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User Topic: OC Support Thread (BS Only)-New Thread
tryinagain2010
♀ New Member
Member # 27469
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, March 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat thanks for the response. We are hoping to secure finances for our children. We are going to see a lawyer this week. I do plan on keeping the NC. I will be the go between if and when he decides to see OC. I am unsure at this point what I hope he decides but will support decision and know that it is ultimately his decision. I have a major emotional battle going on in my head between the BS and the mother in me. Not sure yet which one will win. I feel bad for OC and feel like he should have contact but just not sure if I can handle it. As for anyone knowing none of his family knows just mine. He only has a step brother and sister and a half sister who is in high school. his parents don't know and not sure how they will handle the whole situation they don't even know about the A.


FWH 35(him)
BS 37 (me)
Married almost 9 years
Together 11
DDay 1 12/31/2007
DDay2 1/12/2010 OW called to tell there is OC born Oct. 2009
Trying to Reconcile but it is a slow process.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Feb 2010
untravelledroad
♀ New Member
Member # 27661
Frustrated  Posted: 10:31 AM, March 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all,
I really need ur help in trying to deal with this situation. Throughout this whole ordeal we do not know if the OW is really pregnant. She posted a ultrasound and my FWS said he heard her voice and them say her name but the picture showed a different last name. Also, if she is pregnant, the date goes right back to when the "condom broke". I am trying so hard to R w/ FWS but I dont know if I can tackle OC issues. Also, this OW is a money hungry B*TC%. She contacted my FWS days before I found out and asked him to help her b/c she "couldn't find a job but knew she wasn't trying as hard as she could" and also recently contacted me (we all finally changed our numbers) saying that if she doesn't get in contact w/ him she will take him to court. I don't want to have to deal with this. I dont know how you all deal w/ a constant reminder of the A. I know if I did, they would NEVER speak to one another or even be in the same room. I will be the only one to ever have contact w/ her...ever. Please let me know how you all deal w/ this or are dealing w/ this. I need as much help as I can get.


BS: 22F
WS: 25M
Together for 5 years in 9/10 with 2 daughters (2 y/o and 2 months)

Posts: 7 | Registered: Feb 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Sad  Posted: 1:01 PM, March 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Untravelled))))

#1 Ultrasound would say OW's name, not someone else's. I kinda doubt the Dr. office forgot to change & enter her name b4 doing the procedure.

#2 Let her take him to court. She cannot do anything until baby comes, or if she needs assistance w/pregnancy costs, DNA could (risky) be performed while still carrying child.

#3 Remain OW's only contact. It is a good thing, that fWH & you both stay NC with her until baby arrives. GOOD that you changed phone #s.

OC issues aren't easy, but with some IC, I was able to overcome that. I honestly would've probably been in much better shape, had EA/PA#3 between them not occurred. I really thought we'd R & it would stick. OC is the reminder forever that fWH did something that betrayed you & your family....it is something that wasn't supposed to happen....it changes things (for some, it ends up good...some, very badly...some, kinda a toss-up depending on the day).

P.S. never trust OW....never believe "Oh, I don't need CS, I just want a father for my child." Yea, that's bitten many here b4. Even if OW doesn't ask for CS, the state may. If you break-down & give OW $$$ for pregnancy, keep accurate records. Don't provide $$$ that can identify you (like personal check). We used-2 give OW postal money orders for CS, so we could track them, but not reveal info. on our checking acct. Then, we started paying her via BillPay through our bank (they cut her checks monthly), which also doesn't reveal our checking acct#.

I wouldn't recommend giving OW any $$$, until required to do such.

If you have funds available, I'd recommend fWH seeking legal advice, so he could have something in-place quickly, if OC arrives & maybe even request DNA before OW does. My fWH paid-for DNA @local hospital that did the testing the week after OC was born. Child-support services gave us the hospital name to use, but we did not go through them to get it done...should've.

Take some control back.

I don't know if there's any way for an attorney to contact OW right now & request proof of pregnancy or anything. Maybe someone else on here, has done something like this. I think most people snoop on OW or have friends scope her out, if you believe pregnancy is a lie.

