Here is what has happened the last couple of months. The OW continued to make life unbearable. Everyday there was an email telling us what horrible parents and people we are. Every exchange was full of her yelling, cursing, and even sometimes hitting my H. Our lawyer basically told us she was in our lives for the next 18 yrs and we needed to learn to "deal" with her. So we lessened our time seeing the OC, but the OW just became more intense. We finally decided that H wasn't going to see the OC anymore. It was effecting his health, our children, and our marriage.
I'm happy to say that since we stopped seeing the OC (about three months) life has been incredibly different. There is no more fighting, no more stress, and our children are a lot happier. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course the OW loved that we are no longer involved and uses every opportunity to tell everyone how much my H is a dead beat father and just a "sperm donor." She also said that the OC will be blessed not to have his father in his life. She's stated several times she will ensure that the OC knows what a scum bag and worthless piece of crap his father is and how he never wanted him. First of all that is not even true. We spent 9 months going to court, stressful exchanges, and $10,000 in lawyer's fee's to have a relationship with the OC, plus we pay CS. I can't even imagine telling my children that their father never wanted them. That is telling the OC that he doesn't matter and will effect his self esteem, but she doesn't care, it's all about her and that my FWH chose our family over her.
Plus, my H is an extremely loving, doting father to our two boys. He even is a stay at home dad. So much for a "dead beat" dad! I hope that when the OC is older and away from the OW he will want to meet his father and hear his side of the story, but with her as a mother, that doesn't seem likely.
BMC - sorry to hear about your situation. You always offer encouragement to everyone and care about them. I'm praying for you.
I have been married for 14 years, and I have a 3 year old son with a new baby on the way. My DH has cheated on me in the past, and for many reasons we decided to work things out. I actually filed for divorce the last time--but I stopped once I found out I was pregnant with my son. We decided to give it ONE more chance since we were now having a family.
Fast forward to last year. We had had a rough summer of arguing,etc. He had another affair--only this time the OW knew he was married with a family (the others in the past did not). They only met up 3 times. Little did we know she was TRYING to get pregnant. The 3rd time he had went over to break off the affair because he felt like total crap--well that was all it took (it was the 1 time he didn't use protection, and he was assured she was on BCPs).
The day she told my DH she was pg, he had a mental breakdown and told her that he had absolutely no desire to have anything to do with her. She threatened to call me and tell me everything if he didn't go to her. So he ended up in a psych hospital because he went to the ER to stop himself from hurting himself. He ended up telling me everything from the ER, over the phone. That was by far one of the worst days of my life. I even went as far as to tell him I hoped he hurt himself (but then I felt absolutely terrible for saying that). He was there for almost a week--and let's say that changed his entire life perspective.
He comes home and I told him that I just can't deal with this around the holidays (this all happened last November, sorry). I told him for the sake of our son, who missed him like crazy while he was away, we will get thru the holidays and then I will reevaluate everything. We have ZERO family where we live, and I only could tell my BFF (who has been an amazing support thru all of this).
We discussed and decided that we will try to work on ourselves, and see what was left to salvage of our marriage. He went and has been going to IC (I had been going to IC since the last incident). We still need to go to MC, but we decided to fix our own minds first. Anyways, in the meantime I wanted to get pg, because I knew that I am in my 30s, wanted 2 kids, and that was the original plan anyway (plus I had a loss last year). I also know that I could support 2 kids if I did decide to leave him. OW was told by my DH to never contact him again. We went a few months until she did--threatening him if he didn't give her money and come see her, she was going to call me. I'm a pretty confrontational person so I was honestly hoping she would. But my DH told her that I already know everything. We didn't hear from her for awhile afterwards.
Fast forward to this summer--she was due in July but had the baby at the end of May. So far we are just waiting for the paperwork that states the day and time he is to go to take the paternity test. He had to see her last week at court; she walks up to him and was like "Hi!!! Would you like to see your son?" all cordial and whatnot. He says no, but she shows him anyway. He says kid looks nothing like him--but we aren't basing anything off of that. He said she looks like hell, and kept asking how she could get temporary support (he had a lawyer with him, she did not). Everyone there tells her no support if no paternity test, so she gets angry that the test has to be ordered first, no money today.
