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User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were surprised that OC brought home a note from OW that said:

If it's okay with you, I'd like to keep OC all weekend. If so, I will let her ride bus Friday and get her @6PM at park.

OC told her daddy that she could come home Fri and we could take her to OW Saturday, but fWH told her "that's okay...U can go w/her Friday like the note says." I think OC was wanting fWH to put up a fuss over her. She even said "maybe momma could let you keep me next Thursday too." Well, May13 is OC's field trip date & that would mean fWH would have to run to school afterhours to get OC. Funny, that was supposed to be the Friday (5/14) that OW would keep OC because the rest of us were going on DS10s field trip until ~8PM that night. I guess, OW forgot that. fWH & DS13 aren't going now, so we can still keep OC on 5/14. I think fWH told OC that it wasn't necessary for OW to give up her Thursday :) I bet, OW will dread leaving her comfy couch to get OC when the bus arrives late after trip. OC asked OW to attend field trip, after fWH said he couldn't go (caves aren't exactly wheelchair accessible). OW (who is SAHM) said no when OC asked her to go. Why couldn't she go w/OC and let someone get toddler from daycare instead (or let granny keep her all day instead)? I did not offer to go w/OC on the trip because I was missing work the next day for DS10s trip and I'd have to drive (they have no room on buses for chaperones). OC really wanted a parent to go w/her.

I wonder which aunt or greataunt or step-granny will be keeping OC all weekend....it's rare for OW to actually keep OC when she asks for her.

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:41 AM, May 6th (Thursday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So OW will start the induction process in about 5 hours. (She is in Germany) She was due last Friday. I have put the divorce on hold for now, with the full intention of finishing it once he has a job. He is currently laying down and I suspect, crying. I asked what his deal was. He said he's depressed, can't believe how much he has f*cked up his life. I told him his pain was NOTHING compared to mine. I also asked how can he be so depressed when he is about to have a child with the luuuuuv of his life. He said she was never the one he loved and he wants to work on our marriage soooo bad. I guess there is nothing like the birth of a child that screams "responsibility" and bursts that little fantasy bubble, huh?

I am holding up pretty well. Six months ago I thought I would be a raving lunatic at this time. Doesn't seem to really bother me. Think I have detached from the situation the last couple of months. Dr. also gave me some Lexapro couple weeks ago to help for a little bit. I think they are working pretty darn good! I told my STBXH I wanted to know as soon as he heard anything and I want to see pics. He said he would if I was sure, but wasn't sure why I would want too. This isn't odd of me, is it? Nonetheless, he better show me. Will keep all of you updated and hope everyone is making the best of this sucky situation.
((((LADIES)))


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Mandilwen ((hugs))

My H says the same things. How could have fucked up his life like this? How could he have thrown everything away? How could have done all this?

And although I understand the pain he is in, like you, it is NOTHING compared to mine. My H is dreading the birth as well. It could come any day. I think that's why I am on constant edge as well. I still don't know what is going to happen with us or anything. He knows my non-negotionables...and has yet to comply. I gave him till the end of the week. Here we are. Granted, he has been VERY sick for two days....he actually called in sick which he NEVER does...but I don't think I should back off now. I am just not looking forward to next week and calling my lawyer. I really think he believes I won't. I am sick about all of this.

I am glad that you have meds to help you through. I have some as well, and as much as I was against them; I am glad I have them when I great truly crazy

Like you, when oc gets here, I want to see too. I don't know why, but I do. I want to see H hold oc. I HAVE to. I can't explain it. If we are going to work, I have to see it and get use to it, right?!I don't know; my IC thinks that maybe I need to see it and then I will truly know what I want to do. Maybe. I don't know.

I wish I could detach more. Every time I think I have, I have slip. UGh. I hate myself at times


Mandilwen, PM anytime. I am sitting here waiting along with you. I feel and understand your pain.


(((Mandilwen)))


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
SunshineWanderer
♀ New Member
Member # 23455
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for posting only occasionally and then not again for a while but I just saw this on WH's facebook: Proud daddy of a beautiful _lb _oz baby girl name xxxx. I deleted him from my news feed since our reconcillation has been going not so well. He asked ME for a paternity test on our youngest- I gave it AND now he's already claiming the OW's kid. He plans on lying on the birth certificate in order to be her listed father. In my state I believe this is illegal because she is already married and their is a presumption of paternity then.

