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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How much does my BS hurt? ...
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, May 22nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hufi,

This was so thoughtful and wise of you to share this.
chasingpavements minutely described the pain of infidelity to a BS.
It is so much pain that words can barely describe it.Chasingpavements did so very well.

On Mother's Day we were at my sister's house for a family get together to honor our Mother.
There was a discussion that came up about infidelity and my wife says that even though she does not feel the sting of it anymore, it is always in the back of her head. This is almost 9 years later. I describe the pain of infidelity as a devastating blow to the soul that leaves the soul permanently handicapped. It may heal, but the scar will always be there.

It was hard for me to hear my wife say that, but I accept it nonetheless and do my best to let her know I will never go that route again.

Thank you Hufi and chasingpavements...we all needed to see this.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2537 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
shakenworld
♂ Member
Member # 24404
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, May 22nd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWW read this and started sobbing. She said "you shouldn't have to deal with this." I do have to, because she's my best friend; we're best friends


BH - me - 28
FWW - 24

Now I'm all yours. I'm not afraid. And you're all mine, say what they may.



Posts: 260 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Washington
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 3rd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 6th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for newbies


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 18th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for new members.


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, August 1st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for newbies


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
givemepeace
♀ New Member
Member # 28547
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't hurt like hell it IS hell. I was sexually abused as a child and I would take that over again any day versus the way WS's actions hurt me. Because it takes everything you think you know and believe in and makes it mean nothing, and because it creeps up into your every day life and steals away the happiness of what should be some really wonderful moments.


I'll never leave you, but I'll always be holding back. I might forgive you, but I'll never forget.
Him - WH / 30 / ONS with 3 of my friends, ONS with paid escort 3 days before my wedding / suspected but not confirmed A of several months

Posts: 23 | Registered: May 2010 | From: The Northeast USA
feelsempty
♂ Member
Member # 25913
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 2nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it creeps up into your every day life and steals away the happiness of what should be some really wonderful moments.

So painfully true


BH Me
lost wife her
her 4 Month PA worth years of pain for us?
DDAY 8/16/09
I want you to forsake everything else in the world for me the way you did for him...

Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2009
What Do I Do Now
♀ New Member
Member # 27891
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, August 15th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.. this is a great letter. I am a BS and this verbalizes exactly the way I feel. Thank you so much for posting this.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Mar 2010
Trying2Survive2
♀ Member
Member # 25758
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, August 16th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's why this site is so important. It is the only place where we can say the word "pain," and 100s of other people know exactly what we mean...without all of the analogies and the adjectives.

There isn't a word in any language that defines this kind of pain. All of the existing words fall so, so short of what is truly happening inside


I SO agree with this statement. I thank God every day that I have you all, here on SI to share my pain, anger, sorrow, and progress. My sincere thanks and gratitude to each and every one of you for sharing. The song "Lean on Me" in the true sense comes to mind.
Hugs...


Faithful Wife ME 52
FWH 47
DDAY #1 1/11/09 EA Online ONLY (NC)
DDAY #2 6/2010 Admitted PA with the same PIG(12/08)
"Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness"

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: USA
prayformiracle
♂ Member
Member # 22845
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, August 16th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying, i agree 1,000 percent. There are no words in any dictionary that can describe what we have inflicted on our spouses.

We could be there for them every minute of every day and nothing will make this pain disappear.

I for one am sorry for how I treated my wife and children, and for who I was, never again.


Iwantamiracle, you are my everything, I will love you always and forever. Life without your smile, your love is empty and sad.
I will not stop working on me on us, I will not stop caring, will not stop loving you, ever. Faithfuly and commited.

Posts: 412 | Registered: Feb 2009
allhopeisgone
New Member
Member # 29343
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How much does my BS hurt? ...

Six years later and my BS still hurts. "Once a cheater always a cheater" is NOT true in my case. I've been completely faithful and loving to my BS since I cheated on him 6 years ago. We've had 2 beautiful children since then, and to this day, he still hurts. We're on the verge of D right now cuz he still doesn't trust me....


Posts: 3 | Registered: Aug 2010
crushedhim
♀ New Member
Member # 29099
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, August 17th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS here. Thanks for putting this in writting. I hate that my BH has to deal with such paing and hurt from me (the one person he thought was once his gift from God).

Wishing for a miracle and chance to R. I will continue to read this over and over to remind me when I am hurting, so I rememeber how deeply my BH is hurting more.


