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User Topic: Long Term Affair Thread X V I
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, January 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tryn: believe it or not i don't like pedicures either, or manicures...can't sit still for something like that...

i am so not a girly girl...never was....not a true tomboy either...i do clean up nicely now and then...

and, well.....um....i like you too...



i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
fairyfriend
♀ Member
Member # 11208
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, January 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Denny Crane is a main character on the now defunct tv series Boston Legal.

WWDCD = What Would Denny Crane Do?

The character was played by William Shatner and is completely over the top and politically incorrect. My daughter started watching reruns last year (the last year the series was airing new episodes). She got me hooked by giving me the complete first and second seasons of the show of the five years the series was produced.

I may just have to make my own bumper sticker!

And do check out the book. It was extremely helpful to me.


DDay 1--Feb 99
Crappy IC, false R--spring 1999
A ended around April, 2003
DDay 2--September 26, 2004
DDay 3--September 26, 2005 when I found out the REST of the truth
8/8/09--Doing very well due to hard work on my and H's part

Posts: 1607 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: far north Chicago suburbs
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Sad  Posted: 12:06 AM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so the clocked just chimed 12 am it is offically 1-26

On 1-24-99 my STBXWH and I started dating and on 6-16-01 we were married ...

It has been 2 full days and I got NO CALL, NO TEXT, NO F YOU ... NOTHING !!!!!

my roller coaster high just took a free fall of the high point ...


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((booger))))

if i may ask booger, why did you expect it?....

sometimes we put unfair expectations out there...when we expect and it doesn't happen the let down is hard...in certain instances, such as this one, you would need to put a realistic and unfortunate expectation on the date....i don't know how your ws would have acknowledged this prior to this, and you need to put in perspective that you are both separated now....you cannot know what his perspective is now...it could be any number of things regarding the date...the one where it means nothing to him anymore of course would be the most hurtful to you, it could be that he doesn't know how to respond to the date, it could be that he needs to distance himself from all things marriage...the point is your perspective of expectation may need to make some adjustments otherwise you set yourself up for being hurt, kind of like now...

and i am so sorry that you are hurting...


i had a special moment today, i go power walking pretty much every day to the local mall early in the a.m....there are a whole bunch of "regulars"....well one of these men made me a beautiful wooden angel and gave it to me today, i was so touched, i cried of course...i am as my kids refer to me a big sap...but this man, whom i don't even know his name, took time out, thought of me and made me a beautiful angel....i felt so blessed...and walking now with the angel some of the other "regulars" noticed my angel and commented on her beauty and actually in turn blessed me....how cool is that...and if possible i felt even more blessed....

just prior to this i was meditating during this walk, wondering what my "souls" purpose was and what is my "souls karma"...from what i understand we all have a purpose and we all have a karma and they are not necessarily the same...there was song playing too about the sun shining, i wish i could remember it, and i was being really reflective on these thought and then i was given the angel....so now i ponder and reflect what is the meaning of such timing....what message am i to take from this....is there any other message or is just that i was blessed today, which in of itself is "divine"...

as always
((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So -- I'm reading all these really smart observations about WS's and feelings for their BS's and their AP's and how obviously we *don't* really know them all that well and I'm just thinking to myself today -- why on EARTH would anyone try to R? I mean, seriously, what is the point? Could someone explain this to me? Because I just don't get it. My WH's IC suggested that if we don't MC we should each make an objective list of what we do and don't like about each other and the pros and cons of being married. Maybe I should do that. If I put it all in black and white maybe I can figure out what on EARTH I'm doing here. It was easy to decide to stay short-term -- I'm having a baby in just a few weeks, but I figure if I have no idea why I'm even doing this within 6 mos. of Dday then I'd better just move on, KWIM? I mean, really, is it just an ego boost? An I made him pick and he (seemed) to choose me thing? I don't want to bullshit him (even though he certainly didn't give me the same courtesy) or waste anyone's time here -- we've got to find our way to having whatever sort of relationship is going to be as honest and positive as possible for the sake of our kids (and ourselves) but I just don't know if that can be a marriage.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Sad  Posted: 3:24 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

your so right iwant ...

and thank you for your honest answers they always make so much sense to me ...

like duh I get it ...

and I don't know what I expected from him on the 24th ... just an aknowledgement that I exsisted in his life for 11+ years ...

that we had love at one point ... that our good times mattered ...

gee I don't know ... I have stayed in the 180 no urge to call/text him ... so I am still feeling strong ...

