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User Topic: Long Term Affair X V I I
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow, so quite in here today...i am hopin that this is good...

honest:

parenting between pfm and i, well it was always me who had last say and pretty much control of the kids,...that being said, that never stopped pfm from putting in his verbal abuse and emotional abuse, and me not wanted to undermine him and trying to see good intention, afterall i told myself he just wants was is best for the kids, as misguided as he sometimes was...so i never undermined him, i would quietly behind the scenes talk to him and show him where he went wrong and let him know how to correct it with the kids,

eg: my middle son, manchild when he was younger, he would break house rules and pfm would punish him immediately with a severe punishment...i never let pfm hit him, i told him from the getgo that that would never be tolerated and if he did ever try to be ahitting dad he could take his walking papers so instead he would take every priviledge away from the kid indefinitely which was nuts and over the top added to this he would ridicule my son....and then he and i would talk, and then he would go back to my son, apologize which at the time i thought was admirable because he was able to see his mistakes and would try to correct it and readjust the punishment....but when pfm did this it was sometimes daily....dinners were a chore, because he would always find something to pick on manchild for..and this went on til d-day...at which point i gave pfm a word of warning that went an ultimatum...basically shape up as a dad or leave...and if he ever went back to those ways again he would be out the door...

so basically all of that has stopped, but he is still not doing things in a productive way to repair all the damage he had done through the years with manchild...and now he has added dd17 to his list of repairing relationships since she found out about everything...my boys do not know anything about the infidelities..they do know that their dad lied to me about money and about his foo stuff, which in itself was big....

so anyways i think that covers the parenting issues i have with him...the only thing that basically changed is that he doesn't verbally and emotionally abuse anymore, but he not practicing affective parenting...but i have since stepped back most of the time and let him hang himself...i cannot control him, i cannot fix him as a dad or anything else...the only thing i can do is to stop him when he crosses the line...and that i do actively...like with church on easter...doesn't make it any less fustrating though...

o.k. now the church issue...i just have a problem with people when their words and actions do not match..hearing him say he found god and would be actively going to church all those months ago was just another lie....he's gone maybe 4 times, 2 of those for easter, last year and this year...and there is no excuse for this...it just shows me on yet another instance that he doesn't say what he means and means what he says...not cool when you are supposedly not a liar..kwim...and yes i need to and have been stepping back from all his "words" too...and again doens't make it any less fustrating, especially when he dragged my kids into it...

o.k. i think i explained it all, if not i will try again...

not sure if i like it so quiet in here...sometimes quiet is just a storm brewing...so i am sending lots and lots of (((((((hugs)))))))) mojo and some praying that all are at peace with life..


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not even going to try to catch up -- but I hope everyone is well.

Sadly, I'm going to have to go back to work on Monday. Ugh. It is way too soon, but they only offered me a few weeks of paid leave. I can take all the unpaid leave I'd like from now until the end of September, but I need to make $.

So, baby girl is the sweetest little thing ever! She has the nicest temperment (and I can't spell that!) and she's so cuddly. She's growing really well and her brothers are great with her.

The birth went well. It took about 7 hours, which is my shortest yet. Thankfully I recovered well. She was 2 1/2 pounds lighter than last year's baby so that helped. There was a scary moment when they gave me the epidural -- my blood pressure tanked to 70/40 and they had to give me some drugs to get it up but other than that it was smooth sailing.

Not much going on here other than feeding babies, etc.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

love that your IC just said to let the A go, it's just not that important to wh

Not mine, HIS. I believe my IC's response to this when I relayed it to her was "this is why men should not be IC's, what an ass" har har.

No, I probably shouldn't drink. So sue me.

I read this http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/25/AR2010032502496.html?sub=AR
the other day and it made me cry. That, and my good friend pointing out that "you can't live in the past" made me realize that I either need to forgive him 100% (if it's appropriate) or divorce. I don't want to live my life like that person did.


See? Tryn's not the only one who can do pictures!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miracle.