That's the quick reader's digest version. I totally understand the last poster who said this is just AWFUL until you get a straight answer. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I'm mostly concerned about the financial impact, as awful as that sounds. On paper we look rich, but in reality we are living paycheck to paycheck. Plus, my DH wants ZERO contact with both of them--which I am also mixed about. I feel bad that this child will grow up without a father, unless she meets someone else. My DH for all his flaws has been an amazing father to my son. But I don't want the constant reminder. He wants no contact because she is coo-coo. I feel like because she knew he was married, wasn't leaving us, and knew that he wanted her to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption, that she isn't entitled to anything because this is the choice she wanted, to be a single parent. I know that sounds terrible, agh.
Well that's the story in the quick version. I'm trying to focus my strength on my family and our new baby, which is due next month. But it's hard knowing what is to come...there are days I cannot even stand to look at my DH without feeling ill, there are other days I feel like we are in this together. Then there are days I feel like 16 years has gone down the toilet.
If you have made it this far, thank you.
How in the world do I get over this? Or does one ever? I know in my condition I shouldn't even be giving OW and the OC the time out of my day thinking about this, but it's hard to move forward when you don't know for sure. I can't believe my H could be SO STUPID. And trust me, he has had to pay the wrath of me over the last year...he's not living it up and I acknowledge he is equally at fault here; he is just as much of a whore as she is. Just I'm married to him (that sounded awful huh?).
Well thank you for letting me get that out...I keep it bottled up until my therapy appt or until I talk to my BFF and get it all out. My therapist is an angel and has helped to keep my mind straight.
I have so many legal questions also--but I'm going to hold onto those until we know something for sure. The what-ifs, maybes, assumptions etc. have been driving me crazy.
For us, OC will be 3 in March . My FWH and I have never met her. I have watched her grow up due to FB and Myspace, so I feel like I love her already (FWH refuses to even look at pictures).
The other day I brought up the fact that everyone who had children around the same time I had COM either had another child already, or was currently preg. I told FWH that if we were to get custody of OC, our child of marriage would have a sibling only 14 months older ( we are currently unable to have a child, due to me wanting to go to school for the next 4 years). He was talking about how it wouldn't be possible unless OW gave up custody, as we don't want her in our lives.
It's just so sad... I feel like I know OC, as I have seen monthly pics since before her birth, but in reality I know that I know nothing of her. What if we got visitation and she completely picked on COM (who is 14 months younger)? We (FWH and I) both agree we would freak out... then what? Sorry, family court, we changed our mind, we don't want the OC every other weekend.
For the newbies; We are NC. PM me anytime. I go back and forth between "This is what effing bitch OW gets" to "Poor OC, it isn't her fault her mom and dad are worthless whore" daily. My BFF tells me I am the best thing OC would have in her life- if I could be in her life, but that's between FWH and OW and I.
I struggle with the decision to be NC everyday. I imagine this ideal life where we all go out for ice cream or to the park, and trips to the zoo and all the fun things we do that OW doesn't because she's too busy chasing men(she just had her 2nd OC- thank god this one isn't my FWH's) but I know that's not reality, reality would be the drama and the fighting and disagreements over how OC is being raised.
It's been a difficult weekend for me. Zoo, aquarium, lots of fun with our only COM, and no OC. I can't get her out of my head. The fun she would have with COM, if we could all be a family.
But, OW doesn't deserve to have my FWH as a baby daddy... not to mention her goal in life is to end our M.
Oh, the life as a BW.
Edited for clarity... too much wine last night.
[This message edited by Want2help at 12:34 PM, September 13th (Monday)]
I would be so much farther along in my own healing, but he does not want to let go. He wants to be friends. I asked him if he would want to be friends with me if I cheated and got pregnant by another man and decided to have the baby? First he said that was not a fair question. Then he said yes. He's lying. He'd be gone so fast.
To say he is being foolish is an understatement. He is a bleeping moron, not getting a paternity.
To me, that would be the lowest blow. He really trusts OW that much? Does he not want to know if it isn't his? My FWH's paternity test was free through the state!
[This message edited by Want2help at 12:37 PM, September 13th (Monday)]
In my situation, FWH is still in NC with OW, she does have my cell number as a way to keep in contact for OC news or if we need to get in touch with her about legal matters.
