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Newest Member: BrokenNoMore (45438)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Honey, they always affair down
anxiousme
♀ New Member
Member # 33766
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, October 29th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the best thing I have read in a week. I just got in touch with the OW's BH yesterday, and now my WS is having nightmares about me dating someone. He then proceeded to tell me he deleted all female friends from his phone accept for his son's mom, who he had his EA with, and asked me to delete all my guy friends. I don't think its fair at all because I have never done anything to betray his trust and have been an open book from the beginning. The OW is no prize...especially in the looks department and at first I felt even worse about myself because he went for a less attractive person than me, but this really made me feel a ton better


DD October 11, 2011
Married 2 years
2 beautiful boys

Posts: 7 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Minnesota
laughagain?
♀ Member
Member # 30559
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, November 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This post has helped me so much over the past year, I just love it!
She got the worst parts for sure and now she not only lost her lover but her husband is divorcing her. So she is “at the back of the pack”.
Now, if only I could regain my strength, one day at a time I will.


Me: BS 48
Him: WH 52
Dday 1: 9/9/2010 (2 days after 25th anniversary)

Posts: 57 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: United States
Sas!
♀ Member
Member # 31762
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, November 5th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I have recently hired myself a PI to find out about my WH's OW. I suspected that even though she had a 4 year old son, she had never been married. Wh claims that she told him she was divorced. He would never tell me anything at all about her, so I decided to find out for myself. I mean, she knew all about me and my kid and our marriage....probably way more than anyone has a right to know about my private life. Anyway, as I suspected the PI found that she had never been married.

I was not looking for anything earth shattering about this woman, but boy did I get my monies worth from my PI. Apparently she used to work at a local strip club!! This explains why a woman with a masters degree in accounting and a decent job, is working every Saturday night at a bar right next door to another strip club. She obviously has a thing for strip clubs.

Now for the jaw dropping part. The PI was able to give me the Ow's "baby daddy's" name. I took the name and did my own online search. Just curious. Damn!! This guy has his entire body covered in tattoos and piercings. He also has pics of himself doing something called "body suspension". For those who have no idea what that is...like myself..until now. This guy had 5 huge steel hooks (looks like fish hooks) put thru the upper part of his back/shoulder area, and he was suspended from a tree to just hang in mid air. These pics almost made me sick.

Now...for the absolute clincher....the father of the ow's baby was charged last month with indecent liberties with a child/under 6yrs of age, and put under 1.6 million bond!! This is the element that the ow lives around!! My wh is a cop!! I think he has completely lost his damn mind!

I no longer worry about my self esteem when it comes to this complete piece of trash. The title of this thread is soo true.

[This message edited by Sas! at 8:27 AM, November 5th (Saturday)]


Sas! (Shady Ass Shit)
Me-BW
WH

Posts: 142 | Registered: Apr 2011
katieboo
♀ Member
Member # 33039
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me BS 30
WH 32
Married 4 years
D-Day #1 June 30, 2011
D-Day #2 Aug 13, 2011
Child: 1 daughter, 2 years old

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again. ~ Maya Angelou


Posts: 493 | Registered: Aug 2011
laughagain?
♀ Member
Member # 30559
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping! One of those days I needed to read this again!


Me: BS 48
Him: WH 52
Dday 1: 9/9/2010 (2 days after 25th anniversary)

Posts: 57 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: United States
ShallLoveHer
♂ Member
Member # 33811
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is awesome. My WW's AP is a lying manipulator. We talked last night about how she had tried to bring him up by getting him to stop lying and by getting closer to God. I told her that he brought her far further down that she brought him up. She agreed.

Thanks for bumping this.


Me: BH, 43yo
Her: WW, 40yo
Married 16y w/ 3 kids
D-Day #1 Aug 12,2011 D-Day #2 Oct 30, 2011
Currently in the crucible.

John 3:17 - For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.


Posts: 173 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Michigan
2yrs+recovering
♀ Member
Member # 31582
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still need to read this occasionally. Coming up to 3rd yr. This is soooooo true.

Thanks,


BS (me)59 FWH 71
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

Posts: 560 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: New Jersey
wtf2
♀ Member
Member # 33952
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I want to believe that, but having a hard time. Both FWH and MOW were married. He didn't hunt her, she hunted him and he joyfully and quickly went along.

Why is she the bottom of the pack anymore than he is? He definitely used her to boost his self esteem, but she did the same to him. She adored him and looked up to him like god, but she knows I'm better than her in EVERYTHING but got him to "fall in love" with her so quickly nonetheless. I'm sure that was an ego booster too.

It would have been nice to truly believe this, please convince me :)

[This message edited by wtf2 at 11:45 AM, November 21st (Monday)]


Me - BW. Able to feel happy again. Sometimes.
Him - FWH. He did the unfuckable
3 superstar kids - light of my life
OW - used to be one of my closest friends
A - lasted 1 year
DD - Jan 2011
R'ed

Posts: 207 | Registered: Nov 2011
lifeblowntobits
♀ Member
Member # 33687
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this up...I need to read it DAILY!!!