It is quiet in here. I hope it is a good thing too. Just before I came here today I thought of you. Actually I think of you often. When I open my refrigerator I always see this jar of miracle whip. The miracle part makes me think of you, not the whip part. And no I do not think of you as a jar of white "tangy original dressing" that is "new and more amazing." Well, I suppose you do qualify as original and for sure amazing.

It is sad to see how this A crap can intrude in the kids life. Life is not fair, but when the A causes problems for the kids.....damn.

Sometimes it is quiet before the storm, but sometimes it is just quiet. I'm having a pretty good day and I hope that goes for everyone else.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

Thanks for the picture and the update. Your girl is pretty in pink!


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome! Sorry I don't have much to add these days.

Yes, the first thing my DS started talking about on his birthday was OW's son the same age who was his best friend for many years. It's hard to redirect the kids when they wonder why they haven't seen their friends in so long. Also, my nanny used to be her nanny for several years and she hasn't had contact with OW or her kids either out of respect for me and she misses them as well. So, yes, a lot of people get hurt.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I open my refrigerator I always see this jar of miracle whip. The miracle part makes me think of you, not the whip part. And no I do not think of you as a jar of white "tangy original dressing" that is "new and more amazing." Well, I suppose you do qualify as original and for sure amazing.

Thanks Dip for my first good laugh of the day!!!
M3 - Congratulations on your baby girl. I don't know if you posted a picture of her and my computer is just showing her feet or if you only wanted to show us her cute little toes. No worries if you don't want to post her pic just checking, that's all. I'm sure she's a beauty.
So, were you in the session with your H when his IC said this ridiculous thing? Unbelievable. I'm with your IC - "what an ass."


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3.

I would guess you have been pretty busy with the new girl.

It is sad about your son and his best friend. That must be hard on both of them. The nanny situation is pretty sad too.

fnf.

The picture I see of the baby is just her cute little toes. I figured m3 did not want to post a complete picture. I never thought there could be more. I guess I have no imagination.

I'm glad you got a laugh. Most of the time, laughing is good.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3 - good to hear from you. I love the picture. I always meant to take a picture of my babies' feet, or make the clay impresion of them or whatever- but never did. Baby feet are too cute.
And - I hear ya about going back to work so soon. I went back to work 4 weeks after I had each of my kids & it was so tough! Hang in there. (It's tough no matter when you go back, I think).
And, it was quiet in here - I kept checking throughout the day to see if anyone posted.
For me, it's definitely the quiet before the storm. Told my H last night that I just dont care about anything anymore & it's just an effort to get through the day. He didnt say much, as always, but he did seem to try to show me how much this upset & worried him in his own way.
So, my mistake, the next day (this am) I try telling him what I think would help - essentially, I want him to make sense of this for me. What did he need during the A he wasnt getting at home & how is that different now. I told him I didnt want an answer right then & there (cuz he probably needs about 8 months of therapy to figure it out), but I think that is what I need to have peace with this.
So, of course, I have to push just a little more (occupational hazard) and later in the day I tell him I'm feeling better because I was able to talk to him about what is really on my mind - and I get this kind of - what are you talking about we talk about it all the time. (Which, in my opinion, if I'm struggling with something every day, all day & I mention it 1x/wk, that's not really "all the time").
So, just when I think he is getting it, he's not.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, I am afraid that it IS the quiet before the storm. As AllGood said "it's just an effort to get through the day." I am lethargic... in pain, physical (chronic health issue) and emotional (family discussion of celebrity infidelities and FWH's taking part while I was in the adjoining room, has set me back more than I can express) and again as AllGood stated "I want him to make sense of this for me." I still don't have answers to ?'s I've asked repeatedly over the last 3+ yrs since Dday. So the 'acceptance/forgiveness' struggle continues.

