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User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Frustrated  Posted: 8:43 AM, November 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW did get OC&little sis to school later than normal. They overslept & the kids went to school w/out breakfast @all from what OC said. And, we found out OC has an overnight field trip this Thurs. night (our week). Thank GOD OW has already paid for the thing ($35), but it appears we have to come up with $$$ for the gift shop plus we have to get all her stuff ready. I suppose we're lucky that OC already has a sleeping bag or we'd have needed to buy one. Wasn't it nice of OW to remind us about the field trip & send $$$ for OC's giftshop???? Yea, right! There's about $50 more that OW is keeping that should've been used on OC. Funny, she's supposed to pay for everything per CS agreement (clothes & extracurriculars)....If I weren't afraid of the outcome, I'd get the state to recalculate.

Just venting a little :)

On the good side, that will mean 1 less night with us and no homework Thurs night. Surprisingly, fWH had a talk with OC9/DS10 yesterday before they even got in the house about fighting. They didn't fight @all last night. They're home all day today though...let's see how that goes.

I know, some of you adore OC so much, but sometimes OC seems like a very heavy burden, instead of a blessing. Shame on me for feeling that way, but it is how I feel sometimes. I am glad she was in a good mood last night & behaved well. She sat on our bed most the evening reading a book, after she did all her homework that isn't due until Wed.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, November 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

repeat I read your posts and you have such an amazing amount of courage and strength, no way could I out up with what you have! You are truly a special person :)

My mom leaves today...which is kinda a good thing so fwh and I can talk about things. But he also goes back to work tomorrow for the next 4 nites so that's going to be hard to deal with. Newborn plus my toddler has been cranky complaining his head hurts.

Hoping to hear back from the new lawyer today...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, November 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((repeat)) I tell you everytime I think that I have it hard, I read what you are going thru. I think it is just ridiculous about the field trip, I mean it is kind of important ya think! What is OW putting on her statements to SSI concerning expenses for OC? I only get $40 a month for OC and I still have to fill out what I did with it. I remember her asking you to help her with it, I wonder what she put. Do you think if they recalculate she will get more? As far as the way you feel about the OC, I can relate. My H's son drives me crazy, and it is like there is a line there you know, I can't really discipline him the way I would my children, because I get told I am being mean to him. My H and I actually got into it recently about me "hurting his mental state" by the way I speak to him and that I am punishing him because of my H and OW. Let me tell you, sometimes I do have to catch myself, but not because of who he is, but because of the way he acts. The ADD drives me nuts, and it did with my son when he was younger too. The twins, they just seem to be easier, they still have their moments, but they really try, him he just keeps making hte same mistakes over and over again. Sorry this has turned into a vent. But anyway I undertand how you feel. At least the OW pays for something in your situation, I can't get CS from OW or state assistance because a loophole about non-relatives not being eligible for funds for children that you are legal guardians to, so I get $40 a month per child and that is how it was been for the past 2 1/2 years that they have lived with me. Do I get mad about it, hell yes, OW doesn't have a care in the world.

((Island)), Now that your mother is leaving this is the time to sit down and really talk this over, but remember, don't talk about it all the time because you both will get frustrated. I hope you are able to get this straighten out and the new lawyer does their job. Oh yeah, his head hurts because reality has hit him. 3 kids under the age of 3 I assume, even if he goes NC, he still has a responsibility and that is weighting heavily on his mind. Be undertanding, but don;t take it on by yourself, he created the mess, he will need to help deal with it.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, November 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you BMC! We did have a good cry and a much needed talk about everything today. And LOL it was my son with the headache! But yes, now there are 3 kids under 4 (my son will be 4 this winter).

We are hoping to hear back from the lawyer tomorrow--we played phone tag today and unfortunately he called while my mom was in the car so we couldn't talk to him yet. So hoping tomorrow works out better. My fwh is beyond remorseful, angry (at himself), disappointed...feeling like he let us down. And he DID. And I let him know he did. But I also told him me beating him down isn't going to do any of us any good, and it's sure as hell not making the situation go away. So we have to try and move forward. So I'm hopeful that we can focus more on R. We decided this coming weekend we are going to reconfigure a new family budget to include this new "debt"...basically now I'm going to have to pick up more of the household bills. Good thing I get a short term disability check in the next couple weeks because that's going to pay for the holidays and my son's birthday.

Thanks again for your very good insight. I'm feeling much better now we have talked and that we have a little more of a plan. Plus I have to focus more on my family and not worry about OW and OC who are NOT my family.


