I am so happy for you ...
last night i looked at pfm and i was crying because as much as i will be excited for my new belly when the pain goes away i was so sad because it would have been different, should have been different...but it is what it is, and i now live for me and my kids...that is all that matters....
this is hard now I know ... but you did this for you ... and there will come someone who appreciates it and you for the wonderful person you are ...
wanting to share it with pfm and have him be "the one" is only natural ... this road you are walking down now is for you ... and he made his decision not to walk down it with you ...
it is his loss ... his decision ... he cannot have both ... you and the OW ... and he made his choice very clear ...
be proud of you and happy for your new belly ... I am ... as nice as he is being now is out of guilt ... trying to find that one weak spot to worm his way back into your life ... you gave him an wide open field to come back ... and he took the way he wanted ...
taking for granted you would always be there ... be strong for you ... congrats ...
Well -- ta da! She is here. Since this is a public forum I won't share her name, etc. but she's the sweetest thing ever and her entire family is enamored. It is absolutely a time of great joy here.
The delivery was amazing, if I do say so myself She is about 2 1/2 pounds smaller than my last baby so I escaped nearly unscathed and I'm simply taking a little tylenol and ibuprofen and avoiding carrying the older baby for now. I do have to wake her to eat, but since she's sleeping so nicely already I have high hopes. We also have a huge amount of help for now with friends cooking, entertaining the older children, etc. It's been a very fun few days.
I'll post a picture soon.
I'll probably mostly lurk the next few weeks, I must warn. I'm amazed I'm even showered, ha ha!
Mind you, my H's A was 8 years long with a woman I considered to be a friend, someone who was always in our company. We were only a year or so out and he thought I shouldn't need to talk about the A anymore. Our MC swung his chair right up to my H and said, "It was 8 fucking years. If this is too much for you, tell us now and don't waste anymore of our time."
I did want to comment on this. I think about that a lot. How long will I be hurt and angry? Forever? I hope not forever -- but I remember I was angry at my XH for about 3 years after we split up. I don't know.
I know I need to give more details on my sweet little miss -- and I will -- but there's too much going on and I'm so tired. I'll update more when I've got a good half an hour or so to get it all out.
BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(*(*(*(*(*(*(m3 & BABY & family)*)*)*)*)*)*
Well done, M3. And welcome to world, babyM3!
Congrats to Miracle on the new tummy. Healing vibes being blasted at you.
I cant believe we moved into a new house already.
Ukg, a spring theme is a great idea.
Just remember my smoothie bar.
I apologise for not being around lately. Just all caught up with work and life.
There have been fleeting moments almost every day or so when I have a little trigger - now I acknowledge it and move on.
Like Shirley, I have FINALLY (!) accepted that I cant control everything and everyone.
Man, its been a slow and difficult process. And prob something I will have to remind myself of every day.
I have also (mostly!) accepted that everything DOES NOT have to be perfect. Esp me.
Thats been an even harder struggle. And I guess its one I will wrestle with for the rest of my life, being the peoplepleaser and self flagellator that I am.
I can look at me and my life right now, and say, "Its not perfect, but its ok" and ok is just great.
I am going to go catch up now - its been nice to see some old names amongst the newbies.
Mind what you love. Mind how you are loved.
Hey M... way to go! new life is such a wonder! Congradulations...
now I acknowledge it and move on
Peace to all today!
Iwant: I hope you are feeling better. Soon, I hope, you will be feeling stronger and will be able to try on all those new spring clothes, and maybe a new swim suit in time for summer?
booger: pfm never walked away, he wants to work it out, he just didn't do all that i now required and he didn't do it in the time i required...i am just done waiting....from when we first got married and actually just before we got married he had some changes he always promised he would make, and he never did...well he finally made those changes but he still didn't make one very important change and that one is honesty with full disclosure....and i will never ever again settle for less.....so even though it appears he chose me, at least over the others, he actually still chooses his fears....and he can't take a way the fact that he never did choose me first, i was always at the end of an even longer list then i ever knew of...and he always loved #1 more and better.....