It's usually a waiting game.

We are here for you.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((untravelled)), repeat is correct about this. And I would like to add that since you are not married and you have 2 children, go get a CS order in place to protect your children. Even if is on paper only, whomever files first get the most and if OW is pregnant you want to make sure that your kids are first.

Yes her name should have been on the ultrasound. So she could be acting out to get attention from him. If you can have an attorney send her a NC letter until alleged child is born, if you can handle it have contact go thru you. Before we took custody of OC, I handled the visitation and OW was not allowed to call any phone but mine. She stopped calling completely after she could not get my H on the phone anymore.

Have a plan on how to handle this if it is true. How do we deal with it, 1 day at a time. Hugs to you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
on_my_own
♀ New Member
Member # 27401
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, March 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont know what to do, I really cant take it anymore.

OW has been messaging WBF all last night about something of hers he had from ages ago. Messages started polite, then got nasty then got pathetic and she started begging (wasnt even anything important just something she wanted to sell). He is still NC so didnt reply and the messages just kept coming and got more and more abusive. This morning he decided to returnt he item to to her (she said she wouldnt be in so he stopped by and left it on her doorstep (said he didnt want to be nasty by not returning it - I told him to bin it!). So now all today she has been messaging him telling him he's pathetic and how much hes missing out on with the pregnancy and how shes not been well through it and he's not even paying for any baby stuff.

I have always told him I want to know if she messages him and I want to know what they say - but today was just too much. I am a mess, I cant cope with this, and I just want it all to stop. I wamt her to leave us alone.

Too make things worse, he got angry because i got upset and started yelling (he cant handle me being upset). I started saying that i cant have her in my life, I want her nowhere near me or my life and then he said If I choose to stay with him then I have to accept her being there too!!!!!!!!!! I know he means because of the baby but I dont want her in my life. Today I am more sure than ever I cant handle this,and I cant handle her or the child being anywhere near my life. I don't want this.

I think if I say this to WBF tonight when he calls me it will be the end of us. I want complete NC with OW and OC whne its here, I dont think he wants to close door on OC. I dont want to lose him, but I will not live with her in my life, I just cant.

I'm sorry if this doesnt make sense, I am so upset just now and cryiong so hard I cant even see the keyboarrd. I'm sorry, I didnt knwo where else to go.


BGF: Me 27
WBF: Him 27
Together: 6 years,no kids
D-Day:01/23/10
OW pregnant

Every so often, of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale - he was my fairytale.


Posts: 21 | Registered: Jan 2010
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, March 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((on_my_own)), I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I will say it again, the OW/OC situation can have a strong hold on a man, if he is not willing to put you first, you need to do what is right for you. You can't R by yourself. Boundaries have to be set and followed. Your BF seems to not be able/or willing to set those boundaries or is not following them. Why is he still accepting messages from OW? There is no reason to have contact until OC is born. Seriously this is what I did, I sat down and I wrote the positives and the negatives of staying in my relationship. That help me determine whether it was worth the anguish, but alot of it had to do with my H's attitude. If he had let the OW continue to control our lives, I would have been gone. Hugs to you. I hope that your BF puts you first.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, March 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On_my_own,

I am so sorry you are going through this, like us.

Unfortunately, if you chose to R w/wBF, you get all his skeletons also. One of which, is A w/OW...and, if proven, his child in your life. It would be very difficult for him to have contact w/OC, but you never be involved w/it. Especially, if you marry some day.

About him getting angry at you for being upset, don't let him make you think you are overreacting. This is how you are dealing with all the emotions, if he cannot support you in R, however ugly the fallout is, then maybe he's not a strong enough man. I hid my emotions after A#1 & A#2/OC...I regret it. I don't think he really knew how badly it all impacted me. I thought, like you, that I was pushing him away by my behavior. I should not have spared him in dealing with me. I am who I am, and I think, maybe if he felt more remorse over A#1/A#2/OC, then EA/PA#3 wouldn't have happened...because he'd have known how I felt about him. I think, he thought that I stayed for COM (I did, somewhat, but still loved him terribly as we'd just had DS10 & I was on cloud-nine looking @world through rose-colored glasses).

