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User Topic: Long Term Affair X V I I
SI Staff
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Member # 10
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, March 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, March 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oooh, i am first...oh my....

and lo and behold i am at a loss for

words!!!!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, March 9th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

o.k. i am back, and this time i have words...LOL

allgood: i do not know whether to be impressed with you believing him or worried about you..


fnf:

There is a certain comfort I found in holding onto my anger and believe me I held onto it for a long time. It protected me - or at least I felt it did. It was my shield against the pain of my H's 8 year A.

for me i had no illusion of protection, i wish i did....instead i found the anger just easier to deal with then feeling all the pain....my choices were anger or total devastation.....the anger was just an easier emotion to deal with life on a daily basis...and it was easy because i really was that angry...still am...workin on it though...but still am...

They fucking deserve a little sarcasm and we certainly earned a little hostile outlet to ease the rage that builds up once in a while.
You go girlfriend!!!

sarcasm ... not so little... ..i take every opportunity...and i mean every opportunity...am working on this one too...i actually bit my tongue back tonite....its just so damned hard and he makes it so easy....too easy....


honest: my heart goes out to you....your sich is unbelievable....just line up your ducks, and make sure of your decision...you do have quite a few of them to deal with...and i guess the only thing for you to ask yourself is what can you live with ...and remember the objective is to find some kind of peace with hopefully some happiness attached to it...

get a notebook...put each possible choice for the biggest decision (staying married to him) and then list each pro and con with corresponding fears....

from this notebook hopefully you will get a clear picture of which decision will hold the least regrets and hopefully the best possible outcome for you....not that any outcome will be one of your wishes, but they will be of your reality....which right now must be so overwhelming....


booger: those scenarios are just mind-blowing....sometimes i think the universe likes to play with our heads...throws us some inconsequential curve balls...not sure why though...

and you give us too much credit....YOU underestimate YOU and who YOU are and what YOU are doing in your own recovery....you have been through hell and back and you are not only still here, but you are present and accounted for in your life, taking charge and making life happen for you again...we didn't do that....YOU DID!!!!

and a 90% WOOHOO....putting on my mom hat for a minute:

"i am so proud of you, you did so well, i hope you are just as proud of yourself as i am of you"

friend hat:

hell, lets drink to that one..

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This always throws me - now I'll have to go back to LTA XVI and catch up!!

Do we have a theme for this thread where we all meet up? Can I suggest a summerhouse seeing as it's nearly spring? The men can call it a shed - I don't mind!

BBL


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((IWAM))))

i am workin on it my friend, workin on it all the time...hopefully me and ukgirl will do it together...!!!

That would be so great!!!

I wish I had more time to write, but once we get home I will!

Lovin


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
tryingtofindout
♀ Member
Member # 1042
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After some thought I have decided to take the advice here and not go to the restaurant that day, I am still taking off from work I will not work around their schedule I have taken this day off for over 20yrs to celebrate his birthday with him it will just be very very difficult when he walks out the door and leaves me home by myself to deal with his shit

Posts: 622 | Registered: Jan 2003
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trynin: i am so proud of you...i think you are doing great considering all you are dealing with...now lets come up with another name for this day that you are taking off...i think it needs to be REDEFINED...
a) tryings personal day
b) spa day
c) shopping spree day
d) pampering the soul day
e) celebrate tryings ________day

i need help people lets come up with a new redefinition of this day for trying....or trying do you have one....what is it you have always wanted to celebrate about you, about who you are...and remember this needs to be personal...not about what you do for others...


ukgirl: the theme....i got it...

a celebration of new beginnings .....lets break open the bar, sit back, soak some rays (sunscreened rays of course)...dip in the pool...raise our glasses and toast...

who wants to make the toast??


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A toast to: The Tribe in all its glory!! May all those who pass through our doors know there is a welcome here for everyone. Cheers!

Allgood, well that went okay then and yes, that sounds plausible. I’m glad he was understanding about it, but he will be aware that you are checking his cell. If he’s not up to anything, that’s fine and he shouldn’t mind (does he?). If he is, or thinking about it, the cell record will be one thing he is careful of. I’ve never told my H about checking his call log (he doesn’t know where to find it) but then he has his company Blackberry, so that would make an affair easier to conduct anyway, as I could only check what has not been deleted. I’m very wary of him knowing I still check every now and then as it would have been the only way I could have deduced he was having an affair in the first place – seeing her number at weekends, very late at night and early morning. But even then, he could have three or four pages of itemised details. I’m rambling. No, it’s good, Allgood. I’m pleased.

