Try to spend this time making things better for you, deciding what you want to do. Then when July comes around, hire a PI or have a good friend track OW down to see what is going on. Try to focus on you, not her. These months will pass anyway, hopefully you can make those productive months, instead of worrying about OW the whole time.
I have to say it was a relief for both of us to know she finally had the OC so that we could move on and get the process going of finding out for sure.
hugs to you
Divorced..drama free...movin on!
You know, they say when it rains it pours. Our washing machine is on its last cycle of life. The dryer barely dries. So my fwh went out on black Friday and got us a pretty good deal. Where we usually pay for it together (a little out of each acct), this time I had to fully pay for it out of my acct. Since his $ is almost nonexistant now. Then the oven decided to malfunction, causing the oven to turn on and get as hot as it can in a matter of seconds...when we turned it off! We ended up having to unplug it so the house wouldn't burn down. Sooo...we had to buy a new stove too...or should I say I had to. I just broke down in tears...number 1 because I didn't want to spend over $1000 on appliances before Christmas, but mainlybbecause I realize this is how it will always be, feeling the financial burden of extras and emergencies now all on me. My fwh has been depressed all day, blaming himself. And he should, don't get me wrong! But dogging on him won't help the situation. We know this high ass CS is only temporary, but it was still upsetting. Luckily I came into some $ so I was able to not have to dip too far into my christmas $$$, but now I worry what happens in the future if something else breaks or dies!
The sad thing is my fwh feels like there's no point or reason to better himself academically or financially, because OW will just go after his $$$ if he gets promoted ,or a new, better paying job, or a new life. I'm trying to keep his spirits up and encourage him to go to school, but he doesn't see the point or good since it just means a higher CS payment. *sigh* we just aren't starting our holidays off on a good foot.
We did have his dad up here for a few days and that helped, and we decided to go see him and some more family for christmas, plus we need to get away and spend some good quality family time on vacation.
Glad that your H wants to R. R will have it's ups and downs, and know it's ok to get angry, or to get sad and cry, or most of all to be HAPPY if your relationship is going well. At times I actually felt wrong and guilty for...well falling back in love with my fwh again. Like I wasn't supposed to, or I'm supposed to hate him for life. While I am pissed at him still, I want to move forward because no matter if I love him or hate thim, OC and OW won't just disappear into thin air.
OC came home after school yesterday (our week)...she informed us that after rounds @stores, OW taking them to see Tangled @theater, they stayed up until 12:30AM Sunday night/Monday morning on a school night decorating the tree. Wow! I can imagine how difficult it was to awaken a 5-yr-old & 9-yr-old around 6AM after only having 5.5 hrs sleep. Her excuse "she forgot what time it was!" I've gotta ask...couldn't it have waited another week until OC got home again? They had Wed-Sun off school...why didn't she plan it any better?
Oh well. OW didn't even look @me on Thanksgiving when I dropped OC off! I was glad too! Unless I bump into her @stores, I won't see OW again until Christmas Eve! I'm liking the new visitation schedule, even if it means I have a lot more to do on school nights! And, we see peace in our house every other week when DS10 & OC9 aren't together fighting! They even played Super Mario Bros on the Wii together w/out fighting last night!
well, we have seen pics of the baby, thanks to the wonders of facebook. i have to say that I'm still not sure after seeing them. The pictures look nothing like my H, nothing like our COM's pics. but then I could just be not wanting to see the likeness, you know? how about everyone else? when you saw pics of the OC did you think they looked like your COM's pics or your H's pics?
We are waiting on the papers so we can sign them and get them served to OW. Hopefully it will be soon, I want this over with, one way or another.
when you saw pics of the OC did you think they looked like your COM's pics or your H's pics?
Upon seeing the newborn hospital pic (those semi-professional ones they take before leaving our hospital) that OW gave to fWH, I knew immediately that OC was fWH's (but, kept hoping she wasn't). OC's newborn pic could've been a twin for DS10's pic 13 months prior. Same eye shape, same nose, same chin. All while OC9 & DS10 were babies, everyone who saw us out with them, thought they were twins. They even both had blue eyes for a long time (now OC has hazel like fWH).
