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Newest Member: Everythingsucks1 (45359)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Things that every WS needs to know
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 6646 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, January 10th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent this to WBF today and I hope now he will understand that everything I've been saying or have asked for is not unreasonable. I hope he can come out of the fog- he seems to have started but I wish so badly to just pull him completely out! We started MC today and things went okay and then at the end, I confronted him about his TT. I haven't decided if I want to stay to work towards R because he's STILL in the fog and didn't admit the truth on his own but at the same time I love him and I think if it wasn't for this damn fog we could be moving towards R much quicker... Anyways Thank you for bumping this- I meant to send it sooner but lost the page.


BGF (me)- 25
FWBF (him)- 24
Was in a LTR but it's complicated now

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 961 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, January 11th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
crossroads2010
♀ Member
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, January 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This IS also what a BS needs to know....that this rollercoaster ride of emotions and strange behavior in formerly rational person is normal...that a 50 pound weiht loss, the inability to think, sleep and function...is a common reaction to the situation. After 15 months in the BS role and almost a year of IC counseling, I think it is time for my H to see his own IC...I think we need MC or better communication to move on...I see his pain and his work to make US survive, but to expect him to help me when I am having a bad day is out of the question b/c it always rolls around to how this makes him feel and how he is trying to survive this....I don't know how to tell him that the reason I can't entirely trust is b/c I don't know what has changed...what is different...since he had an A with her 20 years ago and again 20 months ago...how can I be sure he won't do this again...how can I know this...he says trust is up to me...I can make myself trust him...I need answers to questions I can't ask him b/c they hurt him too much.

Posts: 601 | Registered: Nov 2010
iamsurviving
Member
Member # 23478
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, January 13th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank U so much for this post - 40+ years married and 3 years into R and I'm still struggling - I have printed and will read thorughly and give to my WS. Thank u again for this - hope it helps us to R faster. Very painful time. God bless all here.


Me: BS (61)
Him: WH (64
Married: 41 years
Kids: 3, Grandkids - 6
EA/PA - 6 years -
DDay - 12/16/07
DDay - 10/20/11
DDay - 8/15/12

Posts: 265 | Registered: Apr 2009
KickedintheGut
♀ Member
Member # 30086
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, January 14th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2010
tsol25
♀ Member
Member # 29461
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, January 26th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump because I had troubles finding it


me - tsol, that's all for now

Posts: 1208 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Canada
southsidecali
♀ Member
Member # 22752
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, January 30th (Sunday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wanna keep this in my to read often.

I am assuming this is for WS that want reconciliation right?

Does this help the Ws that doesn't want reconciliation but is willing to help with the healing?

[This message edited by southsidecali at 11:24 PM, January 30th (Sunday)]


Posts: 832 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: CA
DawGxl
♂ New Member
Member # 31050
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, January 31st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a betrayed husband and I was shocked at how accurate everything in this post is. Everything I have been thinking, feeling... its all here and I finally know that I'm not crazy. I sent this to my WS wife and I hope it helps her understand what I am going through. Thank you Hufi.


Me: BH: 34
Her: WS: 31
Together: 13 years total
Married: 7 years
D Day: 1/18/11
Kids: 10, 5, 4, 2

I am desperate for help. I don't know how long I'm going to make it.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Jan 2011
2crazykids
♀ Member
Member # 30515
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, January 31st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is so true and describes everything im feeling now


If you marry a man who cheats on his wife,
you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life

Posts: 931 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: missouri
tryingtosmile
♀ Member
Member # 30979
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, January 31st (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you! My WH just read this.


B/S Me 37
W/S Him 37
OW Former Coworker OC born 5/11
4 DS 18,17,11,6 months

Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: TX
WhatHaveIDone??
♀ Member
Member # 30054
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, February 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for Lostguy.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Nov 2010
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, February 2nd (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread has helped change my FWW.
it was the beginning of her understanding.
Thank you.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2407 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
WhiistleSt0p
♀ Member
Member # 29762
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, February 7th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BUMP... this has been helpful to me understanding my past.. and is helping my WH now. Thank you!


I wish you peace, and calm moments, a perfect flower bloom or ray of sunshine. Allow pieces of joy to warm you on the inside, and put one foot in front of the other.

Me: BS 53/FWW 2001- in my prev M
Him: WH 65
OW: 64 (Phone calls for high sch


Posts: 1782 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: OKC
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, February 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
HopingNPraying
♀ Member
Member # 28030
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, February 15th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS 50, FWW/SLA 44 (me), M 18 yrs,
DD 15
DDay#1 1/2/10: ONS #1 ('95) & EA (7/'09 - 1/'10); DDay#2 1/7/10: ONS #3 (2001); DDay#3 3/15/10: ONS #2 (1998); DDay#4 4/19/10: ONS while dating (1991); more DDays: EA while M & ONSs while dating

Posts: 105 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Virginia
stilllovinghim
♀ Member
Member # 29971
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, February 17th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumpidy bump bump bump.....

One of the best things I ever read. Literally has helped change OUR lives for the better!


“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

Posts: 1942 | Registered: Oct 2010
fromthisdayfwd
♀ Member
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 18th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That's all I can say, just Wow.


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2011
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, February 18th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another big THANK YOU! My wife of 40+ years told me 8 weeks ago that she had been having sex with a woman she worked with for the past 4 months.

I thought I was handling my feelings well, but the last 3 weeks have gotten more and more painful, and I've become more and more hopeless.

We want to reconcile, but I'm not about to stay if it means I'll be feeling worse and worse as time goes on.

This topic has given me enough insight into my own condition to keep going - especially since my wife is doing what is suggested.

Sisoon


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10374 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
2crazykids
♀ Member
Member # 30515
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, February 18th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is there a thread for a wh who has no remorse for what he did


If you marry a man who cheats on his wife,
you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.All you are is mean
And a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life

Posts: 931 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: missouri
Topic Posts: 412
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