and lo and behold i am at a loss for
allgood: i do not know whether to be impressed with you believing him or worried about you..
There is a certain comfort I found in holding onto my anger and believe me I held onto it for a long time. It protected me - or at least I felt it did. It was my shield against the pain of my H's 8 year A.
for me i had no illusion of protection, i wish i did....instead i found the anger just easier to deal with then feeling all the pain....my choices were anger or total devastation.....the anger was just an easier emotion to deal with life on a daily basis...and it was easy because i really was that angry...still am...workin on it though...but still am...
They fucking deserve a little sarcasm and we certainly earned a little hostile outlet to ease the rage that builds up once in a while.
You go girlfriend!!!
sarcasm ... not so little... ..i take every opportunity...and i mean every opportunity...am working on this one too...i actually bit my tongue back tonite....its just so damned hard and he makes it so easy....too easy....
honest: my heart goes out to you....your sich is unbelievable....just line up your ducks, and make sure of your decision...you do have quite a few of them to deal with...and i guess the only thing for you to ask yourself is what can you live with ...and remember the objective is to find some kind of peace with hopefully some happiness attached to it...
get a notebook...put each possible choice for the biggest decision (staying married to him) and then list each pro and con with corresponding fears....
from this notebook hopefully you will get a clear picture of which decision will hold the least regrets and hopefully the best possible outcome for you....not that any outcome will be one of your wishes, but they will be of your reality....which right now must be so overwhelming....
booger: those scenarios are just mind-blowing....sometimes i think the universe likes to play with our heads...throws us some inconsequential curve balls...not sure why though...
and you give us too much credit....YOU underestimate YOU and who YOU are and what YOU are doing in your own recovery....you have been through hell and back and you are not only still here, but you are present and accounted for in your life, taking charge and making life happen for you again...we didn't do that....YOU DID!!!!
and a 90% WOOHOO....putting on my mom hat for a minute:
"i am so proud of you, you did so well, i hope you are just as proud of yourself as i am of you"
hell, lets drink to that one..
Do we have a theme for this thread where we all meet up? Can I suggest a summerhouse seeing as it's nearly spring? The men can call it a shed - I don't mind!
i am workin on it my friend, workin on it all the time...hopefully me and ukgirl will do it together...!!!
That would be so great!!!
I wish I had more time to write, but once we get home I will!
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
i need help people lets come up with a new redefinition of this day for trying....or trying do you have one....what is it you have always wanted to celebrate about you, about who you are...and remember this needs to be personal...not about what you do for others...
ukgirl: the theme....i got it...
a celebration of new beginnings .....lets break open the bar, sit back, soak some rays (sunscreened rays of course)...dip in the pool...raise our glasses and toast...
who wants to make the toast??
Allgood, well that went okay then and yes, that sounds plausible. I’m glad he was understanding about it, but he will be aware that you are checking his cell. If he’s not up to anything, that’s fine and he shouldn’t mind (does he?). If he is, or thinking about it, the cell record will be one thing he is careful of. I’ve never told my H about checking his call log (he doesn’t know where to find it) but then he has his company Blackberry, so that would make an affair easier to conduct anyway, as I could only check what has not been deleted. I’m very wary of him knowing I still check every now and then as it would have been the only way I could have deduced he was having an affair in the first place – seeing her number at weekends, very late at night and early morning. But even then, he could have three or four pages of itemised details. I’m rambling. No, it’s good, Allgood. I’m pleased.
So I got my test back today from Monday and I did much better I got a 90% ... yay me ...
Hi honest, welcome back. I really don’t know what to say. I can only assume this man is committed to bigamy and would rather you were fine and dandy about it too. Which you are not, obviously. I don’t think there are any answers for you as he isn’t listening to your questions. I take it this OW knows he is married and that YOU chose and made that house SHE is in? He does sound an incredibly selfish, narcissistic, insensitive and entitled individual. The fact that you don’t trust your WH on any aspect and yet you did your 1st xWH is telling.