For those of you who are many years out of this situation did you find that at first your husband was wishy washy with things or did he immediately do all the right things. I'm putting on a strong face for my kids and for him (as an I can do this without you) but I really want to reconcil on the inside.

Again I apologize for the posting and running I just had no clue who in real life to share this with. I just about cried when I saw it.

Thanks so much!!


WH- 28
BW- 25
D-day: 12/31/2010
WH & OW play house: 05/2010-11/2010
*Yes! The OC is NOT WH* What to do now?

Posts: 14 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Northeast
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and I am hoping for a healthy baby born after 36 hours of labor without any pain meds available.

There, that's not too evil, right?

((SunshineWanderer)) I would prolly cry if I really wanted to R with the wayward. From what I have seen on these boards, a lot of hubbies are wishy washy at first. Was your dday about a year ago? MC, IC, remorse from him? You starting the 180?


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, May 6th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Sunshinewanderer; For me, my Dday was almost 3 years ago, but my Dday and my Rday are not the same... I threw him out and he lived with OW for 2 months while I 180ed, then he came begging for forgiveness.

I think this made a HUGE difference, and he came home committed to R, IC, MC, and doing WHATEVER he needed to do to make us work. She showed up knocked up (in my opinion, OW's don't get "pregnant", they get "knocked up") 1 month into R.

He got to see what life with her was like. He didn't like it. He got to see me 180, and that my life DOES go on without him.

[This message edited by Want2help at 10:53 PM, May 6th (Thursday)]


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i hardly have the energy to write, certainly not the time, really...i'm supposed to be working and i have to go see my counselor in a couple hours. yuck. everything feels like work these days, even waking up. though i find myself with a manic, productive energy i've been missing for a long time. go meds!

i looked at pictures of the OC, just a couple of weeks ago. it destroyed me. and i don't ever want to see him even LOOK at the OC, much less hold her or bond. i told him today that he maybe should pursue a close relationship with his OC. maybe one day he'd get to a point where he'd love her the way a father should, and be able to say he was glad she happened to him. i'm not sure R with me will ever be as rewarding as that.

the OW has returned from yonder countries without babe. WH finally met with her to discuss her intentions after i flipped on him about dragging his feet. they couldn't find the starbucks they planned to meet at and ended up hashing this out in some crappy mcdonalds. she plans to bring the baby back within 3-6 months, and they both want to talk to the foreign embassy about getting paternity done sooner. she wants nothing to do with WH and he can't stand her either. turns out she's already engaged to another american guy, whom she admitted to WH she didn't want to marry but was just using for stability. so... she's 25 (or maybe 26 now), been married and divorced to an american(got her status secured), cheated on her BF with my WH, has what she claims is his baby, and is now engaged again to someone she probably won't marry. baby is 8 months old. she's living here and it's with her parents and sister in africa. she tells WH some vagueries about getting "established here" but maybe moving back to Africa, blah blah blah.

and WH insists she won't bring, or he won't allow her to bring, drama into our lives if we R. HAHA! sometimes i look at him and see a complete imbecile.

i can see the sincerity all over him. he desperately wants to R and is committed to real steps. i believe it. i'm just not sure i can handle it...the "codliver oil" of the OC. i'm leaning toward the 10' pole-solution. i told him today that it may take longer than he's already known me to get me back. right now, i still fantasize about R, but, like 5-10 years from now...if it's meant to be. if not, i'll be over it by then and have seen 100 things that make me think, i made the right decision for me and DD1.

question for anyone who might know: i plan on getting an MSA drawn up with CS for my DD1 in it, for use if we D. where i live, we have to be separated for a year before D, and i don't want OW to file for CS before mine is established and get more $$. she makes nothing, so there will be nothing left for my DD1 since i'm the primary breadwinner and make more than WH. does anyone know if the CS will apply if it's only in an MSA and not a final D? i will talk to a lawyer, but just curious if anyone had any experience or advice.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mandilwen - LMAO - that's almost what i went through with my DD1 (28 hours, and the measely amount of meds was not my choice! lol). i imagine OW young and going through hers alone. that seems way harder. she barely speaks english, though she is some sort of nursing student.

i'm glad i was still in the dark during childbirth, i'm not sure DD and i would have made it.