So I got my test back today from Monday and I did much better I got a 90% ... yay me ...
YAY!!
Any you’re not fucked up hon. You’re as normal as the rest of us.

Hi honest, welcome back. I really don’t know what to say. I can only assume this man is committed to bigamy and would rather you were fine and dandy about it too. Which you are not, obviously. I don’t think there are any answers for you as he isn’t listening to your questions. I take it this OW knows he is married and that YOU chose and made that house SHE is in? He does sound an incredibly selfish, narcissistic, insensitive and entitled individual. The fact that you don’t trust your WH on any aspect and yet you did your 1st xWH is telling.
Only you an know how to deal with him and I would advise to get as much as possible on your side of the fence (yes, I’m talking financially) before moving on with your lawyer. Is he a US citizen? I ask cos you say about him going back to “his country”. Is his country where it is acceptable to behave like this? What’s his background? And, finally, how old are your kids and the OC?

Tryingto, no don’t work around their schedule. Take the day off, but for YOU. It’s not his birthday (please ignore it hon, no cards or anything), it’s a day for you to spend with friends, to laugh, to appreciate little things around you (not him), to enjoy a glass of wine and to do something YOU enjoy. An SI love me day.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl.

I say it is o.k to have a summer house. It needs a garage. A place where the men can drink a few beers and talk about cars, guns, and other manly stuff. Of course we will welcome the gals to visit if they promise to not try and clean up the place.

miracle.

You said "dip in the pool." That was nice to include me in your thoughts. A pool and a mancave/garage. This new place is great. We need to do more with this place.

m334455.

I am suggesting a nice new room for the baby. You pick the color theme. I am guessing there will be some pink.

Booger.

90%!!! That is great. Good job.
You are not fucked up! You are just going through a fucked up time. You will get better with time. Study hard.

Cheers and Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

booger --

Yea on your grade!

I just wanted to yell at them you just doomed her to be a BS for the rest of her life ontop of the bi-polar she already has ...

And welcome to my world! My WH is an attorney too. And OW is very athletic. I can't believe you killed me off! Some days I wish someone would IRL...

Dip -- a new room for the baby would be nice. I think I might work on that over the summer. Seems like each of my boys are happy where they are and she won't be able to sleep in my room more than 3 or 4 months.

Trying -- go so something spectacular and fun and a little out of character -- drive a little farther away than usual and go to a museum -- heck! Stay the night out at a hotel. Do something MAJORLY, seriously fun.

Jeesh, in your case, with no kids at home, I'd probably go looking to have an affair myself, as long as I could find someone single. You really owe him nothing, but I can really see how pointless it would be to get a D in your situation.

My Dad gave me a very nice compliment. He said I amaze him and I'm really tough. He's stunned I can work, be pregnant, deal with being bipolar, be a good mom and "singlehandedly" hold my family together through this. It was nice. I'm not doing really all of it well. My work has suffered. And I'm not really "singlehandedly" holding the family together either; I've had lots of help, some of it even from WH. But it was still a very nice compliment.

Thank heavens I was pregnant on DDay though -- the baby is really the only thing that kept me from killing myself. The shower was a godsend though. I've really spent a lot of time feeling like there is no one in the whole world who truly loves me and has my best interests at heart. Even my parents betrayed me after DDay. I'm afraid that even when I went over the whole situation with my priest he agreed. Still, this sweet shower did remind me that there are many people who care about me, even if I'm not really loved by anyone.

I was contemplating asking my doctors to move me to the psych ward and having WH take the baby home without me next week (my sister will come to help and we also have live-in help) but I think the shower has lifted my spirits enough that I can come home with her. There will be more medications I can take once she is born and my psychiatrist is going to make a house call. Sigh.

