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User Topic: Long Term Affair X V I I
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What does "doesn’t get it" mean? I can admit to myself, I lost sight of M too... as the years go by, I focused on many other things too.. It wasn't that I ignored my M... but did much of those "married but single" type things... We always went out with other couples.. we never really talked to each other... I wasn't that it was my fault.. or even my W's fault.. it is what happens in marriages.. and with about every relationship you have.

When you first meet... you always want to be with each other.. you think about how to make yourself desirable.. Attractive... etc... for some reason as your life goes on... that is put aside.

To me... getting it is...

To me it is about being aware of what M is about...

To me it is about trying hard to do everything possible to be happy.. ie.. I do everything desirable for my W... about me making myself better.. a better man

To me it's about total openess without any form of vengeance.. by either..

To me it is about being happy with who I am

To me it is about knowing what is truly important in life… a simple barbeque.. enjoying giving life to a human, my children and seeing them be good people, having fun with sports, movies, learning, experiencing the good things our country can offer...

And... you can have this with your current spouse... or move on to someone you think can give that to you. Just do it.

[This message edited by trynhard at 8:07 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

booger:

and I often wonder if it ever did exsist ... did he ever love me ... was I ever enough ... and holding onto this stuff makes me think he did

you know i struggled with this one myself, after all the ow in my sich was there before me...another poster has said it was real to us...we were real, our feelings were real and they were genuine....

i believe on some level your ws loved you as mine did me...it was just different then the way we loved...

i think honest has a great idea for you to box it all...

i think that would be a great first step...

i still think you need to answer those questions as to the whys....because that is what will ultimately help you heal yourself...

instead of longing for it all again and living in the past, try putting the past away for now in that box, and when you are ready to move on get rid of most of it...there are certain things i think you should hold on to but not out, but away in a box...a memory box of sorts...the wedding picture and everything else that held special momentous memories...getting rid of the stuff is not getting rid of all that it was for you...

((((booger))))


honest: its ok if you need to avoid confrontation that will get ugly...line up your ducks....and its also ok to step back from the marriage and not kiss him...tell him that if its kisses he wants he can go back overseas to his other wife for that and more...this is not a sich you feel comfortable with and you need to step back period....and then move yourself if thats what you have to do....and while he is in town find out everything you can....


allgood and nofun: you both have such parralel lives at the moment...i could understand honests mistake of lumping you together into nogood...but i think we need to change that up to allgoodfun.....



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i did it again

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 7:56 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and again

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 7:57 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and again


dip...did you put some kind of prematurepostulation curse on me..


out of time, i will finish whatever it was i thought i was going to say later...

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 7:58 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

getting it means you have a full understanding of what you have done and what you continue to do ....

it means you understand it on every level....and for most bs's until we feel that our ws's get it, moving on is impossible....we need to know that they understand fully what their actions have done...without the ws fully understanding all there is we will not feel safe, if we do not feel safe this underlying negative feeling will rule how we act and react...

i hope i explained it right...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so next week i will mark that day down as family day.....need to find a suitable name though for the idea behind it...family day is too generic...

Well Miracle, I tried but couldn't come up with anything better because you know what, "Family" is what my life is all about and nothing seems more appropriate than celebrating that fact. So instead of a catchy name, how about some ideas?
One of the things my kids (and I think most kids love) is pulling out old videos, films, pictures and looking back on the early years. It's something we don't do often but when we do, we all sit around laughing and enjoying all the silliness together.
I'm not very good at this but I know many of you might be, but I love when people scan their pictures and have a running show of photos. I've seen this done at weddings and funerals and I love to look through "the times of peoples lives" that are special. Hey, if you can program a song in there why not, "We are Family" - too corny???
I don't know, I kind of like it.
I think it's so important to remind ourselves just how special we all are to each other and looking back on those special events that we've celebrated over the years reminds us of that. Our S's especially need to be reminded that WE ARE FAMILY. It's never been just about them, no matter how much they've tried to make it that way. When they cheated on us, everyone, every single member was affected, even if the children never learn about the A. So, Miracle, let us know what you decide and definitely share any really special things you decide to do. Any one else have some good ideas to mark "family day?"
Booger - I'm with everyone here that you need to start the process of letting go of these things. Maybe you can't do it all at once so why not start with one item a week. Personally, I'm the kind of person who would do it all in one shot, but if you're having difficulty, perhaps just choosing one item a week, a day or whatever you feel you can do, might be easier for you. Letting go is a process and it can be very symbolic for you to begin the process by storing or getting rid of these items gradually. (((Booger)))
NoFun - Sorry to hear you had a bit of a rough time. I think our S's feel that sex is the most important indicator that we really still want them. Yet for us, getting rid of the mind games really does work against this. One of the things we've done is to begin slowly. How would you feel just letting your H give you a massage. Something he understands will not guarantee sex but will still be an intimate act for the two of you. I actually bought a book on massage because I think this is such a satisfying way to express affection. As long as your H knows upfront not to expect anything, do you think he'd go along with this. I would even volunteer giving him a massage as a way to show my love and affection for him. Baby steps here and maybe over time you will be able to overcome those destructive images.
he doesnt see how our relationship can improve when I keep bringing it up