I texted her a few days ago to give her the name of the person who will be doing the dna test, per the person's request but also because I want her to realize it is going to happen and we are moving forward with the paternity test. I also informed her she would be receiving a court order in the next few weeks. Yes, I did take a little pleasure in it :)
So she sent two messages to me, two days apart, the first one was basically a "i'm not hassling you, why are you hassling me?" message. or I guess it would be harassing. She also said to stay out of her life. The second one was a bit bipolarish, I know that isn't a word but she does have issues with being bipolar. It basically went from "i'm not threatening you but if i receive anything from any lawyer you will deeply regret it, I havent asked your H for anything and haven't planned on it, it won't bother me if he loses his job, i'm a nice person, stay out of my life" (she could help him lose his job due to a subordination clause or something like that, he was in a position above her and although she no longer works there, she can have her friends swear the A was going on even though she didnt get pg until after she quit)
We are still going through with the court order and he is looking for another job so she can't have that hanging over his head and manipulating him even more than she has in the past during the A. Now I'm wondering what all she thinks she can do to us, when we go through with it.
I also think she is just scared we will get at least joint custody, if not full custody, if the OC turns out to be his so she is threatening us to make us go away but that won't happen.
So now we just wait and see, we have that appointment in the middle of October to set things in motion on the court order since she is due in the middle of November plus he is trying to find a different job.
Divorced..drama free...movin on!
Thanks to Scooter 3377!
Below are some helpful starters for "newbies":
OC HANDBOOK (courtesy Me&My3)
1. Dna results must be established and your H should hire an atty immediately if he hasn't already done so. DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON YOUR OWN ONLY THROUGH AN ATTORNEY SKILLED IN FAMILY LAW.
2. If you have children of your own with your h take steps to protect them and yourself by filing for a pseudo legal separation; because in the case of child support, he who files first gets the most (in most states). It doesn't matter one bit which child came first only who files for support first. So if she files first she gets an amount based on his entire income and if you then get separated/divorced your child support would be based on a percentage of his income less what he's already paying her. Makes sense to protect yourself by filing for a separation that way if you and your husband divorce you will benefit more and if you stay together it will keep more money in your household. Even if you're financially self-sufficient you should still consider setting up a child support order because in these uncertain times you never know what tomorrow will bring i.e. corporate downsizing, etc. It never hurts to have that order in place even if you don't need it now. Also consider having alimony set up in the separation papers as it can also reduce the ow's child support order.
3. Visitation with possible oc or sending money to the ow for the oc is a no-no until dna has been established and the courts are involved. Everything should be done legally as it's the only way to protect you and your family. Trust me on this one. There are couples out there who have been dealing with an oc for several years. Visitation, money, etc. only to discover that the child is NOT his. They are embroiled in a huge legal battle because the wayward husband "assumed" parental responsibility of the child.
4. Depending on which state you live in your h could be responsible for back child support, internment (costs of labor and delivery), the costs of the dna test if it's positive, current medical coverage and also a portion of child care costs. Any money that passes hands before a court order is made or before an attorney draws up a legal document signed by both parties may be considered a gift and may not be deducted from the back support amount owed. Some states base child support payments on both the husband and the wives income (another good reason to file for a legal separation). In other words the 'household income' is what they use to determine those payments not just the husbands income.
5. Any decisions to have contact with the oc if it is indeed your H's should be made by both of you. He should not be imposing his wants upon you if you want no contact. ANY decisions made regarding the possible oc should be made jointly. Your H should not be having any contact with ow unless you are both completely involved. That means no phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no meetings, nothing and NO SECRETS! PERIOD! But if you're smart--DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON YOUR OWN ONLY THROUGH AN ATTORNEY SKILLED IN FAMILY LAW.
6. Work on your marriage first and foremost before you even consider having contact. A weakened marriage will only be further weakened if you throw the tension of an oc into the mix. Get into marriage counseling and IC if possible. You can look around this board and see how difficult reconciliation is without an oc so take things slowly and think through them very carefully.
7. Contact with oc is a very personal choice. Many women are able to make the decision to go down that road while others are not. There is a lot of drama that goes along with contact, it's not an easy path to choose. Also consider that visitation can be started at any time down the road. If say in two years you are then open to the idea of contact the child won't have suffered if your husband wasn't involved for the first couple years. It won't even know the difference.