Only you an know how to deal with him and I would advise to get as much as possible on your side of the fence (yes, I’m talking financially) before moving on with your lawyer. Is he a US citizen? I ask cos you say about him going back to “his country”. Is his country where it is acceptable to behave like this? What’s his background? And, finally, how old are your kids and the OC?
Tryingto, no don’t work around their schedule. Take the day off, but for YOU. It’s not his birthday (please ignore it hon, no cards or anything), it’s a day for you to spend with friends, to laugh, to appreciate little things around you (not him), to enjoy a glass of wine and to do something YOU enjoy. An SI love me day.
I say it is o.k to have a summer house. It needs a garage. A place where the men can drink a few beers and talk about cars, guns, and other manly stuff. Of course we will welcome the gals to visit if they promise to not try and clean up the place.
You said "dip in the pool." That was nice to include me in your thoughts. A pool and a mancave/garage. This new place is great. We need to do more with this place.
I am suggesting a nice new room for the baby. You pick the color theme. I am guessing there will be some pink.
90%!!! That is great. Good job.
You are not fucked up! You are just going through a fucked up time. You will get better with time. Study hard.
Cheers and Hugs to the tribe.
Yea on your grade!
I just wanted to yell at them you just doomed her to be a BS for the rest of her life ontop of the bi-polar she already has ...
Dip -- a new room for the baby would be nice. I think I might work on that over the summer. Seems like each of my boys are happy where they are and she won't be able to sleep in my room more than 3 or 4 months.
Trying -- go so something spectacular and fun and a little out of character -- drive a little farther away than usual and go to a museum -- heck! Stay the night out at a hotel. Do something MAJORLY, seriously fun.
Jeesh, in your case, with no kids at home, I'd probably go looking to have an affair myself, as long as I could find someone single. You really owe him nothing, but I can really see how pointless it would be to get a D in your situation.
My Dad gave me a very nice compliment. He said I amaze him and I'm really tough. He's stunned I can work, be pregnant, deal with being bipolar, be a good mom and "singlehandedly" hold my family together through this. It was nice. I'm not doing really all of it well. My work has suffered. And I'm not really "singlehandedly" holding the family together either; I've had lots of help, some of it even from WH. But it was still a very nice compliment.
Thank heavens I was pregnant on DDay though -- the baby is really the only thing that kept me from killing myself. The shower was a godsend though. I've really spent a lot of time feeling like there is no one in the whole world who truly loves me and has my best interests at heart. Even my parents betrayed me after DDay. I'm afraid that even when I went over the whole situation with my priest he agreed. Still, this sweet shower did remind me that there are many people who care about me, even if I'm not really loved by anyone.
I was contemplating asking my doctors to move me to the psych ward and having WH take the baby home without me next week (my sister will come to help and we also have live-in help) but I think the shower has lifted my spirits enough that I can come home with her. There will be more medications I can take once she is born and my psychiatrist is going to make a house call. Sigh.
One week from today -- I really am excited and happy to meet her. I'm concerned; I've had post-partum psychosis twice and that was when I thought everything was hunky-dory, but I am confident my doctor will get me through the next few weeks.
[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 11:12 AM, March 10th (Wednesday)]
i am now worried about you..i keep forgetting how you are bipolar, when you post you seem to have it all together...i really hope you do what you need to do for you...and if that means checking in to the pysch ward for a bit, til you are at least regulated on your med and your hormones (or at least as much as hormones allow us to)....you really need to do whatever it takes to keep you and your children safe...
it is almost time for you to have that precious child...such a mix of emotions i am sure...
That was nice to include me in your thoughts.
It was thru a random call from his secret phone to his cell that allowed me to discover the cell phone in the first place
you do know that the way this is worded i am confused...very confused...
do you also do some work for the cia.. ...on second thought, don't tell me, cause then you might have to kill me..
still have a few tricks up my sleeve.
ooh i love magic...
does he mind? - I'm sure he does but he's smart (?) enough to know not to show it.
wow, a smart ws...could be dangerous...or just a skilled liar...giving nothing away..
The Tribe in all its glory!! May all those who pass through our doors know there is a welcome here for everyone. Cheers!
(in an italian accent....)salute!!!