Allgood - GRRRR - I hope his IC can get him to understand that the relationship is never going to improve while you are being asked not to bring it up. We absolutely need to process all that we now know and we can only do this by constantly asking questions. I am 4 1/2 years out and although I don't do this often, I still occasionally ask the same old questions ever time I slip. It's a process. It must be gone through in order to heal. It will get better but not if your feelings are stuffed down and not allowed to be expressed. A good IC will help your H to see the importance of this and show him that if he can let you ask the same questions over and over, if he can control his need to defend himself, if he can reassure you each time you get emotional or angry, he will begin to see positive changes.
Honest - I'm wondering if it wouldn't be easier for you to be the one to move into another room. Your H sounds like someone who is very good at bullying you and wearing you down. When I first found out about my H's A, there was no way I wanted to be in the same room, let alone bed with him. I have a guest room that I love and moved myself in there. I knew my H would give me a hard time and make a major issue of me trying to get him out of our bedroom so I took the "path of least resistance." I think this might be the best path for you too. Do you have a room you can move into??? Eventually I did move back into our room but not before I was ready. You will be in our thoughts as his return is getting close. (((Honest)))
I am slightly envious of those who do though.

UKG - do you ever think about having a recommitment ceremony? I often think about it but am not quite ready to hand my heart back over to my H but I know I would eventually love that. Just wondering if you ever fantasize about that too.
but do A really bring happiness?

Tryin - Nope, absolutely not IMHO. Too much pain and destruction result so even if the A party enjoy a period of fantasy the end result is too devastating for everyone. And I also believe that while they are in the A, they have to experience guilt so that their brief moments of escape are quickly followed by guilt and shame. I know for a fact that the OW was on TWO AD's during the A and my H was on anxiety meds. Since d-day, my H does not need to take these to fall asleep as he did during all those years. I used to ask him, Why do you need these? Now I know. To me, A's are an addiction, an attempt to find something that is missing within and it never quite fills the emptiness. Until they work on what it is that makes them feel empty, the FOO issues, whatever, nothing will make them feel complete, not even their brief moments of escape into fantasy land.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well we've done a lot of talk about forgiveness and I've always known that I'm blocked where the OW is concerned but I learned something this past week that showed me that I'm not as blocked as I thought I was.
I have just learned that the OW has CA. I don't know any of the details but I was somewhat relieved that I wasn't happy to hear this news. It gave me hope that the bitterness that I have felt for so long toward her has definitely left me.
When I told my DD she did have an interesting comment though. She said, "I guess she'll finally know how it feels to be left alone when you're dying of CA." Now I don't think she is dying, but what my D is referring to is the fact that all the while the OW's H was dying of CA, she was staying at the office to fuck my H. I used to ask him why she wasn't taking family leave to be with him. Her H had a very aggressive form of CA and only had a short time to live, yet she worked her full schedule and then stayed after hours for a little "sack" time before heading home. I'm wondering how often she is thinking about this now.
I don't know why, but I just wanted to post this. Is it karma or just life?????


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Allgoodnamesgone
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Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle said "allgood and nofun: you both have such parralel lives at the moment...i could understand honests mistake of lumping you together into nogood...but i think we need to change that up to allgoodfun..."

LOL. I agree.

Also - Miracle - how about "Unity Day" (like in family unit) or some other kind of peace-related theme? I'll give that some more thought.

Tryn: thank you as always for your kind words. I think I'll take a pass on sending you my photo - the imagination is always better. BTW- I placed in boths of my 5ks - maybe I will wear my medal when meeting Miracle & Honest so they can recognize me more easily.

Forgive: ya that's karma for you. Good for you - my reaction was to cheer (shamefully tho...)