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC,

OC & COM get checks off of fWH's social security disability, but not the extra supplemental (as his check & my income are too much for that). They told us if my income changes (layoff or something), then we can come down & get temporary check for the lower income (that's SSI, right?). If I got laid off, I could also apply for what the kids get (as being their mother). They said the income for COM/OC/me would still be the same total, but each child would get a smaller share because of mine (1/4 of total instead of 1/3 for each kid). I should completely file for it, if I get laid off when my contract ends & while I'm on unemployment. It would actually make our total in-house checks greater temporarily until I get hired somewhere, but it would take $200 from OC's check! That's probably most of OW's car payment or manicure $$$.

If we recalculated, it's a toss-up as to whether we'd owe OW or she'd owe fWH. He now has OC exactly 50% of the time (none of the 20 days less stuff since OC asked for change in visitation). Our state uses COM in calculation, but not my income. I cannot remember if COM's checks would count though. I know there was a spot for if OC received govt. $$$, which would be the SS check. fWH's lawyer included the cost of health ins. in it, but there's a little footnote on the instructions that says something about "persons other than non-custodial parent paying health benefits don't count." I figured since OC's cost of insurance comes out of our household income, then I didn't mention anything after I realized the lawyer's mistake in calcs. It allowed 1/5 of total family coverage to be listed as OC's cost. We cover dental/vision also & that wasn't even in the calc. I pay $170 bi-weekly for family coverage, so that's like about $68/month on OC's health ins. Here's the kicker, IF OW is on social security disability, that's calc as her income....if she isn't, then she basically has no income & fWH's % becomes something like 80% of OC's care cost (which is some # they came up with based on % of each parents income, time spent w/child, COM's discount, etc.) I am so glad they don't pay childcare on her anymore, as that factors in also (if OW had paid 100% childcare, then it would just add some of that back onto fWH's cost).

I keep wondering if OW only applied for social sec. disability, or actually got it. She claimed that they started giving her OC's check because she'd filed her own claim, but we aren't sure what she'd claim the disability (severe depression, insanity, obesity, or her bumm ankle).

Ugh! Both DS10 & OC9 were difficult getting up this morning. I'll be glad when this week is over. Wonder if OC will give her teacher a hard time Friday morning after her overnight field trip and not wanting to get up. They do activities well after midnight. She's so sweet @school....maybe the true OC will come out when she has the morning grumpies.

BMC, can you get food stamps or WIC for the twins? If you had chosen to not keep the twins after DNA was negative on them, would they have gone into the foster care program or they'd have given them back to OW?

What about any of the others here that have financial woes? If fWH has so much CS to pay, does that qualify your family for food stamps or any financial assistance.

fWH had always wanted me to be SAHM (which I didn't know until well after we'd had multiple COM & OC had been born)...yay communication! Anyway. If I'd have been SAHM, fWH had conceived OC & paid the $400/month agreed before (or OW had taken him to court), then fWH had gotten hurt...on short-term disability @work, I don't know how we'd have made ends meet. Then after fWH got laid off & got unemployment, what would we have done for food $$$? He makes much more now on SS disability than he made on unemployment....plus, we'd have had to find some sort of health coverage for fWH & COM & OC. fWH isn't eligible for medicare until 2 years of being on disability. Our finances could've been so much worse it isn't even funny. We almost went bankrupt when fWH got injured....the health insurance paid well over $200,000 plus several thousand we owed in our 20% until we met deductible the first year. If his employer hadn't had coverage (which he upped) for dismemberment which we got $$$ from for paralysis, we'd still be paying on his medical bills almost 6 years later. And carrying short-term disability was a true blessing, as it gave 60% of his 40-hr pay (but it didn't make up for the other 40% plus the 30+ extra OT hours he'd been getting before the accident). Boy, if they'd have calculated OC's CS off that income way back when, OW would've gotten >$2000/month unless she'd been honest on ther $70,000/year income (don't know exactly what year she started making that much, but it was @least that much 2 years prior to A#3, she dropped down to a $9/hr job w/out benefits sometime during or right before A#3 started - probably to have a more flexible work schedule/environment which was closer to our home & fWH's job).

I just wonder if OW is waiting in the wings for me to die off, thinking "when she dies, fWH will surely marry me then." One of my biggest fears is that I'll pass away & COM will have to deal w/OW as a stepmom. My biological father died @48 of massive heart attack....I just hope he did not pass on the predisposition for that type of health condition.