Honestly, all the kids have fWH's nose & chin. DS10/OC9 have the same eye shape as fWH (DS14 has my eyes - shape & color). OC has excessively long fingers & toes though....I remember that the most about OC being a newborn when I first met her around 1-2 months old after DNA came back & she began visitation in our home.
Best as I might wish it, I don't think OW will ever be completly out of our lives, as long as fWH & OC remain close & she wants her father around during important events like that.
Something to think about, when you decide how much contact fWH/fWW wants with OC/OP.
How many fWW's give OC to OM to raise when it's born? Is it voluntary or does OM get the child by default if fWW is deemed unfit for some reason during the custody/CS process?
Well on to some important news, not sure how to say this without coming across as harsh, but the KARMA TRAIN hit !!!! We recieved a call from OW babysitter this morning telling us she has the twins that OW hat flat lined as was transported to the hospital, about an hour later FWH recieved another call from babysitter that OW passed away. OMG ....
Now FWH is going to the courts to get a temporary order of custody, OW family is flying in and we don't want them running off with the twins...
WOW, this sure does change everything, but at least I will not have to deal with the OW and her games any longer. I'm usually not the type to think things like this are a good thing, but in this case, I can't see how it is not...
If anyone has any suggestions on what is the right course of action for us to take, please notify me. ASAP..
FWH will be calling CS to stop the $2000.00 coming out of his check this payday, pray that is not a problem, as that will be a hassle to recover I am sure.
Wishing everyone a blessed day...
dreamer - WOW! That does change your situation. I don't have any advice - I hope the adjustment goes smoothly for all of you and that OW's family doesn't try anything.
these pics were 11 days old, they are pics of both OW kids. she has a daughter who is about nine, the OC does look like the daughter a bit and OW, of course. It's just hard to see any of H in it, I'm trying to look at it objectively but the mouth is all wrong, the nose is all wrong, general face area is wrong. It will be interesting to see what happens because if this is H's baby, I'm probably going to insist on another dna test to make sure lol
Any news as to cause of death (drug-related)?
I would consult your lawyer before stopping CS payments via work garnishment. State might cause a stink if they award temporary custody to someone else or state might need proof of death via copy of death certificate. If the garnishment was court-ordered, it will likely take another court order for his business to stop (otherwise, they'd be in contempt).
Also, don't forget to speak with social security about twins drawing off of OW's social security until they are 16-18. Minor children can draw $$$ from the deceased parent's SS as a survivor benefit (think it's even possible if they weren't married), but fWH would have to file it & request to be the custodian of their checks.
Praying for you & the twins. Are they old enough to miss her, or do you think this will impact them drastically? Is it your family's plan to take over full custody of them immediately? I do hope OW's family does not try to cause a stink. It is sad for any child losing its parent...but, it is good that the twins have each other.
What about adoption? Since she has passed away, think you might try & adopt them and break all ties w/OW's family altogether?
My advice is to see your attorney TODAY. You don't want to take any chances in not getting custody - if that is what you and hubby want.
Also if the OW ever worked and got her minimum 10 quarters of social security, the twins will get some money until they graduate from high school.
Think carefully and God bless your family.
Repeat, that's 1 of the reasons why my fwh wants NC, to never have to deal with OW again.
I have yet to see pix of OW or OC; going off of what my fwh the OC doesn't look like our COM. He said looks like he could be a cousin of our daughter, but looks nothing like our son. Apparently OC looks just like OW, only with a tan. Another reason why he wants NC. His theory is he would be a crap father to him, so he feels he's better off with none or hopes OW will find a new man. I disagree ,but not much else I can do.
(((Dreamer))) will be thinking of you in the next few days.
As far as the OC looking like my H, when his son was about 3 he brought him to stay with us for the summer, I didn't know he was OC at the time. I had this feeling though, I looked at him, looked to see if he had my H's birthmark and he didn't so I didn't think about it again. 4 years later after finding some pictures, I could see that he look like my H right away. Although the twins did not. I remember putting everyones pictures beside each other including my H's older daughter, I thought twins don't look like anyone.