[This message edited by stretch13 at 1:29 PM, May 7th (Friday)]


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
SurvivingInCA
♀ Member
Member # 23898
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stretch - does your WH want contact or no contact with the OC?


BW me/36, WH him/35
Married 4, together 7
Dday 4/10/09
PA 1/1/08 to 5/1/08 (5 rendezvous)
No Kids - had been trying 1/1/08 - 4/9/09
OC 01/09/DNA despite H's male factor infertility (guess she got the one miracle sperm)
R'ing

Posts: 136 | Registered: May 2009
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SurvivingInCa - i'm not sure he knows what he wants. he wants me back. other than that, he really wants to know if it's his and to do the 'right thing.' but maybe only because i told him he should want those things. i think he wants whatever he thinks gives him the best chance of us getting back together.

i mean, i want the whole thing to just go away...but it can't. i love kids. i am a father's little girl. i just can't be what stands in the way. i feel the same way about my DD1 knowing she has a half sister someday and allowing a relationship if it's desired and appropriate. (not sure how OC will turn out if she sticks around the US with OW).

anyway, i don't feel like NC would fix things for me. i'd wonder, maybe more than him, about that little girl out there...sometimes hating her, sometimes pitying her. i wouldn't know how to look at him if he denied her but showered our DD with his attention like he does. that's my problem. it seems so selfish. i can't stand the only solution that i think is the "right thing."

of course, he may have no choice. that kid may never set foot back in the US. who knows. maybe it's not even his? i can't hang on that hope, especially not for months or longer, especially since the likelihood is very high that she is. (maybe intentional).


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
altered
♀ Member
Member # 25116
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((hugs)))))) to everyone going through rough stuff now. Just wanted to wish all the mom's on OC forum Happy Mother's Day. Hope it is peaceful and loving.


Married since 5/99
BS-36
WH-39
1 COM
D-Day 6/27/09
In R OC born 12/15
D-Day #2 8/19/13

I want to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be-Jewel

Posts: 205 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Heartland
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, May 7th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found this forum after I found out that my H was texting a woman at work. He swore up and down that is all it was and I believed him for about two weeks then noticed things weren't back to normal for us. He tried but I kept noticing little things, fastforward to last week when he confessed that they had indeed been having sex and she is now pregnant with his child. We are trying to work it out with NC with either of him, I even made him call her in front of me to tell her it is over and that we are working it out. I don't have the same doubts that I did before and the phone they were texting on is now gone, not that they can't buy a new one, but I'm hoping we can work it out, we've been together 11 years and she no longer works where he does. I feel like I'm making excuses for him, but we had gotten to a very unhappy place in our marriage when this happened and he turned to her. Now that he sees what a psycho she is (lots more to that story) and that he could have lost it all, he swears he loves me and wants to work it out. We'll see what the future brings, I guess. I posted this on the Just Found out forum as well. I've been reading a lot and learning a lot from everyone so far.


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 9th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to wish all the moms out there a happy mother's day.

I had a bit of a meltdown today when I realized that this is now a day that WSO and OW will share together... and that bothers me.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Feb 2010
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, May 9th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you, eyesnowopen. I hope that you and your husband can go through this journey together.

((Whalers11)) I know it must be difficult dealing with these emotions on a day like today.

OW had the baby on Saturday. I guess it was a girl because she was in pink! My boys looked like girls, and this baby girl looks like a boy. It probably is my husbands just going off of that. She looks just like her mother, though, so can't really tell. My husband doesn't think it looks anything like him, but who knows? I think she has my H's lips, but H and OW look A LOT alike. Big noses and big lips. I told him that baby is going to be nothing but nose and lips, and I was right, lol! She is healthy and I guess OW had a dissapointing labor. Serves her right!

I am doing well, just moving things into my apartment and wrapping up this divorce. I hope that she doesn't move over here and become my children's step mommy, but I cannot control the actions of other people so I just try to ignore those thoughts.