Does it bother you guys when I give updates daily or weekly about any OW/OC issues? I mean, it can get better w/OW problems, or it can get much worse. I just like to talk to people in similar situations....who aren't saying stuff like "why don't you just get over it...OC is 9. You stayed w/fWH, you might as well just accept OC & deal w/OW." I don't feel that way....I think OW issues are turmoil anytime you have OC in your lives @all (especially w/contact).

Hey, didn't someone out there have twin OC? We haven't heard much about the situation w/the visitation. Updates?

What about holiday? What's the scoop with everyone for Thanksgiving/Christmas & OC's visitation? For us, it's suppose to be business as usual.

Thanksgiving Eve 6PM-2PM Thanksgiving @our home.

Christmas Eve 6PM-Christmas Day around 12noon @our home.

I already got DS10/COM9's Christmas gifts....I stayed w/in my per-child limit this year. Just gotta get DS10 a b-day gift, DS14's Christmas, & probably closer to January, I've got to figure out something for OC9's 10th b-day. Man, has it almost been 10 years? I've had to deal w/OW since 1998 (A#1 98-99, A#2/OC 2000-01, A#3 2008). After January, only 8 more years until the fear of CS adjustments is over. What will OW do for income, once OC doesn't get a check anymore? Once the kids get 16, it's up to SSD if they continue receiving checks. If DS14 starts working, his check might be reduced (or dropped). Well, at any point they can choose to quit paying fWH disability and thus COM/OC's checks disappear also. I don't think it'll happen, as his condition will only deteriorate the rest of his life, but you never know. He is capable of doing some things, but it's a toss-up as to whether his physical issues are bad or good each day. He's always paraplegic, but normal pain managment, nerve pain management, bladder control, & spasm management are the iffy daily issues that change. If I'd have called it quits completely after D-day#3, I cannot honestly see the selfish OW working full time to help support fWH or taking care of him & OC, 2 stepsons, & OC's little sister! She is too high-maintenance for that.

I snapped @OC & DS10 today. I felt bad afterwards. OC was complaining that she burnt her stomach @OW's home, because she was helping OW cook and got something out of microwave that spilled hot liquid on her/blistered her a little. DS10 started saying "why don't you let me cook @home?" OC said "my momma lets me cook all the time." I snapped out something like:

Well, OC has been cooking a long time....far too long to be safe, but OW was too lazy to get her butt up out of bed to feed her 2 kids, so OC had to do it or she & little sister would have starved. And, what OW chooses to let OC do at her home isn't my business or concern...what she does here is.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I should tell DS10 when he's nagging about OC having more privileges @OW's home is this.

OW is a big fat whore, who tries to break up my marriage, and she and daddy got her pregnant with OC just to hurt me. She wanted to cause me & your daddy to divorce and 2 years ago when fWH went to attempt suicide & we were fighting all the time....well, that was OC's mom & your dad having sex again and him being in love with her and she was going to leave her husband for your daddy. If that's what you want, why don't I go ahead and D fWH, then you, DS14, OC, and OC's 5-year-old sister can be one big happy family. You can have whatever bedtime OW picks for you, you can fix all your own meals, you can visit with OW's drugged-up momma, you can run the roads with all OC's cousins, and have OW as your stepmom. And, then you'll get to only see me 1/2 the time and I won't make you get off games on your Daddy's time to have you...you can stay up all night long...you can fail all the grades you want. How does that sound? If OW is so great, why don't you just give up on us being a family & I go and find somewhere else for me to live with you COM only being with me part-time?

I so hear words like that in the back of my head sometimes....good thing I can kinda bite my tongue sometimes.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:18 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW has been texting me again (she doesn't have my H's number) complaining that he doesn't see OC or call or send clothes/shoes/etc.

I thought CS dropped (not by much) but they have been taking the same amount from H's check still. She texted yesterday asking if he is paid differently. I told her no and she said that they are giving her less than 1/2 of what it should be. I'm not sure what is going on. I'm trying to find the website that shows the ins and outs at the CS office. When she started complaining about him again, I just don't respond. I tell my H when I see him. He is welcome to call her/OC, but he just doesn't want to. I'm just tired of dealing with her. She volunteered to provide medical coverage for OC and now she is saying she doesn't want to just to punish him. It really doesn't matter since as of Dec 1, our medical insurance through my H's employer is free to us. But I'm not going to tell her that. She can think it is a big deal if that makes her feel better.