i am starting to feel a bit better....tis taking longer then i thought...i guess my age is more then a number.. ...i go to the dr this afternoon, so we will see what he thinks....
m3 let us know if you decide to post pix, so that i could be sure to check in before you might poof them...
still have not completely caught up with the last pages yet,...but will definitely try to keep up with all the new stuff....
lostsoul: i see you posted, and you are still enjoying your grandkids, first birthday already, i actually remember when he was born...time does pass..
lh2: i did see you posted too, welcome back to you too...and i am so proud of you, you have come a long way...and acceptance is truly a gift we give ourselves..and it seems to be such a hard gift to give ourselves....to be able to accept it all...i hope to be there one day too my friend, i hope we all get there....
a side note...my night nurse at the hospital turns out was a fellow si'er...she never officially joined but she lurked daily for about a year, her husband did the deed after 15 years of marriage, she divorced him and she has truly moved on..she is getting married to she says a wonderful man in may, and she is really excited about it....still feels a little sad about the past but joyous for her future...it is such a small world...
And healing vibes for your surgery miracle! The surgery I had was totally out of character for me too! I thought fuck it, Iíve been seeing to and looking after everything and everyone and I get thanks by WH going off with his fucking gf. I reckoned a conservative estimate cost for him was £50 a fuck. Hahaha! And I was never vain (and betrayal is a killer for your self esteem anyway), so seeing MOW and understanding how attractive she must have been as a teenager (her daughters are very pretty) really pole-axed me and I couldnít look in the mirror at all. I hated everything about me. Although surgery hasnít turned me into Michelle Pfeiffer (I wish!!! ), on balance I think Iím kind of glad I had it done. Should have done more research, but itís done now. Scars are there and thatís that.
Just remember my smoothie bar.
I have also (mostly!) accepted that everything DOES NOT have to be perfect. Esp me. Thats been an even harder struggle. And I guess its one I will wrestle with for the rest of my life, being the peoplepleaser and self flagellator that I am.
No time for more. Hugs (((((Tribe)))))
eta: quotey boxes! sheesh!
eta2 lost a smiley. And I keep finding [ /italic ] at the end.......
[This message edited by UKgirl at 9:53 AM, March 22nd (Monday)]
It is good to hear from both of you. Miracle. You say your tummy is flater now. I am guessing m3 can say the same. You both had a tummy reduction!
Yay for the new baby! Rest up so we can get more details about the new little one.
Hugs to the tribe.
Allgoodnamesgone... that sounds good!
i am happy that you are doing something of your own though...and i know you don't want to, i know your heart is not only not in it but shattered....but it is still a necessary step for you to take...the first time for everything is always sad, this is all part of the grieving process....and this whole process sucks, but it does pass...thank god it does pass....and you need to try and keep that in mind, that it will pass, that time will help you heal...the more proactive you are in your own recovery the better, your husband is useless to you for your healing and you need to remember that....when you confront him prepare yourself, i do not think this man will give you what you seek, i do not think this man is capable of feeling for you....from your own words he is too wrapped up in himself and has no intention of changing that.....prepare yourself for the worst possible answer he could give you, it will still hurt but at the very least you could brace yourself for it so that you know how to respond, hold your head up and give him a good piece of your mind and let him know that you will not be beaten down and he should keep in mind that what goes around does come around, and living with regret is not an easy thing to do, but will more then likely be his life....now make sure your plan for the day is full, very full with as little or no down time...its much easier if you don't have much time to think and wallow....and when the day is done, have a good cry, blow your nose and tell yourself that you will not only survive this but you will learn to thrive again...keep telling yourself postive things, become your own cheerleader..and do not be afraid to reach out to a friend or us...a support system will help....
i hope the day surprises you...
allgood: puking kids is not a good thing...i hate when my kids are puking, you sometimes want to puke right along with them...yuck..