So I was not shocked when I found out the DNA tests back from any of the OC. Denial is a powerful thing, when I look back now, I had signs in front of me for years, I just didn't want to see it.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 9:46 AM, December 3rd (Friday)]
My initial reaction was that she did indeed look very much like my H in her features, but then I showed some friends who said "OMG, Want2help, did you not notice how DARK that baby is?" and they were right. Dark skin, black hair, unibrow, lots of body hair. OW is a bleach blond, and FWH has sandy blond hair, all his kids from his former M are blond (ours is a redhead). She even put up on her myspace "I love my dark skinned baby" as a picture caption, so I totally thought it was not his. But now that we have our COM (who was not born at the time), they look very similar in their features, and it is heartbreaking.
Well, my stepD (the youngest, the one who is dating OW's brother and sees OW the most) is really wanting to see us, and meet our COM. We have not seen her since OW showed up preg, and all of my stepDs decided that they wanted FWH to be with OW and raise OC. They gave their dad an ultimatum; be with OW and raise OC, or never see them again.
I really want to believe she is doing this because she wants a relationship with her father and her sister, not to spy for OW, but it is so hard for me, dredging up so many memories from he past. I did EVERYTHING for my stepDs for 6 years before the A. I used to tell people my purpose in life was not to be a mother, it was to be a stepmother (their mother is awful, had a young bf who molested stepDs, etc). My stepDs were heartbroken when FWH & I split, told me I would "always be their stepmom, no matter who their dad was with, etc". Then as soon as OW came out as preg, they instantly hated me, I was the biggest bitch on Earth, etc. They began calling OW "their real stepmommy" (a phrase coined by their mother, my FWH's exwife) and I became THE ENEMY.
FWH and I got into a conversation about the A, and I found out some more trickle truth (things he didn't think were important to tell me 3 years ago, like he had hung out with her friends once and drank beer, had been to her parents house, etc). I was so upset, I explained to him how TT is like DDay all over again!
I told him it feels like we went to MC for our relationship, but we had an MC who wanted us to focus on US, not OW, or the stepDs (OC was not born yet, and MC did not believe it was FWH's). So, I feel like we buried them all in this mass grave and walked away. Well, now the corpse of youngest stepD is digging her way out, and from here I can see the corpses of OW, OC, and the whole A, which I thought we had laid to rest, but since we never separated them out, they are all connected.
I so wish we could go back to our home town (where stepDs, OW and OC live) and have a session with MC + stepD, as MC offered. This is going to be so hard, I was so disrespected by his children, for the OW's benefit.
[This message edited by Want2help at 3:24 PM, December 3rd (Friday)]
Ow died of cyptic bowel.(can't spell) OW went to emergency room night before complaining of stomach problems, they sent her home with perscriptions for consipation and urinary track infection. Next evening she went back still in pain, hospital gave her morphine to ease the pain when they came back in her room she had died. (You don't give morphine to people with bowel problems, because it induces bowel problems. So not sure exactly what all happened, OW family is having autopsy done.
FWH got a hold of CS and they advised him they are placing hold on account, but will need death certificate, but not to send any more payments in. It was a blessing that FWH actually is the employer, to be able to stop gaurnishments they said.
We also got all the paperwork to squash CS, and change custody done through a paralegal, so just a couple of days we can submit that into the courts.
FWH does want me to adopt the twins sooner than I had mentioned. I think that would be best for me as well. Just can not imagine if any thing happen to FWH down the road and OW family come and take them from me after I have built a bond with them. So this is a good thing.
I am just freaking out over all this. I have never had children of my own, and am not sure if I can do all the right things. The OC or 2 1/2 now and still in diapers and bottles for bed. I need to figure out how to break these habits. I know I don't want to do it right away, but soon.
This changes my entire life once again...
I am also hearing things about people talking about me getting what I wanted all along, and the poor boys will never know their mother, and what will happen to them now.. BLAH BLAH BLAH... I know I should not care what others think, but I have lived in this small town for over 35 yrs and have had a very good reputation and now it just seems weird that what others have done around me effects how others view or see me.
Having 2-2yr olds is a big adjustment, I just have to keep telling myself one day, one moment at a time. I just turned 47 two weeks ago, guess this is Happy Birthday to me. LOL
I'm just so freaken scared of all this right now, I know it will all be ok, but WOW.. Not planned for this..
when you saw pics of the OC did you think they looked like your COM's pics or your H's pics?
Yes, in the pics I saw, OC looks like WxBF.