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He told me this morning he was moving at the end of the week. He's sitting on the couch right now and I soo just want to hug him and beg him to stay! It's ridiuclous how after all they put us through we still love them soo much!

Bonners -

I am so sorry, just let him leave. Don't hug him, don't let him have you and the OW. It is hard to watch them walk out, but believe me he will leave anyway if he is still immersed in the affair. You will just feel worse. Pick up your keys and walk out on him, go anywhere just to avoid temptation.

Tell him what my coworker said to her FWS when he left:

"Don't let the door hit ya where to good Lord split ya!"

I'm so sorry.

Read up on 180. It is so hard but you have to let him go. Concentrate on you. I know you feel desperate but don't let it show. That will convey weakness and make him think he has options. Never make someone a priority who considers you an option.

bonners - stay strong.

Many hugs and keep posting

Try to stay strong. If you beg him to stay it will not make a difference to him and you will regret it later, but if you let him leave without showing emotion it will have a bigger impact on him and you will feel better about yourself. After I found out about WH's A, I asked him to leave. My son & I watched him pack and walk out the door. I showed no pain, no regret, no sadness. I just watched and let him leave. It was very difficult but I was able to look myself in the mirror later and know I did the right thing.

Until WH is willing to show you the love and respect you deserve, let him go. If he is truly remorseful and loves you, he will return and do what is necessary to make things right.

Stay strong. Hugs.

It's amazing how different we all are...

I don't want to touch my WH at this point. At times when we talk and he cries, I feel bad for him and I want to comfort him but that's it! I guess I'm not sure if I really ever knew WH- as we've only been married 5 years... So, there is no way I want to hug him and hold him now- he's betrayed me so terribly!

I moved out 10 days ago and I'm doing well... Infact, I'm doing surprisingly well without him. I've always been really dependent on him and needy- always texting and calling him... but now, I feel ok. Like if things go South from here, I will be ok! I feel strong- at least at this moment I do :)

I'm sorry you are going through this... Hopefully you will be able to use this time, while he's gone, to heal and work on you and your happiness... It's been a good break for me so far...

Thinking of you Bonners

xoxo

[This message edited by Lacy J at 8:31 PM, March 18th (Thursday)]

Stay strong Bonners. Do you have someone as a support? Someone who can stay with you? It was the hardest thing in the world to watch my WH walk out. I was fortunate to have a sister that came to stay with me for the first couple of weeks. It is so sad that was miss them after all they have done. Definitely the 180 is the way to go. I have not stayed strong with that and have always regretted it later. Post here while he is moving. You have friends here who care and understand.

Bonners

So sorry! I was in your situation last year. I did all the wrong things, begged cried, promised to forgive him, told him I loved him.

I look back on it now and know I disrespected myself. It's just we BSs get so overwhelmed that we lose sight of ourself.

I stayed around the phone for his calls afterwards, let him visit the house, dressed up even for his visits. Boy, I was a mess!

I wish that I had helped him pack, changed the locks and given him a hard 180.

He did come back but it was false R. Now I don't speak to him, only emails, he is not allowed in the house. He is beginning to realsie the full extent of what he has lost.

But I don't want him.

I spent a year of my life not standing up for me.

He has totally disrespected you in every way!! He has been cruel and callous in the extreme. There is nothing there to love at the moment except a memory of his former self.

Beat him to it. Pack for him. Say nothing. Don't plead or argue there is no point.

Take good care of yourself. Now is the time to treat yourself. Lean on your friends/family.

Mine were so good to me. I can never repay!

If it is meant to turn around it will. He will make it happen. Imagine he is a kite and let him go!!

PS I bummped SErJR's why do they leave? for you. It was very helpful to me at the time.

Hugs Bonners. We women are stronger than we know!!

[This message edited by willthiseverend at 10:30 AM, March 19th (Friday)]

Bonners, nothing you say at this point will stop him. Boost his ego maybe, but not stop him. Being rejected by him once again will just make it harder for you. ((hugs))

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm doing much better now after a night of sobbing. Now I'm just sort of numb. I read the "why do they leave" post and it rings very true. The reason he says he's leaving is because the marriage is too much work now and that I will never trust him again so why bother. I realize now that there is no point in my trying so hard if he isn't willing to do the work himself. It's getting easier everyday and I'm almost starting to look forward to him leaving. Thanks again!

BS Only

[This message edited by trying2deal at 10:19 PM, March 27th (Saturday)]