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User Topic: One Night Stand Support Thread - II
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, December 18th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

poopy, that's great that he brought you food and invited you out! How'd the password conversation go?

Oh, we've been round and round in counseling, and I've told him many times.

He did give me a compliment last night! I bought these new pajamas, just some little boy shorts and a cami, but they were pretty cute. And I put them on and turned around, and he was looking at me. I didn't mean to fish, but I felt self-conscious so I said, "Does this look ok?" and he said, "Yes, looks good." So then later on we were in bed, and we were both exhausted so we just gave each other backrubs and then went to sleep. Well, he went to sleep and started snoring really loudly. So I poked him and told him he was snoring, and he apologized and rolled over. Then he said, 3/4 asleep, "I like your little outfit. Maybe you can wear it tomorrow night too?" I was amazed.


tsol, did you post that in the BS questions for WS? I'd be interested in seeing the answers! Hope you're having a good weekend!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6149 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, December 18th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think maybe your WH just doesn't know how to say what you want him to say. I know it sounds silly but maybe he just assumes that you know how he feels that he never knows when and how to make the appropriate compliments. I don't really have any advice on how to get through to him because it sounds like you've asked him to step up in this department a few times. Maybe if you step up compliments for him, he'll be able to learn that way??

Yes I asked in the other forum, still waiting for a reply. I'll post here when I get one. My exams are done now and I feel a lot better. Every things not magically fixed of course, but I was so stressed about everything I sort of sent myself back a few months feeling-wise. Now I feel more like it's actually been almost 4 months rather than 2 days since dday.


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, December 18th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think tsol is right about him assuming you already know things. WBF did that with me.. He didn't say thank you for giving him a second chance, for staying to work this out, he didn't say he appreciated me and would do anything to make things better. One day shortly after DDay, we got into a little argument and I was upset and I asked him if he even wanted to be with me and he said of course he did (he said it as if I was stupid lol) and I told him he never said those things and he said he thought them all the time and I told him I can't read his mind like he can't read mine. Then I told him I needed verbal reaffirmation and later that evening or maybe it was the next day, I can't remember which, he told me thank you and he really appreciated me. He hasn't said it since but he's been showing me through his actions so I feel okay without him verbally saying it. Well I feel okay right now haha that could change so easily in 5 minutes but I'm so happy he complimented your new pj's!! I thought his comment was cute too :)

We haven't had the password conversation yet but I have my short list of questions on my blackberry memopad ready for when we do have our talk and I can ask him then.


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, December 18th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tsol, that's great that your exams are over. Now you can breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the holidays as much as possible!

poopylala, I love that you have your questions in a list on your blackberry! I admire organized people!

I was really pleased with his comment too. And I know he does assume that I know these things - "Of course I think you're pretty, you're my wife!" He doesn't always get things quickly but he usually does eventually get them. I think he's starting to. It pleases me. It pleases me so much that I performed an Act of Service (his love language) and hung up a bunch of his clean laundry for him, LOL!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6149 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haha my list of questions on my blackberry is for easy access and for me to remember the questions I want answered. After DDay my mind was all over the place and I knew the only way I'd be able to get my questions answered was if I could at least remember them first haha so I wrote them all down as I thought them and plus, for me, writing them down helps me figure out exactly how I want to ask the question.

I bought myself new PJs on Thursday because I wanted to feel cute and comfy in what I was wearing so I got some pj's that have eiffel towers on them since I love Paris and have always wanted to go there. For me, it reminded me of when I was in french class back in high school where we would learn french part of of the time and we could talk or goof off the rest of the class so I have fond memories of anything french-related.