The surgery I had was totally out of character for me too! I thought fuck it, Iíve been seeing to and looking after everything and everyone and I get thanks by WH going off with his fucking gf
i could so now relate to this....it now me time, my kids are all teens, not babies and all i have ever done is sacrifice for them and him...i feel like this is a new age the age of me time...
I reckoned a conservative estimate cost for him was £50 a fuck. Hahaha!
i have no clue what this is in american money..but i find it quite and believe it or not
the ultimate paradox of sorts..
Miracle - a flat tummy is a gift from god......or a plastic surgeon! As we have all said over and over, we just gotta do what we gotta do to feel better about ourselves. For me it was spending more time playing sports - I had always felt guilty about "me" time before - not now
Ukgirl - quick, say hi before bed.
I wanted to tell you all about a really good book I read called "How Can I Forgive You" by Janis Springs. It was good because it doesn't ask you to forgive for them but for yourself. Also, it lays out what is required of the person who may be forgiven (a lot of the things we talk about on here). I realized that my H had and was doing everything necessary but that I just wasn't there yet and that is okay. Baby steps.
Also, "The Shack" is a good one for thinking about judging and forgiving from a different perspective.
I am sorry your H doesn't get it and is willing to treat you that way. I guess I will just FUCK HIM for you. Do something really nice for yourself and then go home, take his favorite shirt and accidentally spill fingernail polish all over it just after you break his favorite whatever. Oh, and I am sure something nasty will happen to OW because she deserves it.
Back to making dinner!
What am I doing? If I am this sad and upset 3 yrs post d-day maybe it means I should leave.
How long should I stay eventhough I am so upset?
Isn't a LTA a form of abuse?
and now...when I get triggered or upset...I have to suffer in silence because its been such..... a long time already.... I can't keep bringing it up for such a long time....
yeah...3 yrs to get over an affair is a long time... and then..that thought triggers me also and throws me into a tailspin.
How can I not be allowed to still be upset 3 yrs post d-day? when..the affair went on for 5 years???
I'm a mess..again... and if I had posted yesterday I would have said I was feeling a lot better....
in one day I can flip flop so completely.
How I wish it was a ONS... that I could be over by now...but 5 years..with the same woman..no end in sight...until I discovered it. A very different story.
its called the rollercoaster for quite a good reason...
first off you were talking to someone from your past, you of course are going to go down that spiral again...youre sharing a horrible time with someone you love...some freinds even though you may not talk in like forever, you pick up the phone and its like time never passed, except it did pass and what transpired within that time was huge...and relaying this to someone with whom you share a past and continue to share your present and you know will be there in your future kind of makes you melancholy...we all have hopes and dreams that we share with such friends, and you know she hurts for you which in turn makes all the hurt hurt again...
second: 3 years is really nothing...when in comparison to the time spent before and the time lost during..
third: you walk away when you walk away knowing that you truly did everything you could, when you know you will have no regrets doing so....when you are done...and this is not something that you will question, you will just know that youre done period...and i am so sorry but it won't be one minute sooner...you may very well end up ending this relationship, but i don't think you will question its demise if you know its truly the right thing....the only time we question the demise is when we have doubts or we still love....and you my dear i think have both...
dip: good memo..
hurtshirley: your mood was infectious, wonderfully infectious...thank you i needed your sense of humor tonite...
the book how can i forgive you...read it...loved it, but i still couldn't do it, i am getting better at the acceptance stage though and am working towards that forgiveness stuff...i get stuck on the anger part...still have it, can't seem to let go of it for too long a period.....but i will get there i am determined...the second book is one i will have to check into....
we just gotta do what we gotta do to feel better about ourselves.
and to feel better in general...i was already happy with my body, it just needed some tweeking....especially that scar that is now gone ...that scar represented so much pain, so much...and the fact that it is gone and i don't have to look at it everyday is marvelous...and it also means i can wear any bathing suit i want too...the scar actually used to show through some suits....but not anymore...hallelueiah...its going away is hopefully a catalyst for me to get rid of alot more scars, emotional ones now...