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I just posted this in NB and then realized I need as much advice as possible.

I just returned from visiting my DS at college.

While I was there, he intentionally cut himself.

I'm so frightened for him.

My innocent child taking a knife to himself. His pain must be so intense to do this.

I don't know what to do for him.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

He has seen the college IC. I advised him to take a medical leave of absence (he is no longer going to class) and go into intensive IC.

He now tells me he will be staying at his frat until summer. Will not be giving any further info. He needs his "space" and his friends are making him feel better.

How in the world will I know that he is getting the help he needs????

I believe that you can actually admit somone if they are physically harming themselves, reguardless of their age.

You need to call some places and get the details.

((((tooexhausted)))))

Please stay strong for your son....he needs you now more then ever.

((tooexhausted))

I was a cutter, now I'm a puncher (of glass and such not other people). I can't remember when and why I stopped cutting, but I do know a couple weeks ago I punched glass and it had the same calming effect, unfortunately. I believe you could have him admitted for a 24/48 hour hold, but beyond that he could check himself out. Could you find a dr that has alot of experience dealing with people that cut, that would probably be the best thing to do. I'm so sorry you and your ds are going through this. Please try to stay strong for him and yourself, I know its hard.

edited-spelling

[This message edited by brokenstill at 9:50 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]

I have no experience with this I'd like to point out so I could be totally wrong but I just wanted to offer something.

first I think I'd find a therapist that specializes in this and get their opinion on how to handle it.

Next, speaking from a teenagers perspective, I did a ton of stuff that was bad for me when I was younger and I never wanted to talk to my mom about it, but I remember thinking back then that when my mom would try to talk to me she was always so focused on my behavior and in my mind that would make me angrier and push her away more. I didn't know how to articulate what I was struggling with even at like 17 and 18, hence the acting out behavior, i didn't know how to deal with it so I'd come up with totally destructive methods on my own when what I really needed was for someone to help me sort out how I was feeling in the first place. What I've heard about cutting and I could be wrong that it's not about trying to kill ones self it's more about the endorphines released while cutting that provide a sort of calming effect, so same type of thing if a person had taken a drug or had some drinks, it's way to ease pain, frustrations, discomfort. So if thats the case then whatever is behind this behavior is the biggest issue that needs to be resolved. Can you talk to him about what is upsetting him so much, help him find the words he might not be able to come up with on his own? Do you think he'd be receptive to that approach?

I really feel for you, I have two boys, they are still very young but I think about these things. What will I do if I see them going down a destructive path? How will I help them choose the right roads, that loss of control over someone I love so deeply is scary.

I hope you and he can work through this together.

While I was there, he intentionally cut himself.

Do you know if he has cut himself before? My guess is that this was not his first time. And I'm guessing it's a cry for help, regardless of how much he's pushing you away.

My innocent child taking a knife to himself. His pain must be so intense to do this.

Gently... he's not an "innocent" child. He is a college-aged human being, with all the frustrations and angst associated with figuring himself out. I know it's difficult... but you need to see him more clearly to be able to help him.

Cutting is his chosen coping mechanism. It is horrifying, but it's not much different from choosing alcohol or heavier drugs or food or gambling.

He now tells me he will be staying at his frat until summer.

If I were you, I would gather as much information as possible on cutting. Go see a psychologist, google, do whatever you need to get data quickly. Then, call the fraternity president and give him this information, too. Let him know that cutting is not to be taken lightly. That providing a safe place for your son does not necessarily mean giving him what he wants or making no demands on him. Talk to him - ask him what the fraternity is doing. It may or may not be that that is the best place for him. But, try to calmly and respectfully talk to them. I am sure they want to help your son, too. They probably would appreciate guidance on how to provide that help.

Also, there must be financial support that you are providing, right? If you want to do something - put your son in the hospital, force some kind of treatment, can you use finances as a mechanism to force this to happen?

I would also respectfully suggest YOU look into getting some support for yourself.

As long as your son is legally considered an adult, I'm not sure what you can force him to do.

I am also a self-injurer. I hit myself. I've been doing this since I was 10, maybe, so, it's been about 15 years.