[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 7:53 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]
miracle -- I'm having a down day. What can I say? My doc will keep me chugging along one way or another. I've already lived on 5 years of borrowed time; I'd have been dead long ago had I not found her. Instead, I've got a bunch of sweet happy kids.
I did see Shutter Island -- and had no idea what it was going to be about until WAY too late. Let's just say but for the grace of God and modern medicine there go I.
Man do I hate it when people pull that "but I'm bipolar shit though"
....putting on my mom hat for a minute:
awww ... thanks mom ... appreciate it ... I really do ... couldn't wait to post my score here for ya'll when I got it ...
and my friend I will most definately drink to that ... woohoo
Any you’re not fucked up hon. You’re as normal as the rest of us
well this gives me an odd sense of comfort ..
teehee teehee ... thank you ukgirl I was very pleasantly surprised ...
thanks dip ... I am studying again tonight ... I have 2 more tests morrow ... and it is my Friday morrow and then off for spring break yippee ... so prob won't know those scores till after the break ...
And welcome to my world! My WH is an attorney too. And OW is very athletic. I can't believe you killed me off! Some days I wish someone would IRL...
OMG !!!!! I am so sorry I did not realize you were bi-polar or I never would have posted that
ugh ... way to go bb ... bend over and stick my head up my own ass ... sheesh !!! I am sooooo sorry .....
(((allgood))) I am so happy you decided not to go to the resturant ... and I think you should still take the dya off and make it totally bout you ...
ok so my day really turned around when I got home and saw I had a PM from another member on here ... I am going to quote something she wrote to me ...
you are a blessing! I love the people on this site. I have gained a lot of strength from it! I wish we could all come togethe someplace for real hugs! Thank you so very much for helping me!
seeing this to me makes all this A bullshit worth it ... I would do it all again ... all of it ...
If someone told me before the A that there was going to an A and, I would have the chance to help someone else in their pain in dealing with an A ...
That may sound weird it does in my head but in my heart I know I did good ... not meaning to on purpose ... it just happened ...
I don't type the things I do and hope/want someone to get comfort from them ... I type them because that is how I truly feel and what I am truly expirencing ...
and yes I do hope on some level they can offer insight to someone else ... but I never thought I would help someone or someone would say such a nice heart felt thing to me ...
really makes all this shit worth it, in my book ... and I would do it all again to know my story, words, thoughts, feelings ect would/might help someone else ...
while I still have a long hard road ahead of me there is some good that came from this ... and I have this site and the other members on here for helping me to be able to help someone else ...
[This message edited by booger bear at 5:42 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]
This is my second marriage, and although I can give advice sometimes because of my experience with my first xWH 20 years ago, that seemed so simple compared to this one: False R, trickle truth and this last dday when he said we couldn't fix our marriage and he didn't divorce her after all (he initially told me he divorced her). He didn't and won't divorce her.
Thank you to everyone. and Hugs to everyone.
Booger Bear, I've been reading your posts, and you go girl!!! Keep up the great work!
He didn’t and won’t divorce her
m33, try to stay positive about this arrival. You are managing with a huge amount on your plate without your medical condition to take into account! If she’s coming on the 17th, can we call her Baby Paddy?? Dunno what nickname if it’s on 18th though. The good thing about the LTA summerhouse is that we can just tag on that nursery and have it just so in no time! Can I babysit?
Allgood – time for him to get rid of the “extra” cell. Or give it to you.
If someone told me before the A that there was going to an A
Have a good Thursday, everyone.
eta - forgot the quotey boxes again!
[This message edited by UKgirl at 2:37 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]
I can tell by your writing and knowing you career, you are one fantastic woman. You would be a great catch if your H left you. You stay in shape, you are super smart and I bet you could have great conversations; a mother always brings something special to a woman and loyal.
Today, I have new boundary … If someone is making me miserable or unhappy, I’m going to address it until it is resolved. This is with my kids, my work and my wife. Do you know how to lovingly ask for the things you need?
M3... hope you are feeling better today..
Peace to all..
[This message edited by trynhard at 6:21 AM, March 11th (Thursday)]