Anyone who's going through D-day is impacted & OC issues and the revelation that you cannot just hide away from OW issues, that they're right there in your face every time you look @OC. It's just too much to handle sometimes. I think, BS w/OC (whether NC or full C), have to deal w/rollercoaster about A for 18+ years. It impacts your homelife, your finances, your ability to care for & deal with COM, your relationship w/ILs, fWH's relationship w/your parents...just so many things. OC is like a major life event, one that you did not have a part in deciding...but, you do have the choice to stay & DEAL, or go & DEAL. The pain will still be there, either way, but whether fWH/wBF is around to be included in your life & full-time parent to COM, is a decision that sometimes muddles around in your head for years.

((((HUGs)))) to everyone.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, March 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fyi:

OC has had major behavior problems @our home lately. Acted like she hates being home. This was never the case b4. fWH is going to talk w/her after school today. Ask her what's going on. Ask her what OW has said about him & our home.

He said, the last time he spoke to OC about thing, that she said there are things she wants to do, like spend nights @granny's house (which is against custody papers, unless she has OW, BH#2, or her aunt there also - this is due to granny's drug problems & OW knows her mom has marijuana issues) & I guess she would like to run roads more w/OW instead of coming home each weekend. He said OC had told him that OW said (of course this is in OC's words) "my momma said I cannot do this & that, because it's in a contract YOU made her sign. That you won't allow me to do this & that and she didn't have a choice." OW is lying to OC. OW could've let it go 2 court (no cost 2 her)...she could have gotten a lawyer...she could have told fWH's lawyer what parts of agreement she wouldn't sign, until changed. SHE is making fWH look like the bad guy.

fWH has decided to tell OC, that if she doesn't want to come home every weekend (spend time w/OW sometimes), that he wasn't going to make her come home to us anymore. It's fWH's plan, that since OW is a shoddy mother @best, that she will get tired of caring for OC all-the-time (as usual) and ship her off to OC's auntie's or some other relative. That OC will soon see, that OW is just blowing smoke & making fWH look bad. fWH loves OC so much....it really hurts me to see that he is basically giving up on keeping OC's love. He said last weekend, that he wasn't going to spend $$$ on keeping OC entertained & running roads like OW, to win OCs love. That, he just didn't feel like that was right thing 2 do. I hope, for fWH's sake, that OC comes around. It really hurts them both, for her to be so angry all-the-time... I am just very curious to see what OC says to fWH today. fWH will go-off on OW, if she is feeding lies to OC. I mean, she deserves someone to go-off on her, but it will probably hurt his relationship w/OC, if he is mean to OW.

I think, he just needs to remain NC w/OW and let her play her childish games. She isn't a good mother...she apparently complained the biggest issues she had w/her own mom, was her shipping her & siblings off to live w/stepdad & his new wife or to live w/her granny....NOW, OW does same thing.

fWH is also going to tell OC, that he would let OC spend overnights w/her granny, if she would be willing to pass a drug test b4 each overnight. You can get them overcounter now, but I don't know if there's one for marijuana, or not. I think part of him keeping OC from granny, was the drugs, & part was the lies she'd been telling OC about him (cussing about him in OC's presence) & also her calling me on D-day#3 (maybe telling me truths, maybe lies).

Did I ever say this out loud

I HATE OW w/a passion!

Just had to get that out!


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, March 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pass a drug test b4 each overnight. You can get them overcounter now, but I don't know if there's one for marijuana

There is.

I just bought 10 for $10 for my punk little brother, who is living with me and my H again.

I got them off of Amazon.

They are pee strips, you do them in home (as opposed to the ones you send off) and they only test for marijuana.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
6 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 1957 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, March 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Want2Help.

I seriously doubt OW's mother would agree to pee test & how would you keep it from being faked...using OW's pee or something. fWH cannot get into granny's house (stairs instead of ramp). I honestly think OW has probably left OC w/her granny some, but just tells OC "do not tell your daddy, or he'll never let U see granny again." It's not like we could trust OW to give her own mom a pee test & I certainly am not going to their home to administer one!!!