I hope everyone here has a Happy Mother's Day and want to thank you all for sharing your struggles and insight. Only Lord knows where I would be right now without this site and you ladies! (((HUGS)))


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, May 9th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Mandilwen))You sound so strong...hope I get to that point someday.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Feb 2010
Mandilwen
♀ Member
Member # 27186
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, May 9th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Whalers, it took my heart awhile to catch up with my brain, lol! My husband is a grade A certified douchebag. The affair and OC are somewhat the least of his problems. He has a major drug and alcohol addiction to work through. I have known for awhile that we are on two different levels, if you kwim? People would always comment about that when they met us! I thought it was "love", but I know now it really wasn't. Unfortunately, this situation did not came as a complete surpise to me. I was/am more surprised at the level of my self esteem to have accepted such behavior from the man I called husband.

It gets better. I have known about A for almost 2 years, and OC for about 7 months. OC was pretty much a dealbreaker on top of everything else he has going on, so my path has been clear for awhile. I think that is what gets a lot of people hung up, what path to take? Only you can know, and it is not an easy choice. Both of them suck, so I just followed my mind instead of my heart. It eventually caught up! And I have learned to love "me" more than anything else. Judging by reactions I get from people nowadays, this is the best thing I could have done! It really shows and I shine! Good luck to you Wahlers!


BS-34; WXH-32; DS8; DS3; OC3
DDay: SEPT 2008
Divorced: JUNE 2010

Posts: 318 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Indy
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, May 10th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i couldn't even look at this forum yesterday. i totally funnelled on Mother's Day. i realized that while my DD1 is still so young, Mothers Day is really about appreciation from your spouse for bearing his child. SOOOO many mixed emotions about that and about who else is having her first mother's day (without the baby, though, some twisted satisfaction there). he did a very average job. flowers and a card, then he had to work. then he came by and put the baby to bed, then sat on the couch and complained about how his neck hurts. um...how about a massage for me while you are trying to romance me back into your life? actually, all i said was that i was sad and had hoped he would pay more attention to me, the way he used to. he said, "well, it's not like it was when we first met...jobs, kid, etc" -- HAHA! no kidding. i told him that, crazy me, i thought this might register as an "exceptional" time in our relationship as opposed to those humdrum doldrums. he doesn't get it. i guess i was waiting for my "Say Anything" moment where he looks me in the eye and tells me all the wonderful things that make him want to be with me. he's never even told me i'm a good mother, he just assumes i know. he can be so romantic, but now it all is starting to look selfish to me...like he's romantic when he thinks he'll get some, when it serves him and makes him feel like a rock star. he can't figure out a way to do that now that he's broke without my bank account to pull from.

mandilwen - thank you, you are inspiring me. my WH isn't a total douche, but he's also not the dreamy guy i fell in love with. his "potential" may just be what i and others see, but something that will never come to fruition. i don't want to miss him forever, hurt when he goes for someone else, etc. and i don't want to see him break my DD1's heart if he gets really flakey or moves away. i tell myself my feelings will change and he will likely make me glad of my decision as time goes by. it's nice to hear the battle of mind and heart coming out the way it has for you. i'm in the bloody, teary throws of that battle now.

eyesopennow - take it slow. it's one hell of a rollercoaster. make the choices you want to make, at your own pace. stay true to yourself...even when you aren't sure who that is... little signs, friends and your gut will tell you what to do if you take your time. sometimes even the most well-intentioned men can't change enough to make you safe. some can. either way, we are here for you.

happy monday all.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, May 10th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mandilwen

You are so strong. I'd have been crushed, if OW had told fWH that she was in-labor. Fortunately, she was pissed @him and didn't tell him OC was born, until she was home from hospital. I don't think he ever regrets giving OW a child (or he won't admit it, if he does). He always says something wishy-washy like "I'm sorry, but I love OC." Like it was okay, because he got a DD out of the whole mess. He does seem remorseful for EA/PA#3 though...but, not for the 1st two w/OW for whatever reasons he tells himself he had the right to do them.

Mother's Day was good. fWH slept in, even though he'd promised to make me breakfast in bed like last year. I was disappointed. He woke up right as I was getting into the shower for church & the kids were eating the muffins I'd thrown in the oven. I was pouting...fWH apologized profusely & said he felt really bad, because he intended to get up after taking 5AM meds & making breakfast. I cried a little, when he hugged me saying "this will have to do, until I make lunch today." He did make a nice lunch....shake n bake chops, pasta salad, corn, yeast rolls, boiled/butter potatoes. He even was very affectionate. He made the boys tell me Happy Mother's Day.