I am just feeling that our entire time together is disposable ... the OW has 2 small boys so she will forever be tied to her BH and his family ...

we have no children, no property ect ... it was just us and the dogs ... he has 2 of the dogs with him in CO and I have 1 with me ...

so after the D I will be erased from the last 11+ years ... not so much erased from him persay ... but those 11+ years were my life also ... and now that we have nothing tying us together it is like those years never happened ...

I mine as well have been in a coma for all that time ... he is forging ahead with the Ow into their future ... and here I am waking up from a coma ... WTF ....

so I guess on the 24th all I wanted is for to aknowledge me that I exsisted for those 11+ years, that we exsisted ...

and m33 I really don't know why some choose to R and some do not ... I tried to R for 4 months after d-day and WH continued sexting ect with OW ... a very heavy explicit EA with her for those 4 months ... No PA(for just those 4 months, lot's of PA for 2+ years prior to the 4 months, and now ongoing PA) ...

when I discovered N/C was NEVER N/C I left and moved away ... so I really don't have an answer or thought on that ... why I tried to R those 4 months I think was more of my need/desire to control how my M ended ... as I don't think we were honestly happy or in love anymore ...

I just don't know wish I did then maybe my failed attempt at R would have been better ...

[This message edited by booger bear at 3:27 PM, January 26th (Tuesday)]


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18711 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m334455... Something I have learned… Every relationship has a romantic period. This is a great feeling. From all I remember in my history, it was really one of the most fantastic periods in my life. During this lust faze of a marriage, you always look past so many faults. After a few years together, the relationship changes. ALL DO! Those people you read about that say
we *don't* really know them all that well
, These people have given up on trying to make themselves desirable and likely the married partner gave up too. They make choices to look to an easier solution… more fun, exciting.. all that comes with new discovery. These people really never learned, nor had the right tools, to even know what a true deep love is… nor know what marriage really means. The tools they learn is trashy TV showing it’s OK to have A’s… Books that description the glammer of loving outside your marriage…
Let’s face it, if you cheat there is going to be a point you face true misery and IMO if you don’t repent, you face going to Hell. For some reason, something I cannot tell you why, some people just cannot admit they have made horrible decisions in life. IMO, If they would have turned to their spouse and really had a deep intimate conversation about being desirable to each other, opened there minds to doing meaningful things for your spouse, not being greedy yourself, but really trying to do things that don’t aggravate, help, and everything to make your spouse feel good and happy, you would be happy because it would be returned too…
People that have Affairs have what I call… Stuck in lust… If they cannot get unstuck.. Leave them.
Try to avoid the negative self talk… If you and your H have agreed to R… It is up to your H to decide to do things that are the desire builders… Stay with positive talk and get help on how to keep your relationship fixed. Many people on SI are not going to make it… It is only in your own brain to decide if you are going to make it… and get your H help! He should want help.
You are glowing right now!!!! The joy a new life, that’s such a great miracle… a new life that could be the one person to invent something great! You’re in my prayers today!


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Booger bear --
we have no children, no property ect ... it was just us and the dogs ... he has 2 of the dogs with him in CO and I have 1 with me ...

so after the D I will be erased from the last 11+ years ... not so much erased from him persay ... but those 11+ years were my life also ... and now that we have nothing tying us together it is like those years never happened ...

I know just how you feel. My XH and I were together 11 years too (HS sweethearts) and yes, our divorce left a huge hole in my life. Maybe it's part of the reason I'm trying to R with WH. I know what it's like to D, and there are parts of it that are permanently sad. I'd love to tell you otherwise, but I'd be lying. Still, I've always, always been very glad that XH and I divorced. It was for the best. You will be OK.

Tryn --

You are glowing right now!!!! The joy a new life, that’s such a great miracle… a new life that could be the one person to invent something great! You’re in my prayers today!

Thanks! I'm a little sad about the baby today. I've lost so much weight and she isn't growing well. I try to eat, but it's just not easy and I'm scared I'm hurting her. I'm going to have to have an u/s later this week to see her growth but hopefully they'll tell me her weight gain has at least been adequate. She's my first girl!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
BetrayedSAHM
♀ Member
Member # 27305
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m - protein shakes are your friend right now.

I was on bedrest for 5 months with the twins. It was an appetite killer. So I drank a lot of Ensure and similar drinks. And then the gestational diabetes hit, so I had to force myself to eat real food. Of course, this was all before I knew about the A, so I know the circumstances are different for you. But don't let your WH's actions keep you from being the best mom you can be.


Me: BW (41); Him: STBXWH (43)
DS(3) & DD(3)
Dday: 1/1/2010
S'd and heading for D.