Wonder if any local clinics would give one w/nurse in-room for a fee?

Don't some CS/custody agreements involve regular drug testing (when 1 parent has a documented drug problem)? Wonder how they do that?

Anyway....fWH is in a mood lately about OC. He's hurt & angry @OW & her family. I hope he continues to remain NC...no matter how mad he gets @OW or her kin.

I am relieved that bb season is over, but still concerned that all the shenanigans about these custody papers are going to cause issues.

BTW: OW's b-day is 4/1...she is supposed to get OC that day (per documents), but it's actually fWH's Thursday to have OC. I wonder if she wants OC that night, or not. Most times, she chooses to not get her on her b-day & also not get her on Mother's Day either (just depends on her moods).

Worried what OW will do w/all her time, now that she's got both OC & 4-yr-old @school or preschool.

On good note (maybe), fWH wants us to homeschool DS13 again next school year. I will be glad to have someone @home w/fWH to keep him from being tempted by calls to OW.


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
dreamer1
♀ Member
Member # 13716
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, March 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Repeat, from my understanding when our x-DIL had to do drug test for visitation purposes, they had to call on a daily bases to see if there color came up. (each person who has to do random tests gets assigned a color) if the color comes up they have to go have a pee test done then. So this gives them no prior acknowledgment as to when their color will come up. I thought this was a great system, so that way most people who do drugs, do not have time to get their system flushed with some products that are out there now. But I do not think that granny will do something like this, unless courts enforce, and I seriously doubt that would happen, as she is not a legal guardian of sorts.


S(he) Be(lie)ve(d)
Me-BS 48
Him-FWH 50
Friends 34 yrs-Married 26 yrs
D-Day 1/20/2007
LTA-To Many False R to count and D-days, Last D-day June 11,2010
4 stepchildren SS 28, SD 29, Twin SS 2yrs.
Twin OC, born 6/23/2008
Trying to see if R is pos

Posts: 558 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Arizona
tryinagain2010
♀ New Member
Member # 27469
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, March 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going to see lawyer tomorrow for the first time. Hope that I can get some answers to this OW OC ordeal. I just hope that FWH gets off work in time to meet me there. If not then at least I can get some answers about CS for my kids. Wish me luck. I already hate this whole situation and it is only begining! UGH!!


FWH 35(him)
BS 37 (me)
Married almost 9 years
Together 11
DDay 1 12/31/2007
DDay2 1/12/2010 OW called to tell there is OC born Oct. 2009
Trying to Reconcile but it is a slow process.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Feb 2010
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Luck trying. Believe me this is a situation, but if you take control over what you can control and you are aware of what your rights are, you have better chance of getting thru it. It might be good if you have a consult on your own to see how things would go if your relationship doesn't work out. So if he doesn't make it to this appt., still go so that you can get the ball rolling to what you need for you. Pulling for you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, as fWH was listening to something yesterday (I was in bathroom, but could hear into bedroom)....there was something said, spoken, sang with this as the main theme about A:

A broken mirror can be repaired, but the reflection will always show the cracks.

Well, not word-for-word of what he was hearing, but I thought "isn't that SO true."

[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 11:12 AM, March 17th (Wednesday)]


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
tryinagain2010
♀ New Member
Member # 27469
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am definately going today no matter what.Even if my H can't make it. I don't want to put it off plus I am going to talk about what happens if things don't work out etc. I will be there before him we are just hoping he makes it before the appointment is over.


FWH 35(him)
BS 37 (me)
Married almost 9 years
Together 11
DDay 1 12/31/2007
DDay2 1/12/2010 OW called to tell there is OC born Oct. 2009
Trying to Reconcile but it is a slow process.

