SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Good morning,

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself today - it's my 36th birthday and it's a huge trigger as I expected - today last year WH got a lovely bouquet of flowrers delivered to my work - I didn't know at the time that he was already in an EA with OW - I didn't even know she existed and I also didn't know he would pull the plug on our marriage 8 weeks later.

I have been to hell and back this past year and most days I am ok - people think I have moved on - but deep down I am so sad how my life turned out.

His family and friends don't care and believe me as he is only emotional and verbal abusive when they are not around - they only see the husband I saw for 9 years, not the real him I saw for the past year.

I feel so sad for my kids - he is working abroad and was always home every 4 weeks for years - since the seperation it's getting longer and longer - he was in Ireland at X-mas and will only be back in April - he says he can't take time of work but I know better - he is also seeing someone new again since a few weeks and it is bothering me more then I would like.

I am excited some days about the possibilities which lie ahead for me and my life - meeting someone new - starting a new life together - having said that - if WH brings ever one of his girlfriends to Ireland I will be devastated - it's one thing knowing about it but another thing seeing him with someone else - he has treated me like sh*t for the past year so why can't I stop loving him so much?

He is withholding so much information from me - I don't know anymore which part of my memoried is real - if any...

I just want to wake up one morning and not being in love with him anymore beecause it's slowly destroying me...

First Happy Birthday !!!!

I am so sad how my life turned out.

Is it your whole life or the M ? You need to write this out , It's not my fault Ws had an A. He is a very broken person and I can't live with him because he won't fix himself. Repeat it 100 xs a day until you believe it. You have so much life ahead and D is not being a failure. He failed the M.

After awhile what info you don't know won't matter much. There's good things in your future and never doubt it ! Triggers suck and being your bday is horrible. You need to reclaim your day and spoil yourself and make yourself happy for one day ! gma

First: happy birthday! and may this year be one of gratitude and good things for you. For the entire year (and much much more), may you have the eyes to see beauty, the ears to hear laughter, health for yourself and your children, and a heart to love what is, and a brain that knows arguing with reality gets you no where.

Second: loving someone is fine. You can love the memory you hold in your heart of the man you thought your husband to be for those many years. You can love the man in your memories that you created a family with. And that does not mean you need to be married to him anymore.

Love the man and be thankful you are being spared having to live with him as he goes through his own phase of narcissistic fogginess and blaming you for his problems.

It is your birthday... and the next year of your life begins... NOW!

((bestrong))

Happy birthday. Do something really nice for yourself today.

I'm 51 and have been through this twice (an 18 year marriage, not infidelity related and a 10 year relationship) and I can tell you that a year isn't long enough. It takes two years to detach and begin to feel really positive and excited about the future. It will be two years next month since I separated and I am only now in the last few weeks feeling more 'normal'.

It is to your credit that you still feel like you love him because as a human being there is something wong with people who can simply switch their emotions on and off at the flip of a switch. You are going through the process of detaching slowly and surely so please don't doubt that or yourself.

His emotional and verbal abuse will help you to see him for what he really is and one day in the next year you will wonder why you wasted so much time and energy loving this man. Believe me I'm getting to that stage now. Don't accept ANY abuse from him.

It is a good sign that you get excited some days because that shows you are healing and moving through the grief process. It really is a procees and can't be rushed. Within the next year you will feel excited about every day.

You think you will be devastated if he brings a new girlfriend to Ireland but I've had to see my X and his OMW together and though it hurts, it doesn't slow down the healing process, rather it helps you to focus back on you and that's really where you want to be.

Bestrong, it won't destroy you. It will make you stronger and more determined that you won't be fooled again.

Time really is your friend. The possibilities that lie ahead are endless. You are only 36 years old and can have a great future without this man. Next year you won't give a damn.

Many hugs.

Happy Birthday!!!

Cass has some great words! Read them over and over again!

Hi,

I am just home now again - thanks so much for the birthday wishes I won't lie - I had a very emotional day - a lot of tears - but I also had a good time at my friends house which is good.

Why do I have such a hard time right now - beside the fact that he has a new OW -

I found in our old paperwork that he moved hundreds of euros from his account to one I thought he didn't use and that the first withdrawal was done on Valentinesday - 6 months before we got married - and I know I will never get the question answered I so desperately want to ask him - was there an OW already before we got married?

I know I am going through the grieving process but I also know that not knowing if he ever cheated is holding me back.

10 years of red flags and no real evidence - that can drive you crazy.

I am just hoping that you are correct and in one years time I won't care anymore.

I really appreciate your answers...

bestrong

I'm glad you had a good time. I know you are hurting and think that having the truth will help you to move on and perhaps it would BUT it is time and time alone that really heals the wounds.

When you get to 'indifference' - and you WILL, nothing that happened in the past will have any relevance to your current life. It simply won't matter. At the moment and for some time to come you will still ask these questions in your head. If you cannot get the answers eventually you will tire of asking because today and tomorrow will be more important.

I'm further on than you and though I would love to know how long it had been going on before we separated and many other things, I don't have the means to get this infomation and even if I did, what would I do with it now? (My X would probably lie anyway) The fact is he is a cheat and we are no longer together - that's it.

So focus on you as much as you can and try to remember that even if you had the answers, it wouldn't change anything. I hope this helps.

Many big hugs to you.

I think for me it would be already enough to know if he cheated before we separated or not - even that's not proofen - if what my gut tells me is true I am lucky I got away from him but there s always that 1% - maybe I was wrong. I am not sure if that will ever go away.

He told me one story after we split and everyone told me it was definitely a lie - and it was - but I could only 100% believe it and let it go after he finally admitted it after months.

I so hope that one day it won't matter anymore

gma56, ok, how my marriage turned out, not my life

I want answers ans I don't know how to ever stop these questions I have - I found texts on his phone to a woman 6 years ago he claims a mate of his wrote - have I ever forgotten about it - no - 6 years - it wasn't always in the front of my mind but now it's back out there - another red flag where he claims he was innocent - you have no idea how terrible that is - sleeping with another woman can't be worse then gaslighting me, it just can't - it's pure hell.

I like my life - I have a new job since 4 weeks with great colleagues, a nice car, a nice house, I love my 2 boys to bits, I have great friends - but and here it comes "the but bit" - since he told me in April 09 that he loves me but is not in love with me anynmore I am feeling like I am looking at myself from the outside, that I am not really living my life.

He has claimed that he never cheated and that no woman was responsible for our separation, that everything was my mistake and still I am here because I feel the same feelings everyone else here is feeling because in my heart I know it's all a lie. Honestly I pray every day that I find the password to his stupid email account so I have finally proof for myself and stop doubting myself and can move on but no luck so far.

Sorry for rambling