WS
BS-crushedjsj

Posts: 28 | Registered: Jul 2010
wincings_sparkle
♀ Member
Member # 27129
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, September 3rd (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Jan 2010
Blindbat
♀ Member
Member # 29495
Default  Posted: 2:30 AM, September 4th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HUFI- I don't know who PM'd you this but this is EXACTLY how I feel and what I am struggling with currently:

"The behavior of the WS after D-day can in my opinion do as much or possibly more damage as the affair itself because it is done knowingly after the BS has put themselves through so much pain to give their loved WSs another chance.

Your affair hurts us as if you had hit us with a bus and hurts more because we know you saw us and didn't stop. Carrying the affair on, lack of remorse are like reversing and hitting us again and dragging us under because you just don't care enough to stop."

I am going to my 1st IC session tonight to deal with my inability to deal with this piece of the puzzle and my inability to stop obsessing about it.

My WH behavior post D-Day was absolutely the most devastating aspect of the affair and may be the one thing I will never forgive him for.

+1. I've told him I'd rather have gallstones again than this pain (and he watched me rolling on the floor in agony with those). I've told him it's worse than my father's death. I've told him I don't know how anyone can feel this much pain and still live. I've told him he has it in his power to mitigate the pain and to make things as easy for me as they can be. Will he? Remains to be seen :(

[This message edited by Blindbat at 2:31 AM, September 4th (Saturday)]


Noli illegitimi carborundum
Not yet as divorced as I'd like to be :-(

Posts: 713 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: The Land of Chocolate
Blindbat
♀ Member
Member # 29495
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, September 4th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because it takes everything you think you know and believe in and makes it mean nothing, and because it creeps up into your every day life and steals away the happiness of what should be some really wonderful moments.

And this. It also totally tarnishes good memories because you're always thinking, ah but while I was doing this, he was shagging someone else. I have to take my mother to the eye doctor on Wednesday and (he knows) it's going to be a huge trigger because on the day of last appointment when I lost half a day of work to it, he was taking his bint out for a day of sun, companionship and presumably sex. I still don't know whether he took he into our place in the mountains - he swears he didn't but I don't know if I can believe a word he says at the moment


Noli illegitimi carborundum
Not yet as divorced as I'd like to be :-(

Posts: 713 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: The Land of Chocolate
forever.haunted
♀ Member
Member # 28645
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 5th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought my fwh was a gift from God and that our relationship was special, even though we had problems.

I trusted him 100% and never dreamed he would betray me, especially for so long.

I look back at our vacation and holiday pictures from his A days and can't believe he was living a second life.


His A has forever changed my view of humanity. I don't think I will ever trust a human being again. I will never forget and there will never be a day go by that I don't visualize him having sex with her.

Being betrayed by the one person you think you can trust and is your best friend is painful beyond words. I can't imagine that I will fully heal from this and trust him completely.

However, all this pain has made us take a honest look at our lives and how we want to be better people and are dedicated to loving each other and having a good M. I regret that it took him having an A for the positive changes in our M to come about. It's a double-edged sword, that will always sting and cause sadness.


You let it go when you are ready.. when you have processed it enough.. you let it go when you are sick of trying to figure it out. You let it go when you want your life back

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2010
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, September 30th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As my BS was awake at 4:30 this morning, unable to sleep with various thoughts in her head, I thought of this thread. She used to sleep like the proverbial baby in my arms but now, she is restless and troubled in her dreams and therefore, she wakes up and broods. Another sign of the pain that I have created. Another thing to apologize for.

HUFI


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
HUFI-PUFI
♂ Member
Member # 25460
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided to bump this one too as a selfish plug for a topic that we as WS's should never forget about. Even while they suffer in sorrow and pain over our infidelity, they love us enough to give us a chance for redemption.

[This message edited by HUFI-PUFI at 7:48 PM, November 25th (Thursday)]


Donít listen to your head, itís easily confused. Donít listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Azilda, Northern Ontario
WhatHaveIDone??
♀ Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, November 25th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HUFI - I deecided to bump this one too as a selfish plug for a topic that we as WS's should never forget about. Even while they suffer in sorrow and pain over our infidelity, they love us enough to give us a chance for redemption.

I should be reading this just about every day, as I have NOT done a good job at all helping my BS.....BUMP.


Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
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