I also bought an Eiffel Tower necklace that I wore to the movies tonight when I went with wbf and he complimented my necklace right away and I had a trigger tonight- a particular scene in the movie we saw brought up all these bad thoughts and WBF could tell I was upset so later he texted me saying he was sorry he didn't check the rating of the movie and that he only looks at me (there was a sexual scene although there wasn't complete nudity) and I told him I appreciated that and I know it's unrealistic to expect him to never look at other people but for me, that scene was a trigger and he said he didn't know and I said I didn't know myself so I understand he wouldn't know either. I knew I had to face it sometime but it's still very fresh for me and it's just hard. He apologized and said he felt bad for asking to see the movie but he didn't know so I told him not to worry about it because it's not like it was intentional or anything. I was glad to see he could pick up that I was upset after that scene and I'm happy he felt he could talk to me a little bit about it because normally he is a conflict-avoider and doesn't bring up anything bad.

I am so happy your WS is trying and how do you learn your Love language? I've seen other references to that and I'm definitely interested in finding out ours.

PS I'm very not organized, or rather I'm more into "organized chaos" haha but the list of Q's on my blackberry help me keep track of things in my mind which is where I do like to be organized. I say this because as you can probably tell, my comments tend to be long when they could be shorter and more precise and I talk in circles rather than getting to the point. Sigh, I would love to change that but I've always been like this and anything different feels unnatural lol


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poopy, when we read the book it was pretty easy for both of us to tell which LL was the other one's primary, but there's also a test you can take:

http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

It just takes a few minutes!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6149 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man you guys have been busy this weekend!

Ugh! I hate triggers from movies. The worst is all the infidelity crap that pops up in TV shows and movies, its EVERYWHERE! Hugs to you la la, it will just take some time, they get a little easier.

Jana, lord only knows why our men have to be beat over the head with our needs when it comes to affirmation. I swear sometimes i think we are married to the same man the way you write about him! Know girlfriend that I feel your pain, but like you, deep down I think we know its more that they are just emotionally clueless, not that they are not truely uninterested in us. Its just our damn self esteem crap gets in the way.

I found the love languages book very helpful too. My top is physical which it says in the book that those with this love language are even more devastated by sex outside the relationship than if your love language is something else. Yeah, NO SHIT!!!! Talk about a bigger hill to climb emotionally! He scored like a zero on physical love so we are love language opposites which proves to be a challenge sometimes.

Its worth a read that is for sure.

Pretty good weekend for me, my WH bought me flowers just because and we had two date nights out which is so rare in one weekend! Friday night was all about me and last night I went with him to some horrible slasher movie at our local independent film threatre. It was still fun!

I am on an up swing right now and will ride it out as long as I can. Take care everyone!


DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.

Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, everyone shows up and has a party while I am gone! jk

I've been dealing with my Mom's second stroke, the holidays, and a major episode of depression lately, so I haven't been around much, and haven't posted when I have.

((((hugs to all))))


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jana, this was my answer from the bs questions for ws forum

It's good that he's remorseful and supportive. Sounds like he would want to 'have a go' at figuring out why, even if he doesn't see the point, just because you ask it of him.

If that's the case, perhaps you could have conversations to figure out his whys. Start at the surface, work your way down. What does he value? Why? How? What does he fear? Why? How?

Perhaps he has no confidence in finding out why because he doesn't know how to go about it? If that's the case, is he open to therapy? Books? SI? He may just need an instruction booklet on this...

I'm hoping to discuss IC and/or MC with wbf tomorrow (crosses fingers I don't chicken out). IC I think I'm asking for because of an unrelated-A personal issue of his but maybe could have affected the "why" of the A. I really have no idea where to go with it so I think he should go to IC because of it. Although I'm sure he's convinced it's unnecessary. Since this whole thing started I've realized that we've never encountered a really negative important event that's directly related to us. We've dealt with problems but never that were so connected to. It was never 'us'. And when it's not 'us' we can communicate but our communication over this has been broken down a lot so I think MC could get us back on track. I'm going to have a little more free time in the winter months and he's in a better place financially since his promotion. So I think January will be a good time to have a look at C.

Lala, I too found the Love Languages very helpful and accurate. Lately I've decided that I'm 100% all of them. I think it's just because I'm up and down any language from him helps. Normally definitely Quality Time though. He's Physical Touch.

