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User Topic: When Your WS Works with the Affair Person - Part 2
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 15th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just shoot me now -- OWs job got "rescued" by new govt funding -- so frigging happy that I pay my taxes to give her a job. I knew it was too good to be true that she would be gone.

Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
imagrownup
♀ Member
Member # 29587
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Wh works with the OW. It has been 2 yrs in August since D-Day. I am one who can say I sat on the fence. My WH is doing everything he can to make me feel better.
I am sorry it is too much. He can go on and on with being transparent calling me etc. The visions and the realization that they see each other every day is too much.
I have a plan to get seperated and if and when he stops working with her maybe then we can work on it.

I have to respect myself in some way.

I hope everyone else can work through this better.

A bad economy is no excuse. I simply cannot live with this any longer.

I look forward to a life where I am not so upset every day.

I finally had a time that I left for a few days with my daughter - after two years and those two days were fabulous. We had a great time and I was worried I would spend every minute thinking - this gives him ample opportunity to call her and any time he wants to see her etc.

Instead I felt liberated- I just don't care. Call her if you want - I was not there - I was having a great time- I was regaining my life again. I felt really good- I was away from this horrible place my WH chose to put me.

I need to feel that again.


Me BW 48
HIM WS 48
D-DAY1 11/5/09
D-DAY 2 11/28/09
D-DAY 3 3/15/10 Claims just talking
D-DAY 4 5/?/10 Says he quit talking???

Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: midwest
heartbroken2011
♀ Member
Member # 31782
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how did you all find out that your partner was having an affair with a co-worker
i suspect mine is and i beleive its all in work time any tips

Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2011
imagrownup
♀ Member
Member # 29587
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 16th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is never all in work time-check text messages - look at who is calling him. Check where he is when he says he is in meetings- just do the unexpected - things you would never do- like stop in office at odd times- I hope you are wrong- Good luck.


Me BW 48
HIM WS 48
D-DAY1 11/5/09
D-DAY 2 11/28/09
D-DAY 3 3/15/10 Claims just talking
D-DAY 4 5/?/10 Says he quit talking???

Posts: 184 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: midwest
uncertainty29
♀ New Member
Member # 31408
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sharim)))

Posts: 41 | Registered: Mar 2011
uncertainty29
♀ New Member
Member # 31408
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone HATE when something happens in yours and WS life, (for example a new home, a baby, vacation, or something else that is your business), and WS tells his work friends (that supposedly knew nothing about the affair so they react normal), and that news travels around possibly to the OW/OM?

I have a serious issue with her even having a small glimpse in my life happy or sad AT ALL, when I don't of hers.

I just want him GONE. Period.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Mar 2011
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uncertainty29

Honey

She doesn't matter. She really doesn't. You may find it helps to think of it the other way. When

a new home, a baby, vacation, or something else that is your business

happens she will actually be reminded that she was used. He has these great things happening in his life and

SHE IS NOT PART OF THEM!!!!!!!

Forget what she knows about your life. The only thing that matters is that you can rejoice in the knowledge that she knows he chose you.

I hope this makes sense in your sich. It's hard to answer when I don't know your story. Perhaps you could post it in your profile. It makes it easier for others to respond to you.

Hugs

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
BetrayedinMN
♀ Member
Member # 20970
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, June 20th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a serious issue with her even having a small glimpse in my life happy or sad AT ALL, when I don't of hers.

I was the same way but now I'm like..let her hear about it. My life (even with all this shit in it) it a billion times better than hers (divorced, by herself, flirting with every married man she works with). I think the best revenge on her at times is that my life is sooo much better than hers and she will NEVER be close to my husband again.


Me - 43
XH 42 (A's with co-workers)
Dday #1 (EA) 2008
Dday #2 (EA) 2010
DDay #3 (EA) 9-2-12

Was served divorce papers on 10/30/12
D final 4/30/13


Posts: 240 | Registered: Sep 2008
uniquenewyork
♂ Member
Member # 30811
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, June 21st (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone know if there are actual legal ramification for a boss (my WW) having an affair with her employee (OM)?
I'm sure that most companies have policies against it, but I was wondering if there are any legal questions about it.

Thanks!


Me(BS): 44/Her(WS): 43
S:11,D:8,D:6
Affair with OM#1 before we were married.
Couple day fling w/ OM#2
Me as a WS: late '07-early '08.
EA/PA with OM#3: 2/16/09 (many D-days after, broken NC.)
EA/PA with OM#4: Found September '10; PA

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
uncertainty29
♀ New Member
Member # 31408
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 23rd (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand it when people say the OP doesn't matter but then again I don't. They mattered enough and were important enough for the WS to risk and sacrifice it all. So they must matter somewhat.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Mar 2011
lifesabeach
♀ Member
Member # 15236
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, June 28th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uniquenewyork I think it is a workplace policy. I know that at my FWH work if I had outed FOW she is management. She could of and probably would have been fired. It also depends if they signed a contract. But I am not a lawyer. JMO


R'd

Posts: 337 | Registered: Jul 2007
FeelinDown
♀ Member
Member # 21521
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, July 7th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am about ready to write a book about this stupid A!! It has been almost 3 years to the day since our last DDay and I am once again sick and lost at what to do. My WH works with the OW. A few months after the A she was transferred and I was so glad we could move on. We were R and had lots of bad days but lots of good days too. Last year WH was laid off and the only place he could get hired was back working with her. I was just sick Are you kidding me!?!