My dd & s-i-l are aware of the A, as is m-i-l, oldest ds & d-i-l are not. No one seems to notice that I don't participate in the conversation but start to clear the dinner table. I feel as if I'm in the Twilight Zone. How can they discuss infidelity as if it's humourous? Biker behaviour? Entitlement of the wealthy? etc. None of these describe FWH, yet he cheated after 30 yrs of marriage & like Sandra B I was blindsided! Omigosh... just notice we have the same initials as does OW and FWH's only gf before me!!! He would not have had the problem of calling either of us by the wrong name as it was the same one.

I


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, I am afraid that it IS the quiet before the storm. As AllGood said "it's just an effort to get through the day." I am lethargic... in pain, physical (chronic health issue) and emotional (family discussion of celebrity infidelities and FWH's taking part while I was in the adjoining room, has set me back more than I can express) and again as AllGood stated "I want him to make sense of this for me." I still don't have answers to ?'s I've asked repeatedly over the last 3+ yrs since Dday. So the 'acceptance/forgiveness' struggle continues.

My dd & s-i-l are aware of the A, as is m-i-l, oldest ds & d-i-l are not. By all appearances we probably look happily married or as if we are reconciled. No one seems to notice that I don't participate in the conversation but start to clear the dinner table. I feel as if I'm in the Twilight Zone. How can they discuss infidelity as if it's humourous? Biker behaviour? Entitlement of the wealthy? etc. None of these describe FWH, yet he cheated after 30 yrs of marriage & like Sandra B I was blindsided! Omigosh... just notice we have the same initials as does OW and FWH's only gf before me!!! He would not have had the problem of calling either of us by the wrong name as it was the same one.

FWH is attentive, affectionate, the loving DH at family functions, at church, in public. But since Saturday our private conversations are superficial. He won't address the elephant in the room and I'm tired of beating on the poor dead thing.

I have no words of advice for anyone's situation. I am grateful for SI and the support here which I am not able to write or PM about as I can't see thru the tears that flow when I try.

much love
{{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my God - Lost. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you & hoping that you find peace one day. I swear, I just do not see how some people can be so selfish as to let someone suffer for so long.
If I feel like this 2 years from now, wow, that's tough.
I was kind of telling myself, with time, with time, it will get better.
Has he given you reason to believe that it could happen again? (For me, this is what drives a lot of my anxiety). Are you at least enjoying your time with him when you are with him? (I'm just wondering.)


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, Miracle, I'm so sorry to hear how your pfm was so verbally and emotionally abusive to the kids! That is so much for you to have handled damage control all these years and you still have to do this. You are right, you cannot control him or fix his parental skills. It's such a shame for your kids, but they are blessed to have you as a caring, loving mother.
I understand now what you were talking about with church. It does sound like he is being hypocritical.
I hope you are feeling better. You sounded so down, I think we all just wanted to cheer you up

m3: Congrats on your beautiful baby girl. I'm sorry that you have to go back to work so soon. It's a shame about your ds and his friend and having to share the same nanny? Wow, how hard.

Allgood: you said something that really struck home to me about how you are thinking about it 24/7 7 days a week and only bringing up once a week, and he says it's all the time. WOW. I feel the exact same way. It's almost all the conversations I have with WH are so superficial. (just like Lost said, I just saw! GMTA (great minds think alike ) I'm biting my tongue not to bring up the A, because it only seems to cause hard feelings and he withdraws and gets upset. So when I finally say something because I can't keep it in anymore, I get the same reaction as you...."You're always talking about it"

Lost: I like how you put like you are feeling like you are in "The Twilight Zone". That is exactly how I feel almost all the time.

Calm before the storm? Perhaps. I had a mammogram done last week and they said they saw something and I have to have another mammogram and sonogram this Thursday. I have been trying to 180 WH, not talking much about anything on the phone (he's overseas now), I know I might sound short and mean, although that is not my intenetion. I told him on Sat. about the mammo, and he says everything will be ok.

So he calls today telling me how he couldn't sleep when I told him the news. Yeah, right that's why he hasn't called since Sat.??
He tells me he's worried because that me being upset for so long might have made me sick and nothing is worth getting so upset about. My health is more important.