What kinda bothered me, was that OC didn't call or text me. She spends more time w/me, than OW...and, I guess I expected some recognition of that. Took her to OW @6PM Friday and haven't seen or heard from her since.

fWH said they had discussion Friday, about DS13/DS10's savings accounts we set up. She questioned why fWH didn't get her one too...he told her, that OW was more than welcome to set one up w/whatever $$$ she had remaining each month from OC's $800/monthly. She said "OW will never do that." I feel OC slipping away from us...gravitating toward OW. Amazing how $$$ and spending it on OC, sways her feelings toward fWH. Oh well... fWH said yesterday that the more time OC spends w/OW et al., the more she behaves (talks & acts) like OW's relatives.

I honestly don't think I thought much about OC yesterday. Oddly enough, fWH was talking about exGFs (including OW) last night. Why did he have to ruin a good day & why was he thinking about them?

He said over weekend...I remember you saying that friend-w-benefits might've had a girl, from what you found on web. He said "I heard that she got divorced." He is now wondering if he should contact her to see if she told the child (girl or boy?) that the xH wasn't the child's natural father & who the father really was. He thinks he might want to see photos of the alleged child (or maybe do DNA, if the child knows). I am worried & glad both. I am worried that any physical attraction he had for this woman (whether she's remarried or single) might rear it's ugly head, but I'm glad that he's beginning to realize that the child might've been fatherless most it's life and he should be angry w/himself for not trying to establish paternity (even though the girl met another man & jumped into a quickie marriage even while in high school, to avoid embarrassment of being preggers & unmarried as a senior/junior student). I told him "if you want to know, do you know anyone who might know where she is so you could contact her?" I think he will ponder on this. That child almost feels like another OC...even though it was well b4 I even met or dated fWH. How will I handle a 20something-yr-old stepchild, if that comes about? Will he want to provide for her in his will, or setup some sort of fund for her, what if she has kids already? What will I do if fWH is a grandpa and we didn't know it?

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 9:45 AM, May 10th (Monday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
eyesnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 28406
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, May 10th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your advice, I take each and every thing everyone says and I'm keeping my eyes open while cautiously being semi optimistic.

We had a great mother's day, he bought me the expensive gift I wanted, I cooked lunch for my mother and the kids and him, then we went out to eat for dinner. He seems to be trying as hard as he knows how to do. I copied a post in one of the other forums about what us BS are going through and he read it and seems to understand that I need reassurance and that I'm going through a lot.

We didn't hear from the OW at all yesterday, she should be about 11 weeks along now. Is it wrong for me to hope she had a miserable day without him being a part of it? It was so nice to have a good day without him sneaking off to text her like he did in the past.

So far my gut is telling me he is being honest and sincere, I think we are both kind of waiting to see if she is going to try to pull anything to try to come between us. She really wanted my life, to just have me gone so she could step right in and take over. not happening! I'm hoping that she just stays out of our lives till the baby is born and we can demand the DNA test to see if it is even his. Then we can go from there.


Me: selfish witch who didn't want three people in our marriage
Him: FT who thought he could have both of us and the OC too

Divorced..drama free...movin on!


Posts: 328 | Registered: Apr 2010
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, May 13th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to everyone going thru this struggle.

Mother's day was actually kind of nice, even though I was in a hotel room doing college exams all day and night.

The twins made me mother's day cards and gave me a plant, they told me that I am their favorite mom. Yesterday they turned 7 (updated picture in Fun and Games), and I realized that I have had them in my life the same amount of time as the OW so I really can said that I am their mother now. Which by the way no one has heard from her, not her family or her friends. My H was like they don't know if she is dead or alive, I said maybe she's dead. He said that's wrong don't wish death on anyone, I said I didn't wish death on her, I just said maybe she's dead, and I know I wouldn't be sad.

The OW/OC stitch never seems to go away no matter how happy you seem or how things seem to be good in your relationship, it is up to you to choose how much it affects you, and I choose not to let it.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

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