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Ohio
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, January 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3: each person has their own issues that they feel the need to work out, just as many people take the easier way out and d right away....and those people don't come here...

you most especially have 4 very special reasons to try.....to be able to be a family together....

in your sich i would think you need to give it more then 6 months just because your hormones are all over the place, you will be having a new baby...so many things to deal with....when you feel settled with your kids and your body, from that point forward give yourself a couple of months at the very least to 6 months...then make your decision...you want to know that this decision is made with a clear head, heart and mind...and that won't be for you for a bit...

as far as your health, you have to force yourself to do what is healthy for that baby...she actually will take everything she needs from you, leaving you completely depleted...but she needs a mom who is physically well to care for her..so you need to take care of you to be able to take care of her...she deserves that much and so do you....


booger:

your times spent with that man is not wasted time, its time in which you grew, and you evolved...and you are still growing and evolving...i don't know what life lessons your marriage had for you if any, but look at it from the perspective of adding more time to a man who is clearly in a different place....as dr phil would say the only thing worse then being in a bad relationship for 1 year would be being in a bad relationship 1 year and 1 day....

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m334455.

A new baby in a few weeks! I hope your u/s shows positive results. You and your baby will be in my thoughts.

Since you are six months past D-day, I think most will tell you that it may be a little early to be making any major decisions about R.

You need to focus on yourself and your girl. I hate this for you. Damn! You have your plate full with three kids and the new girl. You should not have to be thinking about this A crap.

Please keep us informed, as best you can, about any news concerning your baby girl.

Do I sound like a nervous grandfather?


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do I sound like a nervous grandfather?

You sure do, LOL! You want to hear a nervous grandfather, you should hear my Dad -- he knows. I spoke to him yesterday and it was so not helpful to me. He loves to yell at me about it. He doesn't think it's my fault, but he gives me a lot of "you should" and "you oughta" and "he needs to". and I'm telling him Look -- I didn't do this, he did and I've asked him to do X and he's either going to do it or he's not and I'm either going to be able to continue the marriage or I'm not and it's just too soon to tell right now. Jeesh. I've already told them (my parents) I won't talk to them more often than every two weeks because they just stress me out and make everything worse.

I'll get some protein shakes; that's a good idea.

I don't know how any BS deals with any A. I don't even know that an LTA is really all that worse. It's such a binary thing to me, infidelity. Either you did or you didn't. I think that's part of the reason I don't really care so much about details like some people do.

Plus, I keep reading the posts -- "did they do something different that we don't do?" etc. And I always think, well, probably. I did different things with my XH than I do with my WH. They're two different people -- my XH and I are two different people. No two relationships are the same. My XH and I had a very passionate and romantic relationship. He is the most romantic person I've ever known. And eloquent. Not to idealize it -- afterall, we did wind up divorced, but it was just night and day.

My WH has never been like that. In fact, deep down I suspect that even though he won't say so, he'd rather be with his AP. THEY have a passionate relationship. I've seen them fight like cats and dogs. She just didn't think that he's "the marrying kind" and so she went off and married someone more serene and responsible and stable (and her BH is great) and didn't even tell my WH she'd gotten married!

Anyway, part of me thinks he just came to this place in his life where she'd moved on and married and after a few years he decided he should too and so he did, but when he had the chance to be with her again in any capacity he took it because that is where he'd really rather be.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe those are just my fears talking. I just think that 20 years is a darn long relationship, even if he wants to characterize it as "sporadic" -- which as I pointed out to the IC maybe the sex has been sporadic since we married, but they've had their families living in each other's pockets for years now. Hmph. At least my kids know her and love her and she loves them too so if they DO wind up together I don't have to worry about her being the Wicked Witch stepmom.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also wanted to say thanks about the advice to wait to decide. It's smart. Obviously my hormones are raging. It's just that I feel like on the one hand that I'm wasting everyone's time and on the other I feel like he at least owes me a stable home while I'm having this baby after all this crap. 6 YEARS he's been cheating on me (they weren't together at the time during the 1st 3 years of our relationship.) And we're about to have our third kid during that time period. Why have so many more kids? It's not that I don't love my little ones, but he should have been honest so I could have gone on with my life when I was still in my 20's and only had one pre-schooler, etc. Ugh. I can still go on with my life now, too, but it's a lot more complicated.