I've heard him say things like this for many years about other things. But, I don't know... I just wanted to scream at him "Why are you saying this!!!! Like it's MY fault AGAIN that I allowed myself to get upset so it's MY fault that I might be sick???" Maybe I'm just overreacting. It just hurts so much, because all I want is my old life back and for him to just hold me and feel we were looking out for each other. Now I feel so very alone. I guess I have felt lonely for so very, very long. Years in fact. Just taking care of everyone else: kids, husband, mother, etc.
Ironically, I DO NOT blame him if there is something wrong (if it was an ulcer...maybe I would)

Sorry, just venting. I had my mother over for the Easter weekend. She has BPD and now is getting older and needs help. I always seem to feel guilty about everything. My neighbor at least made me feel better. She said at this point I'm having enough trouble taking care of myself and my kids and not to feel guilty about my mother.

{{{{Tribe}}}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow i leave you kids for just a bit and everybody has something to say..


and most of you are talking about the quiet...am i the only one to see that irony..

o.k. down to business now...

first and foremost...oh my goodness we have feet, pink clothed legs attached to the cutest little feet....i must confess as much as i totally understand the need for anonymity i am mildly disappointed that we didn't get more.... ...and m3 maybe you can come over to my house and take a pic of that angel i got so dip won't bother me again.. ...this miracle is gonna whip that dip.... ...

o.k. i think i might sound like i took too many xanax....and i am raising my right hand and swearing that i am telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth when i say i took nothing today... ...o.k. so maybe i had some food and non-alcoholic drinks, but i swear i ingested nothing else...


allgood:

What did he need during the A he wasnt getting at home & how is that different now. I told him I didnt want an answer right then & there (cuz he probably needs about 8 months of therapy to figure it out), but I think that is what I need to have peace with this.

there is nothing that he could have ever gotten from you or anyone that caused him to seek it elsewhere...his issues i am sure come from way deep, from before your time....his a has nothing to do with you, what you did or didn't do...and you are right to be concerned if he does not get to the bottom of the why...without getting to that he will never know what needs he is trying to fill, what he is trying to cope with, what he is trying to escape from....for pfm it was all of it, he has abandonment issues, poor coping skills or i should say no coping skills and he was always desparately trying to escape from being able to think....because if he had to think he couldn't cope with all he felt there was...and every bit of every issue stems from he perfect foo...yes i am being sarcastic...i am in a bit of a mood tonite...

occupational hazard

what occupation aside from mothering has pushing in its job description? if i may ask..., and if you do not want to answer i would understand...


dip:

Well, I suppose you do qualify as original and for sure amazing.

should i be flattered or insulted.. ...never mind i choose to be flattered...so thank you..

m3: i confess i did not read that article, got in late so i am forgive the pun cheating and responding anyways....i donot believe total forgiveness is necessary to move on and be happy with the person who hurt you...i agree it is probably the best choice for total peace and happiness, but i believe that true acceptance and being able to let it go are the main components needed to move on....once you accept all that there was and is, including ripping it apart and putting it back together if thats what you need to do to accept it...and then the part that is key is being able to let it go.....

and hopefully even though you may still think about it, it won't be a fresh wound, it will be an old scar, you look at it, you remember and then you let it go and move on....its the place we all would like to be..even those who don't keep the marriage.....we all have to move on with our lives whatever they may hold...


honest:

by george i think you've got it, i finally explained it i think perfectly because when i read these words that you posted i knew you got it..

damage control

for years i would call it damage control, and i felt like i was on duty somedays 24/7....and i was really good at it, or i thought so...but there is just so much i was able to do...and unfortunately it was not enough for manchild...but hopefully that will change...hopefully we can turn this manchild around...he really is a great kid, just doesn't like to do his homework and/or projects for school...the rest is normal teen stuff....even the attitude problem he exhibits...at least i pray that one is normal teen stuff....won't be good for me if its permanent...but thankfully its not as often right now....