One week from today -- I really am excited and happy to meet her. I'm concerned; I've had post-partum psychosis twice and that was when I thought everything was hunky-dory, but I am confident my doctor will get me through the next few weeks.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all! I was so panicked this morning when I saw the thread was full.
UK girl: my husband knows me too well - he knows I check EVERYTHING. (It was thru a random call from his secret phone to his cell that allowed me to discover the cell phone in the first place) I try to play it down - like yesterday I told him the cell bill came in and I noticed the call... but I dont know how believable that is. Unfortunately, due to last month's incident where I found he lied to me about his whereabouts he now knows I somehow followed his car. But, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.
And, does he mind? - I'm sure he does but he's smart (?) enough to know not to show it.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 11:12 AM, March 10th (Wednesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3: i seriously doubt that your parents do not not love you.....some people just do not know how to show it or act it....and maybe they just do not know how to be good parents...although they did do a shower, so maybe we let them slide for a bit...

i am now worried about you..i keep forgetting how you are bipolar, when you post you seem to have it all together...i really hope you do what you need to do for you...and if that means checking in to the pysch ward for a bit, til you are at least regulated on your med and your hormones (or at least as much as hormones allow us to)....you really need to do whatever it takes to keep you and your children safe...

it is almost time for you to have that precious child...such a mix of emotions i am sure...


dip:

That was nice to include me in your thoughts.

anytime..


allgood:

It was thru a random call from his secret phone to his cell that allowed me to discover the cell phone in the first place

you do know that the way this is worded i am confused...very confused...

do you also do some work for the cia.. ...on second thought, don't tell me, cause then you might have to kill me..


still have a few tricks up my sleeve.

ooh i love magic...

does he mind? - I'm sure he does but he's smart (?) enough to know not to show it.

wow, a smart ws...could be dangerous...or just a skilled liar...giving nothing away..


ukgirl:

The Tribe in all its glory!! May all those who pass through our doors know there is a welcome here for everyone. Cheers!

(in an italian accent....)salute!!!


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Miracle: you're confusion is understandable. I checked his cell phone (the one I knew about) and found a missed call from a number with the same area code as the ow. So, I tried to find out who it belonged to without success. So, I called it. The voice that answered sounded a lot like my husband. I hung up. I called again. It was my husband. I asked why he was on this phone and he said... "I don't even know what phone I'm on". That was classic. I advised that I knew what phone he was on & he hung up. When he composed himself & called me back he told me ow gave him a phone about 2 weeks after Dday & they were in contact for a total of 2 weeks when I found all of this out. (Turns out he couldn't find the phone I knew about & used the phone ow gave him to call & find the phone I knew about) And, yes, sometimes, I am really impressed with my investigative skills. (Edited because I still failed to make sense the 2nd time around)

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 7:53 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allgood -- smart cookie!

miracle -- I'm having a down day. What can I say? My doc will keep me chugging along one way or another. I've already lived on 5 years of borrowed time; I'd have been dead long ago had I not found her. Instead, I've got a bunch of sweet happy kids.

I did see Shutter Island -- and had no idea what it was going to be about until WAY too late. Let's just say but for the grace of God and modern medicine there go I.

Man do I hate it when people pull that "but I'm bipolar shit though"


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Content  Posted: 5:38 PM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy crap I laughed out loud reading some of these ...

....putting on my mom hat for a minute:

awww ... thanks mom ... appreciate it ... I really do ... couldn't wait to post my score here for ya'll when I got it ...

and my friend I will most definately drink to that ... woohoo

Any you’re not fucked up hon. You’re as normal as the rest of us

well this gives me an odd sense of comfort ..
teehee teehee ... thank you ukgirl I was very pleasantly surprised ...

thanks dip ... I am studying again tonight ... I have 2 more tests morrow ... and it is my Friday morrow and then off for spring break yippee ... so prob won't know those scores till after the break ...

And welcome to my world! My WH is an attorney too. And OW is very athletic. I can't believe you killed me off! Some days I wish someone would IRL...

OMG !!!!! I am so sorry I did not realize you were bi-polar or I never would have posted that
ugh ... way to go bb ... bend over and stick my head up my own ass ... sheesh !!! I am sooooo sorry .....

(((allgood))) I am so happy you decided not to go to the resturant ... and I think you should still take the dya off and make it totally bout you ...

ok so my day really turned around when I got home and saw I had a PM from another member on here ... I am going to quote something she wrote to me ...

you are a blessing! I love the people on this site. I have gained a lot of strength from it! I wish we could all come togethe someplace for real hugs! Thank you so very much for helping me!

seeing this to me makes all this A bullshit worth it ... I would do it all again ... all of it ...