She thinks that he should spend at least 1/4 on OC as compared to what we spend on COM. She gets CS so I just don't agree with that. Anything extra that we send is just that - extra. Plus, we don't buy our kids many new clothes. They mostly get hand-me-downs. I do buy them new shoes and usually jeans because they don't last through more than 1 kid or so. We had talked about sending a new winter coat a couple of weeks ago, but then she texted complaining and he doesn't want her to think that she is being "rewarded" for complaining. She had no idea that we had talked about it.

Also, it is really hard for us to shop for her. I rarely get to the store with out COM, and they would want to know who the extra things were for. Also, H doesn't want me to have to take care of the things for OC. He said that it wasn't my responsibility and wasn't fair to me. I wasn't about to argue. He just doesn't think about OC needing things either. I just honestly doesn't occur to him.

She's gonna be really ticked when she finds out that we just bought a different house. It was actually cheaper than our old house but much bigger because it needs mostly cosmetic updates. We had purchased our old one with the main floor updated and we finished the basement. So she going to think that we are rolling in $$$. Oh well.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just for my curiosity, I went onto our state's website and recalculated. If OW has no income from social security, except the check for OC's part of fWH's disability, AND we go with the rules that says any health benefit cost paid by step-parent doesn't count, then fWH would owe OW $96 monthly. If OW has even $1200 monthly of her own income from disability, she'd owe him about $106 monthly. But, we'd have to prove OW agreed to different custody/visitation....I'm sure she'd go back to the old schedule, if she thought she owed us any $$$. It would take OW making <$500/month on her own to even sway the #s into fWH owing a single cent on the current visitation schedule (I put it in as 183OW/182fWH days to make it 50/50).

Now I feel a little better. Wonder if we should go to expense to change visitation schedule legally & then get CS recalculated? I'm thinking don't rock the boat, but I think it should be on-paper somewhere that we have OC 50% of time! That fWH is doing his part. What if OC turns 12 and decides she doesn't want to see fWH at all? That'd be a bummer.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If fWH went NC w/OC and dropped visitation, the days in-home credit would change things, but even if OW had $0 income except OC's disability check, it appears that fWH would only owe $312/month....which is less than what he paid previously.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Suspicious  Posted: 1:45 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want2bok,

Does the CS/custody agreement say anything about fWH providing clothing or anything? Does it say a word about him providing anything except CS?

It is funny about the house. Even though you all know it's a less-expensive place, to OW - it'll look like fWH got a raise.

Wonder what's up with the 1/2 CS payment? He didn't have another OC somewhere out there that's getting the other 1/2 did he? Does his workplace pay bi-weekly & maybe they're forgetting to send out the 2nd check that month to the state?

Yea, OW buys OC new shoes everytime OC gets a check. And then some on clothing. She thinks if she spends $50 monthly on clothes/shoes, that the other $$$ is hers to use, is my guess. We don't buy our kids clothes unless they outgrow them. Even tennis shoes for COM are only 1x/year, unless they fall apart. DS10 is wearing DS14's hand-me-downs....OC was wearing DS14's hand-me-down jeans, until her waistline expanded (they were too long, but used to fit). I buy winter coats only if they've outgrown & it's not above me to make a kid wear a coat or jacket 2 winters/falls until it falls apart or gets too short on arms. New clothing isn't top priority on the needs list, in my opinion. Except for OC's b-day in Jan, I basically haven't bought anything new (maybe an on-sale Tshirt @Wal-mart or something)....she needed new tennis shoes, but if her old ones hadn't broken, I'd not have spent that.

Is your state being paid the CS cost by fWH's business? The accounting might've gotten off somewhere or someone @his work might be pocketing the difference (maybe reporting him as lesser pay). I would certainly get a handle on that, as it could be very bad if your state charges interest or something. Wonder if OW is on some sort of state assistance, could they take a portion of the checks to reimburse themselves for state-provided health coverage or a service OW receives for OC?

I do try & spend similar amounts on COM & OC for presents, but not on necessary items like food/clothing. If DS14 needs clothes due to growth spurt, I don't run out & get DS10/OC9 clothes to make it "fair."