Man, when I found out I was pregnant with my first, we'd been dating about 8 mos. and it was a total accident and I *almost* just broke up with him and didn't tell him (would have still had the baby though.) And in 20/20 hindsight I really wish I had. I would have missed some good times, but they were mostly fake, big-fat-lie good times anyway. I feel so used. I feel like a glorified surrogate mother.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m3: you are truly a unique individual, your perspective is heartwarming, refreshing and so healthy...your take on your own sich seems to be ideal, although the pain is far from it, methinks that below this rational exterior is someone in lots of hurt...

and thats o.k....i hope you find an outlet for all the negative though, when we keep the negative bottled up it tends to destroy us from the inside...probably why you have lost so much weight....are you having a healthy pregnancy aside from the low weight on both you and the baby....then i would highly recommend some kind of exercise, an easy one like walking, it can be so meditative and reflective...i know it is for me.....

one issue i disagree with you is the difference between a lta and something short term or even a ons...having had the experience now of all of them...the ones that involve love, no matter the length are the most hurtful, then the ones that lasted so long....that the one person that you gave your heart and soul was so manipulative to lie to you every single day for years and years because it was always ongoing....its a tough nut....something short is something you could almost rationalize with the lying...you weren't lied to daily, day in and day out....the amount of lies, the gravity of the lies, the fact that you believed them all......then add in some love...

my wh had 2 lta's simultaneously...one started before he ever met me, he loved her and one in between for 12 years....no love there, but he did have at first an awe of her and respect because of her status, then because of her desparation it just was....no love though....that one doesn't hurt as much.....it still hurts, just a different level of pain....

i am so amazed at the mulitude of the levels of hurt, each one acute but different, some much more acute then the others...and each affair that he had holds its own set of hurts for different reasons...and all of them because of what he gave to them, did for them and never me......oh well...


it is what it is and i am ramblin again...gotta go get me some of that dipstickitis medicine....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is embarassing. I posted my last message before I was done. Thats right, I have prematurepostulation AGAIN! I thought I was cured.

miracle.

A strange man gives you a wooden angel and now you are wondering if there is some devine meaning? There very well could be. Have you figured it out yet?

This is from the point of view of a simple man. Maybe the handsome stranger is just a nice guy, (there are a few) and was just wanting to brighten your day. Of course he could be into hot powerwalking babes! Sorry, I just couldn't pass that up. I saw your remark concerning the itis too........

It is cool when someone does something nice that catches you by surprise. I have noticed that just holding a door open for a stranger will often bring a smile that is a mixture of happy/surprise.

Since I have experienced both a short term and long term A, let me say this. I was and am much more bothered by the LTA. I feel this is because there is just so much more info for my feeble brain to process. Of course that is just me. Any type A is hard to deal with.

m334455.

I'm still nervous. Your dad sounds like he is frustrated with your situation. I'm sure he can not stand to see his daughter hurt. I have to believe he still sees you as his little girl and he is wishing he could take charge and make things better for you. Us guys like to protect our women.

tryn.

That was a good picture of the eagle. I guess that Indy is a pretty excited town right now.

Hugs to the tribe.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
kalamity
♀ Member
Member # 21802
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Popping back in for just a bit. Wow - alot happens here in a relatively short time.

M33,

Anyway, part of me thinks he just came to this place in his life where she'd moved on and married and after a few years he decided he should too and so he did, but when he had the chance to be with her again in any capacity he took it because that is where he'd really rather be.

This caught my eye when I was scanning. Don't know all the details of your situation, but this sounds very close to home. In my case, OW was in highschool and WH was in the military when they dated. She simply stopped writing to him after a time and the next time he was able to come home on leave he found out she was married. That was 4 years before I met him and there was no contact between them for 10 years. WH was the one who initiated the contact (3 years after we were married). He believes his intention was to show her that he would have been the better choice. Unfortunately in order to do that, he had to behave like more than a friend. In order to live with himself and that behavior, he had to project negative things into our marriage. A few examples...Whenever I got angry at him for anything (my anger is very calm compared to most - I don't yell or throw things or anything), in his mind he blew it up to a rampage on my part. When I would take trips to visit my family or do anything that I found fun, interesting and stimulating (and I did these things alone because he refused to go with me), he convinced himself that I didn't care for him. I suffered chronic anemia for years (doctors just couldn't find a way to control it) that left me exhausted much of the time. He chose to believe that I was lazy.
He was very aware of my personal sexual clock (I just cannot get my body to respond in the morning - need to be up on my feet and running as soon as my eyes open). So, the only time he would initiate sex was in the morning. So, of course, that meant that I was no longer attracted to him.

This list could go on. The whole anger issue was illuminated upon the initial confrontation when I did not express anger. Gradually, over the first year, the other things became clear to him, and he was amazed at how he was able to see things all wrong, just to be able to do what he was doing.