Itpjw,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Wbf's dad had a stroke a few years ago so I understand how difficult it is. I hope she is recovering ok and I hope you feel better soon. Were here when you need us. Sending you (and everyone else) some hugs (((everyone))). And yes, we are here quite a bit lately. I've seen us in the "most recent post" thing on the main forum page more in the past few weeks than I did for like 3 months.

Wbf and I also had a date on Saturday night. I work most Friday and Saturday nights so that was exciting for us. We saw a movie and had a really good time after I was finished being tired and cranky from working in the mall all day (this close to Christmas) without a break to get something to eat. But I cheered up and we had a good time. He thanked me for getting the tickets and getting there early so we could get good seats. That was nice because normally he would just let the go. I work in a theatre too (the same company we were seeing the movie at) so I knew when the trailer about A was coming on and I offered to go get snacks to save us from a meltdown. The only issue came, and it's a reoccurring trigger I'm not really sure why it happens. Every time I get in the car and drive home after seeing him I get really upset. Saturday was really bad and I'm happy I live close to the theatre or I would have had to pull over until I calmed down. I'm not sure if it's a symbolic thing of me driving away from him. I'm not sure if it's because I went home the night he had the ons. I'm not sure if it happens when I don't ask/or talk about issues (which I don't if were out/having a good time).


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, December 19th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That test is amazing. I scored highest on Quality time and a close second with Words of Affirmation. I wonder what WBF would score? I want him to take the test so I can know how to best meet his need for support.

Hurting, that's so great to hear! Or read.. you know what I mean haha

itspjw, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope everything goes okay and that she gets better soon! ((((itspjw))))

tsol, I hope your wbf is open to something to help him understand things. Is he a member on SI? I figure since both our wbf's like gaming and virtual stuff, maybe SI could be of some help. I'm really thinking of suggesting it to my wbf to help him. But I think IC/MC is still a great option too. I hope your wbf agrees to at least one of those!! Yay for the date and for him appreciating the little things :) I honestly have no idea about the breaking down in the car thing though Maybe it's because you haven't asked your questions lately and it's building up inside of you?


I don't know how to approach my wbf with my questions regarding his passwords and how he feels about where we are and what he would define progress as from his point of view. I guess I can start by asking him how he's doing but while we've had our movie date and he brought me feel-good soup and he called me earlier in the week just to say hi, I haven't had the opportunity to just sit alone with him for enough time to talk seriously. I also still feel the need to install spyware on his computer just to verify whatever he says he does on the computer.

BTW I have a question. Wbf admitted to talking to OP some before the ONS about our relationship and I don't know what exactly they talked about so I'm wondering if it didn't start out as a small EA which, if it did, it would have died right after the ONS because OP went crazy and kept asking him to leave me for her. I think that killed any EA involvement on the spot if it wasn't already gone or if it was nonexistent to begin with. How do I know if there was an EA first? Are there questions I can ask him to see if there possibly was?


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, December 22nd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

la la,

I am no expert on EA but I read a definition that my WH and I use to define our boundries now. If you say anything or put yourself in a situation with a member of the opposite sex that you would not feel comfortable saying or doing if your SO was right there with you, then its crossed the line.

I think you just need to ask him about what specifically was discussed and just lay it out to him your desire to have his password info. You can even find something off the healing library as a conversation starter about transparancy . Mention that you think it would really help build your trust back and help you heal. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

Glad to be posting back here. Its been rough out there in R. Had to remind someone that ONS hurt too. Alot of people just dont get it. Glad to be here with you guys.


DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.

Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS
surrogirl
♀ New Member
Member # 30429
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, December 22nd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone, I'm new to this thread. It's nice to see support for ONS. My WH made out with two women, one 16 years ago and one 10 years ago. 4 months ago he had a ONS with an old childhood friend of his while he was visiting his brother in another state. He says it was just felatio and he touched her. I'm trying to believe him, he is so remorseful.
He confessed all of this just over two weeks ago. The mind movies are driving me insane.
We are working on R. I am so confused and flip flop from one emotion to another. The time between counseling sessions is lllooooonngggg....