OW used to spend all of the $400 CS before. BH#2 told me that he bought OC's clothing out of his $$$. Their household has her/his $$$, so if OW shrugged on spending anything on OC, then the whole $400 was for whatever credit card, bill, or whatever she wanted. I think BH#2 should've told fWH even b4 A#3 that his wifey (OW) wasn't spending any of OC's $$$ on her & that she needed clothes and he wasn't going to buy them. OW's mother had told him times before that they bought food for OC, as OW spent all the CS check on herself & any bills she had. She made $70,000/year and couldn't spend OC's $400/monthly on OC and would ask fWH for more $$$ for things like field trips or yearbooks. Burns me up. She was pulling in more $$$ than us combined & we had OC 1/2 time and were supporting DS14&DS10.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

want2bok; It is my opinion (and I may be disagreed with here) that you should not send ANYTHING extra for OC. Now, I'm not heartless or greedy, when my FWH's COM from his previous M were under 18, we did extra things for them all the time. Gym shoes, coats, etc, etc. But CS is set at the level it is set at for a reason- the state feels that is what your H needs to pay to support OC (unless stated otherwise in the paperwork).

IMO, OW is just going to ask for more and more, especially once she finds out about the house.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, as a non-relative, I am ineligible for all the state help and federal help. It was one of the reason I had my kids help with the decision to keep the OC because I am raising them with $40 per month from OW SSI. I think you should really consider looking at this. Sit down and write it out both ways and see what works for your family, cause I feel like OW is getting over on your family.

Want2bok, I agree with Want2help. The more you do over the agreement, the more they expect, don't even start it. I am sure you remember my friend who SO had 12 years worth of CS come back on him even though him and his ex-wife signed an agreement. Well even when she goe a lump sum of $7,000 from his taxes, I prepared them for him, she still had the nerve to call him and tell him the boy needed shoes. And I just found out that she moved to another state and opened a new CS case without telling them about the one in MD.

Luckily he has a boss who alerted him that he had received a garnishment order from WV when there is oe in place for MD, so the boss did to do it and sent explantion back to WV. You see where I am going with this, he needs to do what he is court ordered to do no more, because you just open up a can of worms when you do something you feel is nice and they turn it into an entitlement.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks ladies - I agree that the CS is enough. He always sends a gift for Easter, b-day and Christmas - usually clothes/shoes and maybe a toy. I'm glad that I don't sound heartless. But with 3 kids of our own, we have plenty of expenses. And she is exactly the type to want more all the time. That is one of the reasons he went NC to begin with. No matter what he did, she always wanted more. It was a losing battle.

The CS order only specifies CS amount and 50% of medical. But she will send a whole bunch at once and then just expect us to be able to promptly mail a check. I have our budget worked carefully and there isn't room for an extra $100 is medical that we weren't expecting.

I finally found the payment center's website - it shows the correct amount being deposited by H's work (our state requires that it be withheld) and that same amount distributed to her. Not sure what the deal is. Yes, she is/was getting daycare assistance but in our state you don't have to reimburse for it (unless you are claiming it fraudulently). They do figure CS in as income for it though.

I'm not going to stress too much - he did his part.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello! So still haven't heard from either lawyer today. My fwh is super distraught about the amount. He was prepared to have to pay because he knows it's his responsibility--he doesn't want to get out of it, but it's the amount that's boggling us. I had to file a forebearance on my student loans today to give us some breathing room until January.

It's good to know about the "extras". I'm sure OW is $$$ hungry enough to ask for things like clothes, shoes, toys, etc. But yes, that's what CS is for.

My fwh asked if I still wanted to go to MC--and I told him that there are still days I wake up and hate him for everything he has done, so YES, we NEED to still go. He called his IC today to get the name and # of someone he recommended. Hoping we get to go soon--like next week or the week after. I told him that although I'm trying to move forward and not dwell on the past, some days it's kinda hard not to...


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

want2bok-

50% of medical. But she will send a whole bunch at once and then just expect us to be able to promptly mail a check.

FWH's exwife used to pull this every time she got mad at him. She would get pissed off over little things (usually her trying to be manipulative) and we would end up with really fishy doctors ills- a years worth! We went to a lawyer and he put a stop to it ASAP. He had it put in the paperwork that if she wanted reimbursed for medical expenses, she has 30 days to have the DOCTOR send a bill showing the total and FWH's 50%, otherwise she gets nothing.

You may want to try it. FWH hasn't gotten a medical bill since, and that was 2006.

[This message edited by Want2help at 8:51 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday)]


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, November 3rd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Island)))

Just keep in the back of your mind that it will get better, and this too shall pass.

