personally know you or your wife. I'm just reacting to what I read in your postings. Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 9:34 AM, May 7th (Friday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
jasper
♂ Member
Member # 28168
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The capacity to cheat means our wives looked at us with disrespect, in some cases, even disdain. That's the fundamental problem. That problem does not go away simply because they don't cheat in the future.

OIAL, yes! Who is this woman who I have been married to for 10 years? The fact that she was capable of doing it says volumes about who she really is, and how important to her I really am.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: New York
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