I don't think that he ever thought he'd "rather be with her" as in married to her. He just got so wrapped up in proving something to her and admits that much of his interaction with her (as in your case, the sex was sporadic) was habit by that point. I think that's something unique to the LTA - the level of comfort the APs develop with each other. Anyway, hang in there. If he'd rather be with her, he'd be gone. Saying prayers for both you and your baby girl.

(((LTA)))

[This message edited by kalamity at 12:56 PM, January 27th (Wednesday)]


When it feels like your life is falling apart, perhaps it is falling in place.

BS(me)-56
WS-59: LTA (22+ years)
MOW-54: H's old girlfriend
D-day 08/11/08 (3 days before 25th anniversary)
Working hard on R


Posts: 104 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Nebraska
BetrayedSAHM
♀ Member
Member # 27305
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey - and this caught my eye:

much of his interaction with her (as in your case, the sex was sporadic) was habit by that point. I think that's something unique to the LTA - the level of comfort the APs develop with each other.

That is definitely the case with my (F)WH and MOW. He has been no-contact, I think, but admitted that it felt analogous to losing his "best friend."

Thankfully, MC recommended that he see an IC to deal with resolving his emotions around her because I definitely was in no frame of mind to hear that.

And I'll never be.


Me: BW (41); Him: STBXWH (43)
DS(3) & DD(3)
Dday: 1/1/2010
S'd and heading for D.

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Ohio
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey kalamity, good to hear from you...and it amazes me how so many of us have parallel stories....my wh with his ow #1, the one he loved, was also sporadic in when they saw each other,,.....but in their case he was never given the option of being with her since she was married and never asked...i really believe that each wanted the other to ask, but were too afraid of the answer....and all that would have went with it...even with a little contact as it was for the time span....but that was also her choice, he would have been available pretty much any time she said boo...he had that much freedom due to his second job...still has that freedom....


dip: yes i am a dipstickitisaholic...i confess...

and thanks for the compliment about being a hot babe...feels good to hear it....even if you have no clue what i look like..

and yes i always look to see if their is more meaning in events....i am very into all things spiritual without being religious...

i wish i could post a picture of this angel, she really is quite remarkable, truly beautiful....some day i will teach myself how to do that....


sahm:

Thankfully, MC recommended that he see an IC to deal with resolving his emotions around her because I definitely was in no frame of mind to hear that.

And I'll never be.

i don't think any of us are ready to hear how much they loved, desired or anything another....its just too hurtful...

((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

methinks that below this rational exterior is someone in lots of hurt

Well, if crying all day, every day for 13 weeks qualifies as "hurt", then, yeah. And let's not even get into my less-than-stellar performance at work. Ugh.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, January 27th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BetrayedSAHM... I know timing is different for all, but I think it took my W about 2 - 3 months to get over the loss of her A... My first 4 to 5 months, I was very distraught and look back at that point… I thank God I am alive.

Iwantamiracle.. There are some good folks in this world… Angel huh? Remember this post? Posted: 12:39 PM, September 22nd (Tuesday), 2009

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=293648&AP=941

That is no Coincidence my dear… You might just grow some wings one day… lol
Ok let’s see your angle… Open a flickr account http://www.flickr.com. Take a picture and upload the jpg to flickr…. then link to it… and put in your post [img(no space)]http:THAT LINK [/img(no space)]

Thanks ole Dip.. that eagle was cool… It was a fun weekend.. Lately I have been having a lot of happiness come back.. Is it my because my W being so great to me? Or the Colts? This was funny… (Just between you and I, I bet Iwant would love these games.. lol)

m3… It sounds like you have had your share of heartbreak. But something is telling me that your new baby is the blessing you need right now. I think it is very likely your H would have cheated on anyone he would have M’d. I put LTA in the area of having a disposition to cheat. I never had a disposition to cheat, My wife did twice! but in the right social setting, I could have cheated. LTA are not really about the quality of relationship, because the spouse normally would leave quickly, thus be a short term A....I've posted this a few times and think it's a good visual about the people that cheat and not cheat...

Now that you know your H is the kind of person that has that disposition, can he change? I think it takes getting caught before you can change… I hope he gets help. He must come to understand what a real relationship is about… and that is a book in itself!

booger bear – Stay strong! Maybe it’s time to start looking ahead a bit more… Sign up at Match.com and see what happens.. It will make you feel good. My wife went crazy after she found out I was meeting a woman for a glass of wine… But then again, it leads to more questions? How could she be so jealous after all the things she did to me? Its nuts!!!

Kalamity – good to read your post! I hope you are doing OK…

Peace to all…

[This message edited by trynhard at 4:49 PM, January 27th (Wednesday)]


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