I hope you hear back from a lawyer, and get the date moved up.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if this is something standard from the state that fWH's lawyer just fills-in for CS/custody cases, or if he has a standard document his law firm uses, but I really liked his lawyer and he seemed to have most everything covered. This is what the medical portion says.


D. HEALTH AND DENTAL INSURANCE

Reasonable health insurance on the child or children will be: maintained by the father.

Proof of continuing coverage shall be furnished to the other parent annually or as coverage changes. The parent maintaining coverage shall authorize the other parent to consult with the insurance carrier regarding the coverage in effect. Uncovered reasonable and necessary medical expenses, which may include but is not limited to, deductibles or co-payments, eyeglasses, contact lens, routine annual physicals, and counseling will be paid by: pro rata in accordance with their incomes. After insurance has paid its portion, the parent receiving the bill will send it to the other parent within ten days. The other parent will pay his or her share within 30 days of receipt of the bill.

If available through work, the father shall maintain dental, orthodontic, and optical insurance on the minor child or children.


Some parts were checkboxes that had choices like:
mother
father
pro rata

I cannot copy those, so I just pasted in what the answer had been. I know it's against the order, but I have not given OW permission to have access to our health insurance's website. Whoever takes her for appt, tends to be the one who pays (which is almost always us). OW (who was making $70,000 @time) didn't even offer to pay 1/2 of $200 ER visit when OC needed stitches, but that was b4 the papers were in-place.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
IslandWahine
♀ Member
Member # 29536
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so I have a question about CS. My fwh got an email back from the original lawyer and we are confused. Ok. So OW filed for "temporary CS" until the original CS date which is the beginnnig of December. That's the $1200 she got awarded (with prejudice). The lawyer told my fwh that the worksheet for our state does not take into account any of his expenses like COM, or the mortage, etc. Because after taxes my fwh makes $1700 a paycheck (gets paid every 2 weeks)--which basically means almost 1 of his paychecks for the month is gone to CS. The lawyer said that this judge doesn't take the father's expenses into account. But I could've sworn that the website for CS said that it does! How can CS be figured out looking at HER expenses but not his?!? Is it only because it's temporary CS? Or will the ACTUAL CS paperwork do that? Both of us are confused now, because it sounds like the $1200 will stand. Even worse, the lawyer told us that if the judge wanted to count his OT, which I guess he still can (since the order was with prejudice), it boosts the CS payment to $1440 a month! My fwh said he would sooner quit his job and get a lesser paying job before he pays that amount. I don't freaking blame him to tell you the truth.

How can fwh's CS payments be calculated with NONE of his expenses (ESPECIALLY the COM)?!?

Thanks...I am a total mess. I thought that CS isn't supposed to put fwh into major debt!?


Me: BS, 2 COM, M-14 years
FWH-finally hit rock bottom
11/09 D-day. R'ing
cOW: EVIL
OC: NC for our safety.
People say you donít know what youíve got until itís gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought youíd never lose it.-B.Scott

Posts: 960 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Somewhere out there....
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Island)) I know that every state is different, but this seems a little extreme. Time to get another lawyer involved, atleast a consult and see if they are saying the same thing. What about legal separation in your state? Does it allow for you to file that so that you can get a CS order for your COM to lower what she gets? Even if you don't exchange physical money? I would also post your question in one of the other forums, like D/S or general to see if other members that some experiences with CS.

This really sucks, I am so sorry.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, November 4th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're in TN. It used to be a flat fee based on which kid filed for CS first. First to get the CS order in, got 22% with a scale....COM weren't counted @all.

Now it's a calculation that credits time spent w/child, deducts any daycare spent by either party, any health insurance or any kind of regular fees (like maybe ballet lessons/karate lessons) or any monthly costs the child might have. And it takes both parents' income & does a % thing of total % gross income, minus any credits (for COM & any fees). Any state/govt. checks like SSD or SSI are considered a credit to whichever parent is the custodian receiver of such. Ours can even count if there's another custodian (like a grandparent or someone else like a guardian raising a kid).

I'm not positive, but I've heard that our county has a history of parents who go NC being slapped with a 50% of gross income to the child, but I don't have any proof of that.

From what fWH's lawyer told us, we were lucky they sent the case in juvenile court as opposed to family court. I think it ended up that way, because OW finally signed the papers right b4 the court date & judge agreed w/everything. Maybe family court would've stuck-it-to fWH, even though he's paid CS all along. I'm just glad a judge didn't decide to go back & calculate back child support. I'm not sure which parent would've come out ahead.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
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