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick note before I read everyone's posts:

Nofun: I am so Sorry!!!
OMG!! I didn't realize that I wrote that!!

But LOL, when you think of it this way.."She's up to no good" in the michievious sense (I was thinking of Harry Potter and the Marauder's Map..."I am up to no good") then it could be funny!!

I was NOT getting Nofun and Allgood confused....just my mind is a confused thing

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 10:40 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how about "Unity Day

I Like It!!!! Let's see what Miracle thinks.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 10:35 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my reaction was to cheer (shamefully tho


Ah, but see "shamefully tho" shows progress!
ETA - all kidding aside, I did feel bad for her - just found it interesting considering her actions during her H's last months.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 10:40 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood: Yes, I am tiptoeing around him still. I am not ready for the confrontation. I need to get all my ducks in a row, and I know I've been procrastinating. I've felt crippled emotionally to go on and then so overwhelmed.
BTW, I am a night owl :)
When I was working and came into the teacher's room it became a routine. I was not a morning person, I function. One teacher would say, "Good morning Sunshine!" and another would say, "Good morning Happiness" to which I always replied with a mumble or a groan and the whold teacher's room would laugh loudly. This happened every morning, and I was so much in a fog, I fell for it every time and replied the same way. Once I have my "cawfee" and a half hour, I'm human again :)

Tryn: I WANT to say all those things to him, I'm trying to find the inner strength, and also I'm buying myself time...I don't trust him at all. I feel in my gut that if WH feels that I still might be in the marriage, he won't give me a hard time about finances. I know that in a way I feel like I'm selling my soul to the devil, but my gut tells me this is the right thing to do FOR NOW. I am doing this for the kids and me. I really believe he has NPD and I've seen him be very vengeful and mean to other peopls when he doesn't get his own way. My eyes are really getting more and more open. He has always ACTED charming and nice to me, and I need to keep this for a while longer.

forgive: I know that it will have to be ME that moves out of the bedroom because I believe he has NPD, or at least a lot of the attributes!! He says he wants to talk this time, I know it's about finances and the kids, and I don't want hostility from him. As long as WS thinks I'm being cooperative, I will get more of what I want for the kids.

I don't want to play games, but WS is forcing me to!!!
As for OW getting cancer. It does seem like the Karma bus has arrived. I understand why one would feel mixed emotions about this. On one hand, as caring human beings we feel bad for ANYONE who gets CA. Then, on the other hand, we secretly are happy inside like those people "got their just deserves!!" (or is it desserts?) THEN, we feel guilty about being happy that there was some vengence!
OK, I hope you followed that!

Unity Day! Methinks we have a genious in our midst! Good thinking Allgood! I like that great idea.

Miracle: Yes, I am going to start to detach as much as I can. I'm trying to find the balance of not being mean (as a means to stay strong) but firm and treat him like a house guest and not "engage" with him. I really must detach. You are right, I need to take the opportunity when he's here to go out and do things that I need to do without him.
I'm not sure if he's staying 3-4 weeks. (of hell for me)

That's so funny: prematurepostulation!!!

[This message edited by honesttoafault at 11:13 AM, April 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says he wants to talk this time

Honest - I wonder. It sounds like he gets to do all the talking and you get to do all the listening. Maybe tell him that you will agree to let him talk if he will agree to "LISTEN" to how this situation is unacceptable to you.
I hope you don't mind my asking, but does the OW know about you? Is this arrangement acceptable to her or is she trying to get him to make a choice? I'm assuming that this is a part of her culture and therefore she accepts this arrangement and that your H is trying to get you to accept it as well. Maybe I'm wrong about this.
Have you ever talked to her directly? Is this something you would even want to do?
And for the record, I don't think what you're doing is "playing games." I think it is very smart to do what you must in order to protect yourself and your kids.
Many, many hugs.
Btw, I'm not a morning person either and everyone knows to wait until I down my first cup of coffee before attempting any conversation with me.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honesttoafault.. I'm sure you will end up doing what is right...

Allgood.. don't be such a chicken! If I was making a trip to NY, I'd see you then!

forgivenotforget.. I think my W is starting to get some peace these days. She has to take a sleeping pill... I don't know that kind of guilt and never want to.

Peace out...


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if this is ok to do so mods if this is not permitted just delete and I'll just reference the following post:
Deathbybetrayal posted this and it is so, so true. It was originally posted in November but keeps getting bumped. No wonder!!!
Enjoy!
Written by deathbybetrayal: Yesterday, I was having a conversation with another SIer and a couple of the things we talked about are recurring topics – especially for the newly betrayed wife. After DDay, we take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to our husbands? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not more attractive. She does not get the best parts.
What’s is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH, wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you. You’re beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer.