8. Remember that if the oc is indeed your husband's child the ow will no longer hold all the cards. If the two of you want contact she can't prevent it. She can't prevent you from being involved, etc. She can't call all the shots, only the courts can. Once she decides to attach paternity to your husband she is forfeiting a portion of her parental rights.
9. Make sure that you dot your i's and cross your t's in the form of legal documents. If you're adamant about no contact, have it in the papers. If you want to prevent her from making contact with your children or extended family put it in the paperwork. If your H is responsible for a portion of child care costs require ow to only use a licensed child care provider which will prevent her from having her momma watch and claim she's charging $250.00 a week when she's really charging nothing at all.
10. Protect your financial assets such as homes, etc. If you don't have a will get one now. If anything were to happen to your ws the ow would be able to fight you for a portion of everything if indeed the oc is his. Many people create a will that specifically excludes the oc or they leave the oc some small stipend such as a dollar so that the old "he forgot to include me" argument can't be used. If you intend to have a relationship with the oc should dna confirm that it's your H's then this is all a moot point.
11. If you and your spouse do decide to have contact document everything. Keep a notebook and list everything possible in it from the time the oc is picked up/ dropped off to whether or not they were dirty when you got them from the ow. This information has come in very handy for others in the same situation that ended up having to fight for custody, etc and it's one more way to protect yourself.
FAQs wrt OW/OC:
Q: What if there is an OC? Submitted by PHOEBE
A: This complicates so many things in a marriage I cannot answer it all but will hit on the highlights. There are many questions that need to be answered when it comes to dealing with an other child. First you must find out if the child is the H with a DNA test? Seek out a family attorney to consult with. This is a must because a family must know their rights. Too many get empty threats from the OP involved and they do not know any better so tend to believe many things untrue. Try to protect yourself and your children of the marriage legally.
Does the married couple want contact or no contact? NC or C are not easy, keep in mind wait to make an informed decision. I want to make it clear it is usually easier to heal a marriage without contact with the OP/OC initially. Contact can always be established later on after the marriage is repaired or far along as it can be in the healing process to consider contact with the OC.
It is a personal decision to include OC in your household or not. Neither choice is good or bad. Consider that it may be great to have the OC involved in 2 separate families that are amicable or it may be detrimental to the OC to have to deal with 2 hostile environments. Many times the OC was not planned and the adults involved cannot get along, take a step back and think long and hard about the child's best interest.
The OC is no more important than the COM or the BS. You do not have to change your lives around to accept anyone. I know you may want to fix everything for your Spouse but you must let him take responsibility for his own actions. DS this is some of what I have to say about this if someone has already answered it you can add it. This is a complicated situation with too many variables
Q: How do I deal with continued contact with OW because of OC? Submitted by Bee-Trayed
A: The decision on how to handle an OW/OC situation is a deeply personal one. Some BS find that they have it in their hearts to make the OC a part of their lives; others do not. There is no right or wrong answer to this situation. However, when it is the WS's choice to have contact with the OC then certain "battle" lines must be drawn with the OW, to facilitate the re-establishment of trust in the marriage.
This is best accomplished by establishing a clear understanding between the BS and WS of what will and will not be acceptable or allowable boundaries. Here are some hypothetical:
NC whatsoever with OW/OC
Contact with OC possible but with BS present
Neutral zone for visitation; no visits at OW's home, etc.
Legally drawn up contract stating acceptable parameters for OW to contact WS.
These are just a few sample suggestions. Remember, once there is an OC involved, and paternity has been established, BOTH parents have rights. Make them work for you. It is unbalancing and counter-productive to find yourself on the defensive with the OW.
Establish, with the assistance of your spouse, what your "comfort zone" and rights are with the OW, then send a clear and UNIFIED message to the OW of what you will and will not tolerate. This helps the BS to re-establish some control over a situation that is tragic for all concerned, but in which they, along with the OC, are also a victim.