The last year and a half have been hard. I really struggled the first few months and was back to checking everything again, but nothing showed up. I quit checking and we have been doing really well. A few days ago I was paying our phone bill online and just happened to look at his history. My heart sunk. There is about 300 messages a month going back to March from a number that looked familiar. I just happened to write down all the numbers that were showing up in his phone 3 years ago and who they belonged to. OW had 3 numbers. This number was her first one. I freaked out! I texted and asked whos number it was? WH said it was a male co worker that I know. I said BULLSHIT! I was appalled this could all still be happening. He denied anything was going on and it wasnt OW phone and it was his friends. I told him to pack his stuff when he got home. We were both at work.

I got home and he was in our room. He said he talked to this co worker and figured it out. He told me this co worker had lost his phone and his girlfriend, who is OW's friend, gave him this phone. Even as I write this I realize how far fetched it sounds. I told him I didnt want him to leave and everything had been going so well. I didnt feel like I did during the A. Am I being stupid by trying to believe him??


Me(BS):30
Him:30
Married 11 years
4 young children
3 D Day's with the same OW
Trying to Reconcile

Posts: 150 | Registered: Nov 2008
Tired of Feeling
♀ Member
Member # 32207
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 7th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you call the number just to see who answers? 300 messages just seems like a lot to me.

Posts: 221 | Registered: May 2011
beenthere2?
♀ Member
Member # 28554
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, July 8th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((feelingdown)) I think I responded in your other thread, but you know that is bullshit. It may take you a while to face that, but it is pure bullshit.

Look at your texts is there anybody besided your H and/or your mother or sister that you text that much on a monthly basis? I could see if they had a trip or a project one month, but for that many months in a row?

And really how much do the gods have to conspire to get the ONE "male" co-worker to get a phone that once belong to the OW and that co-worker is the only one he texts that much.

I am very sorry you are going through this.


Me: BW 34 Him: WH 36
Married 10
Dday #1 5/15/10 claimed EA/just friends
#2 9/20/10 (admitted to kiss w/ same OW
#3 11/29/10 admitted to a lot more

Posts: 3978 | Registered: May 2010
beenthere2?
♀ Member
Member # 28554
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, July 8th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how did you all find out that your partner was having an affair with a co-worker
i suspect mine is and i beleive its all in work time any tips
I saw the cell phone bill and OW's number was on it more than anything I had ever seen. Over 600 texts in less than 3 weeks.


Me: BW 34 Him: WH 36
Married 10
Dday #1 5/15/10 claimed EA/just friends
#2 9/20/10 (admitted to kiss w/ same OW
#3 11/29/10 admitted to a lot more

Posts: 3978 | Registered: May 2010
nocturneinblue
♀ New Member
Member # 32704
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, July 10th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW worked with WH in different building at the time of the A. After A ended and before DDay, WH got promoted and his position came open. OW applied and was promoted and now has his former cubicle and is in the same office.
He is her back up so it makes me sick to hear he has to sit in her cubicle to do certain tasks.
It is a small office, so things he shares spread fast. It sucks hardcore, and he has applied for others, but nothing yet.


Me: BS 38
Him: WH 30 (fortomorrow)
DDay# 1 Fall 2007
DDay# 2 August 18, 2010
OW #1: age unknown to me, cyber/phone
OW# 2: age unknown, PA, co worker & future former girlfriend
1child together, son 9 months
1 step daughter, 19 years old.


Posts: 33 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: colorado
tryinginmi
♀ Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, August 25th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and cOW are still working at the same company, but he is in a different area now. After Dday 2 he transferred. He also agreed to let me know if he ever saw her, or had any contact with her. He did share one time when she and another coworker had to pick up supplies from his area, where he was working at that momment (of coarse).

Just found out last week he has seen her tons of times since then, but it was only out of the corner of his eye....so he did not mention them. I do truly believe that he forgot, or didn't understand. Whatever. It was a big giant trigger anyways!!!!

Adding to the wonderful mess is the fact that he needs to pick up OT on Saturdays...and all OT is in her area. Grrr

He worked last Saturday standing feet away from her ALL day. He did not have to work with her, but within 15 feet of her. It made me sick all day...but I got through it. He took the kids and I school shopping afterwards, and out for dinner. We talked about it, and that helped the most.

Sounds like there are going to be a lot more Saturdays ahead. Hopefully the first will be the worst.


Me - BW 38
Him - FWH 38
Her - MOW 46 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 954 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Agate
♀ New Member
Member # 33038
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone noticed that the "tone" of voice the WS used with the AP's name was a give-away to their feelings for them?

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2011
sharim
♀ Member
Member # 11937
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone noticed that the "tone" of voice the WS used with the AP's name was a give-away to their feelings for them?

Not necessarily the tone but when WH was going on a business trip I asked who was going (this was pre DD). There were two people - one I had heard of before but not the other. When I asked who she was -- there was this pause --- that was the "unofficial" DDay for me.


Posts: 1379 | Registered: Sep 2006
mitz66
♀ Member
Member # 17888
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, August 27th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ws still works with mow. Her office was right beside his and his company gets referrals from her office. She moved offices(same company) and guess what...the referrals still come from her office.

He claimed it was just work related. I had a feeling and i VAR'd his office last month. I heard him on the phone, not work related calling her his baby and that he missed her. I looked up a lawyer, then confronted him. After 5 years of this crap he may be getting it.

The tone will definitely let you know. The expression will let you know, I knew I just did not really face it fully. He says he is committed to R, time will tell. I now tell him when I trigger, he does not like it but he is dealing with it.


Me:44 BS Him:43 WH
M May 07 Adult kids
DDay #1 Pics on cell jly 07
Jan08 DDay #2 "Just Friends" admits EA DDay #3 July 2010 - he insisted on platonic contact ..False R - until Dec 2010 admits PA in April 07
Dec 2012 NC succeeded

Posts: 542 | Registered: Jan 2008
Topic Posts: 195
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