She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She’s accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value … her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.

So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when he found her. She’s worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman." Because isn't that the way it always is? How pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.

Retake your position at the front of the pack. More often than not, it’s you he’s fighting for; it's you he's sorry for; it’s you he’s trying to be a better man for. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place.

Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryin, thank you, I pray that I can do the right thing!

Forgive: Yes, the OW knew about me. Matter of fact, she worked in WS's office and I've seen her on several occasions when I went to the office with the kids. She definitely knows!!! It seems she's accepted the situation, but I think she was hanging in there to win WS over completely. It also seems, from what I've found out from others, that she "tricked" him with getting pregnant each time. The first time, supposedly, she told him she had fertility issues, the second it was an IUD that didn't work, and the third time she told him she got her tubes tied when she didn't.

I KNOW you are right, he wants me to accept it the way OW has. From what I found out, OW bugs him to get everything I have, from things the kids have, to a house, etc.

I have no desire to talk to her. Anyway, there is a language barrier. She doesn't speak much English. Probably the best thing down the road is for us to meet and gang up on WH!!! Maybe someday if I get strong enough, I'll do that! But for some reason, several people told me NOT to go there, (to her house) and I wonder why. I don't know if it's because they think I'll be hurt or what?

Thank you for reposting the article. I agree that OW is "lower" than me, but in my case it's hard to reconcile in my mind that he is choosing OW who is lower over me. Emotionally, I feel that he's choosing her because she's better than me.

Thank you everyone for your help. I am realizing that I'm getting anxious and scared because he's coming on Friday. IC tells me not to react with emotions, but more with my head. It's so hard when the emotions get so strong and they overtake me!

What I really want and what I need to do are two different things. I WANT to tell him to stay there and I don't ever want to see him again. But then there are the kids. I NEED to be smart and wise and get what I need for me and the kids financially. <sigh>

Thank you all so much Tribe!!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in my case it's hard to reconcile in my mind that he is choosing OW who is lower over me

Honest - it honestly doesn't sound like he's making any choice - sounds more like he wants it both ways and is trying to keep the status quo. You may soon be asking him to make the choice, or you will be the one making the choice but as of yet, he sounds like someone who is a true "cake eater" as they say here on SI. Again, many, many hugs.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 5:20 PM, April 26th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgivenotforget… Yes, my W was the OW… yes, I would say my W was not any better looking or attractive then OMW. Yes, My wife boosted and fed OM ego, looked up to him, and he paid her well…yes, my W was that anyone slow enough to be caught in his trap and accept what little our OM had to offer.. I’ll also add that she didn’t seem to mind he was a drunk and had a huge gambling problem. Yes.. yes… yes…
She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with her. She’s accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value … her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.
… yep.. that was my W.
and this too I am sure this is true…
She’s worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman."
..

It would not surprise me if that “Christian” that sent me the letter was the OMW… I think my W also got caught is some love quadrilateral at her office.. My W hated this other lady attorney at her office… and me at that time was saying OM was having an A with this attorney… it must have been a pressure cooker over there…me feeding the fire without even knowing it… OMW and two A’s going on in that small office of about 12??? I think this is what caused it to be exposed... lol... My wife even said after dday yes she thought OM was cheating on her too…. Lol…

My wife says she told OM it was over and not to call her anymore… who really knows,… I can talk and write about it now without a tear… It’s absolutely nuts. No wonder I found my W balled up in a corner… she was exhausted… yet told me, it’s like having a huge weight lifted off her shoulders… I guess my W was the classic, OW.
But today, we are getting along real good… and I am ok with who she was… Can you imagine being given a 2nd chance to keep your family intact after all that?

Yep it is I that is very special…Considering this… I am only 3 of 10 that are capable of forgiving.

[This message edited by trynhard at 4:07 PM, April 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, April 26th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tryin - I'm so sorry if by posting this I offended you or made you think negative thoughts about your W. I never thought or meant to hurt anyone it's just that this is so true of the OW in my case and it rang a bell and I posted it without thinking it through.
It doesn't sound like I upset you but I wanted to apologize just in case. Forgive me??
Btw, I guess I belong in your category too because I have forgiven my H. I just haven't forgotten - just like my username.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
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