I've seen several therapists over the course of the last decade. It took 4 to get to the person who was able to help me the most.

Even if you are able to "persuade" your son to see a therapist, it has to be one that will work for him, no matter what may sound good to you.

Also, when I was in college, it was THE best thing for me, in terms of my mental health-aside from seeing therapists. I spent my college years majoring in something that fed my soul. And my friends and I were a good support system for each other.

Two weekends ago, my 13 year old's best friend stayed over. I love his mom dearly but lately, she is acting mroe like a teenager than her teenagers. She is widowed so there is no infidelity involved.

My son commented on how vicious his friend's cat was that it had scatched him numerous times. Then the school called (we are on this boy's contact list) to say that a girl had complained that this boy was scaring her and that he had said he would hurt himself if she didn't go out with him. He told my son he was only joking.

Long story short, the "cat scratches" were cuts. My son's best friend is now in the hospital, on meds and getting therapy.

It is easier with younger kids than college kids. For your son, however, if he isn't going to class, can you get him tossed from the frat house earlier so he has to come home?

Good luck, I feel for you.

I just spoke with the counseling dept at the university and they were extremely helpful. Obviously, there are confidentiality issues which they respected.

He IS an adult but his judgement is impaired. Trying to figure out what to do is so difficult.

Once his request for medical withdrawal (he is going to the Dean of Students on Fri) is granted, he will be informed that he may no longer stay on campus. I do not think he is aware of that.

His anger is palpable at the moment.

I just want to be sure that he is in therapy. He states he feels much better talking to his friends.

Well, I respect his friendships, but can't he see that his "friendships" haven't prevented his depression, pain, anxiety and cutting to date?

Thank you for all of your help. (And yes, I'm in IC).

Oh, and I have to vent regarding his Dad, XH.

In true narcissistic form, one of the first things out of his mouth, "Oh, I just know everyone is going to blame me..."

I just get the feeling XH is not taking this very seriously.

XH actually asked, "Well, how deep were the cuts?"

((tooexhausted)) You did the right thing in contacting the college counseling service. Sometimes they can find ways to contact the student and offer help, even if the student won't approach them first. Any college counselor/therapist should be experienced with this - it's far too common. Hopefully, once he's home you will be able to get him into therapy right away. Can you talk to your doctor and get a referral now and set it up?

Your XH is a completely self-centered jerk. This is extremely serious and deserves immediate and total concern and action.

No advise, just (((hugs)))

tooexhausted-

Contact your son's counselor and let them know what you observed. I would seriously consider putting him on a 72 hour hold. While 'cutters' are generally not trying to kill themselves, it is very easy to make a mistake or get a serious infection.

He needs some very serious help here.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son! There was just an article on CNN regarding Marie Osmond's son who committed suicide, what to watch for, how to help, etc.... You may want to find that article. Other than that, continue helping him get the help he needs through the University as well as a therapist. Let him know that he's "safe" with you. That you won't condemn him or his feelings, but are there for him to reach out to for help.

My DD was 15 when she starting cutting. We took her to MC with us and the counselor spoke with her individually. She didn't' do it for long, but it scared the hell out of us. Talking with her friends did seem to help her. The sad part about that was how many of them have had to deal with cheating parents.

(((too)))

His pain must be unbelievable. 2 days after DDay I also cut myself. I needed to feel something else other than the unbearable emotional pain I was in.

Thankfully I never did it again. I told my IC and MC about it. If your son is seeing an IC and can be completely honest it will help. they are trained to deal with this.

Are his friends the kind who will support him and not let him hurt himself? Will they call you if he regresses? Is there one you can trust enough to keep you in the loop if your son won't?

Sending you love and peace.

My sister was a cutter too. She once carved the word slut in her thigh and the scar is still there. It was awful for me to feel so helpless. Did he show you that he cut himself? I think that may be a good sign, he is asking for help in a way. You did the right thing by contacting the college. My sister no longer cuts herself, it was a long road of recovery (she was eventually diagnosed with a mental illness), but she is in a much better place. I feel for you. ((tooexhausted))