If someone told me before the A that there was going to an A and, I would have the chance to help someone else in their pain in dealing with an A ...

That may sound weird it does in my head but in my heart I know I did good ... not meaning to on purpose ... it just happened ...

I don't type the things I do and hope/want someone to get comfort from them ... I type them because that is how I truly feel and what I am truly expirencing ...

and yes I do hope on some level they can offer insight to someone else ... but I never thought I would help someone or someone would say such a nice heart felt thing to me ...

really makes all this shit worth it, in my book ... and I would do it all again to know my story, words, thoughts, feelings ect would/might help someone else ...

while I still have a long hard road ahead of me there is some good that came from this ... and I have this site and the other members on here for helping me to be able to help someone else ...

THANK YOU

[This message edited by booger bear at 5:42 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Booger - I just got the chance to read your profile. I can relate to the things you wrote about your attitude before the A - I have those feelings of guilt too. That's what I try to think of - that from this mess something good happened. I was unhappy & resentful & angry. Now, I look back and think - why didn't I just relax & look at the big picture? Who cares if the house is a mess? So what if I do more than my share, etc. I tell my h that if he told me he was going to leave me I would've changed, but in reality - I think it took the shock & tragedy of the A to make me really change. (2 mos before I learned of the A we had a big argument. I told him I was a miserable person & it was all because of him. Long story short I had become very resentful of my h as I became overwhelmed with trying to balance work, a new baby in addition to my 3 other kids, etc. After the actual argument my h tole me was miserable when he came home & that he didn't think I had any feelings for him at all. I was taken aback by this statement & tried to change, but it was hard, I was so frustrated with our situation. And, I felt like - hey I'm making an effort & he's still doing nothing. Now, of course I realize that he was deep in the A at that point - he really didn't want to fix our relationship - he didn't need to - I guess - I still really dont get it. To this day he will swear he never stopped loving me, ow didnt replace me, etc. I dont think that will ever make sense to me.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, March 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you to everyone who gave me thoughts of encouragement.
UK: The house overseas was OUR house (WH and mine), and he bought her her own apartment, but when I was here in the US for the summers or for Christmas, OW and OCs were in MY house, sleeping there, cooking in my kitchen , etc. (I just found out about this months ago. There are 3 OCs: 6, 4, 1)

This is my second marriage, and although I can give advice sometimes because of my experience with my first xWH 20 years ago, that seemed so simple compared to this one: False R, trickle truth and this last dday when he said we couldn't fix our marriage and he didn't divorce her after all (he initially told me he divorced her). He didn't and won't divorce her.

Thank you to everyone. and Hugs to everyone.

Booger Bear, I've been reading your posts, and you go girl!!! Keep up the great work!


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, March 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started to reply to FNF’s post to me in the last thread, but it turned into the same old churning up of reasons why I still carry on in mistrust, hurt and anger. He says he loves me, but it’s hard to see and accept that when it would seem it took almost 30yrs for him to recognise that he loved me more than her. Too many years of being a make-do until she came back into his life. And then the lying after. His way of trying to win me and show how much he loved me was to lie. And he was told umpteen times that transparency was essential. For him, that meant saying “I love you”. Oh well.

He didn’t and won’t divorce her
Isn’t he married to you? Doesn’t this make him a bigamist? Isn’t this against the law in “his” country too? Whose marriage has precedence? I ask, because it’s important from your position. If you divorce, what happens then?
I really don’t see how you can continue like this. He is showing now respect or regard for you or any of your children. What do your older ones say about this?
Is he a US citizen? Is the OW a US citizen? I’m sorry to appear dull (I’m not, usually!), but I don’t quite understand how he thinks he can get away with this from a law point of view.

m33, try to stay positive about this arrival. You are managing with a huge amount on your plate without your medical condition to take into account! If she’s coming on the 17th, can we call her Baby Paddy?? Dunno what nickname if it’s on 18th though. The good thing about the LTA summerhouse is that we can just tag on that nursery and have it just so in no time! Can I babysit?

Allgood – time for him to get rid of the “extra” cell. Or give it to you.