Q: What do we tell our kids about OC? Submitted by Bee-Trayed
A: Many BSs express concern over telling their children about the existence of the OW/OC. Fear of emotional trauma to the COM, damage to the parental relationship between the WS and COM, or other negative consequences relating to the A abound. How, or if, a BS decides to divulge this information is also highly individual and neither right nor wrong. Family dynamics, the ages of the COM, and other factors unique to the BS's family environment influence the decision.
Relying on one's instinct is probably a good place to start. If there is any uncertainty as to the affect disclosure may cause, then it is probably better to wait until a more opportune time arises. Children are resilient, but that does not mean they should be unnecessarily wounded or burdened with this knowledge.
Examining one's motives for exposing the OW/OC's existence may be one aspect to consider. Preparing them for a possibly unpleasant encounter with OW/OC at a future date might be another. Knowledge is power, but not if it creates a destabilizing environment for the COM. Consider all options and then take your time making the decision. Choosing the right time or place, and striving to neutralize the emotionally charged nature of the subject, can make the difference between a "successful" disclosure and a devastating one.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 3:07 PM, September 13th (Monday)]
Repeatbs, I was worried about you, you usually post on a regular basis. I see the drama hasn't really changed that much in your life. Again I applaud you on everything you do for OC and how you deal with OW.
Islandwahine, welcome to our group. YOu will get alot of understanding and support here. I reposted the OC handbook to give you some things to think about in your situation. As you can see this situation is a rollercoaster no matter which way you go. What I will say is you have to so what is right for your family. Whether it be contact or no contact. You stated your H has a lawyer, this lawyer should have been explaining how to portect your family before paternity test is done. It should take 6-8 weeks to get results back, look into protecting your family financially if possible before any results come back. Good luck.
Whalers, your XBF is crazy if he doesn't do a DNA test. My H believed the twins were his for almost 4 years. I don't know why because he was there he thought it was the only baker in the bakery. Once he accepts responsibility he will become the legal father whether he is or not. But I guess that is not something you should worry yourself with seeing as he chooses to believe what he does. This blind trust that some of them have in OW is just amazing.
Want2help, I understand your feelings, and I wish it was a happy ending. I used to get so upset everytime I took OC home, not just because of the bond, but because I knew what they were going back to. The fact of the matter is we had to deal with a lot of behavioral issues and fighting and at time it was trying. I am sorry you are hurting.
Eyes- good for you for letting OW know that you intend to take this where it needs to go. Now, no need to contact her anymore until she give birth. Let her wonder what you are doing. She is lashing out because she sees she has no control in this situation. She wants to play the victim, don't give her any ammuntion.
Finesse, how are you hon, haven't seen you on here, let us know how you are doing.
Hugs to everyone.
We are on lawyer #2--the first one almost seemed "disgusted" with my WH so we changed to this new young guy who has dealt with family law, but not something like this before. However, he has done a LOT of research and works for a firm with loads of experience. Apparently we are in a state where my income is not considered (but was recommended we split up all assests, like get him off my account, put savings and investments in my name only, etc.) and if we were to divorce then all the numbers are reconfigured (so her CS would change). We forgot to ask about health insurance; which sucks because I carry the plan (and it's a DAMN good plan too!)--what sucks is if I boot my WH off and he has to get through work, I'm still paying the same amount if he and the OC was on, or not. However, our state says we have to pay until the child is 23...oh geez I'm having a REALLY hard time with that one. I will be almost 60 when we "pay this off". Sorry if it sounds like I see this as some type of debt, but it's how I can preserve sanity. I yelled at my WH that $5 could've saved us $250,000...