Me- BS (38)
Him- WH (43)
Married 16 years, 2 girls ages 6 and 8.
d-day 12/4/10
Sorting out emotions. The plan is to R.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Dec 2010
surrogirl
♀ New Member
Member # 30429
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, December 22nd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention that the first one happened about a month after we were married. While I waited home in bed for him.
I know it was just kissing but it hurts just as bad as if he had gone all the way. He swears he is telling the truth and I'm trying to believe him because he confessed, I would never have found out otherwise. This sucks.


Me- BS (38)
Him- WH (43)
Married 16 years, 2 girls ages 6 and 8.
d-day 12/4/10
Sorting out emotions. The plan is to R.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Dec 2010
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, December 23rd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((surro)) so sorry to hear that. I'm glad he confessed but it still hurts like hell, I know. What is he doing to try to figure out his boundary issues? Even though he confessed and is remorseful, it's the third time he's slipped, so it seems apparent that there's something going on.

hurting, I saw that post and I'm glad you said something. While I'm glad my husband had a ONS and not an affair, it still sucks, and there is the aspect where there wasn't a slow slippery slope where feelings developed slowly, etc. etc. - no, it was a quick decision to basically piss on his vows. There's nothing good or easy to get over about that.

lala, I agree with hurting on the EA. I hope you get some good answers!

tsol, thanks for sharing your replies! I'm glad you guys had a good date - I'm sorry about the trigger. THey suck.

itspjw, I'm so sorry about your mom and the depression. Holidays are so hard anyway and that is just so much to bear. I hope that she is doing well and you are too. ((itspjw))


As for us, we're doing fine. In fact I'm a little nervous that one of our families will do something stupid and cause drama over the holidays, since he and I are doing well, but that's stupid and I need to get over it.

FWH is breaking his back trying to get ready for a trade show in mid-January. I'm trying to support him as much as I can but it's hard when I'm working FT, taking care of the baby, and trying to keep the laundry, housework, and cooking somewhat under control! Hoping things calm down after the show. I'm sad because we're leaving DD with my parents for three days to go to the conference . . . but excited because we're leaving DD with my parents for three days to go to the conference! KWIM? It should be nice to have that time together.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6149 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, December 23rd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lala,
I'm not really sure how you can figure out if there was an element of EA to his ons. Maybe if you just ask, "how did you feel about her before the ons? How did you feel about her during? How do you feel about her now?" I'm not really an EA expert either (maybe post this in Gen) but you might be able to pick up on clues from how he answers those. Also because you suspect that other EA before, I think you need to find a way to explain to him that boundaries aren't all about physical things. That he can emotionally cross boundaries too. I don't think he understands that (after hearing about the email with pow and now your feelings on this).

Hurting,
I would like to thank you as well for the reply to that post. I read the post and started getting pretty upset about it because I think there are a number of people who feel a ons would have been better. You replied a lot calmer than I was planning to. Our situation isn't worst case scenario material but I don't think it hurts any less than the typical A. Sure in most cases the WS is foggy, but at least they were risking throwing their M away for someone they "cared" about. The entire breadth of the infidelity topic sucks regardless of what end of the spectrum you're on. I always find it comforting coming back to our ons thread after being out in general and recon.

Surro,
Welcome, I'm sorry you're here. I'm glad that you wh is remorseful and I hope he's helping with the mind movies. Mind you there's not much help to exist but I hope he's being there. They will start to fade with time. The flip flopping of emotions are normal, try to just go with them. I agree with Jana, I think your WH needs to really start looking into his issues that caused him to have done this. Even if he didn't do anything more than kiss the other two, that still goes against your expected boundaries so yes it will hurt. It's not actual act that decides how much it hurts really, it's the betrayal. Maybe you can suggest IC to him?