The Twilight Zone".

i too felt like i was in the twilight zone....still do....this episode just never seems to finish..

i also felt especially for the first 6-9 months like a walking zombie, basically functioning, but my mind and brain were permanently dislodged from normal life...they are still not completely back, although they will never be the same....and i still am working on my new normal...as we all are...


honest: keep as posted on your results...and i can totally understand the almost hypocritical shit that he vomitted about being so concerned...and then didn't call...btdt...

i also understand how hard it is to let go of the dream...the dream that he will step up and finally do all that you need and say all that you need to hear...and then live the dream...and it sucks when you have to let that go...its not how most of us were raised...we were raised with cinderella dreams...


lost: i am so sorry you are in so much pain...and i am sorry to hear that you are having some medical issues as well...

so honest and lost: i am sending some special si healing prayers and mojo for both of you...


as for the celebrity infidelities....i think i am taking them differently then most of si...the cynical side of me just get more cynical with each and every one of them....i do not take them personally, i feel for the bs's in each sich, more for them then i think for our newbies...because to have to go through this in the public, having it thrown in your face, seeing it everywhere, the t.v., the papers, the internet...there is no escape for them, no safe place and for them i feel so bad and sad....it makes this shit so much harder as if it weren't hard enough....

and again, it doesn't seem to get to me the same way, i think of that song by queen i think..."another one bites the dust".....


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, April 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh i totally forgot, got sidetracked as usual....listen up tryn..

tonite we were having a convo at the dinner table about my crazy in-laws with 2 of my 3 kids and suddenly i hear a loud boom...with this boom i see pfm and dd17 and ds14 all hang their mouths open saying oh my god....i of course missed the sight...apparantly a bird flew at full speed right into the kitchen window, the closed kitchen window...so we go outside and sure enough there is this red robin standing just below the window...the poor bird was in complete shock...it didn't move for didley...even the stupid dog finally saw the poor bird and went over and put her nose right on its head smelling the bird, the bird lost a few feathers and of course they all wound up on the dogs nose...but it took at least 10 minutes for this bird to literally SNAP out of it..my kids went and got gloves to pick the bird up, they brought the bird to a table so he wouldn't be low enough if the dog changed her mind about doing more then sniffing it...and then after the 10 min or so it flew away....was a very cool family activity sort of...after all the bird lived.. ...and we got us a family story..

and yes this was totally freaky...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, April 7th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwantamiracle… As you told me that story about the Bird! I love it!

Carefree, our wings are spread, as we glide with speed and glee.
Whamm.. boom…a tremendous wall, we did not see it, we hit a glass.
It shatters our minds, our lives are in shock, concussion…
It’s a Robbing… knocked out.
The stars are gathered… as the pain slowly goes away.
We stand up again with knowledge and wisdom.
We know where to not fly… and fly off again.


M3 Comments...

I either need to forgive him 100% (if it's appropriate) or divorce.

I totally agree with this... and letting it go...

That said... as I come up on 20 months.. my mind Still thinks about infidelity everyday, several times a day.

Allgood... For me, it is not the same type thinking as back 7-8 months... I still had very graphic pictures of my W having sex, sharper pain, more crying.. it was more hate back then… but my W was doing much of the right things too… I know that has a factor.


Honesttoafault.. In my prays for your test.. stay strong!

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:26 AM, April 7th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, April 7th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn:

As you told me that story about the Bird! I love it!

i knew you would..


Carefree, our wings are spread, as we glide with speed and glee.
Whamm.. boom…a tremendous wall, we did not see it, we hit a glass.
It shatters our minds, our lives are in shock, concussion…
It’s a Robbing… knocked out.
The stars are gathered… as the pain slowly goes away.
We stand up again with knowledge and wisdom.
We know where to not fly… and fly off again.

I LOVE THIS

i knew you would find my meaning...i love this...

thank you tryn


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, April 7th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest.

I am wishing you good luck with your tests this Thursday. We went thru this sort of thing twice. With my W it was cysts in the breasts. Try to think positive. I know this stuff is hard and to have the aggrevation of dealing with the A is just extra stress. Keep us informed.