The part about the child care though is something I would have NEVER thought about, so thank you so much for that little nugget of information. I know that right now with our new baby on the way I can't deal with the thought of C, and yes we need to work on us before C is even considered. Sad thing is I'M the only one considering C, my WH wants to sign over all rights (he knows he will still have to pay, though) and I don't want him to. Any insight on that? He wants 100% NC, but again I'm torn. And yes, I too feel that I want the OW to pay--by us not having to give her much $, but then at the same time I don't want the OC to suffer. Didn't get the official court document yet for the test...was hoping to just get that rolling now. Glad to hear that there is a 6-8 week wait--that means my baby will be here and I won't be pg and dealing with the news anymore, and hopefully too busy to fall apart. I know we have no results but I have convinced myself it's his, I think mostly to "protect" myself from the blow later. I know we are supposed to do financials after that. We are concerned that they way my WH gets paid all of his pay will be taken into consideration. He gets OT for anything past 8 hours of work, and he works 12 hours a day--that's how his shift is set up. He also has stock options, bonuses, etc. We were assured that the stock and bonuses won't be touched, but we are concerned that the OT will. Apparently it's a totally differnt for to fill out if he makes over a certain amount of $. We are hoping that only his base pay is considered. Apparently she was not working before (on unemployment), didn't work during the pg, and has no intention of working now--just wants to live off of CS. THAT pisses me off! I work because I love it--but at least I had the option previously of staying home if I wanted to. Now I don't and I'm furious that she will live off of my husband's hard work, and I will have to work to make up the loss. AGain, sorry that I'm so concerned about financials...I was looking forward for us to move away from here and move closer to family in 3 years and I feel like that is totally ruined. So I'm angry and bitter.
Thanks again, I really appreciate the outpouring of support, and look forward to getting to know everyone!
I know the OC is an innocent person in these messes, but to be willing to bring into your life a constant reminder of your Hs infidelities amazes me.
How did you ladies cope with R when you found out that your WH was the father? I worry that I will no longer want to R once we find out, or that I will feel differently. I mean it kinda makes no sense--we are acting as if it is positive (just to be prepared)...but I worry that once the $ leaves the house, once the courtdates come and go, that I will feel differently. I also worry that his family will pressure ME--although I made sure he told them that in no way was I stopping C, that it was his choice for NC. His family is all about blood-thicker-than-water, and he's explained to them that with the circumstances it's for the best.
Thanks again! Sorry I'm letting it all out and asking all these questions--these are things that have been bugging me and it's hard to get answers from anyone else.
[This message edited by IslandWahine at 8:55 PM, September 13th (Monday)]
It's been a long time since I posted, but I wanted to stop by and share something that I think only you all can understand. After clearing it with our lawyer first, I sat down and shredded all of the old paternity and child support paper work, figured we didn't need it anymore with the 1 year anniversary of OC's adoption last month. It was quite a catharsis
Best wishes to everyone and I hope you all stay strong within your selves as you go through whatever challenges you may face during this awful situation
I just can't imagine my H taking time out of the little time he gets to spend with us after work to spend time with OC. While I feel bad for OC, OW didn't give any thought to the time that was being taken away from COM during the A or how they might be affected by their stupidness (I think I totally made up a new word ). Why am I supposed to worry about OC? She already gets CS - right now I just can't give anymore.
When OC was in daycare, OW used her CS to pay for it. fWH was giving her $400/month before CS agreement was fully in-place last year (OC was already 8 before the CS fWH had been paying & the custody agreement was all legal - they only had verbal agreement all those years before).
I think the antiversary of A#3's D-day has made me weepy again. 2 years ago, all heck was breaking loose & by the 15th, I had confirmation of sexting & sending nudes via phone & by the 18th, I had confirmation of EA/PA#3 (if there were only 3 - might have been others over the 10-year span that I didn't even know about). I feel so conflicted about OC lately. She causes such turmoil in our family. DS10 is seriously suicidal, depressed, & thinks OC and the whole 5th grade are against him. Asked if he could switch schools. I had a long discussion w/him about depression & of course OC's impact on my mental health when I found out about her impending birth. My mom is completely against OC now...as she picks on DS10 constantly. I truly think OC & DS10 hate each other. Having OC home daily afterschool and her attitude really damages our homelife. fWH is always angry @OC and DS10 for fighting and even my mom notices that fWH no longer enjoys time w/his children (COM or OC). fWH has been really sick with something like the flu for 5 days now & I have so much trouble after A#3 being a nursemaid, no matter if fWH is good to me or not. I quit doing many things for him (even though he's still a paraplegic) after D-day#3. I refused to give everything & every moment of my life to caring for someone who disrespects me so. I don't know if fWH is depressed or what, but our family is not doing well right now. And, some of it has to do w/the NC that's been broken due to OC lately. I do love fWH very much, but the promise of "I'll prove my love" seems to be on the backburner right now. Things go good for a while after we start R, but then the flame flickers after 2 years or so. I'm just really scared right now for COM and I guess I slack on our M & R when my children need me.