Posts: 50 | Registered: Feb 2010
untravelledroad
♀ New Member
Member # 27661
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have already filed for CS from reading other posts when I first learned of this site. I've already told FWS that if this is his child that I will be the only point of contact through the ENTIRE ordeal. They will never speak (which makes it really difficult b/c she doesnt speak english and I don't speak spanish, but not my problem, its hers) We've already consulted lawyers about what he should do if it is his. Our lawyer actually thinks he should persue sole custody since the mother isn't a citizen and cant speak english (how could she get a decent job if she doesn't speak english) and let her visit (never at our home) the alleged child. He still knows that I'm not sure if I can tackle being there as a step-mom but I told him I will always support him. Things are going great and he is starting to realize what exactly I need from him (after a couple of errors, guys really are dumb). I finally told my dad and he is actually very accepting of my decision to stay and supports me which lifts a huge weight off my shoulders. She has already called (b4 we changed our numbers) and told me that she would take this to "something legal" (her words) if he doesnt own up to his responsibility. I think if this is his child it's a plot to gain citizenship b/c her visa coincidentally was expiring (hence y she's in mexico now). how does it feel to see the OC on a daily basis?


BS: 22F
WS: 25M
Together for 5 years in 9/10 with 2 daughters (2 y/o and 2 months)

Posts: 7 | Registered: Feb 2010
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this a good sign? fWH asked his parents (who've been dragging feet about deeding him 1/3 of their 10 acres), to also put my name on deed tranfer so that OW cannot get any rights to property through OC's inheritance. I remembered what my mom went through about their 2 properties because the deed had to go to probate when she was widowed. I told fWH it needed to say "survivorship."

So, here's what I looked up about survivorship. You guys might want to look into it also, if there's concern OC might inherit part of your real estate.

Survivorship Deeds

A "Survivorship Deed" is a form of deed that is most commonly used when a husband and wife purchase real property together, although it can be used in other situations. This deed allows the owners to "avoid probate" upon the first death (but when the survivor dies, the property will be subject to probate administration). It is not recommended that such a deed be used between parents and children, siblings or unrelated parties unless you have consulted with a lawyer. With a survivorship deed, the last living person named on the deed becomes the 100% owner of the property. If the objective is to divide the property equally among several people, a survivorship deed should not be used.

got this from:

http://www.mmpdlaw.com/html/Real%20Estate.htm


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another site said to be sure, write a deed this way:

"... grant to X and Y, husband and wife, as joint tenants with right of survivorship and not as joint tenants,"


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
repeatBS326
♀ Member
Member # 22068
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:

fWH's talk w/OC about visitation @our home. OC claims that she still wants to come home after school & every weekend. She said she just hasn't felt well lately. I still wonder if OW is putting notions in OC's head, about our family. Oh well. OC wouldn't probably admit what she's been told or heard, because her mom was so "upset" before when she cried to fWH about the papers "I had no choice but sign, I just want you to be there for OC, you know I didn't have a father." Cry me a River, please. I had no father either, but you don't see me going out finding mOM to father my child?

Next year is Sex-Ed for DS10 & following year is SexEd for OC9 @school (5th grade). Still wonder what will become of the revelation of HOW she got into this world. DS10 knows kinda...he reads lots of cat books & one about breeding cats gave diagrams & discussion about animal reproduction. He was grossed-out completely....now, when he sees us kissing...he says something like "ewwww, I know what UR doing."


Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Attemping R #3
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, March 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((untravelled)) as you can see from my profile, I have custody of 3 of the OW's children. It was very hard at first, and I will tell you sometimes I have these days when they will say something or look like their mother. But I shrug it off. There are a couple of us on here who have custody of the OC and I can tell you that I soon developed a relationship with the OC that had nothing to do with who their parents are.

There are a couple of us that have partial custody or visitation as well. I think the hardest part is dealing with the OW. (IMO) They still try to control things and in my case, act like we are one big happy family, NOT! It is a big decision and can not be taken lightly because kids are forever. Seriously think about whether your relationship, your family, yourself can survive full-time contact with OC and/or OW. Some of us have tried it and are okay, some of us have tried it and it just didn't work out. It is a rollercoaster ride no matter which way you turn. The best thing would be if this was a ploy, but if it isn't, it sounds like you have laid down the foundation to protect yourself and that is half the battle.

((repeat)), girl your story just makes me tired. Dealing with the OW in your situation is like a full-time job, with no extra pay for overtime. I don't know how you do it. Good about the property, maybe your H is finally seeing this OW for what she really is. Hugs to you!


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

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