If someone told me before the A that there was going to an A

Well, then you would be anticipating the affair and not living your life as you should. But I wish I had known about FWH’s mother’s affair. Actually, I wish I knew more about it, rather than this vague reference FIL gave it in a letter that was supposed to make me feel better. All that happened was I went off on one at H, saying he was “genetically predisposed” to having an affair, so now he had the perfect excuse for fucking his ex-gf. That was in the park where he was walking the dog. But, I wish I had known more about affairs and how to deal with them beforehand. I might have dealt with things better and not put up with the BS H was dishing out. And I wish I had found this site within the first few weeks. That would have made things very different.

Have a good Thursday, everyone.
eta - forgot the quotey boxes again!

[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:37 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Allgoodnamesgone
♀ Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, March 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning!
Just wanted to check in & say hello before I start making lunches, and getting the kids up & out.
UKGirl: the day I found out about the secret cell, I told him to give it to his friend & have him give it to ow. He said he did that the same day. I called the # several times over 2 mos & got no answer before finally a female voice (not ow) answered. So, I'm going to believe he doesnt have the phone anymore. But, will I ever know for sure? No. When there's a will there's a way - I can't prevent his infidelity. I can only make it more difficult for him to continue & keep my eyes open. It is draining though. I've decided to take a leave of absence from my new occupation as part time private investigator. I need a break for a while. I'm happy that he's going to ic & hope that helps.
And, I feel the same as you do: why does he love me now? A a few hours before I discovered the A I caught him making a suspicious phone call (which is what prompted me to check his phone, which let me to the texts that said it all) & asked him about it. He was angry & didnt seem to care that his wife thought he might be cheating on him. Once I found the texts, all of a sudden it's clear to him that he wants to be with me?!? I've questioned his motives from the beginning & I find myself constantly scrutinizing his actions post D-Day to see that this revelation that I'm the girl for him isn't just him making sure he gets to stay in this house with his kids. It sucks. Like you, I expect more than "I love you & don't want to be without you". Obviously he didn't want to be without me during the A either or he would have left, so this is not comforting, nor is "I love you" which he told ow as well. (Which, of course he claims he didnt mean - which begs the question - how do I know he means it with me?) Oh, I could go on and on. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
M- when are you due? Hope you are feeling well. (And as a follow up to my last post to you - would you believe I went to the hospital 3x over 2 weeks before I had the baby, each time believing (or hoping) I was in labor & then when I was actually in labor - I was so embarrased to be wrong again that I waited to the point that I had the baby 30 min after arriving at the hospital.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Nov 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, March 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Allgood… “I told him I was a miserable person & it was all because of him.” “Now, of course I realize that he was deep in the A at that point - he really didn't want to fix our relationship “ YOU are so right. So yes you do understand. Once someone starts the A, part of him wanting to “love” you is gone. It is transferred… Even if you would have hired a maid, baby sitter, etc (We had them) he would still cheat. IMO, it sounds like his A was all about attention… And it was likely NOT about you failing to give him attention, but him wanting attention from the OW... I have read about work place A in some detail… there come some comradely, closeness… When you get too close to the opposite sex, this contact does lead to some flirting, sharing intimate feelings… then wham… one day Sex. That’s why you H had a ONS… then months later the A. My wife has the same story. She could have been your H’s… OW. She says the first time, “just Happened”… it was lust. Then over time they just got closer. My wife was a cheater and thought she would not get caught. She did not get caught back in 1988. It was easy for her to cheat because I travel about every week for my job and I had her on this pedestal as a great woman… the greatest wife. It is much harder for someone to cheat once they are exposed who the really are… It has taken me months and months to realize, I didn’t marry a good person. She fooled me for years. For me, It has been hard to accept you have been lied to… my judgment miscued. And same thing… my wife says she didn’t leave because I was her best friend, didn’t want to break up our family, she says she always loved me and still does. As UK says.. She is a “cake eater” and so was your H. BTW... it took a few months for my wife to get over her A... she loved the OM too... it just is a fact.

I can tell by your writing and knowing you career, you are one fantastic woman. You would be a great catch if your H left you. You stay in shape, you are super smart and I bet you could have great conversations; a mother always brings something special to a woman and loyal.

Today, I have new boundary … If someone is making me miserable or unhappy, I’m going to address it until it is resolved. This is with my kids, my work and my wife. Do you know how to lovingly ask for the things you need?

M3... hope you are feeling better today..

Peace to all..

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:21 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]


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