OC and I fight a lot lately. Her behavior & attitude and those God-awful looks, tantrums, or stares are killing me. She was angry w/me for grounding her & taking phone over weekend. She started throwing things in her room @walls & door. Later in weekend, she was throwing shoes @DS10 and hit him w/one in back. She slams doors & screams a lot. We don't allow behavior like that @home. I fear some in-floor timeouts for the 9-yr-old are in order.
I'm just crazy lately. Have a 20-yr HS class reunion out-of-state next week & OC isn't going w/us. If I can make it through this week & next, maybe we'll have some peace for a weekend. Sharing room w/boys, so no intimate time, but a nice dinner is planned for adults only ($50/person - it better be a whopping nice dinner for that much).
Please pray for our family. I get this way every year (so many D-days in the fall) & don't know how to keep the depression away. And the kids' b-days should be happier, but they just remind me OC's b-day is coming.
Found out my deadbeat father's sister knew about me when I was 10. Grandmother sent her a letter & photos. The aunt had written my grandmother when she'd found something in her deceased mother's papers about me being born. I don't know what my grandmother wrote back in a 2nd letter, but the first letter told about me, how pretty & smart I was at 10. People other than the deceased grandmother & my deceased father knew about me....the uncle knows about me also, but why won't any of them even consider meeting or writing me. The uncle e-mailed me, when I found his e-mail addy online once...to say that my father died during my 1st year of college. After so many years....it really hurts that nobody wants to know me. I feel badly for OC, that she didn't have opportunity to have both parents together. But, I feel sickened to think that fWH & OW planned the pregnancy...that they were trying...that fWH wanted her to have his child right after I gave him a healthy son just 4 months prior. Am I crazy or is fWH? I don't think I can ever understand how fWH felt about OW...to want to give her a child. How can you live w/me and COM, then be loving & impregnating OW @same instance? I regret not leaving him sometimes. I should have packed my bags & left when they broken NC after A#1 and I was pregnant w/DS10. So much agony over fWH & his decisions, that might have been much less w/out him & struggling to R in a M when I was in the dark about his feelings for OW (and that he'd even been trying during A#1 to impregnate her before DS10 was even thought about).
If fWH had filed for joint custody years ago (after his accident), OW would have owed him much-much more $$$. I have fear that OW might go to state for adjustment, since his SS disability check is more than OW's SS disability. She gets all of OC's $800 monthly from fWH's disability claim, but I'm sure she wishes it were more.
OW kept OC from school Friday (for her supposed continued sniffles/cough), but then trapsed her all over for OW's appt, trip to specialty X-ray place, then to hospital for CAT scan. OW supposedly has had side pain for over a month now. They think it might be cyst on ovary. I hate to say this, but it would not hurt me any if OW needed a hysterectomy and further worries of another OC w/fWH would disappear. I recently read an article about paraplegics having 50-75% chance of NOT being sterile. OW could've gotten pregnant during A#3 due to their stupidity (we didn't use protection, as I cannot ejaculate so no problem there)....you can release sperm during intercourse w/out ejaculating...stupid stupid stupid. I still wonder if OW's weight gain after A#3 was a failed pregnancy (or if BH#2 made her get abortion for fear of it being fWH's child). She just looked pregnant....could've been hiding a pregnancy too. Just a fear I have about her that won't go away.
If OC is causing that much turmoil in your home, you have to stand up to your H and demand that she not come over everyday or at least take a break. Your COM deserve peace in their own home. At least try it and see what happens.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but I am truly worried for your son. Kids younger and younger are committing suicide these days. He needs you to advocate for him if his dad isn't going to put his child's needs first. Good luck - I'm praying for you all.
fWH does not realize what he did by bringing another person into our lives for good. DS10's behavior sometimes seems to reflect my own feelings (he mirrors what I think inside on occasion). DS10 is going through hard time @school and having to argue w/parents & OC doesn't help matters. I think I mentioned he was beat-up on bus, then principal questioned both him & other child and the other child claimed DS10 said something about his momma so he beat him up. He'd assaulted him last year also. DS10 is very small for almost 11.
Between my issues & everything else going on & work being so crazy. I get so angry & depressed @same time.