He swears he is telling the truth and I'm trying to believe him because he confessed, I would never have found out otherwise. This sucks
No truer words ever spoke: This sucks! One of the hard things to grasp for a ons is that yes, he did tell you about the ons (they're a lot harder to find out yourself) so he was being truthful there. I guess he's being truthful, but why can't I trust him? The only thing I can say is that even though he confessed, it's still devastating. It shatters everything you knew about him, or thought you knew about him. So not trusting him is completely to be expected.

Jana,
I hope the holidays go well for you, families always create more drama but I hope it's not directed at you. If it is I hope wh steps up and squashes the drama before it gets too crazy. I'm sure you will have a great time on your "sort of not really vacation but time alone together". I'm glad that you have the end of January to look forward to for peacefulness after what sounds like a hectic time.


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, December 23rd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very frustrated right now. My family from out of the country is in visiting and I think WBF thinks we can't have phone calls or date nights while they're here but part of my 180 is that I wouldn't initiate anything, not phone calls, not texts, not dates, etc. How do I tell him we can still have dates and hang out while my family is here?

I guess it doesn't really matter. They're leaving Wednesday. I'm just really upset because he also hasn't texted me in the last 5 hours and my mind is racing with thoughts about what he COULD be doing. I just keep telling myself not to pick up the phone to call because that goes against my 180. Do I just not say anything until he texts me? Do I just make it seem like I don't care and can continue living without him and am indifferent to him not reaching out to me? I'M SO ANGRY.


BGF (me)- 24
FWBF (him)- 24
in a LTR

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 956 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
hurting38
♀ Member
Member # 29829
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, December 24th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surro,
Welcome but sorry you have to be here.

I guess he's being truthful, but why can't I trust him? The only thing I can say is that even though he confessed, it's still devastating. It shatters everything you knew about him, or thought you knew about him. So not trusting him is completely to be expected.

No truer words spoken imo. Know that we here all understand and what you are going through is normal for this abnormal situation.

Just wanted to drop in and say Happy Holidays to all. We are having a white Christmas here in IL 2-4 inches expected. Only time of year I enjoy the snow, lol.

Wishing you guys some moments of peace and love with your famiy and friends. Merry Christmas.


DD#1-7/9/10 WH=32 Me=38
ONS(on 7/5/10) w/ stranger out of town. He confessed,I had no idea.
tt truth 3/22-3/28 true D day #2 3/28/11 cyber A spanning 2 1/2 yrs
3/11/11 d day #3-found texts/phone calls to "friend", its an exit affair.

Posts: 301 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: ILLINOIS
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 24th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks hurting,
Merry Christmas to everyone from me as well
Hope all goes well for you and your families

[This message edited by tsol25 at 12:19 PM, December 24th (Friday)]


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, December 26th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, for me, his ONS was apparently not a deal breaker.

However, it did open the door to the possibility of divorce. And now that I really see what the marriage is like, I am taking that possibility and running with it.


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
surrogirl
♀ New Member
Member # 30429
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, December 26th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the kind words of support. It is so hard, I do fairly well when he's home to distract me from my thoughts but when he goes to work my brain runs like a rat on a wheel.
I don't know much about the psychology yet, but he definitely seems to have boundary issues. Early on in our marriage I thought he was too friendly with other women. He talked me out of my feelings, and I felt like a jealous wife. He has started IC and we go to MC now, his childhood was horrible so maybe he can work through some of his issues through that.
R is difficult. Right now he is so full of remorse and guilt that it's hard for him to listen to me talk about it. And I need to talk! Talking makes me feel better for a little while. He says that he feels like a criminal who has to keep detailing the crime over and over. I need this but it stresses me out how much it seems to beat him up. Makes me not want to share my thoughts because his self-loathing is possibly the reason that he cheated in the first place. Am I making it worse? How do I feel heard without making him feel like shit? I tell him that I'm not trying to make him feel bad, I'm just trying to feel better. He says he understands.


Me- BS (38)
Him- WH (43)
Married 16 years, 2 girls ages 6 and 8.
d-day 12/4/10
Sorting out emotions. The plan is to R.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Dec 2010
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