Me-BS-44, Him-WH-45-very remorseful
OW-Married, opportunistic co-worker whore
DD#1 7-30-2011: everything else lies until 2-12-12
Married 11years, DS19y, DS15y
2.5 years out: in a good place, light at the end of the tunnel


Posts: 1646 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Illinois
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, November 21st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wonderful. I needed to read this today. Thank you so much. This is a perfect example of why I love SI-there's always someone wiser and more articulate to give voice to feelings.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, November 24th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping


FBS-Me, 61
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 26 and 31
2 Daughters 29, 25 And 4 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4891 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
Jacks13
♀ New Member
Member # 33303
Default  Posted: 3:47 AM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this


Me:26
WS:32
Dday:sept04/11
Together 5 years
6mth old daughter
Affair began right after daughter's birth

Posts: 4 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Canada
confusedkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33824
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, November 29th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read this daily since I first saw it last week. It's helped so much - thank you.

Posts: 98 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Louisiana
thscantbreal
♀ New Member
Member # 34060
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, November 30th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for this post!! It truly helps and makes sense!!!


Me: BS 37
Him: WH 41
Together 12 yrs/married 10 yrs
DDay#1 11/23/11 (admitted to cheating, but lied about details)
DDay#2 11/28/11

OW: 45, married 22 yrs w/2 kids


Posts: 7 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: ga
1109mama
♀ New Member
Member # 33790
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, December 1st (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for this! I needed to hear these words.


BS (me)- 28
SA FWH (him)- 29
D-day #1 (part of the story) 7/5/11
D-day #2(the WHOLE story) 7/11/11
Married 4 1/2 yrs, together 5 yrs.
Working on R..
~What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!~

Posts: 19 | Registered: Oct 2011
dessyk
♀ New Member
Member # 34020
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, December 3rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is our inner strength. This resonates with the person we really are. Strong, lovable and worthwhile. Totally hits the mark of our own self worth!!!!


Married for 6 years
OW is my sister
Parents sided with her....OUCH
DD 10/21/2011
Got the real story 11/8/2011

Posts: 15 | Registered: Nov 2011
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, December 3rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She adored him and looked up to him like god, but she knows I'm better than her in EVERYTHING but got him to "fall in love" with her so quickly nonetheless. I'm sure that was an ego booster too.

Wtf2,

Your H did most likely was 'in lust' and 'in love' with the amphetamine high of the A and the OW's handmaiden adoration, not the OW herself.

Dbb's original post wording is very similar to your observations above:

"The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is … they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you. You’re beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer."


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Tropicalblush
♀ Member
Member # 33877
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, December 3rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh, thank you, thank you, thank you... I had heard about this thread, but never seen it before today. Although I'm 7 months out from D-day, this is STILL an issue I struggle with. This post really made my day. I am smiling more than I have for ages.

I still think my H is a POS, and the joke is on him, because I will be smiling at him all day today, and he'll think I'm being all nice and loving, when in fact, I'll be thinking of this post.

wondering whether to give it to him to read later tonight.... ????


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 46
Together 17 years, married 12
2 DS, 10 & 8
DDay 1 Easter Sunday April 24 2011 he confessed 18 month affair
DDay 2 June 26 2011 - I discovered an additional ONS in Aug 2008, and 4 years of multiple online sex-chat affairs

Posts: 65 | Registered: Nov 2011
letmego
♀ Member
Member # 30381
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, December 3rd (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just looking for this thread. I always questioned whether or not XWH "affaired down" because OW was 21 without children and I was 35 w 2 children. My confidence was shot thanks to XWH. However, the day my D was final I got this text from XWH:

You should know that everyone thinks I'm an idiot for what I've done. They always say things like "why would you leave the perfect girl for her? " and "you downgraded".

So, even if YOU cannot see it in the beginning due to the trauma of the A, they all really do AFFAIR DOWN!!!

[This message edited by letmego at 7:19 PM, December 4th (Sunday)]


As of Oct, 2010:
BW(me) 35; WH 36; employee OW 21 Together 18 years, married 9 (onlies..until OW)
DD 3, DS 7;
D-day 7/2010
D Final Nov 30, 2011

Posts: 650 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: FL
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, December 8th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump.

As a result of reading this thread, I decided to search for some of those "OW" forums.

I wouldn't recommend it close to DDay, but it was a real eye opener.

The justifications they use are amazing, and the "support" they give each other ("honey, it is not YOUR fault. It is something missing in his marriage"), the lies they swallow ("my poor MM has not gotten sex from his wife in 8 years. How can his wife expect him to live like that?") are incredible.

My favourite though was the one who said, "My MM so badly wants to leave his wife but she knows about us and told him that if he leaves, he will never see his children again. What kind of woman stays with a man who doesn't want her?" yes, because here at JFO we all know that the BS has the power to make it so that the WS can't see their children again, right?

I will be the first to admit that before DDay I was naive, but I believed what I did based on vows taken and 16 years of shared history. The level of stupidity needed to be an AP proves that indeed, they do always affair down.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1751 | Registered: Nov 2010
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