Your neighbor is right about the guilt trip. Did your mother make you feel some of that guilt this weekend? BPDs are sometimes good at that!

allgood.

Mentioning the A to your H once a year would be more than he wants. He would probably call that "all the time."

Lost.

I think one factor about why they can all talk and laugh about infidelity is that they have not experienced your side of it. People do not care as much about things if it has not happened to them. I know how hard it is to deal with chronic physical pain. I do it everyday too. It sucks.

miracle.

It may be ironic that most were talking about the quiet, but you did bring up the subject. You started it!

I had completely forgotten about the angel. Thanks for reminding me. Now where is that picture? Whip the Dip! O my, I did not know you were that kind of girl.

My original and amazing comments were ment as flattery. Something I did ponder as I was reading the description on the miracle whip label was how can this stuff be original and new? Something I am pondering right now is how bad, useless and boring I must appear. Reading miracle whip jars while posting on the internet!? I need to get out more often, or start on my taxes.

tryn.

Good poem. Thanks. I bet you are ready to kick me off the boys team here. I think I am dragging us down.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, April 7th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me again.
Miracle: I love the bird story. It made me think of my dog (he died 2 years ago & I still miss him) who brought in a dead bird (think he found it that way) and dropped it on my dining room floor while my parents were over. (This was especially funny to me as my mother is a neat freak & I am definitely not a neat freak & so it was just one more mark against me.)
Anyway, I could totally visualize the story & it made me laugh. Thank you.
And in response to your question, I'm a lawyer, so the pushing & pushing for more & more, is unfortunaly second nature for me.

Well, H just got back from IC where he reports again that he's learned nothing new. I have to say I called this at the beginning of the day. That the only reason my mood turned around yesterday was because I was hoping that after he went to ic there would be some sort of revelation. However, as I was driving to work today,I came to the conclusion that this was unrealistic.
It 's just annoying, that he thinks he thinks about this stuff a lot & that the ic isn't offering any insight. I can't help but think this is dumb & dumber locked in a room trying to figure out what the hell I'm so upset about.
It seems to me that all my h came away with is that the 2 of us should go away together. Which is a solid point - we haven't gone away just the 2 of us since our Honeymoon, mostly due to the logistics involved in the babysitting. So that's great - but, I can't help but thinking that this is just a quick fix kind of thing. Do either one of them seriously think all of the rest of the issues are going to fall by the wayside? I'm just venting, but seriously all I want from this man is some verbal expression of his remorse & his committment. But, hey - let's put on our bathing suits & drink by the pool for a couple of days instead!
Man, I am really hatin today. And, I also hate that forgiveness book, because I'm 80 pages in & all it seems to say so far is how I might be more responsible for this situation than I realized. (Which, as hard as I am on others, I am hardest on myself. So, this is not an issue of me refusing to take some responsibility.)
I actually can get myself to the point of forgiving him, I just can't get to the point where I put my heart in his hands again. The million dollar question, I suppose.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
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Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, April 7th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my gosh allgood i am so sorry that the book is not helping...i wonder if i am thinking about the same book...after over a year of these kind of books i guess they all start to run together....

i am glad that you and dip enjoyed the bird story..my dd17 actually got a pic of the bird meets dog on her facebook page, but i have no clue how to get it here...

so you and m3 have yet another common denominator...i hope i remember correctly that she is a lawyer too....4 kids and lawyers with stupid husbands ...what are the odds of that...

if my pool were open i would tell you to come on over....kids welcome here at all times...

about his ic....ic needs time to develop with any ic, but i do hope his ic is a good c....as long as he keeps going...he may also not be opening up as much as you would hope..i think most ws's kind of fight it and do it just because we told them they have to....and then of course it would take longer to get down to the root of his issues....

that 4 letter word again...time....and i know patience is a virtue but for us on the other side of the mess they have created for us patience is just an ugly word....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

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